Is Sexting Cheating? 20 Reasons Sexting Is Definitely Cheating

Have you caught your boyfriend sexting someone else? Have you been sexting someone you aren't dating? Here's 20 reasons sexting is cheating.

By Lindsey Ladd
Is Sexting Cheating? 20 Reasons Sexting Is Definitely Cheating

What is sexting?

Today, most know what sexting is. Most are familiar with the term and what it implies, but for those of you who may not be aware, allow me to explain. Simply put, sexting is when someone sends another person sexual photos or messages via text message.

Is Sexting Really Cheating?

If you are sexting with your spouse, then clearly this isn't cheating. If you are sexting someone you are casually seeing and aren't in a committed relationship, then I wouldn't consider this cheating either. However, if you are committed to a relationship, or have had the conversation agreeing to be monogamous, then be careful of sexting anyone who isn't your significant other. Some may say that sexting isn't cheating because, "nothing really happens." Well, I can tell you from personal experience that isn't necessarily the case and I'll share why. Whether you are sexting someone or have caught your spouse sexting, you will want to know why sexting is cheating and what you can do about it.

1. Sexting makes you desire the person you're talking to more than the person you're with

There have been times I have been in relationships and have checked out and started talking to and sexting a couple guy friends I have. We have had a history, so it isn't necessarily out of the norm. My boyfriend at the time wasn't aware this was happening, but it was clearly a sign to myself that I was checking out of the relationship. When you are sexting with someone you begin to desire that person more and more. Sexting with your husband or wife could be a great way to spice up the relationship, but be careful of starting this type of communication with anyone else. If you begin to desire that other person more than your husband or wife sexually, it will slowly begin to affect the rest of your relationship. The same is true if you are in a dating relationship, so be aware.

2. Sexting is cheating when it makes you fantasize about being with that person in reality

What makes sexting so hot is the fantasy that comes with it. You can't help but begin to imagine the person your talking to doing things to you, especially if they are describing what those things may be. Fantasizing about someone who isn't your spouse is dangerous, and most consider that cheating. Think of it this way, how would you feel if you caught your husband, wife, boyfriend, or girlfriend fantasizing about someone else? Would you be able to forgive them? Would it change the way you saw them or the way you made love to them?

3. It distracts from the relationship you're in

To put it simply, when you are sexting with someone it's exciting! In a lot of ways. You look forward to that next text because you never know what may be there. So, you begin to start paying more attention to your phone and to their messages than your spouse. You are distracted and unable to give your spouse what they deserve. This is another reason that sexting is considered cheating. If you notice that you aren't giving your spouse the same attention you once did, especially in the bedroom, then you are cheating. The same goes for the attention your spouse is giving you. If your boyfriend is spending more and more time on his phone and is distracted by his messages, you may want to start asking questions.

4. Sexting other people can build unhealthy expectations for the relationship you're in

Sexting creates fantasy which can lead to unrealistic expectations. This can happen before you even realize it, but it happens. As a sexting relationship continues, it will impact the expectations you have in your relationship, especially in the bedroom. Do you find yourself having expectations for your husband or boyfriend sexually that may not have been present before? This happens because we want to live out the fantasies that have been created, and typically they are fantasy because they don't happen. Has your boyfriend or husband started suggesting things happen in the bedroom or hold you to standards that weren't there in the past? These are all signs that sexting may be occurring, and has definitely crossed the line into cheating.

5. It can cause you to become attached

Attachment is a big issue when it comes to cheating. If you are attached to the person you are cheating with, it's harder to end it and say good-bye. It's also harder for your spouse to truly be your primary focus. If you are sexting with someone, the likely hood that you will become attached to them is pretty high. You will crave the attention they give you, even if just through the phone. You crave who they have become in your life and what they fulfill. You become attached to them, and that is dangerous. It's hard to forgive, forget, and move on when you find out your spouse has been cheating and created an attachment so strong to someone else. When you are sexting someone, at least in my experience, you also text about other things. You will text and discuss life, relationships, and other things. Sexting becomes just a part of the relationship which will cause you to become more attached to them. Attachment is dangerous and is another reason why sexting is definitely cheating.

6. Sexting can build resentment in the relationship you're in

As discussed, sexting can begin to build expectations that once weren't there. When your husband, wife, boyfriend, or girlfriend can't meet those expectations it can lead to resentment. It can also make the person who is sexting begin to resent their spouse because they aren't able to excite them like the person they sext.

7. Builds barriers between you and your spouse

Sexting creates all kinds of emotions and thoughts. It can begin to create walls and barriers in a relationship that conventional cheating doesn't. This especially occurs if you sext when your spouse is near. While trying to hide what is going on, a wall is built between you and your spouse. Whether it is you sexting or your spouse, it begins to feel like you can see the person but can no longer hear them. Communication is off. Things just aren't the same. This is another reason that sexting is cheating, and for some it's hard for them to forgive when it gets to this point of affecting the relationship.

8. If you are sexting while you are with your spouse, you're checked out of the moment

Party going off haha #getoffyourphone #phoneparty

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Sexting can create excitement, which is why it can be a great way to spice up your relationship. Sexting your husband or boyfriend will blow their mind! However, if you are sexting someone else when you are out with your boyfriend or husband you are checked out of the moment. You miss the opportunity to connect with your spouse because you are so wrapped up in what is on your phone. This is a big reason why sexting is considered cheating. If you are checked out of the moment and aren't able to focus on your relationship, then you are cheating. You are stealing time from your spouse. It's hard to admit, but it's true. Could you forgive your spouse if this is what was keeping them from focusing on you and your relationship?

9. Sexting isn't always just about the words being sent

If we can all be honest, we have to admit that sexting isn't just about the words or pictures being sent. It's about how they make you feel. Those feelings are what takes you from something you may think is innocent to something that isn't. Does your husband or boyfriend stir up these same feelings? Do you want someone else stirring up feelings inside your spouse? Feelings are what make a relationship. It is the foundation, and feelings are definitely a part of sexting. Be careful of the feelings that are allowed to develop because it will be difficult to forgive once your spouse knows feelings are involved.

10. You give your sexual attention to the person you're sexting, not the person you're dating or married to

Are you still giving your husband or boyfriend the same attention sexually? Are you still initiating things in the bedroom or do you leave that to them? If you are sexting, you may be getting everything you need sexually but they aren't. You are giving that other person your attention, while your husband or boyfriend is waiting for you to show your interest. If you are giving your sexual attention to someone else through sexting you will want to be careful. Not only is this one way that you will make your spouse begin to wonder what is going on, but you are also affecting an important part of your relationship with them. Once sexting affects the way you are sexually with your spouse, the more upset they will be, and the less likely they may be, to forgive you.

11. Sexting builds distrust

Whether you are sexting someone or your spouse is, distrust begins to build in the relationship. When you are hiding something from your spouse, you are being dishonest. You are afraid of what they will do if they find out, so you begin to try to hide it. There's also this strange thing that happens when we cheat or lie to our spouse. We begin to think they are. We begin to question them more and more because we know what we are doing, so can't help but wonder if they are being dishonest as well. This is another reason why sexting is definitely cheating and should end quick.

12. Sexting can lead to the actual physical act of sex

Every time I have been in a relationship with someone and sexting occurred, we have found a time to meet up and actually do the deed. Most of these times, to be clear, I wasn't in a committed relationship. Two others, however, I was. I have come to terms with the reason I cheated, but the truth is I cheated. Things would start out as just flirting, then there would be simple innuendoes, and then the sexting would begin. Needless to say, there wasn't a time when we didn't meet up at least once. Sexting builds anticipation and desire and the need to know what it would really be like. That's just the truth of what happens. This is another reason sexting is cheating without a doubt.

13. Sexting is a sign of discontent

If you have a desire to sext with someone, then there is typically something in your relationship you feel is lacking. Maybe it's that you don't feel that your relationship is very exciting sexually. Or, is it that you aren't getting what you need sexually from your partner? Sexting can fulfill that discontent you feel because you can make it what you want it. It is like you can create your own adventure. However, if you are so discontent in your relationship should you address it this way? What if your spouse finds out? Is it worth the risk?

14. It can cause you to think other forms of cheating are OK

Sexting tends to lead to other forms of cheating. If it isn't a meet up with the person you're sexting with, then it's something else. Typically, if we know we can get away with one thing, we are more likely to continue to push the envelope. You haven't been caught sexting, so will you be caught dating someone on the side? If your husband is oblivious to your sexting, what else can you get away with? This is why sexting is cheating. Sexting, just like sex, should be saved for the person you are with. Whether your husband, boyfriend, wife or girlfriend save your sexting for the one you are committed to, not just anyone who is willing to send you a naked picture.

15. Emotional connection is more likely to occur when sexting

Texting #texting texting #texting

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Before there were cell phones, cheating took a lot more effort. It was also possible to keep things physical. It was much more simple to draw lines and to keep your heart from getting involved. I've had friends who have said that they understand their man sleeps with other women, and that's fine. However, if there is an emotional connection it's past the point of being able to forgive. I don't understand it, but I know that a lot of people would rather be cheated on physically than emotionally, and sexting makes an emotional connection a lot easier to have. Emotional connections start for different reasons, but when you are sexting someone you are typically talking to them on a pretty regular basis. You become a part of their life, even if you don't see each other regularly. Emotional connections make the relationship harder to end, which makes you less likely to walk away. Sexting can easily lead to an emotional connection, and for some that is impossible to forgive.

16. Sexting generally isn't an isolated event

If you're honest, you don't typically start sexting someone and then end it after one time. Unless it started when you were drunk, or mad at your spouse, you typically get drawn in. It's hard not to. If this was an isolated event, then good for you. You learned your lesson and moved on. Be honest though, was it ever? Was it just one time, or were you more drawn in and did the curiosity build? Usually the latter is true, so once becomes twice and then three times and so on. When you make a mistake you recognize it and move on. If you know it's wrong and continue doing it, then you are cheating.

17. Sexting is cheating because - If you're hiding it, you shouldn't be doing it

Let's all be real here. Have you told your husband, boyfriend, wife or girlfriend about the person you've been sexting? Have you let them read your messages or see the pictures? Probably not, right? If you feel the need to hide it then you shouldn't be doing it. You should be able to be honest with your spouse about everything, can you be honest about this? If not, then it's cheating. I've been there, and it's not fun, but better to end it now rather than before it's too late.

18. It can consume you and your thoughts

Depending on how intense your sexting has gotten, it can start to consume you and your thoughts. It's hard to keep yourself focused because you are thinking about the person your sexting, the pictures, the words, the way it makes you feel, and so on. You start to think about what you can say to start another conversation, or how you respond to the message they just sent. If your relationship consumes you, that's positive. That shows how into your spouse you are. If you are consumed by sexting, it shows the opposite.

19. Sexting can make you feel invincible

It's easy to hide behind a screen. It's easy to feel like you can do anything, say anything, or be anything when you are just talking to someone behind a keyboard. It is hard to stop something when you feel invincible and don't feel like you are risking anything. This is another reason that sexting is cheating and can be dangerous for your relationship. It's easy to justify. It's easy to hide. It's easy to feel invincible and to feel like we can just go on and on. If we are honest, however, it's only going to get more difficult to stop and someone is going to get hurt.

20. It can cause others to get hurt

What would happen if your spouse went through your phone? What would they say? How would they react? Would they forgive you? The risk of someone getting hurt is, for me, they number one reason why sexting is cheating. It's difficult to admit, but if you know your spouse would be hurt by your sexting then you need to stop. When someone we love is at risk of being hurt because we aren't being honest, we need to take responsibility for that.

What should you do now?

It's time for a new beginning. Whether you are the one sexting, or have caught your spouse, it's time for a new start. Maybe this means you and your spouse need a fresh start. Maybe you have decided that you can't forgive what has happened, then it is time for you to get a new start. The important thing is to be honest with what is happening. If your spouse doesn't know you are sexting, then stop it now before you can't. Whether you tell them or not is up to you, but give your relationship the opportunity to be successful. When in doubt, try to implement sexting into your relationship and see what type of excitement it can conjure up in your relationship!