How Can My Husband Be Nice To Everyone, But Mean To Me?

Is this normal, or do you just love him enough to ignore the red flags?

By Fred S.
How Can My Husband Be Nice To Everyone, But Mean To Me?

After all, a relationship as pure as the one that exists between a married couple bears witness to the strength of love, since marriage is nothing, if not a pact between two broken, flawed individuals to stay true and kind to one another, regardless of the circumstances that they might find themselves in. Unfortunately, however, most marriages fail to withstand this pressure and often find themselves crumbling in the face of even the slightest of adversities. Usually, the breaking of such a sacred pact is manifested in the behavior displayed by the husband. Where there once was love and affection, there’s now only coldness and emotional availability, and you can’t help but wonder where you went wrong.

Moreover, as the other half of yet another marriage going down the drain, you can’t help but notice that your husband’s cold demeanor only seems to make an appearance whenever you’re around. As his wife, you get greeted with stark, one-word answers, whereas everyone else still seems to think of your husband as a massive bundle of joy. Well, if you’re dealing with such unsavory circumstances, as a natural consequence, perhaps, you might find yourself caught in a tumultuous cycle of thought, wondering, over and over again, whether your husband even loves you at all anymore.

Well, in an attempt to put your mind at ease, we’ve compiled an article that features the answer to all of the doubts that may be harboring in your mind. Before we can get into anything else, however, let’s start off by answering one of the most frequently asked questions by women with distant spouses- “does my husband even care about me?”

How Do I Know If My Husband Cares About Me?

For most relationships, going through a rough patch is usually a matter of routine, and has no lasting impact on the love and respect that married couples have for each other. During those rough patches, a wife may find her spouse growing increasingly distant, and at times, even rude, but one of the key takeaways from these ‘low’ periods, is that the marriage only comes out stronger in the end, regardless of how huge the fight may be in the beginning.

Having said that, however, most women have a tendency to doubt themselves during these painful and emotionally draining rough patches, which is precisely why we’ve listed some tell-tale signs below. If you keep an eye out and look for these signs in your husband’s behavior, there’s a high chance that he still cares about you, and is madly in love with you.

  • He tries to make you feel better when he senses that something about you is off. As a general rule of thumb, human beings are capable of sensing when someone they love is in pain, and they’ll usually do all they can to lift them up from their bad spirits.
  • Even when you’re fighting, he’ll still manage to display little signs of affection and love. Usually, these signs include bringing you dinner even when you’re not on speaking terms, etc.
  • He’s still protective of you and manages to sneak in a compliment or two whenever you dress up for him.
  • He still actively makes an effort to fix things and to communicate problems, rather than just giving you the silent treatment.

If your man is still displaying these signs, it’s highly likely that you guys are just going through a marriage low. Typically, with a little effort to spice things up in the relationship, and thorough communication, both you and your spouse will be back on the right track in no time.

Is It Possible To Be Mean To Someone But Love Them At The Same Time?

As humans, we generally know the difference between love and hate. After all, the two feelings are quite literally polar opposites, with one inducing a serene feeling of bliss, and the other an infuriating burning of rage within the individual experiencing them. Most married couples, however, would report a rather strange phenomenon of both loving and hating their spouse at the same time, and then being confused by the complex mixture of emotions that they’re going through.

If you’re the wife of an emotionally distant husband, you may be feeling that at certain times, your husband deeply hates you, while at other times, he’s just his normal, affectionate self. You might be thinking of yourself as delusional for thinking such thoughts, but we’ll have you know that these concerns are perfectly legitimate. Oftentimes, in marriages, as a result of a sheer lack of communication, husbands find themselves resenting their wives. Without even realizing it, these spouses find themselves turning cold and bitter towards their better halves, simply because they lack the ability to communicate and resolve their issues within the marriage.

Why Is My Husband Mean To Me, But Nice To Everyone Else?

Now, let’s get to answering the most important question of all- “Why is my husband rude to me but nice to everyone else?” As a heads up, however, we’d like to mention that you might not want to believe all that we’re about to tell you since it is a painful thing to wrap your mind around. If you’re dealing with a spouse that is not only cold and emotionally distant, but also rude to you, there’s a high likelihood that he’s just covering up for his infidelity.

In the instance that your husband is cheating on you, he’ll probably try to cover up his guilt by projecting his anger and resentment towards you. He might be feeling guilty for having broken the sacred pact you two share, and instead of coming clean to you, he opts to take the easy way out by treating you with cruelty.

Another reason for your husband treating you rudely, but being nice to everyone else might be because he feels insecure. You’re a successful woman with ambition, dreams, and goals, along with the means to fulfill them, and that to him seems like an attack on his authority. While we’re in 2020, a shocking percentage of males still tend to derive a sick sense of power by having the women in their life in an inferior position. If you’re dealing with a husband who tends to get insecure by your success and achievements, you might want to consider whether or not you even want to be married to him.

How Do I Respond To A Rude Husband?

Now that we’ve gone over some of the reasons why your husband may be acting as a bit of a (read: massive) jerk, you might be wondering how to respond to his cruel, and downright humiliating behavior. Well, before we go and list down some of the most frequent coping strategies, we’d like to urge our readers that they don’t have to stay in a marriage that no longer brings them any joy. However, if you’re still willing to put in a tedious amount of effort to mend things, here are some ways you can react and respond to a rude husband:

  • Confront your husband about their behavior. Not only will this force your spouse to communicate the resentment that they feel with the marriage, but it will also offer both of you to get all of your problems out in the open.
  • Don’t put the blame on yourself.
  • Be completely honest with yourself, and remind yourself that you can’t control how your spouse behaves.
  • Set and actively reinforce boundaries with your partner.

What Is Gaslighting?

As we’ve already mentioned above, husbands tend to act rude to their wives in an attempt to hide their own sins. Typically, this painful form of emotional abuse uses gaslighting, which is a form of psychological manipulation, that makes the victim question their reality. In a marriage, gaslighting may occur when a spouse denies something, such as their cheating, even when you’ve got evidence of it. A gaslighting spouse will somehow manage to convince you that what you’re seeing is a lie, and what they’re telling you is a complete truth.

How Can I Protect My Mental Health While Dealing With Rude Behavior?

Let’s be honest here, it’s not exactly easy dealing with a spouse that is emotionally distant, and rude towards you. Usually, this results in a steady decline in an individual’s mental health, and they might even start suffering from anxiety and depression. The greatest tip that you can follow to preserve your mental health in such adverse circumstances, is to not place the blame on yourself. As we’ve already mentioned above, victims of such emotionally abusive marriages need to realize the fact that they can always leave the marriage, and that the circumstances they’re in are not their fault.

Related Article: 8 Best Advice on Marriage When Your Husband is Mean
8 Best Advice on Marriage When Your Husband is Mean

Working out the marriage successfully with a mean husband


If you’re currently are, or ever have ever been married, you’re bound to know all about the highs and lows of committing your life and even your entire existence to another person. Just like the 7 billion people inhabiting the planet, chances are your husband has his fair share of flaws and virtues, and you might be finding yourself focusing more on the negative aspects of his behavior than the positives, which is perfectly normal.

These negatives, however, can sometimes grow to a dangerously high level, in the face of a failing marriage, where the husband starts to portray rude behavior with his wife but remains perfectly kind to others around them. Hopefully, by the end of this article, we’ve made our readers realize the toxic impact that an emotionally deprived, or abusive marriage can have.



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