20 Signs That It's Time To Have The 'Define The Relationship' Talk

This is the most obvious sign, but also one of the most important ones. Casual relationships are exciting and fun, mostly because they feel natural and free from the burdens of commitment. However, it's inevitable that eventually one or both of the people involved will start to wonder if it's a relationship or not. If you feel this way, or if you start to see signs that your new romance is starting to feel that way, it may be time to have a more serious discussion.

In a casual fling, things just happen. "Oh, you're off work today, let's get lunch!" "Doing anything tonight? No? Let's go for a drink!" This all is great when it works out, but soon schedules might start to conflict with one another and some planning will need to happen if you two want to keep seeing each other regularly. This might be a sign that things are getting more serious, which means it might be time to talk about where things are going.

If you find yourself wondering what they're up to when they're not with you, that's a sign that you're starting to develop some feelings that can't be ignored. It could be as simple as, "Are they really with their family right now?" or, "Is their long-lost friend really in town tonight?" This is an important thing to be honest with yourself about, and to address as soon as possible. You don't want to be the first one to start having these feelings, and if you send the other feeling this way you want to handle it with maturity and grace.

Most of the time, if you've only been on one or two dates with someone, you won't really mention it to people outside of your close group of friends. However, if you start to tell more people, or if you feel the need to tell other potential romantic partners about this other person, that's a sign. It's a small thing that you may not even notice at first, until the moment that you realize after you've said it, and perhaps wonder to yourself, "Is this something I should be thinking more about?"

Another fun thing about seeing new people is there's so much to talk about. You could spend hours talking about your favorite television shows, favorite things to do in your free time, and everything in between. Eventually, as you cover all those bases, things might start to get a bit deeper. If you start talking about life goals and your 5 year plans, it might be time to have 'The Talk.'

Most people are not going to bring their new crush around their friends until things get pretty serious. It can be really fun to introduce a new lover to your friends, especially if you're proud of your new catch. However, things can get awkward real quick if a crush befriends your friends, then you two stop seeing each other, leaving the ex-crush and your friends to awkwardly decide if they should stay friends or not. No thank you.

It's one thing to hang out with someone in your free time, but if you start joining along while they go to the laundromat or get their groceries, that's a little different. It's fun to enjoy someone's company even when there isn't some big event going on, but it's not something that casual lovers usually do. The more your daily lives become intertwined, the more likely it is that it's time to define the relationship.

Jealousy...the culprit behind the end of so many relationships. If you feel yourself getting upset about who your new lover is seeing, especially if you haven't made anything official, it's definitely time to decide what your relationship is going to be. Nobody wants to be the one that's holding the other back, but both people also have to be honest with themselves about how they're feeling, and not let themselves be hurt by a situation that they can't fully control.

Not everyone has a close relationship with their family, but if you start to mention your new romance to your parents or siblings, even in casual conversation, that's definitely a sign. In situations like these, you need to pay attention to the small things, the feelings you might usually ignore if you didn't notice them. It may not seem like a big deal, but this is certainly one of them.

You already know where this is going. You've been spending more time together...intimately. So much so, that it starts to make sense that maybe you should leave an emergency toothbrush there, or even that it might not be urgent to grab that extra sweatshirt you left, because you'll PROBABLY see them again...that might be a sign. At the very least, realize that you're no longer fully casual, there's definitely something more going on here.

Usually, a new fling won't command much attention, and if someone close to you advises against it, you'll probably at least listen. However, when things get more serious, you might be inclined to ignore even the best of advice. This isn't always a bad thing, you should ultimately respect your own opinion, but it would be a shame to harm a friendship for a new relationship that might not even work out.

While we're on the subject of close loved ones, what's worse than a friend that finds a new romance and then is all of the sudden m.i.a.? Not much. You don't ever want to be that friend in the first place, but at the same time, it's understandable that you won't be available for every random adventure your friends want to take you on once you have a new person in your life. That being said, if the people in your life notice that you haven't been around as much lately, things might be moving towards a relationship.

We all know how it goes... on the first date you might offer to pay, on the second date maybe switch it up, and if it happens again maybe you try to keep it balanced without thinking too much about it. Any longer that, and you have to start keeping track. And even more importantly, things might start to get more expensive. Buying a meal or a drink is no big deal, but if you find your money talks going back further than a week or so, there's a level of trust there that might mean something.

Speaking of financials, gifts can be a great way to show you care for someone. Small things are thoughtful, harmless gestures, but bigger things might have certain emotions behind them. If you offer each other handmade gifts...you get the picture. If someone brings you a postcard from their recent trip, or even small souvenir from your favorite shop, that's no big deal. If they hand-knit you a wool scarf of your favorite color after the second date, A) run away and B) maybe have a serious talk about where things are going.

We all love the friend who comes to all of our events. Poetry reading? They're in. Polka dancing? Skeptical...but interested. $5 discount miming lessons? They'll try anything once. This can be nice for new romances too, and showing up for an important event can be a great and relatively subtle way to show your interest for someone. However, you can't ignore the fact that this is a deliberate gesture to express some sort of feeling...and only you can decide what that feeling is.

This one is a little tricky, because there's a fine line between being cute and being creepy when it comes to showing up unexpectedly. Of course we all "happened" to be in the same place that our new love interest frequently goes to ("Oh this little place? I come here all the time!"), and hey who can blame you. But if you find yourself worrying about when they'll pop-up next, or maybe you're the one perusing their schedule for 'spontaneous' opportunities, that's definitely a sign.

Falling head over heals is kind of magical, but also terrifying. Sometimes you feel it for a few days, believe in love at first sight/drink/kiss/whatever, then it quickly fades and things are back to normal. This is to be expected, and nothing to be concerned about if it's short term and manageable. But if you can't focus on you day-to-day activities because of this new person in your life, you should get a hobby, and you should probably talk to them about how you're feeling.

You probably know where this is going. You know what your history is like, and you know how ex's can be. Hopefully your ex is not the jealous type (or, hopefully you're not either), but regardless it's common courtesy to be respectful to your past lovers, especially if you're still friends. It's also important to know if you're new interest might have any lingering feelings of their own, so this is always something to look out for, both for yourself and for others.

This one is pretty obvious, but it doesn't always go without saying. If you find yourself changing your plans for a new romance, whether they're big or small, that's something to think about. It can be as little as moving your class or work schedule around, or it can be as big as "Maybe I'll stay in town for a few more months before looking for another job." These are decisions that will have a direct impact on your life, and you need to be sure that the other person is on board before you do anything drastic. We've all heard the horror stories...make good choices.

Of course you're reading this to get some advice: maybe you're going through a new flame, or a friend of yours is having trouble reading the situation, or maybe you're just procrastinating...trust me, I feel you. But all in all, even the best column can't cover all the bases. Be perceptive, self-aware, and honest with yourself and your new romance. As long as you're clear and respectful with your conversation, even if it doesn't work out, you can walk away knowing you did the right thing.