Things To Know When You Are In Love With A Married Man

The one who says love is magical surely knows exactly what he's talking about. You think you are a very pretty and intelligent woman who cannot even think of loving a married man let alone dating one? Well, you may be counting your chicks before they're hatched. When it comes to the subject of love, certain things are just not within our power to decide. Whether as a man or woman, we don't always get to determine when we fall in love and even with whom we fall in love. What is usually within our power to decide is how we love. This helplessness (to put it so), may not be unconnected with why you as a woman can't help but fall for this man even though you are aware he's married. Truth be told, which woman would see a sweet guy (married or not) and not have some adrenaline rush even if it's just for a nanosecond? You don't have to plan it nor do you have to wish it, it's just a fact that with love, your feelings are not always yours.

Typically, there's nothing unique about how an affair between a married man and a single woman begins. In most cases as a woman, you probably never planned getting hooked up with a married man in the first place. But when it happens, you cannot but find yourself having a hand in it. Just as in most wooing episodes, the man is usually the one to first make a move. He may first hide his marital status or lie about it, but when you are aware, and you put it to him, the man tells you it doesn't matter or that his wife is not going to know. Of course, as a smart woman that you are, that is too weak a point and not worth risking your integrity and dignity for. You want to leave and face reality, but he lays his hands on your shoulder and rehearses into your ears some nice love poems. From his eyeballs down to his feet, all you can see is seduction; his lips are wet, red and inviting. He continues with the poem and flattery and to be honest; those words were already swaying you off your feet. He's tall, probably rich, soft-spoken, cute, and handsome and the only flaw you can see on him is that he's married. You have always dreaded being in a relationship with a married man, and it has never been your desire to ruin anyone's home, but his carriage, stamina, and influence are just too great to let go. Now, you start to make room in your heart for a compromise. You remember how in his poem he described you as the most beautiful woman he has ever met, and your ego is fuelled. "If his wife is pretty, he wouldn't come for me" so you assure yourself and then the rest is history. He comes to pick you up at work, and you both start fixing dates at different places and time. So, he becomes your sugar daddy, and you sleep with him. Only in a very few situation does the story differs from the one portrayed here. No one is saying men are always the cause (some women too initiate affairs), but frankly speaking, most affairs wouldn't have seen the light of day if all men were gentle and single-minded. And of course, if all women too did away with covetousness, materialism, and indecision, there's no way an affair would arise.

Genuine happiness and love with a married man are two mutually exclusive things. You cannot have both at the same time. Forget about the lies he told you and you sheepishly believed. Those nice words and poems will not shield you from being discovered. You would be caught one day, and the reward of all your professed love and sacrifice can only be shame and regret. As the practice goes, after days or in some cases, months of the two of you being together, his wife would start noticing some changes at home and then she'll put machinery in place to ascertain why her husband has been acting the way he has. Of course, you can picture everything that would follow the discovery of your affairs with another woman's husband. The home would be in shambles and based on the existing law of the land; you might be sued. That aside, your name is soiled, and if care is not taken, your career is gone. The numerous cases of discovered affairs and their aftermaths should not make this difficult for you to grasp. Hardly does any affair end in joy. And come to think of it, the man too may lose his wife and property to alimony and in the end, may not even marry you. So, it's good to count the cost.

It's hard to bring out a major benefit from an affair with a married man. That's not to say there aren't at all but considering what the ultimate end of such relationship would be; one may have a hard time bringing out any benefit from it. Perhaps, the non-commitment can be attractive to you as a woman. That is, you enjoy some of the major benefits of marriage without the associated responsibilities. You don't have to always fix the man's meal or get his house clean. It's none of your business if he spends prudently or extravagantly as long as you get all the money you request from him. If you're lucky to get a rich married man, you may actually get a comfortable living for yourself. Of course, he'll try to impress you by lavishing his money on you. And if things go well with you both, you can get a house and ride from the affair. Let's not try to leave aside the regular sexual treat you can get from him too. That, of course, may also be an advantage in itself. He's married, and he's got experience that may probably make him a better man in bed. It's not the case that you have to take him through any tutorial or try to tell him how you want it; he probably knows all these before.

By now, everyone knows and agrees that not everything that glitters is gold. Forget the love poems and the endless sweet talks and promises; they're all mirage. There are some severe bad sides to this kind of relationship. Just to mention, you probably know you'll be playing the second fiddle to the real wife in his mind. If he already has children, you can't probably expect to get his attention and affection that any woman craves. When there's a conflict of interest between what you want and what his family wants, he's not likely going to place you above his children and wife. On such occasions, you may feel deeply hurt. That aside, as the affair progresses, you start seeing and feeling that you're being used. The man isn't bringing you into his life per se, but he's getting into yours in all ways. She comes to your house, or you both go to a hotel, but you dare not try to return the same gesture. At first, you'll enjoy the sex thing, but with time, you realize he has no other agenda for you than that. I'm not sure you want to be treated this way, but well, you may be okay with it. Maybe one should ask: Can you tell any of your friends you're into an affair? Maybe when asked about your marital status you can confidently say I'm in a relationship with Mr. So and so. Chances are you can't! It's not a thing to be proud of. The society may appear to be indifferent to such things but reading in between the lines, you can be sure it attracts lots of societal stigmas. You're called different names by many people. Some may say you're a whore, home wrecker, and a shameless prostitute. It is not likely that you want all these.

Very very unlikely. We have earlier stated that love can be unfair in that it does not always give us total control over itself but then, we humans have been more unfair to love than it has been to us. We take so many hasty decisions and then come and blame it on love. When you claim to fall in love with a married man, the feelings you are having is not actually that of love. Don't forget; there are other things that also camouflage as true love. These things share many characteristics with true love that many of the mess due them are unknowingly transferred to love. You can be attracted to a person due to their features. Any woman can be attracted to any man married or not. There's nothing unusual or bad in that. But attraction, though is an element of love, is not love in its entirety. Attraction can bring two people together, but only genuine love keeps them together. One fierce impersonator of love is infatuation. Its principle of operation is "I see, I want, I take." Infatuation claims all the characteristics that love possesses but at a superficial level. It pursues its object of interest with such a passion that only time has been consistently found to betray it. Every professed love that doesn't follow common sense is most time, a product of infatuation. Such can include claiming to be in love with a minor or with a stranger. No matter how hard you try to justify it, with infatuation, everybody just sees that something isn't right. Just think about lust too. That one has no song to sing or poem to write than sex. It's all about what it can get and not what it can give. But if lust presents itself as it is, its agenda would easily be defeated. So, what would it do? You know the answer already, impersonate love. So, back to our subject, Don't think you're in love with a married man, you're not. You probably are infatuated, or the man is struggling with lust. You may be sincerely attracted to him, but it negates the principle of love to be in an affair.

It's not easy to think of a single reason for this act. An unmarried woman that claims to fall in love with a married man may actually be on a mission to wreck the man's home like many people would love to think. And come to think of it, don't we have such cases around us? But beyond such scenarios, many women who fall in love with married men are most times, confused about what they actually want. Frankly speaking, there's nothing a married can offer a woman that a bachelor out there cannot give. So, it's really difficult holding on to a reason for a woman to fall in love with a married man. However, in some unique situations, it could be that the woman had earlier been in a relationship with this married man and they both parted on a trivial ground. If during the time they were together the woman had developed a strong bond with the man, it may not be easy for her to take her eyes off him. Perhaps the idea of the man being married itself is what some women are fascinated by. To them, if he's married, he must be responsible for no woman would want to make an irresponsible man her husband. So, they're flattered when this "responsible man" makes advances to them. In all honesty, maybe the women involved are the ones in the best position to tell why they are in love with a married man. Of course, there may be more to it than meet the eye.

Like it has earlier been stressed, you cannot actually be in love with a married man. But when that feeling that looks like love comes, please avoid being all to yourself. Don't think you know what you're doing and can handle yourself by yourself, involve a trusted friend. If possible, leave your current location for a while to see if that feeling would persist. That way, you can cross out infatuation and perhaps, lust. If it's mere attraction, you would also know during this time of momentary absence. Just make sure you and the man are not in the same location for a while. You can sincerely love a man whether single or married, but he needs to love you in return for you to be in a safe hand. A married man who is not contemplating divorce is probably looking for a woman to toy around with and making yourself available for such may be a thing you would come to later regret.

Having an affair whether as a man or woman is not moral. There's probably no other way to say it than that. It may initially promise some goodies but the end is usually bitter and full of resentments. The damage that is usually done is irreparable and it gives both participants names. Your feeling, most time, is not your fault. Sometimes, you cannot do anything about you feeling a certain way. But in spite of that, you can decide how your feeling would be directed. You cannot always get all you feel like getting. The makeup of a woman is intricately different from that of a man. Regardless of the gender equality mantra being chanted here and there today, the truth is that most men are still more able to get away with certain things than most women. Among such things is having an affair. He's likely going to recover quicker than you, the woman. For every man you think you love, there are a thousand and one alternatives. So, why corner yourself? If he's married, why not let him be at least to take care of his wife and children? There's no long-lasting happiness you can get from a relationship with a man whose mind is partly with another woman. So, it would be nice to consider your options well and think outside the box. Love does not bring confusion and the fact that he's taken means he's not meant for you. Taking what is not meant for you by force is not a good way to live. And perhaps before this piece ends, it must be stated that you may just have been a victim of a first-class seduction. That is, you never wished or planned it so but you're set up, you can break loose of the spell and save yourself the trauma that often attends having an affair.