Are You Dating A Man Older Than You? Get In Here!
One of the benefits this article will avail you after you have finished going through it is an honest appraisal of the subject matter; which is, whether there is something to actually worry about having an affection for a man far older than you. Putting aside your feelings or anxieties and the things you probably have heard or read from various sources about this matter, you would be able to reach a personal conclusion on whether it is a right decision you are taking in dating a man older than you.
Perhaps we should begin by first explaining in context what being "Older than you" means. It is generally assumed in most cultures of the world that the man should be older than the woman he is going out with. The fact remains that the origin and basis for this general assumption are unclear. Perhaps, we can trace it to our various religions that tend to support that. But then, what is expected in a typical relationship anywhere in the world today is that the man should be some years advanced in age compared to his spouse or girlfriend.
As such, you may not be "abnormal" in the eyes of most traditions, cultures, or religions if the man you are plying your trade with is, say 5 years older than you. However, you begin to perk up ears and widen eyes when you are seen with a man that is 20 years or more, older than you. All of a sudden, everyone begins to think that there must be something more to the relationship than meet the eye. So, it is this exceptional age-gap between a man and a woman (20 years and above) in a relationship that we are dealing with in this piece.
That said, another point needs to be stressed and that is the fact that we are not always in total control of love. Yes, you can reject or accept love based on your power of choice but you don't always get to make the "who" and "when" decision of love. As such, we really cannot blame or question anyone for the direction their affection seems to be gravitating towards. The real question is whether one should always grant the desire of one's own heart in matters of love or not.
So, even though love can be mysterious in its hold on us, we shall, first of all, begin by examining what makes some ladies fall in love with men that are qualified to be called their fathers. Only after then shall we be able to holistically look at the pros and cons.
Dating An Older Man: The Underlying Reason
In identifying the driving force for an affection with an older man, it is necessary that we understand the needs of a woman in a relationship. As it is, every woman seeks a relationship where she would be emotionally secured. This emotional security comes into place in different forms depending on the upbringing of each woman. But generally, it remains in the wish list of every damsel to be in the hands of a balanced man who would guarantee her emotional safety at all times.
To most women, emotional security means nothing but unconditional love from their significant order. They are looking for a man who can accommodate their somehow innate but childish tendencies and not become unnecessarily agitated by it. Simply put, most women desire a man that would accept and love them for who they are. And from all indications, it appears that this important desire of theirs is best fulfilled or met in older men.
Some women define their emotional security in terms of mutual respect. In other words, they do not like to be with a man who would constantly remind them that he is in charge. You are probably one of such women. You dislike guys who seem to be emotionally immature and wanting to take back his own pound of flesh at every perceived wrong he feels you have wronged him. Definitely, this attitude is unlikely to be found in a man who is 20 something plus older than you.
Again, if we must not leave any stone unturned, we would have to admit that men who are far older than their spouses tend to be financially stable too. Of course, he would have settled down for a steady source of income and that is another form of security that college boys and young men of your age group may not have yet.
By and large, the reason for you falling in love with a man that is 20 years older than you might not even be among any of the above. In fact, you may not be able to explain it. That is quite possible. However, in most cases, it appears that the inner desire of most women which appears to be well-captured in men that are advanced in age constitute the major reason young women like yourself often get attracted to significantly older men.
The Pros Of Dating An Older Man
No doubt, dating a man 20 years older than you comes with some benefits. And for many who have been struggling to disengage themselves from such relationships, it is usually these derivable benefits that make it challenging for them to quit. Here are some of them.
Pros Of Dating An Older Man #1: Maturity
A man that is 20 years older than you will, definitely, be mature in every sense of the word. This is especially true if you did not start your relationship very early. And that means that when you are 25 years, your man is already 45. You should expect that a man of 45 years would have seen a lot in life to make him a point of reference in terms of maturity.
For most people, maturity comes with age. You are sure you are not with a wet-pant who's looking for someone to spoonfeed him in all matters of life. Apart from him being able to make the right decision (other things being equal), you are sure that he's got enough experience in his account to take care of your emotional needs. For such men, you only need to sigh and they know what it means.
This maturity, if well-managed, may result in a seamless relationship that can stand the test of time. At least you are sure he isn't going to get angry easily like the college boys or pick at every statement that you make. That aside, you are able to trust him with your issues more because you know that even if he doesn't have the immediate answer to your puzzle, he probably knows where to get it. What's more, his maturity will also make you trust his judgment more and this is a plus to any relationship.
Pros Of Dating An Old Man #2: Stability
For reasons that are quite obvious, older men are much more stable than younger men. In most cases, such men are already decided on which career to pursue and what their life values would be. They are not easily swayed by enticements that often sweep most young men off their feet. You are sure that if such ones should commit to you in a relationship, they are less likely to jilt you later.
And which woman does not like a stable man? It's such a peace of mind to know that you are with a man who has mapped out the direction he wants to follow in life. As it is, this direction seems to become clearer with age. The stability appears to be in all spheres of his life even to his finances. If everything is working well for him, at that age when he is 20 or more years older than you, he would have gotten stable financially too.
This is no small advantage to consider at all. Financial and emotional stability are two great factors that if lacking in any marital relationship can easily rubbish it. At first, young couples presume they can brush over it claiming that love covers all things but they later come to realize how significant financial and emotional stability is to marriage.
Pros of Dating A Man Older Than You #3: Quality Sex
With a man older than you for like twenty years, sex is really going to be what it ought to be and which is lovemaking. You are not in bed with a lad who is just trying to figure out how things work. He probably knows how to go about the bedroom affairs very well. While you are still trying to understand how your body works and respond to sex, the older man would help you get around issues and put you through effortlessly.
By virtue of his age and perhaps experience, he probably knows all the erotic spots on a woman which he can manipulate to give you a seventh-heaven feeling at bedtime hour. Just imagine how he'll hold and kiss you with his years of experience! At least not like that of your contemporaries who are as knowledgeable as yourself in this regard.
Except in a situation where he may want to exploit you based on his age and experience, sex with an older man can be very deep. You are desired and cherished by him and there is no subject in which he would be too ashamed to discuss with you in this regard. Younger men would rather see sex as an adventure and would probably be somehow unreasonable with their demands. But for the old man, there is nothing to be curious about; he knows exactly what he wants and how to get it.
Pros Of Dating An Older Man #4: Care
Comparatively, the older man knows how to take care of his younger partner than the much younger men. Although you may need to have experienced both sides before you come to such an inference, the truth is that in a relationship that is governed by love, the much older man can be incredibly caring. He remembers your anniversary dates and buys a lot of convenience for you as much as his money can carry him.
Granted, younger men too can be caring but maybe not as deep at the older ones. It's one thing to want to want to do a thing; it's another thing to have the means and know-how. Men that are 20 or more years older than you are more likely to have both. Apart from taking you out regularly and on your anniversary dates, his years of experience would have taught him how best to handle a woman.
Take, for example, if you become pregnant, he probably is well aware of your emotional needs and if there are no issues between you both, the quality of care you are likely going to receive from an older man would by far surpass that of a relatively young and inexperienced guy. His position alone in the society would likely win you some respect and care from everybody. So, adequate care is one inseparable benefit of dating a much older man.
Pros Of Dating An Older Man #5: Deep Appreciation
One thing you would probably not be missing when going out with a man that is at least 20 years older than you is appreciation. It is an area where he beats his young rivals. As it is, our sense of appreciation tends to increase with age. While younger folks would later have to learn this as they grow older, older men would most likely make your life easier by being very much appreciative of your good gestures.
It is a truth that many young folks despise their youths, or in some cases, allow it to be despised by someone else. It is later when they have grown old and cannot reverse to the youthful life that most begin to appreciate that important period of their lives. In the case of your older partner, he surely will be grateful to have someone that can connect him back to the good old days.
And as you might have noticed, an attitude of gratitude goes a long way in mending a lot of otherwise broken relationships. Won't you rather want to be with a man way older than you but who still appreciate you in every way possible? He knows that you have what he doesn't have, and come to think about it, he would probably be doing everything to keep you. Of course, that would be if you don't abuse the privilege.
The Cons Of Dating A Man Way Older Than You
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As much as there are some undeniable benefits of hanging out with a man that the society considers old enough to be your father, there are some undeniable demerits of the association too.
As such, if you are planning on having a relationship with an older man, it would be nice to check them out so you do not regret later (if ever you will).
Cons Of Dating An Older Man #1: Societal Disapproval
If you are going to be dating a man significantly older than you are, one of the challenges you must be prepared to face is societal disapproval. People would laugh at you and some would even think that you are probably insane. And in the event that the older man is very rich, what many would want to believe is that you are attracted to him because of his money.
So, be prepared to be called so many names by different kinds of people. The worst of it all is that your immediate family may object to it vehemently. In fact, your very good friends are more likely to frown at the idea and may even start avoiding you. You may later win some of these people back but initially, you are likely going to meet with opposition in that course.
Each of these people has their reasons for not wanting you to date a significantly old man. For instance, they may find relating to your supposed partner difficult because they see him more as a father than their friend's or daughter's spouse. So, it would be odd you would have to work against if dating a man 20 years older than you is what you are planning for.
Cons Of Dating An Older Man #2: Potentially Abusive
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There is a high propensity for abuse from your older partner in the later part of your relationship. His vast experience in virtually all facet of life can easily be used by him to manipulate you at will.
For instance, if care is not taken, you would find yourself living to please him all the time with your individuality completely crushed. Many females have complained about how dating their father's age mates have turned them into an extension of him rather than their individual self.
Being a human that he is, a point would reach when, instead of seeing you as a companion, the man may begin to relate to you as one of his daughters. Obviously, with the passage of time, the wide age-gap would be obvious for even the blind to see. So, after your first or second anniversary together as a couple, you may begin to see the human side of this very old partner of yours.
Cons Of Dating An Older Man #3: Early Widowhood
Your chances of becoming a widow very early in your life with a man significantly older than you are high. This should not be difficult to grasp because a man that is over 20 years older than you, is definitely over 20 years closer to his grave than you, keeping other factors constant.
So, you might want to consider how wide is the age gap between you and the man. If he is some 20-30 years older, it's obvious you are uniting your life with someone who has but a few time left to spend here on earth. To prevent a later time regret, you should put all of these into consideration.
Cons Of Dating An Older Man #4: Unequal Desires
With all the experience and maturity that the very old man has got, his strength can, definitely, not match yours. It is a known fact that strength diminishes with age. So, as the two of you celebrate anniversary after anniversary, his strength continues to drop until he finds it very difficult to do what he has previously managed to do with or for you.
When this happens, you aren't going to enjoy him anymore and he has also become a liability. Or how can you travel for a long time knowing full well that you have an aged husband at home? (suppose you both got married eventually). Who takes care of the children that the two of you might have made together?
Now, let's leave that aside and look at some bedroom matters again. You might at first be thrilled by the high this old man's high-level maturity in bed. No doubt, his experience would carry him to certain extents but not too far as such.
What usually obtains is that for such a scenario where the man is significantly older than his wife, their sexual maturation contradicts. At the stage when your libido is high and probably at its peak, he may have dropped in form and what you would see is an incessant refusal. And do you think you can accommodate this?
Cons Of Dating An Older Man #5: Other Commitments
Men that are advanced in age would have, in most cases, been involved in one marital relationship before. This relationship might have produced children or grandchildren and no matter what might have led to their being single again, being a human being, a part of them would still be in the previous relationship. If he has children, he would want to see that they are doing good.
What's the point? His heart cannot completely be with you. Of course, he'll be trying to make you feel important to him but he obviously cannot completely detach himself from his previous relationship. So, the real question to ask yourself again would be "How much of my partner do I want?" If it seems to you that you want his all, then a significantly older man may not be the best option for you.
Cons Of Dating An Older Man #6: Unequal Reasoning
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More than mating and procreation, one great advantage that marriage affords is mutual reasoning together. Your significantly older man would most likely always see you as a child with wild and unreasonable thoughts. On the other hand, his thinking would most often appear to you as not only reserved and cold but also about 10 years behind
As such, as you celebrate one wedding anniversary after the other, you might end up becoming less and less attracted to each other. You might just begin to see him as "that old man that would not just understand a simple thing." The melancholic aspect of him which has been suppressed all these while would now be re-ignited with age. Truth be told, nothing sucks out life from a relationship more than this imbalance.
Now, we have been able to highlight some of the pluses and minuses of going out or marrying a man that is significantly older than you. As you read through, you probably would have been able to draw an inference that would either cement your decision or help you reconsider it.
Truth be told, the best person that can advise you in this regard is yourself. Listen to your gut and ask yourself what exactly you want. What's your expectation when you would be celebrating your 30 years wedding anniversary with this man? Will he still have the strength to be the husband that you want to be with? That aside, after this hypothetical 30 years anniversary, do you think you are prepared to be a single mother?
Be honest with yourself and make an intelligent choice. There is nothing wrong with dating a significantly older man but the consequences are somehow heavy to brush aside or overlook just like that.