When He Doesn't Care Enough, The Signs Are Obvious
“It only takes a few seconds to hurt someone. But sometimes it takes years to repair the damage. Cherish the hearts that love you” - AwakeningPeople.com (courtesy of @gmillz) * * When we’re in the heat of the moment we can say and do some of anything. We turn green rip our pants (or dresses) and smash everything. We take a person's weaknesses and insecurities and we throw it in their faces. We want to make them feel the way we felt. Or worse. In most cases, we succeed. But after we calm down, we look at the destruction we’ve caused. We’ve crushed a person, we swore to love and protect. That person is beyond hurt. Depending on what you said or did, they can be scarred for life. And although it didn’t take long to break them. It can take forever to put them back together. * * www.talk2doughboy.tumblr.com * * * #anger #hurt #love #dating #lovequotes #relationshipquotes #couples #relationship #girlfriend #boyfriend #happiness #breakup #couplesgoals #relationshipquotes #together #relationshipgoals #bestrelationship #lovegoals* * *
One thing you always want to be assured of as a girl in a relationship is that your boyfriend still loves and cares for you. You hardly can withhold anything to sustain this assurance. In fact, you were probably in that relationship in the first place because you were looking for someone to love and care for you passionately. However, it can turn out to be that the guy you desperately love and care for doesn't care or love you in return. At first, things may seem to be going on well between you both but for a lot of reasons which is beyond the scope of this piece, your boyfriend (or even husband) may have started losing interest in you; you might have started seeing signs that he doesn't care as before anymore. Well, guys and men aren't that difficult to decode especially when it comes to the issue of who they care about and who they don't. The signs would normally be written (as it were) all over them regardless of whether they call to inform you formally or not. They hardly can hide their feelings the way you probably can do yours if they are not into you anymore. Just in case you are still doubtful of your gut, you can check your boyfriend's attitude to you and the relationship with any of the 20 points discussed below. They are strong and valid signs that he doesn't care for you anymore. Here they are.
1. As Part Of The Signs, He'll Always Be Busy
Granted, the demands of your boyfriend's job may be great. He sincerely may have a lot in his hands but among the signs that he still cares for you is that in the midst of his busyness, he'll still find time to hang out with you and seek after your welfare. Guys don't get too busy for a girl they really care about. As such, if your boyfriend becomes too busy to even give you at least 10 minutes of his time in a day, it's a sign you are not on his priority list. It means that if he has the option of choosing between you and a career, hobby, friend, personal assignments or social commitments, he'll choose all these things ahead of you. So, if your boyfriend neglects most of his responsibilities to you under the disguise of being busy, he's actually telling you the truth. He is too busy to care for you; too busy to seek after your welfare, and certainly too busy to have a place in your life.
2. Your Relationship With Him Is Draining You Emotionally
Commitment is one of the live wires of a relationship. Each partner must give something emotionally, physically, and financially for it to be successful. However, when you begin to feel exhausted emotionally because you are doing so much to keep your boyfriend, it's one of the signs that he doesn't care for you. To make matters worse, he's not going to appreciate all your efforts. You just discover that you literally have to give the whole of yourself to keep him for a day or week. You are the one thinking and probably worrying about him and you can feel that he's not bothered about you. That's because the feelings are no longer there. If your boyfriend still cares as he ought to, there wouldn't be any need for emotional labor from your end. A guy that cares enough about you would answer even before you call. He'd know what your sigh means and wouldn't put you in any position that would sap your emotional bank. As a sign that he cares, he'd prefer to give than to take and won't consider any investment too much to make for your relationship.
3. He Doesn't Care Enough If He Talks To You Carelessly
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Among the early signs that your boyfriend's initial feelings for you are beginning to wane is the manner he'll be addressing you. You can see clearly from his speech that he no longer cares. First, you could witness a decline in the affectionate way he used to address you; he will hardly ever refer to you as his darling, sweetheart, or any of the nice nicknames he used to call you. Second, as a sign that your boyfriend doesn't care about your feelings anymore, he may become verbally abusive. Now, he'll see your weaknesses and tell them straight to your face without caring how saying that would make you feel. As the uncaring attitude grows, he may start calling you all sort of names that you probably never ever thought he could utter. In short, he makes you look like a fool when you aren't one. The reason for this is clear; the love he has for you is beginning to decline and it's hard to care for the feelings of anyone we don't love. For a regular guy, if he doesn't have enough confidence to tell you straight that he's no longer interested, his utterances will, more often than not, betray him. So, when you see this sign, do not give yourself a false assurance of love because the truth is that your guy probably doesn't care about you as before anymore.
4. He Now Forgets Your Important Dates And Events
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It is true that most guys may not be as good as most girls in keeping certain details to memory but not with things he considers important to himself. Just think about anything you care about deeply and ask yourself how easy it is to forget such things. Our brains have a way of keeping very important events in our lives so that they are still fresh in our minds. That is true for both genders. What's the point here? It's that a guy that still cares for you will have you uppermost in his heart. He is going to remember the things you tell him and try to celebrate you no matter how little on your special days. Even when he forgets for whatever reason, you will hear the remorse in his tone and he'll definitely make up for it. Just like most girls too, a boy's heart is usually where his treasure is. So long as you are his treasure, it would be hard for him to forget anything about you but when he does, something is likely wrong and the chances are that it's because he doesn't care about you the way he did before. The usual thing most girls do is rationalize and help the guy give excuses for his lack of care towards them. But honestly, you have nothing to do with a man who doesn't love you enough to put important details about you to mind. If he's not suffering from amnesia, the most probable reason for this is that he doesn't care enough for you.
5. He Doesn't Care Enough If All He Wants Is Sex
If everything he cares for about your relationship is sex, he really doesn't care for you. A relationship is surely more than sex. It's about two people who are willingly in love with each other and as such, committed unreservedly to each other with or without sex. That is not to say that sex is not important in a relationship; of course, it is. However, a relationship that exists just for the sake of sex is a selfish one. One person is definitely out to use the other. And for you, a girl, you would notice that a guy that doesn't care enough about you would pretend to do so only when he needs you to satisfy his sexual urge.
6. He's Now Avoiding Having Sex With You
In another vein, your boyfriend or husband (if you are married) can begin to avoid having sex with you as a sign that he no longer cares about you. While an all-sex relationship can reveal some degrees of no care or selfishness, a no-sex relationship too can be among the greatest signs that a guy doesn't love or care for you as before. In an environment where love reigns, sex can be a culmination of the care and affection a guy has for a lady. Nature seems to have designed it as a super expression of affection and warmth between partners. As such, a boycott of sex by your boyfriend or husband isn't just a decision he has taken out of his magnanimity or wish, it's more likely because the initial feelings of love and care are no longer there. A key to coming to a sound conclusion here is to compare how your boyfriend's demand for sex was in relation to how it is now. Has anything changed? Do you think he is now working hard to avoid getting down with you on that level of commitment as he used to do? If your answers tend to the affirmative, chances are that he doesn't care enough for you anymore.
7. He Doesn't Care Enough If He Treats You Like A Regular
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You know there is a way we greet people whom we have no deep relationship with; we definitely might love them and wish them all the best they wish themselves in life. However, within us, we have no special strings attached to them. It's hard to pick a fight with these people because we don't expect much from them. There is no need to keep looking or watching for signs your boyfriend doesn't care enough for you anymore. If he has started acting this way; that's because his action has said it all. If he still loves and cares for you, he isn't going to leave anyone in doubt of that fact. When in public, he's going to relate to you differently than he does to others. He won't mind holding your hands or even hugging you in public. Of course, these are gestures reserved for people very close to one. But when you cannot distinguish between how your boyfriend treats a casual friend or even a stranger from how he treats you, then the message cannot be any clearer - he doesn't care about you enough anymore. In certain scenarios, you may want to check why he's acting that way but a double confirmation of his lack of care would be his unwillingness to talk to you or his outright denial of the obvious.
8. You Are Always The One Calling First
Again, it's hard to come up with a contrary defense for a guy who doesn't take the initiative to call you first other than him not caring enough. Granted, there might be times when you may have to call him first but if he still cares for you, you wouldn't be the only one doing that all of the time. Calling you first, among other indications, shows that he thinks about you and that his affection for you is not induced but natural. Men can hardly effectively pretend about their feelings in a relationship. Even when they do, things like this would betray them. The first thing you would notice even when you still continue to call first is an unusual delay in the time he picks your call, loss of enthusiasm or aggressiveness in his tone, unwillingness to speak for long with you, and so many other unpleasant attitudes. When you see all these signs while communicating with him, you should be quick to read and understand the writing on the wall. He doesn't have to call you and tell you he no longer cares, his action has said it all. It would now be up to you to either stubbornly hold on to him or move on with your life.
9. He Open Displays His Affection For Other Girls Before You
No matter how angry a guy is at you, if he still cares about your relationship, one thing he knows he cannot do is to openly embrace with affection another girl in your presence. Among other signs that the feelings are no longer there, this is perhaps the strongest. It becomes even more serious when this has become his habit lately. It's a clear message from him that he is done with you and no longer cares about your feelings even for him. Flirting with another female in your presence isn't a mistake; it has been calculated and planned by him to let you know that he doesn't care anymore. He knows that doing so would hurt you and has probably planned it that because he feels you aren't getting the other signs correctly. Unless you have a compelling reason to still hang on to him, this sign is enough for you to call it quits with him. It's hard to buy a guy's care if it's not coming willingly and naturally from him. And staying around him despite displaying this sign tells him that you have low self-esteem and he is your last hope. As such, you can expect him to do more shocking things in days to come.
10. Your Closeness To Other Guys Doesn't Move Him
There are 5 love languages and everybody has at least one. These 5 love languages are what defines how we receive love from our loved ones the most. The love languages are from the book, The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. . One of the biggest mistakes we make in relationships is giving love the way we want to receive love as opposed to in the way our partner wants to receive love. . The 5 languages are: Physical Touch: With this love language, you just need to reach out and touch somebody. Hugs, hand holding, small touches, etc... . Word is Affirmation: With this love language you simply need a compliment or word of encouragement. . Quality Time: Simply put, time spent with this person. And they will feel loved. . Gifts: Small or big, this person simply need a sincere gift to make them feel loved. . Acts of Service: This person likes things done for them such as clean the bathroom, do the laundry, cook for them, and so on. . Once a week for the next 5 weeks we will take a deeper look into each love language. Find out which love language is for you and which is for your partner.
There is no one whose territory is under invasion who won't care to put up a fight, not even a guy. Suppose you put up a case before your boyfriend that you and a guy went out today for a picnic or date and he shows no concern or sees nothing wrong in that; it's sure that he doesn't care enough about you anymore. The implication of his action is that you are just a regular friend with no strings attached. Love is jealous and one way to know if a person cares or loves you is to examine how jealous of you he or she is. Men especially do not like competition over someone they love and would do everything they can to be sure they are still on top of their game with you. So, not being bothered by a potential threat can be a great sign that he doesn't care enough. It is true that where trust abounds, suspicion vanishes. However, trust is not equal to laxity. Trust isn't carelessness. It is carelessness on the part of a guy to see his girl 'playing with fire' and not caution her; that is not 'trust.' He would at least ask what the intention of your 'picnic' or 'date' was. Failure to be inquisitive in this regard can only mean that he doesn't care anymore.
11. As Part Of The Signs, He's No Longer Protective
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This is a follow up to point 10 above. Where a guy still loves and cares for you, wherever you are mentioned and you are not there, he'll be there to give you the best defense you can ever get. We all know how we stand up for people whom we passionately care for. Even when they are wrong, we try as much as possible not to wash their dirty laundry in public. A boyfriend that still cares about you would not see someone bully or harass you anywhere and remain indifferent. In fact, any suggestion by anyone that is capable of ridiculing you would be resisted by him. That is love in action. Love is protective. So, let's say instead of your boyfriend standing up for you as and when due, he is even the one exposing you or he remains indifferent; it's a serious signal that he might have ceased to care for you. In connection with other signs that we have discussed, you can conclude if he's still in love with you or not. That's because protection is one great telltale of love for most men.
12. He's Less Concerned About Your Future
One of the few signs to know if a guy cares for you is how much interest he shows in what becomes of you in the future. You would see him constantly bringing up issues in that line; he'll be there to ensure you pass your exams and do all your assignments. In addition, as part of the signs that he cares, he's going to encourage you never to give up or settle for less. You know why he's doing all these things? It's because he sees the possibility of the two of you ending up as a couple one day and he knows that your success is his success too. But for a boyfriend who doesn't care, his maxim would be 'here and now', that is if he even shows any interest at all. Get this clearly: the human nature is inherently selfish and we seldom care for people we don't have a vested interest in. That's not to say that there are no generous philanthropists but it's hard to see anyone who genuinely cares for others without a reason or a calculated benefit. So, when a guy ceases to show genuine interest in your future or career, there is a high chance that his action is revealing the state of his mind, which is that he doesn't care.
13. As Part Of The Signs, He's Unwilling To Make Sacrifices.
You can accurately guess how much you mean to a guy by studying how much sacrifice he is willing to make for you. For a guy that cares passionately about you, there is no limit to the level of sacrifice he'd be willing to make for you. The last thing on his mind would be himself. However, you get to know your boyfriend no longer cares about you when he places his welfare far above yours and would not make any compromise or concession to accommodate yours in any way. That means that if for whatever reason you both find yourself in a place and there is only one seat to sit on, he'd be there to grab that seat while you stand or have to manage with someone else. It is against the very nature of love to be selfish; love is instead selfless. So, when a guy starts showing signs of selfishness to you, it means he no longer loves you and there is no way someone that doesn't love you can care for you.
14. He's No Longer willing To Accept Your Gifts
It's only normal that a guy that has ceased to care for you would stop accepting gifts from you also. The reason for this is that he doesn't want to give you a false hope that you still mean much to him. Again, he knows that as long as he continues to receive things from you, he's morally obligated to you to an extent and that is one thing a guy that doesn't care hates. So, it can become a means by which you confirm your suspicion when you have the feeling that your boyfriend is gradually drifting away. Keep buying him gifts and examine his attitude towards the gifts. If he keeps receiving your gifts, it means he still cares at least to a certain extent; but if not, it's a good idea for you to take your leave of the relationship.
15. Signs He Doesn't Care: No More Respect
Respect can only come either as an obligation you have to do or as a product of love. Partners in a relationship respect each other mostly because of the love they both share. It becomes very difficult to show respect for a person you care less about. Even if you do, chances are that it would be superficial. This explains the situation of a guy that doesn't love you enough anymore. Right from the way he addresses you to how he compliments you, you can see that the sincerity is no longer there. If he is a good guy at all, you would still see him struggling to accord you the respect he had always been willing to give. He'll hardly value your opinion on issues any longer and may start taking unilateral decisions.
16. Signs He Doesn't Care? He Affords Serious Discussions
Let's say you are trying to bring up discussions as regards the future of your relationship or any other issue that can appraise his commitment to you and all he does is to brush over it and avoids the subject, it can be a huge sign that he doesn't care about you anymore. And again, he won't raise such issues himself because he is not just interested. A regular in-depth discussion between partners can actually bring about commitment on both sides and that's one thing a guy that doesn't care about you detests. You would see him brush aside issues such as health, finance, sex, and other things that are capable of making or marring your relationship. Since he doesn't care enough about you, he has no business joining you in such a discussion.
17. Signs He Doesn't Care? Stinginess Is One
You can get to know where the heart of a man is by studying the direction his income flows. In other words, men generally spend more of their money on things they consider important to them. Unlike most women, most men do not spend based on sentiments and emotions. So, a way to know if he cares enough for you is to study how generous he has been to you financially. If you mean so much to him, his spending on you would show; if otherwise, it would be clear too. Even if your boyfriend does not have much money; if he cares about you, he won't hesitate to spend the little he has on you. And again, from his attitude to spending, you can get to know how much he cares about you. If he cares so much, he is likely going to give much without grumbling or waiting to be recompensed.
18. He Avoids Introducing You To His Friends
It's a natural thing for most men to want to introduce their significant other to their friends and associates. That among others is a way to show the world how much they care about the girl or woman. Introducing you to friends is one way they are telling you that they're ready to settle down with you when the time is right. In most cases, you don't have to ask for this but they just do it willingly. However, when you have a man that cherishes a secret relationship for no reason, you have every reason to think he doesn't care enough about you. In most cases, the reason for a secret relationship is usually not genuine and it's usually a plot by a guy to use and dump the lady without fanning any public disgust. It needs to be stated also that the fact that your boyfriend introduces you freely to his friends or family members isn't sufficient a reason to conclude that he cares for you, but if taken alongside other signs as discussed above, it can help you confirm on which side of the divide he is.
19. He Doesn't Care Anymore If He Now Cheats On You
Granted, no one is above mistakes; anyone can err, even sexually. However, each person's attitude to their mistakes reveals whether it was intentional or unplanned. For a guy that cares so much about you, the last thing he would ever think of is cheating on you. He would do everything possible to ensure that the smooth relationship between you is not damaged on accounts of infidelity. But let's say he mistakenly errs; you would see the remorse, sorrow, and resolve not to let the incidence repeat itself again. He isn't going to be bold or defiant about it. But if he doesn't care enough about you, he won't be concerned about whether you are aware he's keeping multiple partners or not. That fear won't be there. After all, in his mind, he is not responsible to you. In fact, you dare not bring up the case before him; because he doesn't care, he might just harm you.
20. Signs He Doesn't Care? Abuse Is Paramount
The way to take care of what we care about is certainly not to abuse it. No matter how much inconvenience our eyes may bring us, we certainly would not pluck them out or give ourselves a blow on it. The reason we won't act this way is that we care so much about our eyes. Again, you may want to consider how some men care for their cars; it can be amazingly great. Some are very careful in washing and maintaining it as if the car is their first child. That's because they care so much about it! It's certainly not correct to say that men don't care for things; they do just that their level of care depends on the importance they place on such things. So, if you have a boyfriend that takes pride in abusing you in any wise whether verbally, sexually, emotionally, psychologically or otherwise, there is no other explanation to such actions than the fact that he doesn't care enough about you anymore. If he does, he wouldn't raise his hands to hit you or shout down at you. The unfortunate thing is that many women and girls still persist in such abusive relationships perhaps because of low self-esteem. You should not entertain or rationalize abuse from a guy for any reason; it's a prime sign that he doesn't care about your feelings.
The basis for genuine care from a guy to his girlfriend is love. It is hard to care for someone without loving them. So, when you begin to witness any of the signs discussed in this piece in your relationship with a guy, they are warning you that he might not have your best interests at heart. Of course, other reasons might make your guy exhibit any of the signs discussed here apart from him not caring about you enough. He might be going through a challenging period in his life or facing one difficulty or the other at work. As such, it would be smart of you to rule out these options before concluding he doesn't care about you anymore. That said, if you think from all indications that a guy doesn't care about you, the wise thing to do would be to jettison the relationship. One of the things money cannot buy is love. You can only force a mule to the river, you can't force it to drink the water. If he doesn't care enough for you and you know that very well, why not let him be?