How To Deal With A Breakup: 10 Do's And Don'ts

Breakups or divorce can be devastating and leave you shattered. But there are ways to cope. Here are 10 do's and don'ts on how to deal with breakups!

By Neko Yama
How To Deal With A Breakup: 10 Do's And Don'ts

Breakups Are Painful, But Should Not Be For Long

Follow-up: why does it matter?

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When you are in a relationship with the guy you love, you're investing a lot of time, money, and most especially emotions in him. And doing that means that the romantic relationship is expected to be a huge part of your life. But what if the relationship fails after so many months or years of being together? Just the thought of it is already frustrating, so how much more if you are going through it? Breakups or divorces are devastating. Breaking up can leave someone shattered to pieces. However, dealing with it and moving on doesn’t have to take forever. It just depends on someone’s maturity and self-love. But it also doesn’t mean you are not allowed to grieve because you can. Grieving is actually helpful in releasing stress, but it’s another thing when you turn that grief into despair because that is already unhealthy. So if you're fresh from a breakup, you probably have no idea right now how to deal with it, correct? But no worries, because we have here ten do’s and don’ts of dealing with relationship demise.

The Do's: Delete Contact Info

One of the biggest mistakes you can make after a breakup is keeping in touch with the guy. When you do this, you are not allowing yourself to move on gracefully. You can fool yourself and say that your intention is just to stay friends and nothing more, but that's impossible. Perhaps you can be friends after months or even years after getting over your love for him, but immediately after the breakup? You’re torturing yourself. After the breakup, remove all contact with him. Delete his number on your phone, so you can resist the itch to call or text him. Delete him on every social media you’re on — Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, whatever. It’s also recommended that you stay away from logging in to your social media accounts for a while because it will give you an idle moment to remember the breakup. Go out there and live your life.

The Do's: Deal With Breakups By Leaning on Loved Ones

Warning ⚠️ the following post may cause deferring opinions. I felt compelled to post about some of the pros and cons of this so-called social media that we all partake in. So here goes nothing: the reason we have chosen to share our story with the world is to create perspective. A perspective into a life that hasn’t gone as we had initially planned. Like many of your lives, it’s been altered..........significantly. Our story, our life, is far from perfect. We never intended to have 6 kids (I wanted 4 🤷🏻‍♂️) including triplets. We certainly didn’t plan to lose our son to cancer after such a short period of time on earth. We chose to share our story, like so many people out there choose to share theirs........I hope that in some way, through our story, we are able to give hope and love and perhaps some laughter in between. We have been so loved and supported by this weird social existence that we live in and for that we continue to share. Additionally, we have been buoyed up by many of you belonging to this social media world, many of which include other people sharing their story. By some who maybe perceived as good or bad, popular or unpopular..........but that’s the charm of this generation and this world. The beauty about this social media platform is that it connects people from all avenues and backgrounds. It doesn’t discriminate to only one particular audience. And the audience is at the luxury of picking and choosing whom you follow. There is no contract, no commitment and certainly no kids involved so the break up won’t get messy 😉😉.......social media also comes with its disadvantages. Including, but not exclusively, False perceptions or realities. Or perhaps some view them as false but in reality it’s who they are and what they believe/stand for. It’s their story, though some might not like it......... it’s my hope that the audience chooses to accept more and tolerate more rather than perhaps an alternative route, like leaving discriminatory comments and/or messages. The world is hard enough as it is, TRUST ME. No time to hate on either end. Ok, and I still freaking love all of you! Bye. #socialmedia #acceptance #love #nohate #dadlife #family

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Breakups are painful — they will give you the feeling of being neglected and left alone as if no one cares for you. However, that is not true. You must remind yourself that the relationships you have are not only with your guy and that he is not the only person who can love you. You have your relationship with your family and friends, and they probably love you more than your guy could ever. Lean on other people. Vent to them and let them accompany you while you’re hurting. If you acknowledge other people’s love for you, you can easily move on. Your ex is just one of the many guys in the world who can be potentially a part of your life. One person leaving you doesn’t mean you’re already alone.

The Do's: Allow Yourself To Grieve

When we go through relationship breakups, we wonder too hard about how to deal with them or on how to go on with life. But it’s actually pretty simple. Just grieve, then move on when you think you’re ready to entertain other guys again. Grieving is one of the key things to do on the checklist of do's and don'ts. A lot of people are afraid to cry because they don’t want to appear weak to others, but you have to know that grieving is not a sign of weakness. When you bottle up your emotions, you are more likely to deprive yourself of the chance to be happy again. Grieve if you need to. Find a quiet place where you enjoy solitude and cry your heart out, as this will help you release concealed stress. But don’t let it turn into despair. Give a certain amount of time for feeling sad and after it, stand up and function like a normal person again. Do this until you feel that the stress inside you is all gone.

The Do's: Find A Healthy Avenue to Release Stress

#mybrother #love #happy #goodtime 🌙❤ #magical #magic

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After breakups, it’s normal to feel pain all over — physical, mental, or emotional. And sometimes we don’t have another channel of releasing this pain other than just crying our eyes out. There are other ways on how to deal with stress, and it’s much easier than crying since that can be tiring and a waste of time for most people. Think about your hobbies and use them as a channel to work on your issues. It could be playing a musical instrument, painting, singing, anything that is related to art. It’s healthy and productive because you’re giving yourself a chance to improve on these skills.

The Do's: Breakups Are Something To Learn From

Whether it's breakups or even divorce, as much as it’s hard to go through them, they are natural. You have to understand that all things in our life happen for a reason and they can be something that we can learn from. Breakups are not different — perhaps they happen so we can be wiser and know how to properly handle our future relationships, or so we’ll be more experienced in choosing guys to be part of our life.

The Do's: Deal With All That Is Happening

Breakups are a part of life. It’s a very common thing that happens to everybody. When you go through it, don’t think that you’re alone and nobody would understand you. Don’t deny the fact that the breakup is happening because you are actually keeping yourself from moving on. Accept that you are at this stage of life and vent about it to your friends. Acknowledging these things will eventually help you find yourself by improving the flaws that resulted in the ending of the relationship.

The Do's: Keep The Positivity From Your Past Relationship

He makes every day better 😊💋😂 #laugh #love #marriage @andrewdeast

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One of the most effective ways on how to deal with breakups is acknowledging the positive things about your past relationship. The ending might not be a happy one, but you can’t deny the fact that love happened to you and your ex-lover. Remember the happy events you spent with him — the parties you attended together, the family gatherings you went to, the people who became a part of your life because of the relationship, but most especially, the bond and love you had. By acknowledging these things, you are preventing yourself from turning bitter about the breakup and will be more likely to move on faster.

The Do's: Deal With Breakups With Self-Worth

We don’t need to be 13 to discover that strong is the new pretty. Sometimes we’re 50. And, It’s a really good day when we can stand tall in our own self worth and say NO to something that we knowwwww will end up causing heartache. I realized for the first time in a situation that could have easily gone a completely different way based on my past behaviors and insecurities that I was going to change that and as I stood there talking to this person on the phone, all of a sudden it felt like I had an invisible cape on, and as I was recognizing the warning signs, I found myself saying words like, “knowing my self worth” It was like I stepped outside of my own body and shouted YES at that very moment and guess what??? I didn’t bend, I didn’t bend!!! Not without remorse, doubt or fear, I just proudly walked away and said “I’ll pass, and wish you well” or as my friends called it “dodged a big ass bullet” #strongisthenewpretty #selfworth #datinglife #awareness #strongwomen #empoweredwomen #proudofmyself #courage #faith #selflove #gratitude #guided #blessed #support #energy #lessons #blessings #spiritualjourney #beinghuman #love #neversettle

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After relationship breakups, one of the initial thoughts that usually comes to mind is that something is wrong with us, that our partner probably got tired of whatever flaws we have. We are human beings, and all of us have a bad side so remember that he has as many flaws in him as you do so it’s wrong to blame yourself. Instead of pitying yourself, why not jot down the good things about you? Why not try to acknowledge the positive things you can do for other people? You have lost one person who loves you, and it’s painful, right? So in such times, don’t you think it’s better to love yourself even more? If you really want to know the secret on how to move on faster, it’s realizing your self-worth.

The Do's: Deal With Breakups Like A Champ

One thing you should remember is that guys are not your whole world. Just because we are not important to our ex-lovers anymore doesn’t mean we will take ourselves for granted as well. After the breakup or divorce, don’t just lie in bed and cry all day, forgetting to eat and shower. Go out and spend time with people who really care for you. Try to find new things to do that will keep you occupied. Go to a salon and get a new hairdo or a mani-pedi. Take care of yourself and take breakups as an opportunity for you to do the things you couldn’t when you were with him.

The Do's: Patience is a Virtue

During the recovery period, it’s reasonable to sometimes wonder what your ex-lover is up to — whether he’s still single or already taken, whether he still has his job or he has a new one, etc. But even with all this thinking about him, you should be patient and let these thoughts just slip away. It won’t do you any good to reach out to him while you are still in the process of moving on. Wait for yourself to heal for a few more months or years before you try talking to him again.

The Don'ts: How To Move On? Don't Do Breakup Sex

#art #drawing #ink #loversinbed

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One of the things that you’ll miss after breakups or divorce is the steamy bedroom activities. But consider that too as over once your relationship with your ex-guy ends. One of the most important do's and don'ts is to respect yourself, especially because you are a woman. Don’t give up your body to a guy who isn’t part of your life anymore. After the breakup, consider him gone for good and don’t call or text him to send an invitation for sex. Surely, being on a dry spell for a few months is not that difficult...right?

The Don'ts: Don't Taint The Guy's Image

After breakups, people tend to feel bitter. Well, that’s pretty normal because it is painful after all, but at least try to keep the bitterness a little bit hidden. Instead of tainting the image of the guys who broke our heart, just avoid talking about them. Pretend to yourself that you never met them at all. When you openly show your bitterness to other people, you’re not getting their agreement or sympathy; they would probably think you’re just being pathetic and you’re tainting your own image. Be classy and keep your reputation even after breakups.

The Don'ts: How To Move On? Don't Move On Too Quickly

It is normal that you’ll feel unwanted and lonely after breakups or divorce because you just lost someone who has become a huge part of you. But because of that, a lot of people tend to try to move on too quickly by going on one-night stands and getting themselves drunk in the bar, and hooking up with different guys. Now, this is one of the most critical points on the list of do's and don'ts: don’t try to drag someone else down with your mess. You’re not doing yourself a favor because you’re just tainting your image. Even worse, you’re being cruel to the other party you’re dragging down. Relationships with no label are worse than breakups and you’ll find yourself in a much deeper mess in the long run.

The Don'ts: Faking It Until You Make It

An important tip on the list of do's and don'ts is: don't deny the fact that you are hurting. If you are feeling pain, do not try to fake it in front of other people because concealed emotions will rot you inside out, until your views in life become bitter. No guy would date such a woman. Let friends take care of you and vent to them if you can. There are a lot of guys in the world, and you should not let one destroy you. Instead, you should take care of yourself more so when you’re ready to enter a new relationship again you’re presenting a brand new you.

The Don'ts: Don't Abuse Alcohol and Don't Do Drugs

#weed #drugs #loveweed

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Okay, we get it. Being left by the guy you love is painful, and it’s probably tearing your heart to pieces. Nonetheless, it is not enough reason to abuse alcohol and drink all day or destroy your body with illegal drugs. You have to understand that it’s not the end for you yet. It’s not worth it to destroy your whole future because of one failed relationship. And if you are using alcohol to cope up with your pain, unfortunately, it’s not going to work because alcohol is actually a depressant. Similarly, drugs don’t have benefits at all. Find a healthy avenue that is productive and healthy to cope with stress.

The Don'ts: How To Move On? Don't Blame Your Ex

In a relationship, expect that there will be a lot of changes over the years. You and your lover are both human beings and your paths in life may become different. These changes are standard, but unfortunately for some couples, these could also be the reason for breakups. So after the end of your relationship, as much as it’s unhealthy for you to blame yourself for it, it’s not good as well to blame your partner and point fingers at him saying he is the reason of the demise. Try to be neutral; instead of saying "It’s because he changed,” try “Our views started to differ.” You and your ex built the relationship together so even if it ends, it’s unfair to put all the blame on him.

The Don'ts: Do Not Live Like A Hermit

When you go through breakups, it is natural that there are times where you want to have time for yourself or you want to be away from people. Well, that is not entirely bad because you need to have peace to think about your current situation. However, it turns unhealthy when you start pushing people away. It becomes wrong when you begin to live in despair as if you already lost the whole world. Do not isolate yourself from other people who love you. It’s okay to be alone for a while but don’t be afraid to receive support from friends and family. You should not waste your chance to enjoy life because of one failed relationship.

The Don'ts: How To Move On? Don't Stalk Them

It’s on the list of to do’s to remove your ex from every social media account, right? Good for you if you followed that tip. However, un-following or un-friending them won’t remove the possibility for you to stalk them. So, if you remove him but you're still stalking him, that’s when it’s a problem. After breakups, consider the relationship non-existent. Focus on what’s going to happen to you now rather than prioritizing what’s going to happen next to your ex. This kind of attitude won’t make you move on faster. Instead, there is an even higher chance of you getting obsessed with whatever he does. No one likes being stalked and having a stalker attitude is never good too. Stop torturing yourself and respect the other party too.

The Don'ts: Don't Compare Yourself to the New Lover

When the relationship is over, accept that you don’t have control over it anymore. It’s expected that he might find someone new, and you can do that too. Maybe it will still be painful to find out that he has found another lover, but that’s normal because you both have to go on with your own lives. However, if ever this happens, the biggest mistake you’ll ever make is to compare yourself with his new girlfriend. Not only it will trigger insecurity, but it will also keep you from moving on because it will eventually come to the point where you’ll question your flaws or the reason he left you. You’re just going to repeat the whole hurting cycle again. You are your own self. Unfortunately, you don’t match with him, but that’s okay because you’ll find someone who you’re going to be compatible with. It’s useless to compare yourself to other people.

The Don'ts: Don't Cling to The Mementos

After several months or years of dating, he probably gave you presents. They could be roses, love letters, clothes, stuffed toys, etc. When a relationship ends, one of the most challenging tasks is getting rid of the things that remind you of him because you have already built an attachment to them. But if you really want to move on faster, you must do it. Don’t cling to these mementos because it won’t do you any good. The more you see them, the more you’ll remember the relationship — and it’s even crueler when you’re in the process of moving on because you’ll remember every detail. After breakups, throw or burn the love letters, donate the stuffed toys to children’s charities, put the already withered roses in the trash bin, and sell or give the clothes away.

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