Can a rebound relationship last?
A rebound relationship is characterized by sadness, loss of self-worth, and distress. These kinds of relationships exist because it may look like a good idea to seek comfort from another person. But does it really help or is it just unhealthy and unfair to start dating too soon? Are rebound relationships doomed to be short-lived flings or can they lead to a stable partnership? Is it justifiable to get over a guy by getting another one?
The definition of a rebound relationship
A rebound is a romantic relationship which follows shortly after a breakup and before the full healing of the emotions from the last relationship. It eliminates the time you stay single after you call it quits with your last boyfriend. On average, 90% of rebound relationships fail within the first three months. In simple terms, when you get into a rebound relationship, you're just trying to distract yourself from thinking about your ex-boyfriend with whom you might still be in love. It means you are seeking the fastest way to get over a recent split with a boyfriend. What you don’t realize is that you are dumping your emotions concerning your ex onto the new guy. It may not be your intention but you will be using the rebound boyfriend, thinking that you are helping yourself. This is what makes such a relationship tricky There are things you cannot deny when you are on a rebound: you are sad, ashamed, and/or angry. As such, your emotional stability is in question, as well as the ability to commit to your new man, or even make credible decisions. If you are the rebounder, you will exhibit anxiety about the entire relationship, making it fail in the process.
What if you're dating a guy who is rebounding?
If you are his rebound girl, know that you are just a substitute for his lost love. Most likely, his neediness is what connects him to you rather than the real excitement that occurs between new lovers. Perhaps his greatest fear is being single and this is what motivates him to be in a rebound relationships instead of waiting for a genuine attraction. If it hasn’t hit you yet, here are the common signs that you are his rebound woman.
1. He sounds bitter when talking about his last girlfriend
Having negative feelings about an ex-girlfriend is totally normal but bashing his ex all the time is not good. It’s a sign he's not yet over his last relationship. Otherwise, he'd try to be kind when talking about her.
2. He prefers intense hookups
His aim is to get a connection he is missing from his ex. Now that you're the girl who's most intimate with him, he just wants to hook up every so often, and when you're not hooking up he seems weird.
3. He is reluctant to commit
This is a clear sign that he is rebounding. A guy on rebound will jump at any chance of a relationship but commitment is not his thing. If only he could tell you this: you are not exactly what he needs. The only time he can make the relationship between the two of you official is after getting over his ex, which he is yet to come to terms with. So don't expect any commitment from him until he accepts that his last relationship is over.
4. He is more into getting physical
Even though intimacy is an important aspect of a relationship, it is imperative to strike a balance between intellectual and physical compatibility. New physical intimacy is exciting but if that is all he wants, then it’s a sure sign you are his rebound girl and you need to be careful as you might not be happy if the relationship becomes long-term. It's okay to enjoy intimacy but the man who chooses to rebound with you is using your body. But if you prefer a casual relationship, go with the flow and enjoy the loving.
Reasons the average success rate of a rebound relationship is low
The right thing to do after ending a relationship is to take time to heal before embarking on love matters again. You won't be in the right frame of mind for romance while your heart is still bleeding. If you find yourself in a rebound relationship, ask yourself whether you are doing it for the wrong or right reasons. Most likely, you want to make your ex-boyfriend jealous or you are too afraid to be an independent woman. Just know that it will not work for the wrong reasons. Starting another relationship immediately after the last one fails is downright absurd. Check out more reasons why the average success rate of a rebound is close to zero.
A rebound relationship has a high risk for heartbreak
Dating a new guy who just ended a relationship with another girl is setting yourself up for heartbreak. Statistics show that men are more likely to rebound than women. This is because girls have other ways of sharing their feelings like talking to their female friends but men can only recover by dating other women. After parting ways with his girlfriend, a man longs for tenderness from a female who can listen and show compassion, unlike his fellow men. This is something you must figure out as soon as possible to find out if his feelings for you are true. If you are just a rebound relationship filling the void left by his ex, chances are high that he will break your heart because his feelings are still unstable. Wait until the day the two of you run into his ex-girlfriend accidentally. That’s when you'll know it simply cannot work. If this happens, also know that he is looking for a way to spot his ex to make her jealous. What does this tell you? You are not the one for him and his feelings are still attached to his ex. How long will you wait for this drama to end, and is there a chance that he will love you for real? And if he happens to fall in love with you, will it last? Be careful not to sign up for a nasty heartbreak.
Anger motivates people to rebound
If you get into a rebound relationship, you want to express resentment towards your ex because you are still tied to those negative feelings. You wish you could get back at him and this is not a sign that you no longer love your ex. If you had no love for him, you would feel indifferent and neutral. This attachment to your last relationship will definitely affect what you have now in a new relationship. What happens is that your rebound boyfriend will be competing with a ghost of the broken relationship. You will not provide fulfillment to the new relationship and that’s why it won’t last long. You can try to hide the emotions concerning your ex but still, it is not a sign that you have a romantic connection to the person in your rebound relationship. In such a situation, your new partner will be anxious to know what happened to your last relationship. One way or another, you will expose the anger and the bad feelings you have been hiding. Once the bad emotions creep in, your rebound relationship will fail.
A rebound relationship is simply a distraction from the last relationship
A man should get over the loss of his previous relationship before he starts dating anyone new. Believe it or not, he is trying to make up for the place left by his ex to find stability instead of working through it. Contrary to his way of thinking, hooking up with a new girl too soon lessens the chances for a speedy healing. His relationship with you may temporarily relieve the pain he feels but it will be a long time before he recovers. The problem with this guy is that he initiated a relationship with you out of something negative. He wants a rebound because he’s hurt and wants to direct the pain into getting intimate with you. He just wants a distraction, and depending on your expectations, it may end up feeling like a punishment. He needs time to think over the huge decision he just made by separating with his ex. Before he gets back into the relationship game, tell him to let the dust settle.
A vulnerable heart is not ready for love
You might think that you are the strongest woman on the face of the earth, but a break up puts your heart in a vulnerable position. Be very careful with any man who tries to console you right after a relationship. He might take advantage of your vulnerability and use you. There are men who are fond of preying on girls who just got out of relationships. They are like vultures and you must not allow them to take advantage of your fragile mind. You might think that you’ve found an angel, only to realize that he was a player who will leave you with more scars.
A rebound relationship is simply unfair
You will be allowing a man to play with your emotions if he dates you as his rebound relationship. He is more likely to hurt you and so it’s unfair to you if you are looking forward to a meaningful relationship. Your feelings for him might be genuine but what about his? Will it last? You will be devastated after finding out that you were being used by a guy who was simply rebounding. This will not work at all. You must look for signs that you are only his rebound girl and prepare yourself psychologically. If you like the guy, do not expect too much of him because the relationship might not last.
An illusion cannot last
Rebounding seems like a great adventure but it really isn’t. It's better to avoid any new men, including those who seem exciting. You may not believe it but a rebound relationship can create more harm than good. Worst of all, your broken heart will be the main victim. Making love is probably the last thing you need after splitting up with a man, although it seems like a good idea to you. Do not forget that good intimacy is not easy to come by and you might feel even worse after going to bed with a rebound boyfriend, instead of him being a stress reliever. The rebound is an illusion. You may somehow enjoy it now and feel bad later or you simply won't enjoy anything. Many factors are at work in your brain and they are the reasons that will cause your new relationship to fail.
On average, people are not really themselves after relationship failure
You just changed the course of your life and are about to start a new journey which will transform you. How can you begin a new journey without proper direction, bearing in mind the heap of emotions going through your mind? Even though you like taking risks, take time and pause. Take a good look at your life, find what keeps you stable, and identify where you went off-course. Reflect on the last relationship you had and deal with it first. In the first few months of your rebound relationship, you will not actually be yourself. You will fail if you rush to get another partner because you will be trying to impress him without revealing your true self. Soon, an act reaches its end and what will remain of it? You'll realize that you are not compatible with the rebound boyfriend, though you couldn’t see it at first and your relationship is doomed to fail.
You will fail if you settle for less than you deserve
How would you feel if you fell in love with a man who didn’t take time to know you? This is a man who has just broken up with his girlfriend. In your new relationship, you are supposed to spend countless hours trying to get to know each other, which is not the case with this guy. Don’t you want to share your dreams and interests with your newfound love? Unfortunately, this incredible man wants to know nothing about your life, goals, or family. The reason you accepted him is that you like him and it only makes sense that you want to introduce him to your life. He is not the man you deserve if you spot a sign of no interest in your life. He only sees you as a casual acquaintance. But you deserve a man who is crazy about you and is willing to support your dreams. Now, do you see why the average success rate of a rebound is nil?
When is a rebound relationship justified?
Research from an acclaimed university focused on a group of young people to determine the success rate of rebound relationships and how they help people recover from a breakup. The results which were published in a journal show that individuals who entered into rebound relationships recovered quicker than those who stayed single for long. On average, those who entered into rebounds reported higher confidence, healthy lifestyles, and high self-esteem. What does this suggest? Having a new boyfriend can help you get over your ex faster, even if the breakup is very recent. You are better off in a new relationship that when you opt to stay single. The fact that you can attract another guy boosts your confidence and your romantic future is more certain. After a relationship fails, there are phases that follow it. The first phase is a weeping period and the next one is when you rediscover yourself as a new girl who deserves better. The day you decide you need to move on is probably the day you get into a rebound relationship. As weird as it may sound, a casual rebound serves an important psychological purpose, i.e. to help your broken heart move on and recover quickly. You don’t have to deal with the breakup all alone. Connect with another guy who wants the best for you and these are the benefits you will reap.
You'll stop obsessing over your last boyfriend
If you are still fixated on a guy who broke your heart, you need to shake things up to get him out of your mind. Are you still following him on Twitter and constantly checking his LinkedIn updates? Well, you need a rebound. Try hooking up with another man to eliminate that intense attachment to your last boyfriend. However, you don’t have to jump straight into bed with the new person. What you need is psychological relief as opposed to physical gratification.
When you don’t need a relationship that will last long, try a rebound
A rebound can help you see the value of a casual relationship. On average, most people engage in relationships which have long-term potential. But a short-term relationship can have tremendous benefits such as emotional support if you have been dumped recently and can offer you a distraction from bad emotions. Intimacy with your rebound may offer physical benefits as well. After all, you will need another human being touching you, massaging you, and generally making you feel good. Furthermore, a short-term rebound is a way of preventing you from making long-term mistakes such as marrying someone who is your second best choice.
Keep yourself from reuniting with your ex-boyfriend
The silliest decision you can make is to go back to a guy who broke your heart just because you are lonely. Getting back with him back a few weeks after splitting means your issues are not yet resolved and you will be pretending like all is well. The relationship will fail as soon as one of you gets another partner. This is not the fate you want as the aftermath can be more damaging and painful than before. To keep yourself from the breakup and make-up cycle, get a rebound boyfriend to keep you busy. Make your love life exciting and ease back into the dating game.
A rebound is a confidence booster
You may feel pathetic if you have been dumped recently. You may not admit this out loud, but your confidence is tied to the success rate of a relationship and a bad breakup can drag down your self-esteem. The good news is that you can bring back your self-confidence through a rebound relationship. A new boyfriend will make you feel that you are still an awesome girl with a chance for a great romantic future.
How to make a rebound relationship last longer
Do you want to turn your rebound into the real deal? If you establish a legit relationship, you will get more attention and increase the success rate of your new romance. On average, guys and girls are never on the same page when they just hook up. Chances are that your rebound is not ready for something serious and neither are you because you are still recovering. But this is what you can do to increase the success rate of a rebound relationship.
1. Drop your expectations if you want it to last
Your ex will call you sometimes but don’t assume that he wants you back. And if he does want you back, do not expect him to have magically changed into an angel. The best thing to do is to stop expecting anything. It is one sign of a mature personality. As you date your rebound, stop expecting too much from him. Do not assume that you want things from him; stick to what you think is attractive and you will enjoy the new relationship. If you think you are a clingy woman, work on your personality first.
2. Patience and commitment make a relationship last
So you want the hookup boyfriend to be your real boyfriend. Hanging out and getting intimate is not effective commitment. Healthy commitment entails a lot of things: caring, respect, and having fun. But do not push your rebound into more than what he wants, lest he runs away. If he wants something more, he will tell you. Do not be the type of woman who keeps asking what the two of you are in terms of a relationship. Give it time and he will take the relationship more seriously. If he doesn’t want to work for a more serious relationship with you, you can choose to quit or keep on seeing him. If after sleeping with him for a while he still wants to keep it casual, rest assured it will never work. The key is to be smart about the relationship. Find out if he really is interested and stop offering your body any time he asks you to go over to his place. Make him work hard to deserve you.
3. It will not last if your ex is still in your life
There may not be a chance for you and your ex-boyfriend to get back together but he might still be bothering you for obvious reasons. What you should do is cut off all communication with him, even if it means deleting his number from your cell phone. He is your ex and that is enough reason to stay away from him. Even if it’s hard to forget him, do not allow him to confuse you. Rather, focus on your rebound to make your current relationship more meaningful.
Starting a new relationship with a new man is exciting but it can be confusing if he just said goodbye to another girl. Imagine getting to know him and dishing about your wonderful dates to your friends. It feels like you have found a serious guy and you are completely smitten. Soon, he starts showing some strange signs, and that is when you start analyzing the relationship. Soon, you discover that you are just his rebound girl! It is not your fault because you are a great catch and any man would be thrilled to have you. It just happens that your new man is not ready for a serious relationship because he simply cannot get over the last relationship he had. He ends up messing up with you, a woman who would have been a great partner. It is not his fault either. It’s just that his ex-girlfriend pops up in his mind every time you are with him. He really wants to move on but he needs to heal first. Do not be mad at him because he probably never realized that he was using you but it is important that you understand what’s going on. Bottom line is that a rebound relationship isn't likely to last. It’s best if you consider other options like being single or waiting for the right person to come along. But if you are serious about making it work, try commitment, patience, and stop expecting too much from your new partner. Since 90% of rebound relationships fail, it means there is a 10% success rate and your rebound might just be one of the few that last.