5 Things To Note If You Want To Take A Break In A Relationship

Every relationship has its ups and downs, but being on a break can be helpful if both of you agree on it and save your love as a joint effort.

By Tashke
5 Things To Note If You Want To Take A Break In A Relationship

When there is a "saturation point" in the relationship

Although you may not be fans of the "Friends" TV series, you are likely to remember Ross' famous quote "We were on a break" that he used as an excuse every time he screwed something up. Although it's a TV series, people's opinions are divided about this. Some support him, some do not. Of course, the fact is that they were on a break, but the problem is whether what he did was justified or not.

Taking a break in a relationship is an unstable territory - you're having a dilemma about your love and reassessing your relationship all over again. It happened that you came to a point of your relationship when you start to think about how your life would be without your partner. Everything is bothering you, and you're just looking for a reason to argue with your partner. Constant fighting is a sign that something in your relationship is not going right. It doesn't necessarily have to be lack of love, maybe other things upset you, and you can't control your anger, so you take it out on your partner. There are many factors in a dysfunctional relationship, but there is no universal advice on how to improve it. At this point, having a break sounds like a good idea.

Your partner asks you for a break

Like a bolt from the blue, your partner asks you for a break. You are aware that something has to be done in your relationship and that many things must change, but a break seems like a very drastic measure. Although one side asks for a break, it is very important that you take this decision together. If you two establish rules, this can have a positive influence on your relationship. However, things can go wrong easily, so it is very important to agree on conditions before taking a break.

How to act when he wants a break

The best advice is to come to terms with that and accept your partner's decision. There's no need for depression, it's not the end of the world. Maybe after the break things will be much clearer for both of you. Do not take the break too tragically. The meaning of this kind of a "pause" is not breaking up, at least not always. Maybe your partner wants to work on your relationship, and that's why it's better not to contact him for a while. Depression is not allowed here. Show your partner that you have a life apart from him and this relationship. Go out with your friends, take a yoga class, go climbing, etc. There are several activities that can take your mind off things.

Taking a break in a long relationship

The duration of the relationship is a significant factor when it comes to taking a break. Of course, it will be more difficult for you to decide to take a break when you have been together for a long time. At one point, you need to decide about important factors like your family, children, marriage, career, etc. But what if you two disagree about these crucial issues? You two must agree on these things before you decide to take your relationship to the next level. What if you want kids but he doesn't? Do you want to get married but he'd like to have a bit more time on his own? There is no point in staying together if you two can't solve the most important problems. At this moment, when your fights become meaningless and depression and stress are all over you, the best advice is to separate for a while. You'll be able to free your mind and think more objectively.

As a continuation from Tuesday's post, when it comes to figuring out who the *right* partner is for you and how to set standards for the relationship you desire, there are many different ways to approach this process. * International bestselling author and spiritual teacher Don Miguel Ruiz offers this perspective on the right partner: “Someone who wants to go in the same direction as you do, someone who is compatible with your views and your values — emotionally, physically, economically, spiritually.” * Over the next few days, I encourage you to start writing down what comes to mind when you think about *your* views and values. Not what other people think. Not what you were taught as a child (unless you still resonate with that). And not what you’ve been complacent about in your current relationship. *  I want you to get real and raw and honest about what you want and need! Don’t be afraid of this exercise. No one needs to see it and it’s for your benefit only. *  If you give yourself permission to do this, you will feel a shift in your energy. Because you’ll be honoring your inner voice, your heart and your true desires, you’ll naturally feel better. See more on this in tomorrow's post. 🙏💜

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A break in a new relationship

You two just started dating, and your partner is asking for a break. You are wondering, a break from what? Did he get bored already? Although you are a new couple, there may be a lot of reasons for a break. You still don't know each other well enough, so many questions are still sensitive. To be honest, in short-term relationships a break translates into a breakup most of the time. But there is a chance that he wants to be with you for real, so he wants to take all the "pros and cons" into consideration to make the final decision. Maybe your partner is not sure about being with you, maybe there is a chance that he still loves his ex or maybe he's not ready for any kind of relationship. Whatever the reason is, it's best to accept his proposal. Let him solve his situation, and during that time, take your break as "freedom." Why wait if there is a chance that he won't get back to you?

1. Be honest about your relationship

First and foremost advice: do not fool yourself. If you have noticed that you and your partner have not been happy for a long time, it's time for you two to separate for a while. Even if you think you are happy, pay attention, maybe your loved one is not. Of course, this doesn't mean that you should take a break on the first sign of dissatisfaction in your relationship. You two can resolve minor conflicts with an honest conversation. The meaning of a break is to have it when you feel that you're getting enough of each other. When you notice that your relationship, partner, and his wishes are no longer your priority, perhaps it's best to ask yourself if you would like to stay in such a relationship? If the answer is positive and you still love your partner, the break is a logical step. Reducing the contact and not seeing each other for a while will be good for both of you. Staying together at any cause will lead you to a phase of depression and it can ruin your relationship forever.

2. Agree on the rules of the break

To avoid the above-mentioned Ross situation like in the popular sitcom, you need to agree on the rules that you both will follow. But first, be honest with each other. Is your break just an excuse for a painless end or do you really want to fix your relationship this way? If the love is still there, agree that you won't see each other for a while and minimize the contact. Distance can be beneficial. Then you will understand whether you miss your partner or you feel more comfortable when he is not around. If you purposefully decide that the break is the only way to rescue your relationship, sit down with your partner and agree about rules. You should decide together what the "deadline" for ending your break will be, the time to talk about your relationship again, etc. You will not check and spy on your partner on social networks or during night outs, etc. Simply focus on yourself and do whatever makes you happy. Find some way to turn your thoughts away from your relationship. You won't feel better if you are constantly analyzing and looking for a culprit for this situation.

Dating others

Dating others is the riskiest part of having a break. You decide to "pause" your relationship because some things bother you or because you have some issues. So, is it ok to see other people? We go back again to the divided opinions about the Ross situation. Although this is just a TV show, the situation is more than realistic: while he and Rachel were on a break, Ross cheated on her with another girl. Or well, "cheated." Tricky part indeed. The problem was that both of them had different views on the break. Or should we say that they didn't agree on the terms of the break? To avoid this, you must agree on the "cheating" topic in advance and whether or not you are allowed to see other people. If you want to re-examine your love entirely, you will contact others. The way it will go depends a lot on your personality and behavior. However, if you strictly dedicate yourself to save your relationship, the advice is to forget dating others.

3. Being on a break is not an excuse

If you adhere to the rules, there is no room for mistakes. During a break, some people can realize they are not for each other. In that situation, breaking up is the best solution. If you decide to continue with your relationship, you both will be unhappy. Do not use a break for cheating. Whatever your feelings are for the new person who appeared in your life, be honest with your partner. Also, if your partner falls in love with someone new, it means that there are no more feelings left for you. Your love just wasn't strong enough to deal with the difficulties, so it is better for both of you to end your relationship. It is possible that you will fall into depression and wonder for a while why this happened. Give yourself some time and face it. If your relationship was good, the break wouldn't happen. Therefore, maybe it's better to discover that you are not a perfect couple before it's too late.

Out of sight, out of mind

At the moment when you are re-examining your relationship, it is not necessary that a third person appears. When you aren't seeing or contacting your partner for a while, your feelings may fade and disappear. While you are on a break, you both will begin to go out again, hang out with friends, find new hobbies and occupations... All this can affect you to stop thinking about your partner. You will realize how much you dedicated yourself to the relationship and how much you separated from others. Perhaps you are more comfortable with freedom and solitude. Anyhow, you must tell all this to your partner because it's not okay that he hopes for reconciliation if you do not want him anymore. Be honest and move on. The meaning of a break is to get things clearer between you two, one way or another.

4. A break doesn't mean breakup

A break happens when you need to solve specific problems that occurred in your relationship. It doesn't always have to end with a breakup, but it may happen that during this separation period you realize that you are better off without a partner. Also, you may find out where you were wrong about your relationship. That is the meaning of being on a break, to find the most painless solution to the problems and to make both of you understand what you want from your relationship. So, it's necessary to know the real reason for having a break. If your partner says that he wants to reconsider his feelings for you, it's clear what's happening. You really should ask yourself if you want to be with someone who is not sure what he feels for you. If not, then it is best to end such a relationship. However, if you are sure of your partner's feelings, and he still asks for a break, don't confront him. Whatever the reason is, the advice is not to keep your partner by your side, at any cost. If you feel it is worth waiting for your partner to solve his problems, respect the rules you previously established.

New drawing “The Break-Up” crayon on arches watercolor paper

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5. Your relationship's problems won't go away by magic

Many internal factors influence your relationship. Of course, mutual feelings are the most significant, but there are many others. It is important whether your personalities match, you argue constructively, you are stubborn or flexible, etc. Also, many external factors affect it, such as work, friends, the environment, etc. You must be aware that those issues won't disappear by magic while you are on a break. The meaning of separating is to see your relationship from afar and be objective. Once you understand what the problem is, you can dedicate yourself to finding a solution.

External issues

Sometimes we are not even aware of how many external things regarding our relationship can affect us. Although we are trying to keep our love sheltered away from all of those things, we cannot isolate it from the world. For example, your partner asked for a break to dedicate himself to his career and solve some work issues. While you are together, stress and depression are constantly around you, he is not loving and caring anymore. You notice he's not into you like before, and as a highlight, he wants a break. A good move is to take a break and let your partner solve his problems. Times have changed and with them the priorities. Relationships and marriages are, unfortunately, below the career in terms of importance. Of course, this break doesn't mean that you'll wait for him blindly until he realizes his business. Decide how you will behave during the period you two are not together, but also after the break. Whether you will accept your partner's ambition or see it always as a bump in the road.

A break as a way of saving the relationship

Taking a break is the right way to see your relationship from a distance. You can see how things work out when you are not together all the time and of you are even able to live without your significant other. Many people have problems at work, in the family, and all this can affect their relationship. Maybe that's the reason for the break. Maybe a partner wants to sort things out in his life without disturbing you so he decided to get away from you for a while, for your own good. Imagine if you find yourself in a similar situation. Why would the person you love suffer because of your problems? Why would someone endure your nervousness and work-related stress? Your relationship should be peaceful, not a place for yelling and expressing frustration. If you can't control your anger, it may be best to take a break so you won't harm your partner by arguing every day. In this case, be supportive. Show him that he can count on you anytime even if you are on a break. If your relationship is strong, you'll get through all the problems even if you are not physically together.

Stay in love 💏 #happycouples #couplegoals #relationshipgoals

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And what about after the break?

The break won't last forever. If your feelings disappear after not seeing and contacting each other, the breakup is inevitable. Do not use a break to continue arguing. Let this be a period for you to chill out a bit and devote yourself to other things. However, if love still exists, and you understood where you were wrong, your separation had a positive result. During the period of not being together, the two of you should solve your own problems. Get to know your wishes, goals, and interests. Put yourself in the first place and do everything to feel good. Once you feel better, you can dedicate yourself to your relationship. We've said that problems won't disappear overnight. You got plenty of time to think about everything. If you two are willing to overcome them with joint forces, you're ready to move on. The break can improve your relationship a lot if both of you follow the rules and respect each other.

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