Expectations of Being Strong
From a very young age, society ingrains in us the idea that if you are not tough, the world will take advantage of you. You will be left behind. Although this is not entirely untrue, it propagates the standard that letting yourself be vulnerable will lead to danger.
A common phrase that male children hear is “Boys don’t cry.” And for girls it is usually “Big girls don’t cry.” But crying is good. Crying is a sign of healthy emotional processing. The issue stems from treatment at a tender age.
When you tell a child that they have to toughen up, they grow up to internalize it. They manifest this is their adult years by constantly keeping up a strong exterior.
Forcing yourself to be Strong Till Exhaustion
You may have come across many people in your life who struggle with vulnerability. You could even be one of those people. It is actually a really common issue.
There is absolutely no doubt that being vulnerable is scary. It can feel like a risk you just don’t want to take. You want to protect yourself from getting hurt. Being vulnerable is basically like handing someone the tools to shatter you.
Yet it is essential. Ever found yourself wanting so badly to just breakdown and let someone see what’s been on your mind? But you just can’t seem to find the strength to do it. It is in no way alright to pretend to be tough all the time when no human is.
Showing the Weak Side of You to Recover
The biggest thing that holds people back from being vulnerable is the fact that they are afraid. If you want to recover from an unideal situation, letting yourself be seen is crucial. The benefits of being open about your feelings and experiences are much greater than the risk that the person you confide in will react badly.
If there are thoughts trapped in your head that are not allowing you to be true to yourself and others, write them down on a piece of paper. Then tear the paper to pieces and burn it. You need to get comfortable with the idea of weakness if you want to recover.
A Step in Healing
Without vulnerability, you cannot hope to ever recover or live a healthy life full of joy and freedom. It is an essential factor in the journey to recovery.
When you allow people to see you, only then can they help you heal. Even if you are not being vulnerable with others, the least you can do for yourself is to be honest with yourself. Once you are able to put all these hesitations aside your journey will move along fast. Before you know it, everything will be alright again.
Identify Your Inner self
Vulnerability allows you to explore your inner depths. It may sound silly, but it can be a way of getting to know your own self even better. When you talk about how you feel, the misconceptions and doubts slowly fade out. You are able to establish a connection with your own self that will last.
Being self-aware and knowing your own limits, weaknesses and strengths is a blessing. Due to the fact that you are able to recognize your own patterns and know what you should change to make a situation better. Being in touch with yourself is something your future self will thank you for.
Why people hesitate or stop themselves from being vulnerable, is majorly because they may think that people will not accept them. That they will be rejected or looked down up on.
Their friends will think they are weird, abnormal or make fun of them.
Yet this is absolutely not the case at all. You will feel so good and relived once you let yourself be vulnerable. Because genuine friends and a caring family will accept the real you. They will be well aware of your flaws and still love you with their whole heart. Even if they don’t, just remember all you need is to be accepted and loved by yourself.
5 Reasons How Vulnerability is good
1. You can get the help you could never give yourself
As much as you want to be independent, it is not ideal to take up responsibility for everything. Humans are social animals. In the most basic of terms, this means we really need each other.
In the context of a civilized and established society, many people are required for the system to work.
Similarly, even at an individual level, it is not enough to deal with your issues alone. It is a good sign that you are acknowledging them and putting in an effort. But confiding in someone is just more beneficial. A therapist or psychiatrist can be a good option since they are legally not allowed to disclose your information or use it against you.
But even just a heart to heart with a loved one or a family member can do wonders for your emotional and mental state. Many times other people are able to offer solutions you could not have come up with yourself. They can draw conclusions that are not present in your vision.
2. Betterment in your Relationships
You may have friends and family that you love dearly. That same affection may also be reciprocated yet there are so many things they don’t know about you. In an effort to stay strong, you put up a façade. You pretend and pretend and pretend that everything is okay. Without telling them the things that have been bothering or distressing you, how can you expect to establish a meaningful relationship. When both parties in a relationship are vulnerable, only then is it really healthy. For it to last a long time, a partnership requires openness. You will establish an even stronger bond with your loved ones. It can be a very intimate experience opening up to someone. And it is encouraged in a quality long term relationship. Savannah Brown wrote in a poem, titled “Couldn’t Care More”:
“The cracks in our skin are the only way we can let people in, so do.”
I think this quote really sums up the idea of a deep human connection established through vulnerability.
3. Being true to yourself
Freedom is one of the most important things a person chases. People have protested for this, started wars for this, killed for this. But people restrain themselves from emotional freedom by keeping everything contained. If you refuse to be open, you will feel like you are hiding in your own home and in your own body. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable will result in a feeling of liberation. It will seem as though a weight has been lifted from your shoulders. You will feel unburdened and get to live as your own authentic self with all your parts. Good and bad. Once you are honest with yourself and your loved ones, life will become a breeze.
4. A Channel of Relief
People who do not let themselves be vulnerable are more likely to keep things that should be voiced to themselves. They do not remove that negative energy from their system and eventually as time passes this becomes a more and more apparent issue.
If you start to collect, keep and store this hateful energy inside you it will start to take up too much space. You will feel suffocated and the water that had been hot for a while will boil and rise and burst.
To stop this sudden disproportionate reaction from occurring, vent to people and share your issues. Let out what’s bothering you. Show people where it hurts and let them bandage you.
5. It is attractive
We all know the hunk who fights the bad guy and saves the town is always thought of as very appealing. The reason behind this is of course his victory in overcoming evil forces. The people are grateful to be rid of the problem. But there is another factor in the hero’s charm and flair. He is brave. Courage is an admirable quality. Facing your fears while knowing fully well what the risks are, is hard and requires strong character.
Now there might not be any supervillains in your life but there are negative forces. There are things that make you feel weak and upset. If a person is ready to accept that this act will put them in a vulnerable state and still manage to carry it out, that is an example of dauntlessness. So even if you are afraid, dive in and let yourself be open and exposed. It will attract more people toward you. It will make them feel secure and make you an approachable attractive person.
Summary: How to Change
Taking charge of reform in your own behavioral patterns is undoubtedly very difficult. You can feel afraid and untrusting. Feel like people will use your vulnerability against you. But you need to find outlets, or you will combust with bottled up emotion. Take baby steps. Let a trustworthy person see little parts of yourself that you hide. You may even be surprised at their caring reaction. It is a gradual journey but very much required for a healthy lifestyle.