How to manage if you are in a Love-Hate Relationship

What is a Love-Hate Relationship and how to cope with it

By Kimmy
How to manage if you are in a Love-Hate Relationship

The meaning of a Love-Hate Relationship

"I LOVE HIM!" "I HATE HIM!" The classic Rachel Greene line from Friends. Rachel and Ross are always on an on-and-off relationship in Friends. Sometimes they're deeply in love, other times, they just want to strangle each other. They are the perfect exam of a love-hate relationship.

A love-hate relationship, according to the definition of urban dictionary, means two people that are actually deeply in love, but instead of expressing their true feelings, they express it in a less loving way, like bickering. The key element here is love. If you only fight and don't care about the other person at all, it's not a love-hate relationship.

Most people experience a love-hate relationship at some point in their life, sometimes because they just don't know how to express themselves, or they don't want to get attached by being not approachable, or just simply that the person isn't right for you so you struggle to love him completely.

Here we'll tell you everything you need to know about a love-hate relationship and if you're in one, what should you do with it.

Examples of Love-Hate Relationships and how to fix it

A love-hate relationship can happen because of a lot of reasons. In order to fix it, you have to understand where it's stemming from. Here are a few classic examples of a love-hate relationship and how to fix it.

1. Ross and Rachel from F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

You have got to know this classic pair from the best-rated sitcom in the 90s. In the show, Ross and Rachel are always fighting, but from the way they fight, a lot of the time, you can tell that it's not coming from hate, but jealousy and uncertainty.

Even when they are off, they don't seem to be happy when the other person is dating someone new. They want each other back but instead of telling the other person, they fight. It all happens because they are unsure about themselves. They tried being together, but it didn't work. It's scary to go back into it, what if it doesn't work and you get hurt again? They have a hard time expressing their feeling because they're scared to admit they like each other because that would make them vulnerable.

They only learned the lesson when Rachel decided to leave the country for her career. The fear of not seeing each other again is greater than the relationship not working out again. Of course, you shouldn't just get up and leave the country if you're in a love-hate relationship. But it's always a good thing to think about. Are you struggling with your feelings with this person because it's scary to let him in? Then think about a life without him. Imagine him having to go away tomorrow and you will never see him again. What would you do?

We always only learn when we're on the edge of losing something. So you should think about that if you have a hard time letting people in, because, either you let them in, or you let them go. If you don't let them in, they will go away on their own eventually anyway.

Source: Focus Feature

2. Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy in Pride and Prejudice

Sometimes we're more judgemental than we thought. Well, Mr. Darcy judged Elizabeth and her family from the start because he thinks they're not as educated, well-mannered and worthy as him. And Elizabeth, often playing the part of a nice, family-girl, is convinced Mr. Darcy is the villain of her life because he has a cocky face. Her prejudice caused her to believe that everything Mr.Darcy does is coming from an evil heart.

Not giving people a chance by judging them before you even get to know them could cause you a happily ever after ending with someone. Elizabeth eventually realizes that Mr. Darcy is actually a kind-hearted person and cares about her a lot. Her prejudice blinded her from seeing the truth before. Dr. Darcy also learned to let go of his pride and accept to appreciate the beauty in everyone.

You can't always judge another person with your own standards. Everyone comes from a different background and is different. Try to put yourself in their shoes, would you behave any differently if you come from that background? If not, maybe instead of judging them, try to talk to them until your differences became either acceptable or you both take a step back and accept each other.

Remember, you can hate a lot of people by judging them with your own standards, just like a lot of people can hate you if you are judged by their own standards. And, love is always better than hate.

Love-Hate Relationship Quotes

Are you wondering how other people feel when they're stuck in a love-hate relationship? A lot of people are going through the same thing and there're always good quotes on the Internet. You may feel that you're alone and feel bad for feeling the way you do. Please don't! It's absolutely normal to go through a love-hate relationship stage and these quotes may shed some light on the issue!

Here are a few of our favorite love-hate relationship quotes to help you understand more of what it's like to be in one.

1. "Sometimes I just want to push you out of the window but then rush to the ground fast enough to catch you"

That's how it feels. Sometime you just can't stand one more second with the person, but somehow you feel sad and empty if they go away. You would think that finally you're certain to get rid of the person, but regrets it the second he goes. And you find yourself keeps falling in loop, it just keeps on happening.

If that's you, then you're definitely in a love-hate relationship. You need to go through your feelings again, get a pen to write down everything you want to say to him, go through it again, and then ask yourself, between staying with him and leaving him, which one would rationally make your happier. Do you actually love him or hate him? You need to figure this out otherwise you're just stuck in a loop.

2. "You're like the one final stroke that I can't decide if I want in my painting"

Very poetic, indeed. You're always struggling if you're in a love-hate relationship. Does this one final touch perfect the painting or ruin it? Do I want him here or not? The constant struggling. There's always a reason why you're questioning yourself, whether the reason is coming from you or him.

Ask yourself why you're having these questions. Do you see the problem in you or in him? If it's you, how can you fix it? Even if you leave now, chances are, it could happen with the next one in the future. If it's him, how much does that bother you or get in the way of your happy life? If you think you can live with it, then just love boldly, but if it gets in your way of a happy future, then fixing it is probably just wasting your time.

Books on Love-Hate Relationships

1. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austin Pride and Prejudice (9780141439518): Jane Austen, Tony Tanner: Books

"Pride and Prejudice" by Jane Austin is for sure on top of the list! As mentioned before, this classic perfectly shows how a love-hate relationship can ruin your life and make everyone around you unhappy. More importantly, you can learn a lot from it. Maybe he is not your perfect guy because you tend to judge him with a high standard that you can't even live up to yourself. Learn to see it from their point of view.

2. Fifty Shades of Grey by E. L. James

Fifty Shades of Grey: Book One of the Fifty Shades Trilogy (Fifty Shades of Grey Series): E L James: 8601400331972: Books

The next of our favourites would be ''Fifty Shades of Grey" by E. L. James. Seems like an odd choice to study a love-hate relationship you say? Not at all! If you read the book, you will see that Anastasia and Christian are stuck in a love-hate relationship because Christian wouldn't change for who he is and Anastasia just wants to force him to change. Anastasia is always struggling to leave because she loves him so much but can't accept a certain aspects about him. Eventually they are able to find a way to make it work, if there's a will, there's a way!

3. The Hating Game by Sally Thorne

The Hating Game: A Novel - Kindle edition by Sally Thorne. Literature & Fiction Kindle eBooks @

The Hating Game by Sally Thorne is surely your go-to if you want some romantic-comedy-like bickering. Lucy and Joshua work together but they hate each other so much that they swear to not let the other person get the promotion. But as time goes by. They will realise maybe they don't hate each other after all.

4. Kiss an Angel by Susan Elizabeth Phillips

Kiss an Angel by Susan Elizabeth Phillips (2002-10-01): Books

Up next is Kiss an Angel by Susan Elizabeth Phillips. The typical story between a rich girl and a broke boy living in the slum. Will the princess be able to let go of her fear and let the whitty, a bit cunny but definitely caring and handsome homelesss guy in? This book will satisfy anyone that's ever had a princess fantasy!


A love-hate relationship can bring countless sleepless nights and heartbreaks. It hurts to feel the hate for someone you love so much. The only way to fix this is to tackle the problem at its core and to ask yourself why is this happening. It's always never because the person is simply disgusting, because why would you fall in love with him in the first place then? It's always something more complicated. I hope our advice can help you see things more clearly and get that hate out of the relationship!



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