Why Your Husband Loves To Hear About Your Past Lovers

Sometimes digging up someone's past could lead to troubles...

By Kazuko Otsuka
Why Your Husband Loves To Hear About Your Past Lovers

Should Couples Tell Each Other Of Their Past?

Talking about the past is never easy. Whether you’re in a new relationship or already married, it’s never easy to dive into the shenanigans of your former relationships. You never know how your partner will take the news. You never know if their view of you will change that very moment they hear about your past. Even worse, what if it’s a deal-breaker for them, and that’s the last time you talk with them. This is thinking about the worst possible scenarios. However, good things can bear fruit when you talk about the past. 

Consistently choosing to be emotionally intimate is often forgotten in a relationship. Because of the fear of rejection, we tend to shut down our emotions and close out our feelings. If you have had a traumatic experience opening up, that’s understandable. But, remember that if you want the relationship to survive through the thick and thin, you will have to show your most vulnerable side. It doesn’t have to be right away or on the onset. You can always inch your way to it. Talking about the past is a great way to start the conversation going. 

Opening up about the past could increase your and your partner’s trust. Being vulnerable and open about the mistakes and wrong choices you made in your past is a sign of maturity. It shows that you know your mistakes, you owned to them, and you made choices to change. This vulnerability pushes you closer to your partner, and they can’t help but feel closer to you. Having the ability to talk about the past is also a sign of maturity because it shows that you have moved on and can talk about the mistakes without guilt. If you practice this kind of dynamics with your partner, then you can be sure that you’re setting yourself up for a relationship with little to no secrets. Trust is earned and should be maintained. 

Another great reason to try to open up about your past with your partner is it lets you finally experience love without fear. An honest and fully open relationship makes for a meaningful life. Isn’t that what we all want? Opening up to your partner about your past and your past mistakes opens up the door for your experiencing love in its entirety; your past and flaws are not part of the picture. Opening up about your past removes shame. It lets you see that what you went through is more common than you think. It allows you to see yourself in a new light; a light that is not tainted by your past self. You feel like a huge weight is lifted from your shoulder each time you open up. Doesn’t that sound great? 

Do Couples Have To Tell Each Other Everything?

We’ve all heard the saying some things are better left unsaid. Is this always the case? Openness and honesty are critical for a healthy relationship. However, there are times when you don’t have to share every detail of your past with your partner. You have to consider things like comfort levels. 

It is 100 percent possible to attain a healthy relationship without talking about all the details of your past relationships. Sometimes, divulging certain things about your past relationships could only lead to awkwardness and contempt in your relationship. If you’re not in the same level of connection with your partner, your partner could take your confession as something not positive. They could feel like you’re not fully honest with them or that it wasn’t the best time to tell them. Be careful and think about the time and place you want to open up. Especially don’t do it when your relationship is rocky because they could take your opening up as a sign of wanting to end things. 

Another aspect you should try not to open up so much about is comparing your partner to your past relationship. You won’t gain anything positive from telling your partner that your past relationship was better in bed than she is or how your past partner was more caring and outgoing. You won’t gain anything positive from the comparison. Keep in mind that you don’t have to be an open book to have a healthy relationship. Take everything in strides. 

Why Is My Partner Asking About My Past?

Your partner could be asking about your past for several reasons. It could be that they genuinely want to know everything about you and want to know you on a deeper level. If this is the case, you shouldn’t be worried when they start to ask questions like, “How many exes have you had?” or “Who is she/he?” If your relationship is going great and you have nothing to worry about, your partner asking these questions about your past could be a sign that she wants to get to know you better and that she’s not fishing for details about your exes to get back at you. 

However, if your partner suddenly brings up the past right after a fight or right after they caught you talking to someone they don’t know, then things could take a different turn. This could be the start of some doubt in the relationship if you’re not fully honest about your past and choose only to tell your partner bits and pieces that you think she would like to hear. If you decide to take this road and your partner later finds out the truth, then you’re in for a lot of trouble. Again, this is solely a case to case basis, and each relationship is unique. 

Does My Partner Think I'm Cheating?

When any partner starts to feel like the other is cheating, this is not a good sign. Some reasons why your partner could be feeling this way is because he or she could be insecure, have trust issues, have low self-esteem, or could be projecting. Whatever the reason may be, if you want to fight for the relationship, it’s best to have a heart-to-heart talk with your partner to find the root cause of the problem. You might be surprised to see old issues come up in that talk. 

If your man has a history of being dumped or cheated on, he might be quite insecure and fearful. Their low self-esteem comes from their view of themselves. They think that they are not good enough for you and end up overthinking all the little things. They might feel like you’re cheating on them because they feel like they’re not good enough for you and they’re scared that someone might steal you from them. 

Another reason that your partner could be thinking that you’re cheating could be that they are projecting. Projecting is when the person externalizes their innermost feelings and desires to the outside world. It could be that it is they who are cheating and they’re trying to blame you so that they won’t be ashamed of their bad choices. Projection could come from past experiences your partner had or current affairs. The best way to go about this is to talk with your partner. 

Why Should We Share Past Experiences With Ex Lovers?

Sharing past experiences with ex-lovers is a double-edged sword. It is a case-to-case basis and should be entered with caution. A good reason to share is that it strengthens the relationship and the trust you have with your partner. Being vulnerable is not easy, and many people shy away from this because they don’t want to get hurt or let others see their mistakes with their ex-lovers. However, if you have learned from your mistakes and want to get into a new relationship with no baggage, then by all means open up to your partner about your experiences with your past lovers. 

Have you ever heard the phrase, “Sharing is caring?” This means that when you share something with someone, it is equal to caring for them. Opening up to someone is a sign that you care about them. When you open about all your past experiences with your ex-lovers, it can be seen as a sign of maturity. It shows that you have moved on and are ready to embrace things in a new light. 

Why Is It Important To Have An Open Relationship?

Trust and honesty are foundations in any healthy relationship. If you don’t have either of these, then your relationship is bound to go downhill. You may be in the honeymoon stage where everything is butterflies, and you see your partner on a pedestal, but if you choose to keep important facts about yourself from them, then do know that that happy stage won’t last forever. It is essential to be open in a relationship because you love and care for your partner as much as yourself, and you want to give what you have unconditionally. When you’re open to your partner, you want them to be the same to you. It won’t work if only one side is open and the other is shutting their heart all the time. For the relationship to work out, it’s important to keep the trust and honesty alive. 

Related Article: How To Let Go Of The Past And Live Fully In The Present
How To Let Go Of The Past And Live Fully In The Present

Don't ever let your rough past ruin your present or future. Let go of it. There is nothing you can change about it. It already happened.

Summary

Navigating through the windy road called the right time to open up to your partner is hard. One decision can even sometimes make or break a relationship. You've got to be sure of yourself and what you're about to tell your partner. Know where you stand in the relationship and don't do anything half-assed. The last thing you want is a ruined relationship because your partner found out about your dirty past from outside sources. Yikes. Be honest and trust each other. That's the only way you can make it work. 

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