Dating & Relationships: Why You're Starting to Love Him

Love is a universal language that everyone speaks, as cliche as this phrase might sound it is still true. Studies have shown that love exists in almost every culture in the world and history tells us that it has been present in every civilization. It might be expressed differently by different people, cultures, civilizations, and times but it is ever-present. Poets write about it, music is made around it, monuments are built because of it, and even wars have been waged for it. Love is omnipresent and elusive at the same time.

Almost everyone wants that special someone to share their lives with, some are lucky enough to find it while others spend their entire lives searching for love. In whichever end of the spectrum you find yourself, there’s no denying love plays an important part in human existence. 

People want to be with someone because as humans we are wired to expand beyond ourselves. Our nature predisposes us to look beyond ourselves for self-expression. Humans are simply created for love, to be happy we need to give love and to receive it. That’s the reason why being with someone is so important to us. That being said, finding the right person who shares our views, desires, and feelings at a particular time is not an easy feat but when you do, it’s truly magical and it’s what is often referred to as your soulmate or true love. 

A classic sign of being in love with someone is not being able to get them off your mind. You think of them every waking moment, everything reminds you of your love, couples you see on the street, movies you watch, flowers, food, smells, etc, everything is tied to that special someone.

We don’t mean infatuation or a crush where you are obsessed with the object of your affection. It goes beyond that when you love someone, you can’t make plans for the future without him/her, be it something as simple as a vacation or as significant as buying a house. That person is always at the forefront of all you do.

When you truly love someone no sacrifice seems too big if it benefits your love, you freely give up the things you like, your hobbies, habits, etc for the things your partner likes. You do it without even realizing it, this is why some people lose their personality when they fall in love. All you want is to be near the one you love, to spend time with them even if it means taking up their interests and hobbies. You find yourself doing things you hate with a smile on your face.

When you’re in love, nothing can spoil your mood, you look at everything and everyone through rose-tinted glasses. You are happy and want everyone around you to experience the same thing. The sun is brighter, colors are vivid, there’s a sweet aroma in the air and the world is a beautiful place. You feel energetic for no apparent reason and you go through your day with great enthusiasm. Science has shown that this is a result of dopamine being released in your brain. Dopamine is known to reduce stress, boost mental health, and make you happy. 

Unlike infatuation where you start to pull away once your partner has lost His appeal, true love finds no fault in the person you love. It doesn’t matter if your partner is untidy or lazy, to you they are still the most amazing person who ever walked the earth and you find their little habits cute. Sometimes you don’t even notice what they did wrong. It’s like parenting, no matter how messy your child is or how many sleepless nights they cause, you still love them and wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world.

Another sure sign you are in love with someone is when you put their happiness before yours. Human beings are naturally selfish creatures, we instinctively pursue our personal happiness. The moment you start ignoring your primary instinct and making another person’s happiness a priority, even at your own detriment, you truly love them. 

There are many reasons why we fall in love with someone, it could be as basic as the smell of their perfume or as deep as shared values. Psychologists say love occurs when ‘’our bodies align with appropriate triggers from the outside world’’. That said, here are some of the most common reasons why we love someone.

• When you meet a person who fulfills your needs for love, ideals, sex, companionship, etc. You’re more likely to fall in love with that person.

• People fall in love because of how the person they love makes them feel. He/she might make you feel understood, heard, loved, safe, cared for, validated, or strong.

• Another common reason for loving someone is because you find them attractive and know they are attracted to you too. This mutual attraction creates a great opportunity for self-expression in its truest form which is love.

• Both similarity and novelty are reason enough to love someone. When their life, routine, goals, aspirations, dreams, and interests align with another person, it becomes very easy to fall for them. 

• Likewise, when a person is a mystery, you just can’t seem to figure them out no matter how hard you try. This could easily develop into a long-lasting love story.

As earlier mentioned inner and outer synchronicity coupled with all the points above could be the reason behind why you love your partner so much. Your partner fits the bill for what you imagined to be your soulmate, these triggers come from within you and also from your environment. Everything from looks, to olfactory, auditory, and tactile cues. 

Another reason why you love your partner so much is because of a thing called ‘ego state’’. According to Canadian psychologist Eric Berne, the most compatible couples vibe on 3 major levels: 

• The parent: This refers to what you've been taught, your values, beliefs, how you see the world, and things like religion or culture.

• The child: Your experiences, emotions, and feelings. Do you enjoy each other's company? have fun together, explore the world together.

• The adult: The things you have learned and how they affect your choices, decisions, and relationship.

The attraction is an undeniable factor when it comes to falling in love with someone, both physical and psychological attraction. You could be attracted to a person because of how they look, their personality, ideals, and character traits. Scientists even believe that we often fall in love with a person because he/she reminds us of our parent of the opposite sex.

When a person you like reciprocates your feelings they automatically intensify. The process of evolving from liking to loving solely depends on how you both respond to each other. Do you turn to or away from each other in times of crisis? 

A union that satisfies the social norms of one's social circle easily leads to people falling in love. Knowing that the other person is fully accepted by your social network greatly contributes to creating a sense of security in your relationship. The reverse can also result in people falling out of love.

This sounds totally cliche I know, but many people actually fall in love because they found a person who inspires them to be the best versions of themselves. Someone who holds them to a higher standard and cheerleads them to give up their bad habits and become a better person.

Neuroscientists have proven that love is comparable to a drug that affects the reward circuits of the brain. It is no different from cocaine, heroin, or any other addictive drug. This means love is a state of mind, it is intangible which makes it very possible to occur for no reason at all or no logical reason at least.

Loving someone without any reason does not mean you love them more or less than a person with a tangible reason would. It simply means your love is unconditional, it is not hinging on any specific trait or attribute.

In as much as anyone can talk, write, or sing about love, at the end of the day, love is extremely subjective. It looks, feels, and is experienced differently by different people and can even take different forms at various stages in the life of a single individual. The one thing we can all agree on concerning love is how magical it is when you finally experience it.