Why You Shouldn't Stop Thinking About Your Ex And Feel Better

One of the most difficult things in the world is to grieve over the loss of a person who is still alive but is no longer a part of your life. When death departs us from a loved one, we feel devastated and extremely sad but with time we get the clarity that they can never come back. We get our closure and will time we learn to accept it as well but when we break up with someone and go our separate ways, we have to grieve the loss of someone who was one of the most integral parts of our life up till a few days. Post-breakup, a lot of people will tell you their stories and personal experiences on how to stop thinking about your ex and move on, but it's you yourself who can help yourself. Sure the thoughts, the memories and the moments spent together will haunt you for a few days but this is part of the healing. Blocking out everything and not think about it sounds appealing but is it really the solution?  

Are you aware of the feeling that makes you want to do something more just because you’re not supposed to? You’d be more tempted to read a magazine your mother strictly told you to stay away from or laugh in situations where you’re not supposed to. This is why, when you constantly tell yourself to stop thinking about someone, you’ll only find yourself thinking about them more. Skip this step and go with the flow.

A broken hard is hard to mend. When you are heartbroken, you will be hurt and confused at the same time thinking for all the reasons it couldn't last. You will assume the things that weren't even true and eventually end up blaming yourself for all the wrong reasons. Running away from your emotions is not the solution. Not thinking about your ex will only help for the time being but it will never give you the clarity you are looking for. Hence it is extremely important that you express your emotions and feelings. Cry over it and do not pretend to be strong when you are barely holding on. When we pretend to be unaffected, it works for the time but in the long run, it will only make us bitter. Think about your ex and think for all the reasons why you think it couldn't work but do not blame yourself for not being good enough for him. Stop reading between the lines and just accept that maybe this wasn't meant to be.

Running away from a situation or a feeling is something that quitters do. You are not a quitter and you are certainly not weak for breaking down in the middle of the day in front of your family or friends. We feel that crying in front of anyone will make us weak or vulnerable and we often think of vulnerability as something bad or weak whereas it is rather a strength. When you cry over a broken heart, you realize how real your feelings were. You realize how this one human being was so important to you and now that he is no longer in your life, how will you cope up with it without being bitter and cold-hearted. Learn to confront your feelings instead of looking for temporary escapes. Crying is just as human as laughing.

Breakups are often taken to be just an awful experience of life however we forget that phases like these that help us change for the better. Instead of just crying over the fact and obsessing over why it didn't work out, learn from it and think of it as a lesson. The most important lessons we learn in life are always when we fall down. Like it has been said that failure is necessary to learn the greatest lessons of all times, heartbreak is also equally important. You will learn to reflect over it and try to become a better version of you. You will also learn about the things you should and shouldn't do in your future relationships. If you just ‘stop thinking about it’ how will you reflect and learn from it?

Learning from the experience does not mean that you should become insensitive or hard-hearted, but it means you need to reassess your priorities. One of the most important lessons you must learn after heartbreak is to stop finding love and let it find you. Do not let your loneliness fool you into believing anything that you shouldn't. Prioritize your own self before falling in love again and understand that no other person or thing in the world can be the driving force of your happiness. Do not give them the responsibility of making you happy when you cannot even make yourself happy. Learn to be happy on your own before you decide on finding love again.

Grief is just as essential as joy. We are human beings and we are all imperfect. We all go through different phases in life and each one of us has his own suffering. Grieving over a heartbreak will not make you weak in any way. It will only give you more clarity and perspective. You don’t need to stop thinking about him, you need to grief and move on. The end of a relationship is not the end of life, no matter how long you have been together, just know that you will learn to live without them, and one day you will also learn to be happy again. There is an order of things. You cannot just lose someone and move on in a blink of an eye. Grieving is the step in between and you can’t just achieve ‘moved on phase’ by skipping that phase.

In order to move on with no strings attached, forgiveness is the scissors here. You need to spend time in healing so that you’d be able to forgive yourself and your ex. Forgiveness will cut the only thing tying the both of you together, the string of blame game. Spend time reflecting on what went wrong and accept that whatever happened, happened for a reason. This way, you’d be able to forgive him and yourself too. Forget is what comes right after forgive in most cases, which will inevitably follow in this case too. It is humanly impossible to completely erase someone from the memory unless it’s a medical condition… what I mean by forgetting is that you will get over him and his memories will finally stop coming back to haunt you.

Love is a beautiful feeling and we all wish to experience it at least once in our lifetime but none of us wishes to experience a heartbreak. Heartbreaks are just as real as love and we learn a lot more from a broken heart than any other thing in the world. Do not let your broken heart fool you. Be open and accepting of your feelings and do not pretend to be unaffected when you are clearly dying from the inside. Cry as loud as you want and for as long as you want. Talk to your friends but take your time to heal. People will tell you to get over it and just move on but you should do it at your own pace and own conditions. Think about your ex and make a list of the pros and cons of your relationship with him. Instead of constantly blaming yourself for not being good enough and comparing yourself with his new girlfriend, assess and identify why wasn't he good enough for you. People will tell you that you deserve better but none of it will make you feel better. You will only feel better when you start believing in yourself and when you realize that you do not need validation from someone else and all this will be achieved if you spend time thinking about the whole situation.