- You just found out about your husband's infidelity. What next?
- 1. Think before you jump into divorce
- 2. Forgive your cheating husband and move on
- 3. Go on a romantic holiday with your spouse
- 4. Take support from friends and well-wishers
- 5. Take care of yourself
- 6. Talk in depth with your cheating husband, Discuss things!
- 7. Cry it out
- 8. Ease into sex slowly
- 9. Do not keep reminding your cheating husband of the incident again and again.
- 10. Time will help you cope up with your cheating husband.
You just found out about your husband's infidelity. What next?
Your happily married world all comes shattering down when you suddenly discover that your husband has cheated on you. Whether it was a one night stand or a couple of incidents, reasoning and logic fail to calm your mind and all you can think of is leaving him. Staying loyal and faithful in a relationship is all that a woman demands from her husband apart from financial security, love, and understanding.
As a woman, you feel angry, frustrated, hurt and even sad at the very thought that your husband has had a sexual relationship with another woman. You feel used and your ego is severely bruised. While it seems obvious that as a couple you should separate after such an incident, most women do not want to end their relationships for the sake of children, due to financial dependence or fear of being alone.
The first thing a woman often does at such a time is to storm out of the house with her kids or kick her husband out of the house. But after the initial phase of anger has subsided, logic and reasoning sets in and most women prefer to continue with the marriage. But even though they have made this tough decision owing to various reasons, coming back to normalcy could be very tough. It's impossible to forget the incident anytime soon and it may take years to win back the trust and faith in your husband again.
Below listed are 10 ways which will help you cope up with a cheating husband.
1. Think before you jump into divorce
You have to give your marriage another chance especially if your partner has apologized and promised to remain faithful in future. You have to understand that sometimes certain circumstances force a person to go astray and that you have to let go of the past and try to make a fresh start with him. It might seem impossible at first and you may feel resentment but remember time heals everything and if your marriage has been otherwise good and happy then a single instance of infidelity is not strong enough to break your ties.
2. Forgive your cheating husband and move on
Remember your mental peace is the most important virtue in this world and to carry out with remorse in your heart will only worsen the situation for both of you, your kids and your home. Try to forgive him for this one time. Talk to him and seek promises of future faithfulness and trust in the relation. It is very tough to cope with infidelity but with time, it may seem like a very irrelevant incident. Trust your instincts and remember some beautiful moments spent with your spouse in the past which will help you forgive him. Watch some old family videos and photographs together which will make him ashamed of his infidelity.
3. Go on a romantic holiday with your spouse
Though this might seem impossible at such a moment, trust me, it's the best solution if you have decided to stay glued to the marriage. This will make your marriage stronger, make your husband feel guilty about his behavior and he might vouch never to cheat on you again. Relive old memories and old promises. Remind each other of the beautiful relationship you shared. Some private moments with your husband will help you forget of his clumsy behavior and will help you face your marriage crisis strongly. After a few years, the incident would seem small and you would be glad to have decided to continue with the marriage.
4. Take support from friends and well-wishers
Always have a few people in your life in whom you can confide about all your personal problems. Seeking help from friends and counselors at such a time will help you see things from a different perspective and help you forgive your cheating husband. Do not think that you should not leak out your personal issues to anyone. Everyone needs help at some point of time in their lives. You are going through an emotional upheaval at such a time and only friends and relatives can help you remain sorted and calm. Discuss in front of common and trusted friends. Leave your children under the guidance of your friends and spend some time with your spouse alone.
5. Take care of yourself
Depression, sleep problems, changes in hunger patterns are some of the usual problems you could be facing during your marriage crisis. But if not checked, these will only make you feel worse and take wrong decisions.
Make sure you are sleeping properly and watching your diet. Go for long walks to think and rethink the entire episode and to also get the exercise your body needs. Visit a good psychiatrist or a counselor if you are having sleep issues. Visit a salon and try a makeover to help you feel better. Take care of your looks and do not fall into the trap of binge eating. Binge eating or comfort eating is what most women do when they are feeling very low or depressed.
Though it gives them a sudden feel good factor, but it takes a toll on their health and looks making their husbands go away from them further. Feeling good about your looks and body will help you recover from this blow quickly else you might fall into depression. Try to look as good as you can to boost your self-esteem, win your husband back and to make him guilty of his doings.
6. Talk in depth with your cheating husband, Discuss things!
In order to forgive your cheating husband and to move on, you need to speak in-depth and in detail with your spouse about the incident. Who was the person, where did they meet, how did he manage to sneak out with her and what made him get attracted towards her. Listening to his thoughts about the incident might calm your mind, understand the circumstances and forgive him easily. Make him promise you that it won't happen again.
You can even ask him the same questions again and again till it completely puts your mind to rest. Make him promise repeatedly too. Explain to him the consequences of a divorce and what would happen if he cheats on you again.
7. Cry it out
You may have been trying to stay strong in the face of such a crisis and been bottling up tons of emotions but remember crying it out will help you unburden the pain and make you feel light. You might feel you have failed as a wife or as a woman. But never let this incident make you feel lowly of yourself. Tears are healthy too. Just let out your negative emotions to those who are willing to hear. See some happy movies and go out with friends more often. These activities will prevent you from getting into depression.
8. Ease into sex slowly
After such an incident of infidelity, you might have promised never to have sex with your spouse again but this will only worsen your marriage and make him feel guilty forever. It might take a few weeks or months to get over it but try to forgive him genuinely. Try to make and effort and slowly ease into your routine sex life just like before. Without that your marriage might never get normal again. It will also help you cope up with your cheating husband quicker and get back to routine life soon.
9. Do not keep reminding your cheating husband of the incident again and again.
Once the initial feelings of guilt will subside, it is quite natural that your spouse will feel angry if you continue to provoke or humiliate him about the incident again and again. insulting your spouse or reminding him of the incident again and again will only bring unhappiness into your household. Forgive your spouse and move on. Although, you can secretly snoop on his activities for some time to help you rebuild your trust in him. Do not let him know about your snooping activities but do it only to keep a check on your cheating husband.
10. Time will help you cope up with your cheating husband.
Remember, life is never a bed of roses. Just as you grieve unexpected deaths of relatives, failures and other miseries in life, take this as a misery too and learn to live with it and forget it. A single episode of infidelity should not end your marriage especially if your spouse is promising to remain faithful in future. Everyone deserves a second chance. Forgive your husband and move on. Take life positively and think and feel blessed for all your other gifts in life.
There are greater miseries in life. Imagine the condition of those widows who had just begun their married lives. Do not react in a fit of anger. Take some time off from your home and spouse and get away to think clearly. Do not complain to your friends and family if you do not completely trust them as they might hold grudges against your spouse forever. Try to get into some activities or hobbies to help you seek relief. Think practically about your house, financial status, and kid's future. Would you want to jeopardize everything for the sake of one incident of infidelity?
While all these points will help you forgive your cheating husband and move on, always remember to keep a random check on his activities. Do not get over suspicious but a small check every now and then will help you continue with renewed trust and faith in your spouse. Speak to your kids and spend some quality time with them. If they are small then do not pollute their tender minds with the facts and never ever fight with your spouse in front of your children. Doing so will tarnish the image of their father and make them hate him always.
The process of coping with a cheating husband is tough but not impossible and with time you will forget everything.