What is a good and happy marriage?
There is no universal definition of a good marriage nor any general advice on how to improve your life as a couple. If two people want to live in a good and long marriage, it is necessary for those involved to make some concessions and be willing to make some sacrifices. However, if your marriage is based on compromises that only you made, then ask yourself what is wrong with it. Crises are often encountered during the marriage, which is quite normal. Every event can affect your relationship, whether it is giving birth a child, moving to a new apartment or buying a new car. But if you two work together to solve the problem, these crises will be brief and you will consolidate your marriage. Any problems can be easily solved if both you and your husband have the will and desire to work on them.
Signs of a selfish husband
A perfect marriage is a big lie, and we all know that. In order to have a better marriage, we must accept the faults and virtues of our partner, and he needs to do the same. However, if his virtues prevail and your partner begins to act selfishly, this can cause many other problems in your marriage. There are some signs that give us some sort of a blueprint showing how a selfish person is behaving. We prepared a list of some common signs for you, so pay attention if you notice any of them in your husband's behavior.
Sign 1: Everything bothers him
At the beginning of your marriage, everything was more-less ideal. You agreed on everything and jointly built your home and did your best to create the conditions for a good mutual life. However, your husband starts to show certain signs of selfishness. If he didn't behave like that before, try to find out what is the reason. One of the signs of selfishness is that everything starts to bother him. Why is the potato for lunch today, why you watch that channel, and why the curtains are pink, not white? In short, he just asks for a reason to nag and to complain about something. A woman in the last week of pregnancy does not have as many complaints as he has.
Sign 2: He nags about your look
At the beginning of every marriage, everything is sweet, love is in the air and we love every little thing about our partner. But when we finally take off the pink glasses, we realize that ideal marriage doesn't exist. After some time, the passion fades away and we will be stuck in a routine with a partner who thinks only about himself. If your husband starts to complain how you got up a few pounds, or how he does not like that new coat you bought, that's one of the signs he's becoming selfish. A husband who loves his wife will have an understanding of changes that happened and will appreciate his wife's taste. If your husband doesn't act like that, you and your needs are not important to him. So what if you got some weight during pregnancy? He is not someone who needs to complain about that. He wanted that pregnancy as much as you. The problem occurs when your husband starts to magnify himself and to humiliates you. He is perfect, and you have to change everything to satisfy him. This will never happen. Each time he will find a new reason why something doesn' suit him.
Sign 3: He's not your friend anymore
If your husband refuses to talk to you, and he is not interested in how did you spend your day, it's a sign that you are dealing with a very selfish person. When your partner cares about you, he will listen to you. However, if he started to behave selfishly, and he doesn't concern you, it means that he is no longer your best friend.
2 Toxic Relationship Problems and How to Fix Them 1. Contempt Contempt is an attitude of superiority and disgust. This involves talking down on your partner or being insulting, treating them disrespectfully, name-calling, smirking, using hostile humour. If you’ve been on the receiving end of this kind of communication you already know how hurtful and destructive it can be. Contempt is fueled by negative thoughts about your spouse. The solution is to focus on the positive and choose to see the best in your spouse. By treating each other with respect rather than contempt you will create an opportunity for growth in your marriage. 2. Stonewalling This involves shutting down and indirectly telling your partner that you don’t care. In relationships, stonewalling is the emotional equivalent to cutting off someone’s oxygen. Emotional detachment and feelings of abandonment leaves the victim spouse reeling with doubt, anger, and doubt of an emotional connection with the spouse. Below are 2 examples of stonewalling in a relationship 1. Your wife has done something that hurts your feelings or, there is a challenge that you wish to discuss with her. Your attempts to communicate your feelings over the situation are met with silence and her way of avoiding conflict is to refuse to participate in the conversation. 2. You are unhappy with the lack of intimacy in your marriage. Your husband shows no interest in you or sex with you and when it’s time to communicate the level of pain and rejection you are feeling he removes himself from the conversation and the room altogether. He has already distanced himself from you intimately, now he is distancing himself from you physically. Not only does he not want sex with you, he doesn’t want to talk to you either. It would be helpful for both partners to understand why the stonewalling takes place, and improve their communication skills. A marriage counselor would be able to assist with the exploration of this issue. Because a relationship where communication and cooperation are lacking is unlikely to be successful in the long term.
Sign 4: He argues for no reason
When your husband starts a fight for no reason, it means that he has some problem and he needs to get rid of his frustration somehow. Selfish people usually start a fight to hurt their partner or to rub something on its nose. In most cases, those fights are unfounded. Your selfish husband just yells and has nothing smart to say. He attacks you verbally without a specific reason, and then he uses malicious words and insults. The characteristic of a selfish person is to offend the other to make him feel better. Although many will say that the arguing is good for marriage, if your husband argues this way, it is a sign that something is wrong. The verbal fight is good only when it leads to a solution to a problem.
Sign 5: You have sex only when he wants
Selfish people take care only of their needs. If they are satisfied, nothing else matters. It is logical that, after several years of marriage, sex becomes less common. But if you two don't have sex at all, or it only happens when your husband is in a good mood, the advice is to talk to him. Marriage should be about equality, and not only about the fulfillment of his selfish desires. A loving husband will feel pretty bad if he finds out that he has not satisfied you in bed. Your inconsiderate husband has only one goal - to satisfy himself, and he doesn't care about your needs.
Sign 6: Your selfish husband doesn't show empathy
A simple example: you two sit in front of the TV and watch the news. They announced that some random, poor family lost their house in a fire. Considering that women are more sensitive, this news brings tears to your eyes. Also, your husband is inconsiderate and insensitive enough that he doesn't have any reaction to this sad news, even if it doesn't affect him directly. That's because selfish people don't have compassion for others. Or it may happen that you feel really bad and that he does not show any empathy towards you. He can tell you something like "so what, you still can cook dinner." It's not about whether you're feeling sick or not, it's about his behavior when you tell him that you don't feel so good. Selfish people don't have a bit of empathy for others, and as such, they do not deserve anyone's sympathy.
Sign 7: His interests come first
You feel like going out tonight, but your husband declines your wish to go out together because he's just not in a mood. Or you want to go to the theatre to see a new blockbuster's premiere that you waited so much for. But no, your selfish husband won't go because it's raining outside and he doesn't want to catch a cold. He never wants to do anything to please you, as his interests are what matters the most. If you are grumpy because you may be pregnant or you have kids and their noise bothers him, he will just leave the room. Is there a better definition of a selfish husband than his intolerance towards children or a woman who is the latest stages of her pregnancy?
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Sign 8: He finds you as the main culprit for everything
Whether it's about the World War II, an economic crisis or the extinction of a dinosaur, your husband thinks that you are the main culprit for everything. You might think that we are just kidding, of course, but the second part of the sentence is true. If you are married to a selfish person, he will see you as a culprit for everything that happens. In this way, he tries to justify his actions.
Sign 9: Your selfish husband is always right
Your husband is not Mr. Right, he is Mr. Always Right. There is only his way or the highway. Anything he can do, he does it his best and there's no doubt about that. Your selfish husband doesn't take any advice because his word is always the one that matters. A selfish person thinks of himself like he is the smartest person in the world and knows everything. If your husband does not accept any advice and criticism and does things only in his way, it may be the best to leave him so he can enjoy his selfishness. Your husband is self-sufficient and everyone else will feel miserable next to him.
Sign 10: A selfish man thinks his behavior is normal
Wow, your husband is so perfect, you are so lucky to have him! Selfish people think they are a gift from heaven, and as such, he doesn't want to change, meaning that everyone else must adjust to him, which is a perfectly normal behavior for him. If your husband thinks it's ok to be that much selfish, you must stop him in his tracks; otherwise, you are the one to get hurt. It's okay that some changes happen. Maybe he's right when he says that you have to lose some weight if it is for your own good after all. However, if he makes inconsiderate statements about your appearance all the time without looking at himself and how he looks first, it's just a sign that he is too selfish to admit that something is wrong with him, and it's up to you not to allow that.
Should you stay in a selfish marriage?
His inconsiderate moves can make you think he cheats on you, but that doesn't always have to be the case. Try to talk honestly and openly with him, as it might be just a short-lived phase in his life or a midlife crisis (this refers to people who have been in a long marriage). Show him that you are always there for him and that his behavior hurts you. If he avoids a conversation, try other means to find out what is torturing him. If the problem cannot be solved or your husband shows no interest in doing so, there is no need to remain in a marriage that is hurting you. However, try not to jump to any conclusions. If both sides have the will and desire to solve the problem, it is possible to overcome it. My advice is to talk to him over and over to make him reveal his worries and problems, so you can figure out a solution together.
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