How To Fix Your Fear Of Love

When people go through crisis in life, they will more likely tell you that the reason they still strive to survive is because of the people they love or the people who love them. With that, you can actually say that love makes the world go round. But even though love is the best feeling in the world, believe it or not, there are actually several who fear being involved in it. It is a phobia that really exists in which they called Philophobia. Out of all the types of phobia or fear there is out there, it ranks the highest. A person may wonder, “Why would you be okay with not being loved?” or “everyone’s dying to be loved and yet you’re here avoiding it”. People are different from each other. We have several ways of coping up with hurting past experiences like heartbreak, failed relationships, getting hurt by loved ones, etc. For one, these could just be something not to cry about, but for others, it may feel like the end of the world thus developing their fear of love. However, if it’s a phobia, does it mean that it’s not curable? Of course not! It’s just another fear—an extreme one—that could also be overcome if someone is really determined to get rid of it. The reason why fears worsen overtime is because people try to ignore or escape rather than facing them.

Philophobia really does exist, but what exactly may cause someone to fear love? Does having fear of love grow to the point that it will cause a big effect on how a person lives his life? Fear of love is not included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) of the American Psychiatric Association so it’s less likely for someone to be diagnosed with it. However, it’s still something to be taken seriously if the fear becomes too overwhelming for the person suffering from it. And yes, it has a huge effect on a person’s daily routine since they are incapable of having deep connections with people around them. Fear of love can also be unhealthy because one who suffers from it may develop several more mental disorders such as anxiety and depression, and social anxiety disorder. Furthermore, while the phobia increases, the sufferer will have a huge tendency to resort to alcohol and drug abuse, total isolation from social activities, and suicide.

If one has Philophobia, does it mean they don’t know how to love anymore? The answer is they actually still can but unlike with normal people, love is too intense for them to handle. It can cause them mental or emotional turmoil that may lead to breaking down. But, what causes people to develop their fear of love? Several therapists believe that past experiences are big possibilities of this phobia. • Sufferer may be a victim of domestic violence; witness to his/her parents’ divorce. • Cultural custom or religion teachings that prohibit man and woman relationships could also trigger making the sufferer to avoid falling in love for fear of angering the elders or the gods. • Failed relationships are also one of the biggest triggers as they may have experienced getting hurt by their partners.

Most of us have already gone through failed relationships so there are instances where we get scared of committing ourselves to someone after. But just because a person has gone through a phase where they experienced not being loved doesn’t mean they automatically suffer from Philophobia. This is some of the symptoms you can see in a person who has fear of love: • They are afraid to open up to other people. They may be able to do so every now and then but it will take a lot of cooing before you can make them • Their actions solely depend on what other people think of them. It takes time for them to heal when they lose someone, even though it’s not a close friend • They may get themselves involved in a romantic relationship but they cannot maintain one for long When talking about love, more apparent symptoms can also be seen through their physical well-being such as panic attacks, sweating, rapid heartbeat, difficulty in breathing, and nausea.

Fear of love or Philophobia may not yet be an official clinical diagnosis, but those who do not suffer from it should not make fun of people who do. Because having fear of love has the same effect as other common mental disorders too. So, if you know someone who has Philophobia, what can you do? Or how will you deal with them? Firstly, know that it’s a fear that the person is dealing with. It may not sound serious to you, but it is for them. Don’t go around telling them “it’s all in your mind. I think you should face it!” and force them to go to battle they’re never prepared for. Instead of downing them, encourage them to seek for medical support if you can see that it’s starting to overwhelm them. Educate yourself about phobias and ask the sufferer how they want to be helped. Don’t give them unsolicited advice as they might just trigger their fear of love even more.

Are you one of those people suffering from fear of love? If so, then you might agree that it’s a phobia that hinders you from functioning normal. Love is something that you couldn’t control because socializing is a part of life and we can’t help it if we feel deep connections forming with the people around us. It’s hard to be scared of something that should be a part of everyday life, right? And it’s probably making you feel weird sometimes that while almost everyone is dying to even just get attention from people; you’re contented not being loved. However, you should not suffer all your life because like other mental health issues, your fear of love still has a chance to be cured. Things that you are scared of such as not being loved back, or getting hurt by the people you love will be inevitable of course, but again, you have to keep telling yourself that these are pretty normal in life. The journey to finding the definition of love again for you will probably be difficult, but don’t fret because you just have to get yourself used to following some of the tips provided for you here one at a time so you won’t feel too much pressure.

Your fear of love did not happen to you without any reason. Surely, you must have a past experience that triggered it and that is the first thing that you should find out. You can start by observing the current or recent relationships you’ve been in. What occurrences trigger your Philophobia the most? Is it when your partner gets too busy that makes you feel you’re not being loved? Is it during moments when you quarrel? Think about situations where you feel as if you are getting hurt. When you figured them out, relate them to your past experiences. Perhaps you think you’re not being loved when your partner is too busy because someone has neglected you when you were younger. Maybe you fear arguments because someone has said something to you that scarred you for life. Knowing the triggers of your Philophobia may help to let people around you understand what made you scared of getting involved in love. The biggest challenge here however is to open up to them and make them aware of these triggers. Also, being aware of these situations gives you at least a little control on how you’re going to handle your relationship.

When you suffer from anxiety, you are probably aware of the inner voice that tells you all sort of negative things hence why you couldn’t move forward. It’s the same inner voice when you suffer from Philophobia. Just when you get the feeling of encouragement to accept changes and where you’re dying to feel productive, it is also when this evil inner voice will remind you that you are a weakling. “People do not like you, it is useless to get out there and socialize”, “you’re just dying too much to get attention, stay here inside your bedroom”, or “do you remember the time when the person you trusted the most abandoned you?” are just a few of what it will say to you. We actually all have our own inner voices, but it’s still in our control whether we will listen to it or not. Its reminders are actually pretty scary especially if we are really battling against mental disorders, but you have to get up and try to fight it and practice the routine until you get yourself used to it.

We are all human beings and it is one of the natural instincts of us to have feelings. We can’t help our emotions—when we get really mad, it’s hard to calm down; when we feel happy, it’s hard to keep a straight face; when we’re sad, we can’t control our tears when they start to pour. It’s the same with love. When there is a person very special to you, it’s unavoidable to make some space in your heart for them. Acknowledge your feelings with open arms. You might think that isolating yourself from people does you good, but it’s actually very unhealthy for someone to shy away from socializing. It’s okay to doubt sometimes, but also tell yourself that there are people out there dying to vie for your attention and you should give them a chance.

One of the most probable cause of developing Philophobia is because people are scared of being vulnerable. When we fall in love, we should expect that it’s not going to be just about being happy with the person we are in love with. Happiness will surely be mixed with anger, sadness, frustration, and a lot more emotions. Vulnerability gets worse when we cling too much to people. If you are currently dating someone, do not spend too much time with them and spare some moments for yourself too. Try not to contact your partner for 3 days or so, or don’t be the one who always says “I love you” first. Give people to show you their own way of loving you. Being vulnerable doesn’t mean that it is you who always have to adjust. You’re just preparing yourself to survive whatever situation awaits you whether the love will last long or not. Also, allowing yourself to be open lessens your fear of love as the time goes by.

When we let our fears control us, we allow negativity to take over to the extent where we deal with almost everything in a very pessimistic way. And most of the time, when people have a pessimistic attitude, they rely solely on negative “what if” questions which is unhealthy. Nobody here is saying that it is going to be easy to just turn into a positive person after years and years of being a pessimist because it’s actually really a difficult challenge. But what other choice do you have other than trying it little by little until you get yourself used to it? You have to know that you're actually getting hurt because of the stress you're causing yourself by being negative. Furthermore, by practicing to focus on positive things lets you change your perspective towards other people. It will allow you to see the good side in them which will make it easier for you to love.

Something tragic that has happened to us in the past will be forever unforgettable so it is cruel to force yourself to completely remove it from your mind. However, the saying goes “the past is in the past”. It means that we can never change them even though we’re dying to unless someone gets to invent a time machine for us to go back. It is okay to relate our past experiences to our present ones but what’s wrong is to let it take control. Let the past be our lesson so we can do better in the present and the future but never close your heart to an opportunity because you are afraid that what happened before might happen again. If you are scared of getting hurt, just remember that the people you’re now with are different from the people you were with before.

A famous saying goes “no man is an island” and it’s totally the truth! The people around who love us exist for something and that is for them to be our shoulder when we seem crestfallen. Total isolation is one of the symptoms of having Philophobia but you have to fight against it and try your hardest to reach out to your family and friends. Okay, it’s your choice if you really want to push suitors away and stay out from romantic relationships, but at least, allow your family, if not friends, to love you because at the end of the day, other people may get tired but never your family. You don’t have to fully force yourself to open everything to them in one sitting but you could at least try to ask for their attention whenever you feel like you are already on the verge of giving up.

This tip is mainly for those who believe in God. Many people say that God is Love so if you are suffering from fear of it, who, better than God knows what you need to get rid of it? Talk to Him and ask Him to support you as you go find your way back to knowing how to love again and He will surely answer your prayers. They said that God doesn’t give people challenges they can never overcome so your Philophobia is just maybe a long and difficult quest that you’ll win eventually if you try hard to not lose your enthusiasm to live your life.

Fear of love or Philophobia can affect someone’s way of living. It can reach to an extent where you can no longer function normally, and you’re starting to be a bit handful to the people around you. You may start neglecting work, you may abandon responsibilities, and you may start to neglect even your well-being. If ever this happens, it’s recommended for you to finally seek some medical support. Philophobia may develop several mental disorders so it’s best if you can prevent it by taking medications prescribed by professionals.