Oddly enough, there are cases when a mother is unable to give the love of her son or daughter's needs. This lack of affection translates into children with attachment problems and little mental stability. When we are young, we are not able to distinguish exactly this problem, but over the years we can feel that our mother does not love us.
It can be very hard to realize that our own mother does not feel as much affection as we would. Sometimes, it is only a subjective feeling after a fight or a distance, however, it can turn out to be a reality that we will have to face in the best possible way. If in your head you can not get rid of the thought "I feel that my mother does not love me: what do I do?", We invite you to read the following article and learn more about this issue.
As we have previously discussed, we may feel that our mother does not love us because we have argued with her or have distanced ourselves for other reasons. Maybe we have recently become independent and our mother is trying to overcome empty nest syndrome and, for that reason, she does not contact us as much.
It is also normal to feel that your mother does not love you when you are a teenager. At that time of our lives, many problems arise between the family and it is difficult to maintain a relationship free of arguments. When we are teenagers, we tend to feel misunderstood by our families and that is why we can think that they do not like us.
However, we must not completely rule out the possibility that the feeling of "my mother does not love me" is not entirely a lie. This perception of detachment can produce in us a feeling of dissatisfaction, low self-esteem, and a strong emotional mess. There are mothers who have not really developed a close bond of attachment with their sons and daughters and they notice it, there are mothers with toxic, manipulative behaviors, competitive mothers ...
In order to leave behind the pain of thinking that your mother does not love you, we must assume that there are such behaviors in certain family figures. Denying it only blocks our emotions and is counterproductive in the long run. Once we have accepted that our mother does not love us as we would like, we will be able to develop our own strengths and we will be able, in time, to live a happy life thus way.
Toxic Parent Syndrome
In the event that, effectively, our mother does not feel affection for us, it is possible that we are dealing with a case of toxic progenitor syndrome. These cases are characterized by being mothers with little or no interest in exercising their maternal role. It is possible that this syndrome develops in women who did not really want to be mothers but, for other reasons, could not interrupt the pregnancy.
It is true that for many people, being a mother is a gift and something that we must thank forever. However, motherhood carries great pressures and social expectations that some women cannot reach. The social role of the mother classifies enormously and can cause very important wear on the affective bond between the children and the parent.
Signs that You Are Daughters of Unloving Mothers
In order to know if the thoughts we have are only sensations or if our mother really doesn't love us, we must learn to identify a toxic mother. Although they can act in various ways, they usually fulfill several of the following characteristics:
- She criticizes everything you do or say
- She judges your opinions and does not give them the value they deserve
- She is rarely happy with your company and when it happens it is unpleasant
- You feel like she is continually competing with you, trying to show more achievements in her life or more happiness.
- She tries to manipulate yourself so that you feel bad about everything you do in your life
- She openly tells you that she doesn't love you
- She criticizes your physique and always tries to be better in that aspect
- She criticizes your lifestyle and your partner
- She tries to put herself in a victim position and blames you for all the problems
How to Recover from an Unloving Mother
Once we have realized that our mother does not love us, it is time to act accordingly. It is easy to say it but we understand that it is a complicated process. For this process of overcoming it takes a lot of will power and thoughts that constantly feed our self-esteem. We must be strong in the face of adversity and accept that on the path of life, our mother will not accompany us, at least in the way we would like.
Here are some simple steps based on psychological therapy to find out what to do if you feel like your mother doesn't love you:
1. Accept it
As we have commented in previous sections, not accepting reality completely blocks the management of this conflict. Assuming that the affective bond is practically null is a step that we will have to do to seal the wound.
2. Avoid conflict
Once we are able to maintain a safe distance from our mother, she may seek the same dynamic of discussions that you had before. In that case, we will have to learn to resolve a conflict assertively and without fights and shouts, but as adults.
3. Live independently
If you continue living under the same roof, you will have to start developing spaces and moments of individuality where your mother does not intervene, forming correct independence can help raise your self-esteem and resilience capacities. If you already live alone, this step is much easier since you only have to avoid excessive contact with her.
4. Don't blame her
Hate is a feeling that only carries a burden and with the burden, we can do nothing. For this reason, and although it hurts us a lot, we must try not to judge their feelings or be full of hate towards her. We do not know exactly what has happened so that she is not able to develop a bond of affection towards us. It is better not to hold any grudges.
Books to Find Out More
If what you have read today is not enough to help you with your mother's issues, we have the best tip for you: books. There are so many books that are amazing on this topic and will surely make this experience easier for you. These are our favorites:
1. Toxic Parents by Dr. Susan Forward
2. Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers by Karyl McBride
3. Horrible Mothers: Breach of a Sacred Trust by Alice Thie Vieira Phd
Living feeling that your mother does not love you is not an easy task, which is why we recommend following this process of improvement slowly and without haste, following each step and each advice at the pace we need. It can be a long season until we are really able to get ahead regardless of what our mother figure should be. However, we should not be frustrated by this path, everything will come, including mental stability after this slump.