How To Let Go Of Your Anger, Hurt, Resentment & Bitterness

I used to ask myself, what in the world did I do to ever deserve a terrible person like my ex to enter my life? I would replay certain events or situations that angered me while I was with him. Recently I noticed my reminiscing has encouraged my bitterness, anger, and hurt feelings from the past to intrude into my daily routine. The resentment I felt towards my ex was so powerful, letting go of it did not feel right. I felt justified in feeling bitter towards my ex. Little did I know, my inability to let go was not helping me or making me feel better. It was doing the total opposite, damaging my present and possibly my future. Letting go was the only answer.

The first step is to recognize your anger. It's okay to be angry. Anger is not something that you need to or can get rid of. It’s a primal reaction we have when we feel like there is a threat. When someone has wronged you, such as an ex, this natural emotion takes over. Often, anger can start spilling into other aspects of your life. The goal is not to rid yourself of anger but to learn how to control it.

It’s okay to be angry, hone in on it. Try to focus on why you are angry. To first be able to control your anger you must know what your anger stems from. Is it from the way a breakup went down? Did your ex mistreat you? Were you wronged? First when you get angry, figure out why you are mad. Are you angry at the girl your ex left you for? Whatever the reason, find it and ask yourself why? This is the first step in controlling your anger. Remember the focus here is on how to control or better manage your anger.

Compile a list of reasons you are angry and the reason you think about it, next to each reason. This is where you must be honest with yourself. Don’t hold anything back. Perhaps try writing out different scenarios of how things could have gone differently if you were not so angry. Pretend you can rewind and go back. Focus on the things you can do in the future to prevent past mistakes from being made again. The next time you feel angry, try counting to ten. You’ll find that once you have reached the number 4 or 5, you will have somewhat, calmed down. This will allow you to really think about why you are so irate and how to properly approach the situation. Find out what triggers your initial anger. Is it a certain song, movie, cuisine or even a particular bar? Identify these triggers and ask yourself why these things are triggering your anger. Once you know what your triggers are, you can better prep yourself for how to handle the event of being triggered. If you need to avoid them, do so, but this is only a short-term solution. At some point will you have to address why you are being triggered.

When we are hurt it is because we have allowed our anger to fester. Being emotionally hurt is an issue that cannot be so easily alleviated by counting down to ten. The goal is to find out what hurts, why and how to remedy that. Sometimes we are angry because we are hurting inside. The remark your ex made about your personality was what triggered your anger but being ignored or taken for granted caused the hurt. Maybe someone close to you purposely made a malicious remark towards you. This will cause you to be angry but once you have settled down, you may find that you are hurt by their words and actions. Breakups usually reveal how really hurt you are. If an ending of a relationship is what is hurting you, go and get your closure. Talk to your ex about how things went down. Find the answer to why you feel the way you do. If your ex will not give you the closure you need, then you need to sit down and figure out what about the breakup hurt you. Give yourself your own closure. If you are being ignored, address your issue to the individual that is shunning you. It could just be a misunderstanding. If it is not, then you will be able to get some information on why they are hurting and treating you this way. Sometimes open communication is all that is needed to heal the wound. Mediation is an excellent way to really go deep within yourself and sort through the mess that anger and hurt have created. Try focusing on a single thought or movement around you. Letting go of all negative feelings and thoughts. The strategy is to manage your hurt, so it doesn’t grow into bitterness.

Bitterness and resentment are cousins. If you have reached this stage of grief it is time to do some deep emotional cleaning. Though bitterness and resentment can be defined as the reaction to feeling that you have been unjustly treated, here the two differ, just by a little. If you are bitter, you are still clinging to past grievances. You may find yourself being petty, rude, or just plain old mean for what seems like no reason. If you are at this stage you still have a chance to prevent full-on resentment from forming.

Resentment is where you have created a cycle of negative thoughts, events, memories, and stories in your head. It is the stage where you are being overwhelmed with anger, hurt and bitterness. Letting go of these emotions will be tough, but not impossible. The little voice in your head that narrates the negative comments fueling your bitterness is your biggest enemy. The negative self-talk and replaying of certain situations only fuel the internal turmoil. Try asking yourself, is this how things actually went down? Am I changing what actually happened to add to my story in a negative way? The way I feel right now, do I really want to feel this terrible? What good is coming from this negative self-talk at the moment? Am I overgeneralizing?

We are going to have to repeat some steps here. If you have reached resentment, it is time to investigate who or what it is you resent and why? Perhaps it is your ex that treated you terribly and you put up with it. You may not only resent your ex but yourself, for allowing to be treated in such a manner. Maybe you resent your parents for not allowing you to go on all those field trips, or for favoring a sibling? Whatever it is, go to the very start and figure out how your anger, turned into hurt, then bitterness and how you finally ended up resenting the person you do. Sometimes, you may find the person you resent is you. Letting go of resentment is difficult, but by living with it, you are constantly preventing any current joy from fully being appreciated in your life. This is because you are in a vicious cycle reliving a hurtful moment, instead of enjoying a good one in the present. Resentment is just extra baggage that is weighing you down.

Finally, letting go. Sounds a lot easier then it is to do. But if you have been honest with yourself about why you are angry, what hurt you, how the bitterness grew, and how to cope with the resentment you feel, letting go is possible. Everyday exercise, both mental and physical are great ways to release endorphins and your anger. Keeping an honest journal about what you are truly feeling. Even making a video diary can help you rid your chest of unfair doings from others. Just accepting that your ex is not in your life for a good reason is plenty to give up the hate, bitterness, and anger you may hoard towards them. Different visualization practices can help you control the anxiety that comes with the realm of these different emotions. Try imaging a stop sign any time your resentment comes to mind. This visual practice will help your mind cut the tumor that is known as bitterness. Different breathing techniques. From simply counting down to 1 or focusing on the sound of your breath can create a calm state of mind. Yoga is known for helping you focus on your breathing. Try going on YouTube and practicing some of the different techniques. Hobbies are a fantastic way to distract your negative thoughts from overwhelming you. Crafts, gardening, sewing, or bowling. Art is a great therapy remedy for all sorts of negative emotional effects. Forgiving yourself. Sometimes we can be hard on yourselves. You may beat yourself up for staying in that crappy relationship with your ex. Holding a grudge from years ago because your ex ditched you on valentine’s day. Not standing up for yourself and thinking of the what if’s takes a toll on the body. Focus on the good in your life, not the bad. If things didn’t go your way don’t focus on that, instead focus on what did go your way. Remember the good outcomes and what you did to make it happen. Accepting how things are and not fighting against it. Not reliving in the past and not trying to change what can’t be undone is paramount to being able to let go. Imagine how beneficial letting go can be. Draw out a pro and cons list. Create goals that you wish to complete to become a better, happier you. Stick with it. Set boundaries on what will and will not trigger you, and what you are willing to put up with.

Yes, it helps to know what anger, bitterness, and hurt are. It is important to address these terms and to understand them. The key factor is your train of thought and will. Are you ready to rid your negative cycle of put-downs? Are you tired of feeling like the victim? Be your own hero. Save yourself the trouble and energy and heal these wounds. The only way you are going to be able to truly let go is if you are really willing to do so. If you are tired of feeling lonely, hurt, angry and sad, if the idea of reliving past chaotic hurtful moments are no longer a way of thinking you wish to have, the only way you are going to be able to let go is if you are not afraid of embracing who you really are.