15 Reasons You Actually Secretly Hate Your Best Friend

You may have that one friend you want to love, but something makes it difficult. Here are possible explanations why you may hate your best friend.

15 Reasons You Actually Secretly Hate Your Best Friend


  1. You and Your Bestie
  2. You spend way too much time together
  3. Your best friend becomes you, and the other way around
  4. There is a constant comparison between you
  5. Jealousy is a green-eyed monster that breeds hate
  6. There may be some hidden resentment
  7. Naturally, you may be predispositioned to hate your best friend
  8. Values and beliefs don’t align
  9. You start living separate lives
  10. Other friends come into their lives
  11. Jobs and extra-curriculars affect your time together
  12. Distance matters
  13. "Oh we can go months without talking and be fine."
  14. You may be afraid of being alone
  15. Secrets don't make friends, and they certainly don't keep them either
  16. Advice can be the reason for hate
  17. Doesn't happen to everyone, but don't be alarmed if it happens to you

You and Your Bestie

"You're the worst." "I hate you so much." "Why are we even friends?" These phrases are passed around between friends in a joking manner. When you tell your best friend you hate her; you don't mean that. Or do you? Typically, friends may end up hating each other. Here are some reasons this phenomenon may occur, which does not make it any easier, but it does help understand why it is happening.

You spend way too much time together

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There is a reason why people say don't room with your friend in college. You may have a bestie from high school that you are both DYING to live together. Bad idea. If two people spend too much time together, it causes strain on the friendship. It’s all of the annoyances of marriage with none of the benefits. If you have a friend who is attached at your hip, you may begin feeling overwhelmed and needing space. If that space isn’t given, you begin to hate your friend.

Your best friend becomes you, and the other way around

When you spend so much time with another person, you begin to copy their style (their clothing, their mannerisms, their attitudes). It happens naturally. Humans adapt to their environments. However, when your friend begins repeating your phrases and acting like you, you can’t help but hate them. Who does she think she is ... you?

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There is a constant comparison between you

If you go out to a dance club or a bar, odds are guys will hit on one of you more than the other. One person gets more attention than the other. One has a better body than the other. One is more outgoing, more friendly, has a better job, gets paid more, has whiter teeth, eats less, can drink more than the other. If two apples are placed in front of you, you will pick the one that is better looking, the one that is fresher. That is what happens when two women walk alongside each other. Constant comparisons are being done, and you begin to hate the good qualities of your bestie because they are what makes you look bad.

Jealousy is a green-eyed monster that breeds hate

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Being so close to your best friend only makes you see what they have and what you don’t - making comparisons. This feeling slowly grows into jealousy which leads to hate. As said before, these comparisons create hate between girlfriends. One friend has a nice body; the other one is jealous. One friend gets more attention; the other one is jealous. You keep the jealousy to yourself, not wanting to let your bestie know you envy her because she does NOT need a bigger ego. And, that one aspect about them that you wish you had forms secretly into hate.

There may be some hidden resentment

A broken lamp, $20 owed that never got paid back, your favorite tank top "borrowed" two years ago, those damn secrets, a nasty comment made in passing. We’re human, and we mess up. However, there is usually some kind of resentment hidden behind every mistake. Best friends may hate each other for something so small, a tiny flame that bursts into a bonfire. You want to hang out with your bestie, but every time you see them you are reminded of why you are annoyed by them (especially when they are wearing your clothes when you go out!)

Naturally, you may be predispositioned to hate your best friend

Some personalities don't clash. You may believe it has something to do with horoscopes or differences in upbringing. For example, one may have the same personality as the same a family member, then the struggle to get along with them may become more difficult. Or vice versa - you finally find that one who has the same personality, therefore creating the bond of bestie. As they say, no matter what you do or how hard you try, it just isn't meant to be. This is the hidden secret in your friendship.

Values and beliefs don’t align

Imagine being gay or trans and your best friend is a strict Catholic. You’d probably be afraid to even tell her about yourself. You hate the fact that you cannot be open to your friend because of her values and beliefs. Although we’d like to hope that everyone is open-minded and will accept you for you, the truth is, values and beliefs can pin friends against each other. The fact is, any difference in values and beliefs may affect a friendship, not serious ones. A difference in interests may also affect you. It can annoy you if your best friend wants to go to country concerts and you'd prefer to hang out at home and listen to classic rock on Pandora.

You start living separate lives

As one gets older, life drastically changes. One friend's boyfriend may turn into a fiancé, who then turns into her husband, who then turns into her baby's father. One friend may live a life of a bachelorette and want to get drunk anytime she goes out. One friend may not have a job or any responsibilities and still live with her parents, even well into her 20s. One may have already had a life settled before you met her and you are trying to find your place in that life. Some friendships survive this difference in lifestyles, but not many. For example, if you and your boyfriend want to go out for dinner with friends, and your friend is single or invites the 5th guy she's seen this month, it may cause strain all around.

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However, it's hard when your best friend is not on the same lifestyle page as you. When a night in watching Netflix and ordering pizza sounds like a good way to spend your Saturday night, and your best friend finds that lame and would rather stay out until 3 am partying, there will be some secret hate.

Other friends come into their lives

Boyfriends, too, for that matter. Soon, time is split between more people than you signed up for. And you hate seeing pictures of your best friend posting on Facebook with someone else and a corresponding hashtag #bestfriends. Meanwhile, you, not invited to any of their fun outings, sitting home alone, say “but I thought we were best friends.” You hate your best friend and her supposed “best friend.” And just in spite of them, you make it a point to not “like” the picture.

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Lovers can add more complications. You need to spend time with your love, but at the same time, you try to make time for your friends. And then you try to bring your boyfriend out with your friends. Unfortunately, your friends can hate you for that. Even the suggestion of inviting your love to join will cause your friends to believe you are putting him before them.

Jobs and extra-curriculars affect your time together

When young kids make friends, they have all the time in the world to spend together. There is no pressure when to hang out, because there is so much time to choose from, especially during school breaks. However, at a certain age, you or your girlfriends may get jobs. Even part-time jobs eat up much of a young adult's social life. You will then find that your best friend and you don't have the same schedule and when you're free, she's not, and vice versa. You secretly hate that she's never available to hang out with you.

Distance matters

It is expected things will change when people move away from each other. You can’t see each other as often, you make new lives, and you don’t account for time to talk about your busy schedules.

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Distance matters. For example, going to that college three hours away from home; one can grow apart from my high school friends and make new friends in college. I Eventually, one can move back home, and grow apart from my college friends and became re-affiliated with the high school friends. Then life moves one an hour away for work, and everything falls apart. It is all about the new friends from work for a while or the new ones you meet at the new location. A vicious cycle - sometimes it is hard to find that new bestie at different times in life.

"Oh we can go months without talking and be fine."

While this is the case with some life-long best friends, it is difficult in younger years to go months without talking to your best friend without there being a hateful feeling involved. Your teen and young adult years are crucial to social development, and you celebrate every milestone by telling your best friend everything. That's what makes you so close. However, there are times when we don't talk to our best friends every day, and we lose track of who we told what to. Or we figure they don't need to know or don't care. Regardless, you begin distancing yourself from your friend. You start living different lives and forget about your best friend. Next thing you know, you're announcing to Facebook that you are getting married or are pregnant without informing your bestie first -talk about hate.

You may be afraid of being alone

All your life you’ve had friends to talk to. And right now, you have a best friend that you may hate. But in your mind, that is better than losing them and not having anyone. You may cling to this friendship in fear of having to go out and make new friends. In today’s world, with lack of genuine communication, this may be difficult and terrify a person.

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Secrets don't make friends, and they certainly don't keep them either

Best friends tell each other secrets. There are bound to be secrets kept from friends. There are secrets everywhere in relationships, and any married couple will tell you the same thing. Unfortunately, there will be a time when the secrets come out. It may take a few hours or a few years, but they almost always come out. And they pin best friends against each other.

Advice can be the reason for hate

Sometimes, your girlfriends can give the best advice. That's why you go to them with your problems, right? However, sometimes ill advice is given. They may not have done that intentionally, but you followed the advice, despite your inner self-saying "that doesn't sound like such a great idea...". And things got screwed up as a result. You secretly hate your bestie for that.

Doesn't happen to everyone, but don't be alarmed if it happens to you

Some besties survive the battles and obstacles. It's okay if you don't, as it is very normal for besties to secretly hate each other for one reason or another. And if you can look past those reasons, then you and your bestie are true friends!


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