How To Stop Caring About Someone You Love
How to stop caring about someone that you love when a relationship with someone has turned sour. Learn the signs of when to stop caring.
Jul 24, 2018
When you need to stop caring about someone you love
Learning to stop caring about someone you love is like asking you to stop eating your favorite food. You can’t stop thinking about that person. You can’t help but care. When someone has been in your life for so long, it’s hard to stop thinking about the good memories. Caring for that person is a habit that you don’t know how to stop doing. Sometimes, the person that you need to stop caring about is toxic for your life- maybe an ex boyfriend or a friendship that turned sour. Whoever that someone is for you, you need to learn how to stop caring for them. In this post, you're going to learn how to identify when you need to stop caring about someone, especially if it's an ex boyfriend that you love. You'll also learn to recognize the signs of an unhealthy, one sided relationship and how to stop caring about that person.
Understanding why you need to stop caring for someone
The people you keep in your life should make you feel loved, adored, and respected. You know that you need to stop caring for someone when you always feel like you’re doing something wrong. Maybe that person says the worst comments to you and it makes your world fall apart. When you try to talk about your feelings or explain that something is hurting you, that person doesn’t seem to consider your side. If it is an ex-boyfriend that you need to stop caring for, it can be difficult to let go. The initial break-up might feel like a relief, but then the old feelings come back. You don’t know how to stop caring about him because he used to say the nicest things and treat you will. The thought of him being with someone else is breaking your heart. You need to remember that with or without that ex-boyfriend, you’re still going to feel trapped. It’s better to let him go and open yourself up to someone that truly cares about you than continuously go back to someone who doesn’t consider your feelings. When someone shows you that they have stopped caring about you, they are showing you their true colors. Nothing you do or say can force them to be better. You have to walk away from these toxic situations.
Signs that you should stop caring about someone
Maybe you’re not sure if the person you love is malicious or if you’re overreacting. It's possible that you two are having one bad fight, but someone that you should stop caring about will have treated you badly, consistently. There are several signs that you need to look out for when making the decision about removing someone from your life.
They ignore your feelings, especially when your feelings are hurt
Relationships are a two way street. If you give someone your respect, care, and affection, you should expect to get the same in return. When someone you care about ignores the fact that you are in pain and they continue doing things that they know will hurt you, it’s a huge red flag that you need to stop caring about that person. They clearly don’t feel the same way about you in return, no matter how badly you want them to.
You care for them, but they always put you last
When you care about someone you love, you tend to put them first. You make time for that person and you genuinely enjoy being around them. People that don’t feel the same way in return, will act like hanging out with you is a chore. You feel bad about asking for their time and it feels like you’re the only one in the relationship that puts in the effort to spend time together. If you have a boyfriend who somehow manages to find plenty of time to hang out with his friends (or other girls!), it's worth considering that the time to stop caring about him, has come. You should never be someone's backup plan.
You feel anxious when you think about talking to them about something that hurts you
Healthy, loving relationships do not come from a place of fear. Someone who loves you will encourage you to openly talk about your feelings and concerns so they could help you feel better or reassure you that everything is okay. They are willing to give you their full attention and never make you feel like you should be scared or anxious to approach them. There is a mutual openness. If you are feeling too anxious about bringing up a sore subject to the person you love, the relationship may be more one sided than you think!
They don’t care about the things you love
Someone who you love may have different interests than you do, but they will still support you when it comes to things that you care about. If you enjoy singing, cooking, dancing, or soccer, they will encourage you and cheer you on, even if they have zero interest in learning or doing those things for themselves. Love is selfless. If the person you care about doesn’t seem to show any interest in the things you enjoy doing, that is a sign that you should stop caring.
Stop caring about someone who treats you like an option instead of a priority
One of the biggest signs that you need to stop caring about someone is when you feel like you’re just an option. They only want to hang out with you because no one else wants to hang out that day. They couldn’t get a date to a party so they kept you around as a last resort. There is no point in giving someone your full attention and care if they just view you as a backup plan. You definitely deserve better than that.
How to stop caring about the person you love
Now that you’ve recognized the signs of needing to move on with your life, here is how you can do it. It’s hard to stop caring about someone you love, so keep in mind that this is not something that you will be able to do overnight. It will take time. You will slip up. You’ll have nights where you hurt so badly that you want to beg for their forgiveness. During those times, you’ll need to remember why you needed to stop caring about that person, to begin with. It's never a pleasant feeling to cut someone, who has been a major part of your life, out of your world. Keep in mind that your happiness and well-being needs to come first.
Start putting yourself first
Think about how you’d like to be treated by the people who supposedly love you. Do you want to be prioritized? Do you want someone that texts you back or lets you know when they’re busy and can’t text back? Do you want someone who opens doors for you and isn’t shy about showing you off to all of their friends? You need to define what you want from a healthy relationship. These are your standards. Don’t settle for anyone or anything less than those standards. It’s difficult because you will think that your standards are impossible. In reality, your standards are weeding out the people who will never give you the level of care that you need in your life until the right person comes along. Remember, the person that you need to stop caring about may have met those standards in the beginning but was not able to keep it up. You need someone who can maintain those standards with you. Your well-being and feelings need to always come first. The people you truly care about will understand that. It needs to start with you giving yourself that positive respect.
Figure out what makes you happy
You probably know all the things that are supposed to make your special someone happy. When you try to stop caring about them, you’ll notice that you have a lot of habits that revolve around that person. You might order certain foods or watch certain shows simply because the person you cared about enjoyed it. Maybe you didn’t care for it but you do it out of habit. Think about who you were before that person came into your life. What did you wear? What did you watch on tv? What did you do for fun? Try to immerse those things back into your life and see if they make you feel joy. Take this time to unlearn the things that made the person you love feel happy, and think about how to make yourself happy.
Surround yourself with happy, positive people
Happy people who care for you and look out for your well-being, have a contagiously optimistic attitude. There is a saying that misery loves company, so make sure that you’re not surrounding yourself with people that are negative or try to pull you down. Find friends who seek you out to spend time with you and friends who give you an equal amount of attention and time. Healthy, happy people, are a great pick-me-up when you’re trying to learn how to stop caring about someone you love.
Create a self-care routine
When you’ve been spending all of your time focusing on someone who hasn’t been treating you well, you forget to take care of yourself. Create a self-care routine! Some of the things you could do in order to take care of yourself are: Going on a dating app and meeting new people Doing your nails Going to a spa Getting a massage New hairstyle Reconnecting with old friends Starting a new diet or exercise plan Going to a MeetUp While getting over someone could be rough and feel painful, setting healthy habits for yourself and practising self-care, is a great way to help you stop caring about someone you love. You’ll learn to redirect that energy to yourself.
Get yourself out of the house
Boredom, quiet rooms, and silence will drive you crazy. The pain of no longer having that person in your life will feel heavier when you have too much time to overthink things. Get out of the house. Spend more time with friends. Go shopping (or window shopping, so you don’t break the bank!) Go on some casual dates. There are so many great things that a breath of fresh air can do for you. If you can swing it, try sending yourself on a vacation to get away.
Learn to love yourself again
It’s easy to fall into the trap of asking other people for validation. When you love someone, their kind words and affirmations can help you feel good about yourself. You may have stopped loving yourself without the positive words from other people or an ex boyfriend. Take this time to learn how to love yourself. Tell yourself something positive, every day. Remember that you can be strong and beautiful even without the person that you loved and let go of.
When the person you stopped caring about wants another chance
Sometimes, you learn to stop caring about someone you love and they decide that they want to come back into your life, especially if this is an ex boyfriend. Your feelings come rushing back and you have no idea what to do. Majority of the time, the person that you loved has not changed. They are starting to feel empty without you or they are bored and want you for temporary entertainment. It will start to hurt all over again if you take them back.
Remember why you cut that person off
People can apologize until they are blue in the face, but it doesn’t mean that they understood why you stopped caring about them. Ask them to explain to you why you needed to stop caring about them. See if they can articulate, in their own words, what they did wrong. If the person that you used to love is able to admit to wrongdoing and genuinely apologize, it could be worth giving them another chance. If they keep blaming you or you start to feel terrible when they come crawling back to you, this is your gut instinct telling you that you need to remain uncaring for this person. They haven’t changed at all and you will be undoing all the great work you’ve done thus far if you take them back.
You need to make yourself the priority
This person might ask you to drop everything in the world and come back to them, even if it’s inconvenient for you. They want to exercise control over you and this is one of the ways people manipulate you into making them a priority. Make sure that they know that everything is going to happen on your own terms and your own time. Having strong boundaries is the key when dealing with someone you used to love, trying to come back into your life. Keep your ex-boyfriend an arm's distance away. Take care of yourself first!
Why does this person want back into your life?
Why does this person want to come back into your life? Why did you cut them out in the first place? Letting someone that you stopped caring about back into your life is not a decision to be made lightly. They can bring drama and negativity into your vibe, which you definitely don’t want to deal with. If you cannot come up with a healthy reason to let this person back into your life, keep the door closed. Don’t reopen those past wounds.
Cutting that person out of your life for good
You’ve spent some time realizing that this person is not a positive influence on your life. You have finally stopped caring about this person that you used to love. Now it’s time to make sure you clean your energy and space from any of the negativity that person brought into your life.
Dispose of anything that you two shared together
If you have anything sentimental that no longer serves you any good, get rid of it. Donate it to a thrift shop, regift it, or throw it away. Is there an old necklace they gave you that gives you bad vibes when you see it? Pawn it. Maybe there’s a shirt that your ex boyfriend left in your house. Give it back to him or donate it to the local thrift shop. You don’t need a constant reminder of that person.
Give yourself forgiveness and permission
You might have regrets when it comes to the person that is no longer in your life. Maybe they had issues and you really wanted to be the one that helped them. You might think that you didn’t try hard enough. Forgive yourself for whatever has been done or whatever you didn’t do. You tried your best, at those moments, and you are deserving of forgiveness. Also, give yourself permission to move on and be healthy. There are tons of people in the world who will cross paths with you in the future. You will love again, even if it doesn’t feel like that right now.
Ask people not to bring that person up around you
When you love someone, it’s easy for that person to be associated with you. You can ask people not to bring that person up around you because you don’t want to gossip or be part of that conversation. Eventually, others will stop pairing that person with you and you will regain your sense of identity. It can be difficult to stop caring about someone that you love, but it’s totally possible! You got this.