25 Relationship Signs Your Husband Is Emotionally Abusive
And abuse of relationship damages your confidence and self-esteem. It can be more elusive and Insidious, unlike physical abuse. Many cases are seen where neither the victim know the abuser is completely aware that their relationship is emotionally abusive. Before we move on to know the signs that your husband is emotionally abusive we must understand what is emotional abuse exactly. Emotional abuse slowly erodes the sense of self worth, security and trust in victim. It is like a brainwashing and is more detrimental than physical abuse. Emotional abuse creates lifelong scars on mind gives the victim immense emotional pain. How can you identify emotional abuse? Emotional abuse involves a pattern of bullying, verbal offense, threatening, constant criticism and financial control. Sometimes it also includes a more subtle tactic like manipulation, intimidation, and shame. The reason why your husband is an emotional abuser is because he wants to control and dominate you. His such behavior could be because he has bones from childhood and the insecurity that he hasn't been dealt with. Are there could be chances that he was himself abused. Hence it might be that he has gone too learn a healthy mechanism of coping and doesn't understand a healthy relationship. The abuse comes out of the feeling of anger, powerlessness, and fear that he must have gone through in his childhood. Mostly the victim doesn't see the mistreatment as an abuse. It is because they develop the mechanism of coping and denial. A long relationship of emotional abuse can become the reason of trauma like depression, anxiety, and PTSD, i.e, post-traumatic stress disorder. Here are 25 signs that you are husband is emotionally abusive.
He says things to frighten or upset you
It might be that your sensitive and tender-hearted are you easily get upset. Your husband has found out your vulnerable point and he could be playing you for all its worth. Your husband frightens and scares you into doing the things you don't want to. And if you don't obey or go along he makes you do it by emotionally forcing you. Recovering from such fears and scars are difficult. Some successfully change their lives, some never recover while some even stay stuck in such relationships because they deny to identify the characteristics of their emotionally abusive husbands.
He Is Inappropriately And Overly Jealous
Your husband gets jealous even of the most innocent and innocuous situations. If someone forwards you a message or even the quotes, he finds it inappropriate and especially if the sender is a man. He doesn't like the idea of sharing you with anyone else and ensures that you never cross the line ever again by inflicting tantrums and threats.
Tracks Your Time And Whereabouts
If he's controlling and dominating and keeps a check on you constantly it is a sign, one among many characteristics that he is emotionally abusive. In this case, he will also manage where you go and what you do. He will even call you often to know where you are and what to do. All the emotional abusers are very good at monitoring. He will either threaten you if you disobey him or will guilt you into doing what he wants. He will make you feel like you have no freedom or the power of making decisions and that you are under house arrest.
Emotionally Abusive Husband Keeps A Track Of Your Calls And Mails
Another sign of an emotionally abusive husband is that he keeps a check on who you are talking to and who you are in touch with. He makes you feel like a child whose parents think you are no good. He finds a negative meaning in everything, even in the innocent quotes that you might be reading or sending someone. An emotionally abusive husband doesn’t give you chance to set your feet. Recovering from the trauma gets difficult with time.
Emotionally Abusive Husband Takes Major Decisions Without Consulting Wife
An abusive husband will take all the major decisions that impact both of you and the families. Moreover, he doesn't even consult you let alone wait for you to agree with him on his decisions. He will put you in the bottom spot in the family. Your opinion or desire doesn't even matter to him. He makes you feel that taking decisions is not among your characteristics and that you are not good enough for making decisions. He Keeps reminding you that and makes recovering from the mental blows extremely hard.
Keeps The Finances And How You Spend In His Hands
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Your husband is abusive if he keeps the financial details just to himself. You can't access the accounts. You can't make a purchase without his permission, however small it may be. You have no idea how much money you have or where he spends the money. This leaves you helpless, needy and dependent on him entirely. These are his characteristics, he can’t change. He finds pleasure in making you feel helpless. When in such condition, remember the motivational quotes that give you strength and deal with it.
He Ignores Your Requests And Does As He Pleases
He doesn't care if you have asked or requested him something. He doesn't bring the groceries while on his way home and doesn't answer when asked. You ask him to take the kids to the bed because you are not well but he just keeps watching TV. He doesn't take you anywhere because he has other plans. These are all the signs of an abusive husband.
Emotionally Abusive Husband Threatens You Or Makes Negative Remarks
He always sees down upon you. He keeps telling you that you are no good. Or he often threatens you with things like he will take the kids and you will never see them again. He also makes threats about not giving you any penny if you leave. Remember he is an abuser and abusers have ways of knowing what makes you vulnerable. He wouldn’t give you the chance of recovering. He will keep throwing demeaning quotes and words at you to make you believe you are worthless and that no one loves you. He will do everything to make you believe that he did you a favor by marrying you. Don’t pay attention to his quotes and words. Believe in yourself and fight for your self-respect. It is his characteristics to do such things but iris your choice to go through it every single day or fight it.
He Disregards And Disrespects You
If he laughs at you or talks to you as if you are some fool or inferior, even in front of others, it is a sure.sign of an abusive husband. He might even start staring at a newspaper or start humming or turn up the volume of the Tv when you try to talk to him.
Doesn't Take Your Suggestions, Opinions And Ideas Seriously
Whenever you make a suggestion or express your opinion about something he just either ignores you or shuts you up. Or he tells you that your ideas are stupid or wrong.
An Emotionally Abusive Husband Turns His Wife Into A Joke
He jokes about your job or that you don't have a job. He makes fun of your weight or the way you dress. These are all the signs that you are in an abusive relationship and that your husband is emotionally abusive. He even quotes your mistakes and shortcomings in front of others as your characteristics. Remember, you are not what he portrays you in front of others. It is his characteristics that he likes making fun of you. Recovering from such things is hard but remember the quotes about not trying to find love where it doesn’t exist and consider moving out of it.
He Is Always Sarcastic With You
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Sarcasm is when someone says something and means just the opposite. It is used for inflicting insults, to demean someone or show irritation. Your husband might say he is teasing but he doesn't sound like that. When an emotionally abusive person acts with passive-aggressive behavior it allows the abusive person to pretend that they meant it only as a joke. Sarcasm is used to keep the abused uncomfortable enough to have them back off.
Calls You Names
If he tries to demoralize you or frighten you by swearing on you or calling you names, he is an emotionally abusive husband for sure. It is a direct way of abusing, unlike sarcasm. This shows he has no respect for you and he leaves no chance of derogating you. At one point in time, you will be feeling so down that you will start believing him and taking his behavior as normal.
Creates Never Ending Conversations To Exhaust You
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It is a sign of an emotionally abusive person that they like stirring the circular, never-ending and exhausting conversation. So, if your husband does that, makes useless, never-ending arguments, he is an emotional abuser. You will stop saying anything, stop arguing and you will start feeling frustrated and depressed.
Keeps Picking Your Mistakes And Flaws
If your husband constantly points out your flaws, the things you aren’t capable of doing and keeps mentioning that one mistake that you did sometimes back over and over again, he is emotionally abusive for sure. He does this to make you feel unwanted, unloved and inferior.
Treats You Like A Servant
An emotionally abusive husband will keep.ordering his wife around and will often treat her like a servant. He will often be like, 'I am hungry, fix me something to eat’. And you are supposed to do that irrespective of your health, time and what you are doing. He will make you jump when he wants to, he expects you to do what he asks you to. These are all the signs of an emotionally abusive husband.
Gets Mad If His Demands Are Not Met
If you delay doing something on his command, he gets mad at you. He starts slamming the doors, stomping the floors, yelling at you, throws put-downs at you and tells you that you will have consequences. It is a sure sign of emotional abuse by your husband. Behaving like a spoiled child is the characteristics of an emotionally abusive husband and recovering from the habit of abusing is extremely difficult for him. So, don’t expect him to change, especially when he doesn’t want to. There are quotes that say the dog’s tail never straightens but there are also quotes that say will makes the way. An emotionally abusive man can change but it will take him a lifetime and gallons of will to change.
Demands Obedience To Whims
Emotionally abusive husbands love to act as puppeteers. They want their wives to obey even their most whimsical demands. They would demand their wives to hop off and get a glass of water the moment they sit down. They would do that even when they are not thirsty. Emotionally abusive husbands would ask for unnecessary things at odd times just to establish their authority. When not obeyed, they throw verbal abuses and hurt their wives emotionally.
Your Husband Controls You
He doesn't consider you as his equal and decides everything for you. If this happens, know that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship. If your husband scolds you when you try to do something by yourself, even as little as buying yourself a cupcake, he is an emotional abuser. Such husbands decide everything for their wives, from clothes to food and from what tv programs they should watch to who they can be in touch with.
Behaves Like A Child
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Does he sulk, whine, complain, demand and throw temper tantrums all the time? Does he make you feel like you are living with a spoiled child? These are all the signs that he is emotionally abusive. They try to guilt you, frustrate you and annoy you into complying their demands.
Acts Helpless To Make You Do Things
He hasn't really done anything but feigns tiredness so that he doesn't have to take the kids to the bed. He pretends to be asleep so that he doesn't have to get up in the middle of the night to check on the kids even when you are not well or tired. He fills you with guilt for not doing something he wanted just to get his way done. These are all the signs of an emotionally abusive husband.
Has No Humility
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An emotionally abusive husband can't stand someone laughing at him. He hates it if anyone made a joke at his cost. He would never accept his shortcomings and mistakes. So, even if he makes a mistake, pretend it never happened. These kind of husbands are pretty good at making you feel it was your mistake and not his. And they would say or do anything to make you feel guilty.
Has No Empathy For Others
An emotionally abusive man has no care and empathy for anyone besides himself. He would want his needs to be fulfilled even when you are not well. He will never be there for you in your difficult time. However, he will expect you to stand by him even when his problems are tiny and not important. And when you fail to do that, he will fill you with guilt, making you feel selfish and little. When someone else is in trouble, he will never fo for help. Instead will say that they deserve it. Emotionally abusive husbands are selfish and love no one but themselves, it is their characteristics to be selfish.
Doesn't Take No For An Answer
If you deny him his wishes and say no to his demands, he blackmails you emotionally into complying. If you are tired and don't want to get intimate, he will blackmail you emotionally to make you say yes. He will say things like you don't love him anymore. He will also make you feel less of a woman just because you don't want to get intimate with your husband. He might even blame you for having an affair outside marriage because you have lost interest in your husband.
Refuses To Talk About Issues And Sulks
If your husband keeps complaining about some issues but never talks or discusses it, he is an emotional abuser. It is his characteristics. He will just keep sulking about things but will never do anything. And when you will try to talk, he will either turn deaf towards you or will stomp out of the room. He will keep making excuses to avoid the discussion and when you will try to force him, he will do things to divert your mind. He will irritate you and blame you for all the problems.
How To Deal With Emotionally Abusive Husband And The Relationship
There are many things that an emotionally abusive husband does. He will try to keep you away from what's important to you. He will refrain you from visiting your family and relatives and will create a scene if they visit you. He will express his dislike for your friends and will forbid you from meeting them. He will doubt your every step and question everything you do. Most women take it as a possessive or anti-social behavior. Often women don't realize that they are being emotionally abused. Because they are not aware that this behavior of her husband is neither antisocial nor possessive, they don't know they are being abused. It's the hardest part, to realize that you are in an abusive relationship. Once have acknowledged that you are in an abusive relationship with your husband, you must do something about it. Recovering from it is difficult but you must try and get over it. Recovering from emotional abuse is a long process and only you can do that. No one else can help you recover from the trauma you have been through in your abusive relationship with your emotionally abusive husband. To begin with, start putting yourself first. You must stop worrying about your emotionally abusive husband and pleasing him. Let him worry about himself and don't yield no matter what they say. You must just take care of yourself and your needs. For the next step, set some boundaries firmly. You can do this by telling him that he can't put you down, call you names, yell at you and such things. If he does something like that, make it clear that you will no longer tolerate it. If he doesn't take you seriously, walk out of the room or just go to your friend’s house. And if he still tries to annoy you or pick fights with you, don't engage him. In situations like this don't explain yourself, don't lose your temper, don't apologize or soothe him in any way. Let him sulk and get back to normal by himself. You can talk to your family and friends. You can also seek the help of the counselor. Spend some time away from your emotionally abusive husband and spend some time with people who love you and care about you. It will give you support while dealing with your husband and your relationship. If nothing seems to work, make up your mind to walk out of the relationship. You can't and shouldn't stay in the abusive relationship. You might face issues with kids and finances. Hence figure everything out before taking this big step. If you can't stay with your family, find a place to stay. Ask your friends and people you know to help you out. Remember, you can't fix them or change them. Neither can you reason with them. If they don't realize that they need to change and if they don't want to change, nothing can change them. It will make you feel bad about yourself. And you must not blame yourself for anything. You had no way of knowing your husband is emotionally abusive. It can be crazy, really crazy. He can make you feel like you are not woman enough and that something is wrong with you. However, it is not the case and you must keep that in mind. An emotional abuser enjoys the power he gets from such things. Hence, not every abuser can change. However, if he does certain below-mentioned things, chances are he might change: 1. He admits what has he done, fully and completely. 2. He stops blaming and making excuses. 3. He makes amends. 4. He recognizes that abusing is a choice and accepts the responsibility of that. 5. Tries to control the pattern of their behavior. 6. He understands that charging is a long process and doesn't keep declaring that he has changed. 7. He doesn't ask for the credit of effort he is putting into changing himself and the efforts he is making. 8. He doesn't use his not abusing for some time as a reason to do that at the time. 9. Over time he develops supportive, respectful and kind behavior.
What Next ?
After you are out of the emotionally abusive relationship, you need to move on. Don’t let what he said to you or about you be your characteristics because you are not that. It will be hard because you will be scarred deeply in your heart and mind. But you can't stay pinned to your past and that one mistake that you never made. For gaining back faith in yourself and get back your confidence, go out, meet friends, family, and people. It will halo you in getting back to your old self. Then sit and analyze why you stayed with your emotionally abusive husband for so long. Try to make sure that no reason can ever make you do something like that again. Point down all the things and the behaviors that you will never again tolerate in future. When you are ready to get into a relationship, get to know your partner. Also, share with him your list. Partners should know what makes the other vulnerable. Tell him you need some time for moving ahead in the relationship and also the reason why you aren't ready. Put your needs in the back seat and give priority to what you want in the relationship. Your abusive husband must have held you back from getting in touch with your friends, take this time to reconnect with them. Rediscover yourself with them. Make sure you are not dependent on just one person again. Do what you like doing. Pick your life back from where you left, before marriage. Keep yourself happy. Remember it wasn't your fault. Learn from your past and trust your instincts. Learn to speak up. Stop trying to please everyone and start thinking about yourself. Know that you can love and be loved again and that you are entitled to a happy life. What your ex-husband said wasn't right. He said all that to trouble you. You are no less than anyone and not useless for sure. You can take your decisions and bright ones. Your freedom is something no one can take away from you.