Dealing With The Pain And Depression In A Relationship Breakup
Each relationship, as well as each breakup, is a challenge and is unique. It doesn't matter if you were together two months or two years, the loss always hurts and it may seem that you're not going to get over it anytime soon. The good news is that you eventually will, the heart is a very resilient muscle. If you don't think you're quite there, that's OK.
Feeling pain after a breakup is no joke. It actually feels like you ache all over. It feels like the pain is proportional to how much you love him. You now find yourself lost, sad, shattered. The pain associated with a breakup if often think only to be emotional and mental, but what you have just realized is that it can cause some very real physical pain.
Why? Because of the breakup, your brain is experiencing some massive withdrawal, like the one a heroin addict would experience when forced to quit all of a sudden. When you fell in love with him you triggered in your brain a rush of oxytocin and dopamine (the love hormones) as a reward system. These "love hormones" are very powerful, so even if breaking up was the right thing to do, your body is going to react as if it was literally suffering from withdrawal.
After a breakup, it would be totally normal to grieve, what you need to acknowledge is if you're grieving in a healthy way or if you're experiencing depression. It's important to make the distinction between grief and depression. Both emotions can cause sadness, insomnia, loss of appetite, if you're grieving in a healthy way, these symptoms won't last long. Depression is more complicated, the symptoms are constant and overwhelming. Added to that there are guilt and constant negative thoughts.
If the feeling of sadness stays with you most of the day nearly every day; if you feel empty and hopeless; if you feel you have no energy or you feel worthless; if you have difficulty concentrating or making decisions and this goes on for more than two weeks, you should definitely talk to a doctor so you can treat your depression.
You want to get better and move on right? You want to overcome all this sadness and heartbreak so you'll feel whole again? Then you need to keep reading, we'll give you some tips you can use to get better and make your heart strong and ready to love again.
10 Advises To Get Over And Move On Fast From A Heartbreak
It may seem like an impossible task right now, nevertheless, the challenging emotions you're experiencing right now are not forever, there are ways for you to move from a heartbreak. Your goal should be to come through these challenging times in one piece, stronger and brighter.
So, how do you move on? What can you do to stop feeling sad and be whole again? Follow this advice with a positive attitude and a certainty that you'll make it.
1. Accept the process you're going through and be kind to yourself
Let yourself feel the sadness, there are a lot of emotions going through you right now. Let them run their course, don't hide them or discard them. It's healthy to grieve what you have lost. Breakups are hard because, besides the pain of not being together anymore, you lost the "possibilities" of a future together and that hurts too. Let your emotions flow.
Remember to be kind to yourself. You are a good person who just got your heart broken. When things don't work out don't assume it was all your fault and start second guessing all you did. Things didn't work for a reason, don't put the blame on you only.
2. Talk about your breakup with love ones
Don't push people away, especially love ones. You need them more than ever right now. It's tempting to stay close up in your room and don't speak to anyone but that won't help you get over him. When you're in a bad emotional state, the daily interactions with at least one person who loves you and are willing to support you are a must. It's a good reminder that you're not alone.
Go spend time with your friends, with your family. Talk about what happened, just don't spend all the time whining and lamenting every little thing that went on (that won't help you heal). Try to be present and enjoy this time you're spending with your loved ones. Be grateful you have love in your life.
3. Pamper yourself
Simple tasks like taking a bath, or getting ready in the morning, or putting clothes on, after a breakup, can feel like big obstacles you have to conquer. But it's crucial for you to practice self-care, it's sacred. It's impossible to feel positive when your hair is dirty and you're wearing the same pajama three days in a row. Go take a shower or better yet, light some candles, pour some bubbles in the tub and take a delicious and relaxing bubble bath.
Book a day spa and go for the works. It's absolutely necessary that you pamper yourself after a breakup, you may not think so but it can help you begin to heal.
4. Bring in the positive thoughts
The wave of negative thoughts that cover you after a breakup is hard to beat but you have to do an active effort to try to win it. There are some things you can do to put a stop to the negative and let in more positive thoughts. Stand in front of the mirror and practice saying a positive mantra to yourself each morning, it may sound corny and annoying but it works. You can also watch some motivational videos, or if you like reading, there are lots of motivational books that can put you in the right frame of mind.
5. Avoid social media as much as you can
What?! We know, we live in a time were resisting the urge to know what everyone else is doing is hard. It's even harder after a breakup because the whereabouts of your ex can be known with a click. Nevertheless, you need to be strong there and proceed with caution. If you think you can't handle seeing him happy moving on with his life, then it's a good idea to break it up digitally too.
Put down your phone or tablet and go outside, take a walk, distract yourself.
6. Find yourself a hobby
While the relationship lasted we bet almost all your free time was dedicated to spending time with him. So now you have all this free time that you don't know what to do with. You need to occupy it so you don't spend it thinking about him. What can you do to fill that time? Find yourself a hobby, something new.
Flowers, photography, books, cooking... take all that energy you were spending with him and channeled it through a new and exciting hobby that's all about you.
7. Travel to get over your break up
Often a trip to a beautiful faraway land will help you get over the pain and loss of your break up. Seeing new people, new faces, new cultures, and new places often help one to get over the past easily. Perhaps, you could take a break from your city and go for a long trip to somewhere exotic. Breathe fresh air and make newer memories. This is the only way to forget the old and unhappy ones!
8. Hit the gym or go for a run...get moving
It may sound cliched, but it works. You'll be doing something healthy that not only would distract you but it will give you empowerment. Not to count all the flood of "good hormones" you will be getting that will make you feel happier and that you definitely won't get by staying on your couch watching TV and eating junk food.
Go for a run or for a walk, go to the gym, the benefits of exercising are countless and in your case, it will help improve your mood.
9. Write it down
It's a good healing exercise to write down first, what you learn from the relationship. By making a physical list of the things you liked about him and the things you didn't like, you're are reinforcing the reasons why you two didn't make the best fit. You'll also have an idea of what to look for in your next relationship.
You can also write down how often you think about him, this may sound like not the best idea, but it helps. You'll be able to see (as it would be written down) how in the course of approximately 2 weeks, you'll be thinking less and less about him.
10. Reframe your thoughts
After a breakup, you could be overwhelmed by feelings of guilt. When you start to feel that way you need to reframe those thoughts in a healthy way. Give them a turn, take what you learned from this relationship and use it in your next one.
Practice gratitude, it may seem like a huge task when you're feeling so down, but you've got some much going on too. You're alive and you have friends and family who love you and are willing to support you. Plus you can choose to be happy, just look at all the beauty surrounding you.
Overcoming sadness and heartbreak takes time and a lot of work on your part. You need to acknowledge your emotions and let them flow. But you also need to get up from that couch and get moving, reunite with your loved ones, talk about what happened. You need to focus on yourself, be kind and pampering.
Your heart will start to heal and it'll get stronger and ready for a new and better love. You'll see.