8 Ways to Build that Most-Wanted Trust in a Relationship

Trust is the firm belief that someone will act in a reliable, honest, truthful way. Trusting someone means that we have the firm belief that he/she is reliable and truthful, you feel safe, physically and emotionally, in this person’s company and you have confidence in him/her and his/her abilities. But most importantly, it is your belief, your choice, it is up to you to decide if you trust someone or not.

In a relationship, trust is of the utmost importance. You have to feel safe and secure with the person you chose to have the relationship with. And you have to make your relationship partner feel safe and secure with you. Trust cannot be one-sided, same thing as a relationship cannot be one-sided. You are in this together and trusting your partner means there’s a mutual commitment. You have complete faith in them and they have complete faith in you. It doesn’t really work any other way.

However, building trust requires time and effort. Trust in a healthy relationship happens gradually. But that doesn’t mean you should go blindly into a potential relationship and wait for trust to happen. Use your own instincts, rely on your own observations. At the beginning of a relationship, and before making your decision, pay special attention to the way the other person acts and reacts to all types of situations over a certain period of time. If you like their behavior towards you and others consistently, that’s a good sign you can build a trustworthy relationship with that person.

When you are starting a relationship, you don’t have much to go on, so consider if your partner is consistent about keeping scheduled arrangements with you, or others. This goes a long way to show they respect you and your time. The same goes for keeping your private information private and not succumbing to the siren call of social media. Or respecting any set boundaries, such as your personal space, your level of comfort on divulging details about your relationship, subjects you are not comfortable discussing, etc. As mentioned, this is a process. It takes time to observe and to show that you are both consistent with your actions and behaviors. 

The first months of a new relationship can be harrowing as you are still trying to understand what you are both feeling and thinking. Transparency goes a long way to ensure you are both comfortable with your choice and to clarify any misgivings. Be clear about your relationship goals, your life objectives and your personal little eccentricities. If you try to hide who you are, in order to become who you think they want you to be, you are just prolonging the inevitable: the end of a doomed relationship. You deserve to be loved by who you are and nothing else will do.

Communication is essential to a relationship. You need to communicate openly, about any subject, and in person. A lot of what we mean goes unsaid on a text, an email, or even over the phone. Studies clearly indicate that non-verbal communication is far more effective than a verbal one. Our posture, facial expression, tone of voice, gestures, mean so much more to others than merely our words. Be sure to always have important conversations face to face.  

Keep an open mind at all times. You might not understand why football statistics matter so much to your partner or shoes for all I know, but it’s the fact that they are important that count. Respecting other people’s interests is not the same as sharing those interests, but keeping an open mind about said interests, and respecting your partner’s interest at all times, is paramount to building trust.  

When you care about someone you are showing them they are important to you. Showing our support in good times and bad times makes the other person feel safe and secure and that increases trust. Being there for your partner, both physically and emotionally, listening to their fears, their worries, their hopes, showing genuine care, and knowing him/her will be there for you, shows you are in a healthy and trustworthy relationship.   

As two individuals become one couple, we sometimes tend to take our partner for granted. We invest in the big things and often overlook the little things. We forget to call when we’re late or to prepare their favorite dish on a specific occasion, or even to ask for their opinion on an outing with friends. While these things seem trivial, they add up when it comes to building or destroying trust. Knowing we can count on them on a daily basis, for menial tasks like, paying the bills or picking up the groceries, can make or break the relationship deal. And let’s face it, receiving flowers just because, after 20+ years of marriage, is pretty darn good. 

Sadly, we’re not perfect. Mistakes happen, and the best thing is to deal with them in an honest and constructive way. If we leave unresolved issues to fester, they will eventually corrode the trust in the relationship. When mistakes happen, you need to be forgiving and ask for forgiveness when necessary. While in a relationship, you need room to learn from your mistakes and grow to be a better person. Allowing our partners to do just that, letting go of the hurt, forgiving and moving forward will promote a relationship based on truth and trust. 

You cannot trust others unless you trust yourself. Trusting in yourself means that you know better than anyone what is good for you, and you are able to recognize signs of trustworthiness in other, so basically, trust your instincts and trust your heart. You, above all, will know whom to trust. If being hurt in the past, affects your ability to trust yourself, remember you are not to blame. The person who broke your trust is responsible for his/her actions. If you feel it’s hard for you to trust again, maybe seek expert help. Seeing a therapist or a counselor might help you regain your self-trust. 

Showing trust in a relationship is not as hard as it might initially seem if you approach your relationship with respect and an open mind. Being respectful will lead you to be dependable in your actions towards your partner. It will keep you honest in your words and in your expectations. 
 

Keeping an open mind allows you to express your feelings and your thoughts and listen to your partner’s feelings and thoughts without fear of judgment or censure. Being receptive to your partner’s different interests and opinions will promote a healthy exchange of ideas and open pathways for meaningful and respectful communication.

Building trust takes time and happens at different speeds for different couples. The most important thing, according to a study from Northwestern University and Redeemer University College in Ontario, Canada, is to have a trusting mental attitude. The study demonstrates that people with a trusting personality enjoy better relationships and more rewarding marriages.

It is also important to keep in mind that, in a healthy relationship, you trust your partner to react in a non-aggressive way, regardless of circumstances. Conflicts and discussions should be solved in private, in a respectful way. No one should be in a relationship with anyone who threatens and harms them physically or emotionally.  

Above all, believe in your own ability to grow on trust in your relationship. Trust comes from within. Nobody can force another person to trust in them. Your own attitude as part of the relationship will dictate how much and how fast you build trust.

When trust is lost in a relationship, rebuilding it is much harder the second time. The hardness depends, of course, on the severity of the mistake and of the consequences. You need to face the situation with a critical attitude and evaluate if the relationship is salvageable. If upon reflection, you decide to patch thing up and move on with the relationship, you need to act accordingly.

The first step is to take responsibility for your mistakes and give your partner time to cool off and express their frustration. Be patient and let time heal the breach between you. If your relationship had a solid foundation of trust, it will be easier than you think. If you are in a trusting relationship, your partner will show more propensity towards forgiveness than if your relationship already showed signs of lack of trust.
 

However, if the trust was lost due to a circumstance you cannot get past, such as cheating, the best for you is to end the relationship, and to move on. No relationship will last if you are constantly searching for signs of dishonesty in your partner. A suspicious mind, whether warranted or not, will lead to an atmosphere of distance and hostility, not at all conducive to a healthy relationship. If you still want to ahead with your relationship, seeking help from a therapist or a counselor might prove effective. 

The best way to build trust in a relationship is to be trusting, positive and always assume the best in your partner. Your partner will surely reciprocate with trust, love and positivity. Give them a chance to prove their worth, they might surprise you. And keep a trusting mind, one less worry about the what-ifs, and more focuses on the positive aspects of your real relationship.