What Every Woman Needs To Know About Sleeping With A Married Man

I wish you weren't married. This was the first thought that crossed my mind as I grabbed my clothes from the floor of your office, still crimson in the face, exhausted from our recent passionate display of affection. Walking naked from your office to the bathroom, I also wondered why your wife hadn't called yet. We had both been there way past office hours. I had no one to question me, but I'm sure you would owe someone an explanation. For a brief moment, I believed that there, in fact, was "trouble in paradise" as you had confided in me numerous times before. As I left your office, smiling, taking one last glimpse back, I noticed you smirking at your phone. Suddenly, I was extremely aware of a burning feeling deep within me. It was jealousy. As I walked away hoping for a second glance from you, you were too busy reading, what I can only imagine, a text from your wife. I noticed an urgency in you as you packed up to head home. I assumed it was probably something along the lines of "hey I made dinner, I'll wait for you, was wondering when you'll be home" (knowing that I would send such texts to someone I lovingly prepared dinner for). I left without saying goodbye. The drive home was full of guilt and despair. I had just slept with a married man. I had to tell someone, but how could I admit to the indiscretion that I had just committed? I drove around for hours, ultimately coming to a halt in an abandoned location and smoked a few cigarettes. I stood there alone, letting the reality of the situation sink in. I had slept with a married man and possibly had developed feelings before doing so. Standing there, alone and confused, thinking about keeping this secret and taking it to my grave, I sensed another feeling in the pit of my stomach. This time, it was a sense of shame.

Fantasies are often depicted as fragments of our imagination. The things we fantasize about are usually dark and prohibited and that prevents us from acting on them because we're not ready to face the consequences. He tried to make me just that. A mere fantasy. A cheap thrill. An unattainable possession that he had to acquire. He will lure you into the situation by making you his confidant. It starts with complaints about his unhappy marriage with stories and examples that follow, for days to come. You will find yourself pitying this person. Afterall, we all know the importance of ridding ourselves of toxic people from our lives. It starts to seem like it's your responsibility to pull him out of his toxic relationship. At first glance, his behavior is not obvious. Eventually (after the affair begins, and you start to analyze the situation), you begin to recognize the undeniable signs that were present. "Can you stay longer? I have to discuss something with you." "Since you're working late, should we get some takeout delivered? That's all I get to eat these days, anyway." "It's Friday; it's been a long week. Let's get some champagne and celebrate that it's over. Regardless, I'm gonna spend the evening alone watching Netflix." All the extra time you spend in the office gives this person plenty of opportunities to pounce, but he can't risk a sexual harassment case, it must look like you were willing to engage in a sexual relationship. He will never start the affair without being completely convinced that you will not take him to court for it. We all know, once a woman's feelings get involved, we try to protect our loved ones under any circumstance. Once you start to develop feelings for him, he will make his move, knowing that you feel safe around him. His way of ensuring that is by getting close to you, any chance he can get. He will certainly make comments towards you like; "you're the perfect woman," "I wish I had met you before I got married," "I hate the weekends because you're not a part of them," and the inevitable "I've been wanting to do this for a while," leaning in for a kiss. It's quite understandable that any woman would fall for all those things. - He will share his heartbreaking story. - He will obtain your sympathy. - He will secure your closeness. - He will make his move. Those are the basics of his ploy. Unfortunately, when they are all put into action, that little fact about him being married is put on the back burner to deal with at a later stage in the game.

Everything leading up to the affair will suggest a "tomorrow filled with promises." Once the affair officially begins, you'll start to realize the intensity of that relationship. Whether you slept with him once or kept falling prey to the pity party he was throwing about his failing marriage; you will catch yourself asking the unavoidable question, "What are we?" From a social point of view, you are the "other woman." Each time he asks you to stay back and console him about his marriage falling apart, despite you trying to be a good person, you are feeding into the fire that he ignited towards his relationship with his wife. However, none of that matter, he claims that he has feelings for you and only you. His wife means nothing to him. He's been sleeping in the guest bedroom. They don't even speak to each other. They're just waiting for the divorce papers to be finalized. He will provide every excuse and every explanation just to continue the affair. The reason for that being he's bored of his routine, and you are available. You spend a majority of your time at work. You are the easiest trophy he can acquire for his shelf. Getting easily influenced by the sweet promises and smooth explanations he provides for you without any sign of hesitation, makes him trustworthy. If you can trust him, you can be vulnerable around him. If you can be vulnerable around him, you can fall for him. If you can fall for him, you can fight for him and this relationship. The mindset that starts to impact every decision is based on "we have a meaningful relationship, I understand his pain, he trusts me enough to confide in me, I should stand by his side and be his support system through his suffering." You will become an active advocate for your illegitimate relationship because clearly, he has given you multiple reasons to feel that way. His wife is never around, his verbally conclusive negative connotations about her, his extremely unhappy attitude, his unpleasant experiences at home; these are all good enough reasons to believe that he's miserable in his current relationship and you're just bringing him some happiness and a slight relief from his chaotic reality.

An affair with a married man will always make you question your morals. You've always believed in monogamy but is it even possible in our generation? In retrospect, it sounds like the socially acceptable thing to do, but your beliefs have been challenged many times before. If the entire world was welcoming a polygamist culture, should we just merge with everyone else or keep our original, monogamist values alive? Marriage is a sacred bond and a legal contract between two people who promise to stay faithful towards each other for the rest of their lives. A married man seducing you has only one agenda, to look for entertainment for a few hours to escape reality. Perhaps because he got married too early in life. Or he was compelled to marry someone due to pressure from family. Or he hit a small setback in his married life. The list goes on, but a majority of times, the excuses he has for seeking entertainment to pass the time aren't good enough to break a vow to he made towards the sanctity of his marriage. You think you can ever be happy with someone who cheated on his wife with you? You think he won't do the same to you? You think he will remain faithful towards you? If you can't answer any of these with a "yes," then why are you going against your morals for such a man?

Although, "it takes two to tango," can be conceptualized quite easily, when it comes to sleeping with a married man, you can completely forget about getting anyone's stamp of approval on that. Unfortunately, you knew he was married and still decided to step over the threshold into an unknown territory. The bitter truth is, you will be blamed more than you thought you would be. Even your closest of friends will feel a sense of unpleasantness after knowing what you did. You're breaking the most important decree of feminism by sleeping with a man, who is not just taken, but actually in a marriage. This will lead to critical consequences. As the two of you lay side by side after yet another passionate encounter, the four walls of your office will eventually start to disappear and the reality that you're not in this alone will set in. The number of people who will be hurt by this is unlimited and each and every one of them will blatantly blame you and demonize you. Aside from the obvious person, his wife; his parents, his children (if any), his siblings, his friends who enjoyed the couple's company together, his wife's friends, your own family, your friends, etc. will have a lot to say about your character and lack of integrity. With everyone questioning your character, it'll feel like everyone is banishing you from the society. You're the brazen woman who slept with a married man. Every woman you know will always "watch out for you" because you can no longer be trusted. After all, you broke the code.

It already happened. You already slept with him. Hide it well. Nobody needs to be given any details about your rendezvous. Believe me, no one is going to applaud you or support your behavior. Maybe some of your guy friends might, but even they will see you as an opportunity, someone who is bold enough to hinder a marriage will be adventurous enough to try anything. A scandalous affair may sound great in seductive novels, but just as it happens in the novel world, you'll be labeled the harlot who broke hearts and relationships. The one we, as a society, used to chase out of the town with a pitchfork for not following social norms. In our world today, there might not be any torches and pitchforks but you'll definitely face the consequences and be disgraced and demeaned for what you did.

You may not have walked into the office with the idea of falling for that person but the moment he starts confiding in you, a part of you will feel something, whether it's sympathy or the need to help or just pure lust. You could be establishing real feelings for him or just fulfilling his sexual needs, at the end of the day, there's something there between the two of you, which is yours to keep. You can try and avoid being the crazy possessive woman, but to some extent, you believe he belongs to you. Even if it's just from a physical aspect. You feel vulnerable around him, yet you feel powerful because it seems like he's choosing you over a woman he made a promise of "forever" with. Any time he spends at home will be heart-wrenching for you, any moment he spends on the phone will generate doubt in your mind about his continual relationship with his wife. You might be the easiest person to have an extended affair with, but there are plenty of other options he will probably be exploring as well. He may belong to you in the office, but he doesn't belong to you anywhere else. If you two ever leave the workplace together, you feel a sense of gratitude because he's choosing to spend that time with you instead of his wife. A quick lunch or drink outside of work will boost your ego and build your confidence that he is picking you. However, you will never get the place you are looking for in his life. He won't let you have that place because you are not worthy of it. You don't deserve it. That place, willingly or unwillingly, will continue to belong to his wife.

You're no longer worthy of him. In his mind, you had self-respect before you fell into his trap of seduction. He valued you as a hardworking employee and a friend who lent him a shoulder to cry on. You were also the forbidden fruit, the one he couldn't have at the time, so he used his clever trickery to have you. However, as soon as he gets what he wants, you've lost the worth you once had. With the intensity of a taboo relationship, with your possessive and territorial behavior, and your need to know where it was all headed, you will become too much for him to handle and eventually he will make you see your reflection in the mirror. He will put you in your place: you are his mistress and nothing more. He will point fingers at the character he once praised: you probably do this with everyone. He will toss aside the genuine concern you had for him: his marriage was falling apart but you destroyed the last few threads it was hanging by. And just like that, you will be brought back to reality. The consequences of all this will include feeling guilty for wrecking someone's home, blaming yourself for believing that his relationship with his wife is nonexistent, and having no one to turn to because you can't talk about it without exposing him or yourself. The thrill will wear off, leaving you with a scar from the relationship. A scar that reads "mistress."

Women take pride in their amazing sense of instinct. Whether it's through his overzealous attitude, his lack or abundance of attention, his sketchy behavior, or simply her gut feeling, she will have some idea of the events taking place behind her back. No matter how quiet you keep this affair, one of you is bound to slip up and that will convert her doubt into reality. Once she finds out, you're guaranteed to lose your job because she will not let him breathe until you're completely out of the picture. If she decides to forgive him and work on the relationship, he will choose his wife over you because divorce is expensive and a very tedious process. If she decides not to forgive him, he will blame you for the hardships he's having to face and form resentment towards you. At the end of the day, no matter what he says about his marriage or his wife, you are and always will be nothing more than a mistress in an attempt to make his life more exciting. He will never leave his wife for you, regardless of his countless promises about divorcing her and giving you two an official title.