Spot Cheating Guilt Easily with these 7 Signs

It’s a normal day, just like any other, when suddenly, there’s a sign. Maybe he put his phone into his pocket faster than usual, or perhaps he came home smelling strongly of his own cologne even after a long day at work, or you ran into his friend at the mall and he said your man hasn’t been attending the boys’ weekly game nights. It’s a very subtle sign, but it’s there, and there’s no turning back: you suspect he might be cheating on you.

Then, you decide to start observing him to see if there’s any change in his behavior, any clue that might lead you to believe your theory is true. And, yes, your partner has changed. You hadn’t noticed before, because these changes weren’t in line with a malicious intent on his part, but they’re definitely there. He’s bringing you presents more often, offering to take out the trash every day and making up for his long nights at work with an impromptu trip up the mountains. You thought he was just being romantic and thoughtful, but.. Could it be more? Could it be that, maybe...he feels guilty?

Cheater’s guilt is real, and it happens to most people who cheat, because they’re human, too. They realize what they’re doing is wrong, and even though cheating is definitely a decision they’re consciously making, chances are they really love their official partners at the same time. This puts them in a very sentimentally compromising position, and the guilt they’re feeling will probably reflect on their daily actions in very different ways. Keep reading to find out if he has cheater’s guilt!

The number one thing you must know about cheaters is that their own sly behavior makes them extremely wary and anxious about the outside world, at least in most cases. They’re the ones who become jumpy, suspicious, or develop serious trust issues, precisely because they’re ridden with the guilt of what they’re doing. This uneasiness definitely changes their behavior in a visible, palpable way, and you as a partner are going to be able to see these changes. 

If you confront your partner about the cheating, it’s quite likely that, if they really are being unfaithful, they have already planned and rehearsed a very well thought out excuse to dismiss all your theories. If they act jumpy, suspicious, and reply back with a detailed story to shut down your claims, it’s definitely quite likely that they are being unfaithful. Also, cheaters usually try to put the blame on you, so if they try to turn the tables and accuse you of something, they are hiding something and they want to divert your attention from it.

These seven signs of a shift in your partner’s emotions will help you realize when something’s off:

They’re suddenly coming home with surprise chocolate boxes or a brand new set of jewelry for you. In a lot of cases, guilt drives people to try to overcompensate the person they’re hurting, so this is one of the first signs to look out for.

They’re paying extra attention to you, a lot more than usual, and want to know about where you will be and what you’ll be doing, asking for details they weren’t interested in before. All the information is useful for them to carefully plan-out their double lives.

In order to avoid saying something they shouldn’t, they stop talking about what’s going on in their lives, giving as little detail as possible. Instead, they’ll probably ask about you and try to keep the conversation focused on other subjects.

If they’re the anxious type, instead of shying away from talking about their lives, they’ll give out plenty of detail, all of it carefully planned to cover up after their tracks.

Whether it’s fear of having traces of their other partner on them, or just the guilt that won’t let them get in the mood, they’ll shy away from any type of physical connection with you.

Some cheaters with a really big sense of guilt probably won’t be satisfied with just giving you extra attention, they’ll want to go all out to make up for what they’re feeling. Expect trips, jewelry and other expensive gifts.

The stress of leading a double life will take a toll on all the other aspects of a cheating person’s life, and this will probably be shown in sudden outbursts or mood swings.

Body language goes hand in hand with whatever’s going on inside a person’s mind. Not every cheater is the same or reacts in the exact same way, so there’s not one single clear physical body language sign to look out for. However, the most important thing to keep in mind here is that, if their feelings change, the way they express themselves will change as well. You probably know your partner well enough to know when something is off about them, so that’s where you have to start.

A partner who is always showering you with physical affection like hugs, cuddles and kisses, will probably be self-conscious about themselves if they’re cheating (perhaps they worry about having a lipstick stain, or about smelling like their other partner’s perfume). This worry will be reflected in them physically distancing themselves from you. If, on the other hand, your partner is on the colder side and doesn’t show much affection, they could worry that their new feelings for their partner on the side will make them even colder towards you. In this case, they’ll probably start giving you more affection even if they didn’t before, in an effort to overcompensate what they feel they’re lacking. 

Cheating is definitely a condemnable behavior when in a devoted, monogamous relationship, but the truth is, most cheaters are not monsters. The majority of cheaters are people who, for some reason or another, aren’t fulfilled in their relationships (or in some aspects of their relationships), and so they seek whatever they’re missing in somebody else. Sometimes a cheating behavior is triggered by bad past experiences, childhood trauma, or bad examples in life. Cheaters are usually unable to really understand, get a hold of, and be responsible for their feelings.

The vast majority of cheaters do feel guilt and know that the situation they’re in isn’t ideal for anyone. However, they lack the proper tools and guidance to successfully manage their own emotions and relationships, and therefore find themselves in situations where everyone will end up being hurt, which is what they wanted to avoid in the first place.

There isn’t one specific reason why people cheat, but some patterns have been discovered by psychologists and therapists throughout the years. Mostly, cheating partners are unhappy in their current relationship, but, for some reason, are unable to break it up. These reasons could be internal (their own self-esteem, lack of confidence, a problem with confrontation) or external (they’re in an arranged relationship, there are kids involved, legal issues). As they find themselves unable to escape their unhappy relationship, they restore to cheating, in the hopes of finding what they’re missing in somebody else.

If one thing is true, it’s that most cheaters love their (official) partner, and don’t want to hurt them in any way. Some might even believe that they’re doing them a favor by cheating, because this allows them to get what they need without the relationship falling apart forever. If the cheater is married and even has kids, he might feel like what he’s doing is okay, because he’s keeping his marriage together and avoiding getting a divorce for the sake of the kids. Cheaters usually lack the emotional intelligence to think about their loved ones’ feelings and to manage their own in a responsible, grown-up way, which is why cheating situations usually end up with very messy break-ups or divorces.

The vast majority of cheaters have a clear notion of the fact that what they’re doing is wrong, but at the same time deeply fear hurting their current partner or family. This is what ultimately leads them to try and hide their behavior. However, nobody can keep living a lie forever, and the unpleasant feelings their behavior stirs up in them will eventually show. Cheater’s guilt is real, and once it’s there and it starts showing, your unfaithful partner won’t be able to keep up with the lie for much longer. Keep an eye out for the signs and always try to maintain an honest flow of communication in your relationship. Whatever the outcome, this will make reaching common ground a lot easier for the both of you.