20 Emotional Manipulation Techniques & Tactics You Should Know

How would you feel if you realized that all this time, you have been acting out someone else's script? In other words, you have not been in charge of your own actions and life in general. It feels scary and annoying, doesn't it? That's exactly what emotional manipulation is all about. Most people talk about emotional manipulation but not very many people know exactly what it is. Thus, the need to set the record straight. Emotional manipulation can be a social or psychological way by which a person who may be wise (or thinks that he/she is) influences you to behave or respond to issues and situations in a manner that is unoriginal to yourself but which suits their purpose. It is rightly called manipulation because while you are acting out that individual's script, you'll be thinking you're still yourself. The approach is not usually forceful but has to do with playing with your mind (psychological) or emotions to exploit you. It's hard to attribute many advantages to this concept because of the covert nature the manipulators work and the results they eventually achieve. It compares to someone using what belongs to you in a covert manner to feed their own desires without getting your permission. The issue is not about them acting in secrecy, but most times, manipulators make you do things you would not ideally have done, maybe even something you consider bad or seriously object to.

If you are ignorant of the techniques or tactics used on you by manipulators, you may not be able to break loose from their spell. You'll keep deceiving yourself that you are in charge of your life when you're actually not. When you know the techniques, you can easily identify them when they are being used on you. And though one would say emotional manipulation is a bad thing, there may be certain times you'll need it to get what you want from individuals who may initially not have cooperated with you. A knowledge of the tactics would guide you in knowing what to do in such situations. Basically, emotional manipulators work on their victims' psychological weak points. It's only wise to do so because if you want to manipulate me where I'm strongest, you may have failed before even beginning. You have to look for an aspect where I am vulnerable, then you can work through that, and that's what manipulators do.

One of the characteristics of emotional manipulators is secrecy. They work behind the scenes to achieve their aims. Although when they have gotten a firm grip on you, they may come to the open to brag about their bravado. Manipulators are also good listeners, and that's one reason they seem to succeed greatly. They pay attention to the details of your discussion with them, and from there, they can pick where to start controlling you. Part of their characteristics is deception. As a matter of fact, that's basically what they do. They are able to make you see a black thing as white using craft or cunningness. You think you can't be deceived, but perhaps you're yet to meet a first-class emotional manipulator. If you've been manipulated by someone before, you'll discover just how domineering their personality can be. They and their ideology become prominent while no recourse is given to yours in any way. There is more to know about the characteristics of emotional manipulators, but that is not the subject of this piece.

Some of the tactics often used by psychological manipulators are discussed below. It should be noted that the tactics are not limited to these 20 only, but as each day breaks, new and better tactics are orchestrated by the users to get what they want from their victims. Without further ado, here are the 20 most commonly used manipulative tactics by emotional and psychological manipulators.

This is a diversionary tactic employed by emotional and psychological manipulators to shift their deficiencies or shortcomings to another person. Instead of taking responsibility for their errors, manipulators would rather choose to make someone else take the blame. They project their faults on to someone else. It's a psychologically abusive tactic that seeks to take the burden of guilt from them and then place it on someone else. The aim is to paint themselves clean while the other person looks dirty and unfortunate. They are not usually the ones to blame in a lousy situation. You may have encountered individuals who behave like this in your life's journey. Just when a defect or problem is identified somewhere they are, they find a victim to put the entire fault on. Consider a lazy employee who hasn't been performing well at work, and as such, the company where he works has found it hard to break even. Because he is an emotional manipulator, he's going to blame the leaders of the company as the reason for the loss. You'll see him tag the person in authority as being incompetent or ineffective, leaving out his own indolence which has actually caused the company its financial woes. You may have such people as your partner in a relationship. Instead of them admitting their need for intimacy, they'd rather choose to make it look like you're the one being too clingy with them or that they are only doing you a favor. They aim to make you look weak while they appear strong. But as you may have noticed, they are actually the weak ones. Check out people who easily notice wrongs in others; they're only projecting their negative selves. When a person is quick to identify pride in another fellow, most of the time, it is because they are the very proud one and are looking for a victim to bear the shame that comes with it.

To gaslight someone is to cause them to doubt something about themselves that is real. Emotional and psychological manipulators employ this tactic a lot. Though in a covert manner, they ask questions that would make you think twice about even the things you have always held to be sacrosanct. For example, you've just been announced the overall best student in your graduating class. An emotional manipulator would make you feel like it didn't happen or that you were only in dreamland. Acting covertly, they would make statements geared at making you feel incapable of achieving that feat. Perhaps you are suspecting being used or cheated on in a relationship with them. They would put forward questions that would make you feel that the abuse is only happening in your imagination and that it is far from being real. This is one reason many people remain in an unhealthy relationship despite seeing warning signs to quit. Experts have suggested that to combat this emotional manipulation tactic, people may have to document their experiences and life's happenings and then constantly refer to it, so a malignant individual doesn't cause them to doubt even their existence one day.

It is hard to separate lying, denial, and the distortion of facts from emotional manipulation. Although a manipulator may not always be opposed to the truth, their supposed acceptance of it is to serve their purpose to manipulate you later on. As part of their techniques, they'll agree to a fact only to deny it later. This behavior is by no means an accident. They knew from the outset that an issue challenging their competence might arise and as such, are prepared to deny ever having an agreement with you in the first place. For instance, a person who's asked to take the position of a secretary at a local non-governmental association may first agree to accept the post, but when the demands of the office are being requested from him/her, they may outrightly deny that they never agreed to be a secretary in the first place. The same can play out in a relationship. Where emotional manipulation is what a partner has in mind, he/she would not define the relationship from the outset but would still be hanging around with the other person. As soon as there is a problem, the manipulator denies ever being in a relationship with the victim in the first place. This idea of changing the rules while the game is still on would leave you, the unsuspecting victim, confused. You now begin to question and blame yourself for not having taken the right measures in the first place, not knowing someone has just manipulated you.

If you're considered a threat by an emotional manipulator, they apply the technique of intimidation to silence you. Part of the technique is to stay very close to you and talk in a manner that combines aggressiveness with subtlety. They look into your eyes with strange body language, so you forget your train of thought or end a debate with them. This technique is used most by them when they have realized that you are easily cajoled or frightened. Recall that we have earlier established their base tactic to identify your weak point so that they can capitalize on it. Once they know you're easily frightened, intimidation or threats are among the techniques that would be constantly used on you. A way out of this fix is to overcome your fears and learn to stand up to intimidation. In fact, as a precautionary move, you should prevent yourself from revealing your fears or weaknesses to someone you can't trust. They may use it against you in the future. Ask people for help where and when you need it but never make them feel you're afraid of anything - not even them.

This is done in a covert manner too. Psychological manipulators first pretend they're sorry for what you're going through and would also put on a show of short-lived empathy to hide their true intentions. However, you'll see them quickly bringing up their own challenges too and magnifying them so yours can look insignificant. One way to identify this manipulative tactic is that they always remember they have a problem when you bring up yours. And instead of joining you to find a solution to your problem, they would rather bring up theirs and start an endless discussion on it. This undue comparison can be annoying and frustrating at the same time because it denies you of the sympathy you so much desire at that point. And again, you'll look foolish to have raised the alarm about your challenge in the first place. They would have succeeded in making you feel you're just intolerant; after all, your problems are not the worst.

Among the tactics often used by some manipulators is overwhelming you with intellectual facts. Now, don't get it wrong; they may not be accurate in what they're quoting, but they know that you don't have the access or chance to verify the validity of their claims. To this extent, they place themselves before you as an authority of some sort so as to have their way with you. This kind of emotional manipulation is mostly witnessed in financial institutions or at points of sales. You cannot confirm their alleged claims, and because they are sweet-talkers, you may fall for their tactics without knowing. Perhaps the only way to prevent falling for this tactic is to be informed. You don't have to know everything about everything, but endeavor to know something about everything. That way, when a person comes to you with an alleged fact, apart from you not being swept off your feet, you can correctly predict its validity or not.

Digression has to do with deviating from the normal course of a discussion to something completely irrelevant to the issue at hand. It's among the tactics employed by emotional manipulators when they discover you're holding them responsible for an act or a deed. You ask someone why they have not mopped up the floor they messed up, and they remind you of the UEFA Champions League match played the other day. Of course, they know that football is your weakness and the only way to get your mind off the discussion holding them accountable is to bring up a diversionary topic like this. That is why you need to be informed about the various techniques and tactics used by these mischievous folks. In situations like this, only prior knowledge of manipulation techniques means can help prevent you from falling for their tricks.

One of the characteristics of an emotional manipulator is they have an exalted but often false opinion of themselves. They are always right while everyone else is always wrong. As a matter of fact, most people that practice emotional manipulation are narcissists. So. if you're beginning to challenge their ego by questioning their thoughts and opinions, be prepared to get more names in addition to those on your birth certificate. Truth be told, if you have not learned to develop tough skin, you would easily succumb to the manipulation tactics out of annoyance. It doesn't sound fun to be called a troublemaker, idiot, extremist or fanatics, and a lot of other names and titles. The idea is to dirty your intentions and therefore silence you. One way to address this is to state frankly to the manipulator that you take exception to them calling you names.

Conditioning is a psychological method of training an animal or even a person towards a particular trait or taste that the trainer wants. Of course, this would be done secretly. You wouldn't know anyone is selling an idea to you or cornering you. In the case of emotional manipulation, you are the "thing" to be trained, and the one who seeks to train you is the manipulator. The idea here is to make you get rid of your initial values and embrace those of your manipulator's. If you are the type that cherishes honesty, an emotional manipulator will present everything good in life to you as being dishonest. That way, you'll begin to associate success with a set of wrong virtues. The reason for doing this is so you don't proceed further than you currently are or so that you might be disgraced soon.

In any emotional manipulation episode, the grand aim is always to control you. But when it appears controlling you might be difficult, manipulators can change their tactics to controlling how people view or see you. They seek to achieve this by spreading falsehoods about you behind your back. In certain cases, they may even resort to stalking - that is monitoring you around. The idea is to intimidate and give people a bad impression about you. Let's say you're in a relationship with a person using this tactic; when you hint to them that you'd be breaking up with them due to their bad habit(s), they'll go around broadcasting lies about you. The point is that instead of people getting to know the true story, they would have a general dislike towards you based on the falsehoods the manipulator has spread about you. You are the one seen as a bad person who broke their hearts and betrayed their trust. If you don't employ tact, this can even pit you against your best friends.

Emotional manipulators can literally bomb you with love. Their mouth is sugar-coated such that you may be tempted to think they're the best person to be in love with in the world. But pay close attention to what they say of their ex, and you would see how they paint such individuals before you as next to nothing. You're going to receive the treatment of an ex sooner rather than later. As a rule, you should be wary of a partner that degrades or brings down their exes before you so they can appear good or exonerated. If a relationship breaks down, it's usually the fault of both partners involved and not just one person. Honest people don't ride on the past to enjoy the present. To bring down a person before you so you can see the one speaking as a saint is a first-class emotional manipulation technique. So, when they smother you with love using the "blame the ex" approach, just know that rejection is surely going to follow soon.

Sometimes, we want surprises from people, especially our loved ones. However, in the hands of an emotional or psychological manipulator, surprises can be employed as a tool to throw you off balance. Or is it not a surprise to think someone would keep a promise only to be told at the eleventh hour that it won't be possible? The tactic here is to get a psychological advantage over you by putting you in a situation where you cannot do anything but concede to their demands. At that eleventh hour, when you'll probably have no other option, they'll bring out their egoistic demands for which you may have no option than to meet because of the situation. You are not usually warned prior to these surprises because, of course, it would be done in a secretive and sneaky manner that would make you feel like that the person is dependable. The key to staying out of this manipulation, especially if you're a businessman, is to reach a legal agreement before a deal. Once a person falls short of the agreement, you don't have to be a victim of psychological or emotional manipulation; instead, you can easily seek a redress.

This involves someone selling their supposed good qualities to you before you even get to know them personally. They come in a sneaky manner, blowing their own trumpets and marketing something good about themselves to you when they have sensed that it is a quality you want in a partner. Let's look at it this way: suppose I'm able to decode from my conversation with you that you want your partner to be someone that can swim well. As an emotional manipulator, I would start presenting myself to you as a champion swimmer so that I can win your affection, exploit you, and then probably dump you. This is one of the characteristics and techniques of politicians. They identify what a person likes and then pretend to meet them only for the sake of what they want to get. Once they have laid hands on what they want, you'll then see their true colors.

While appearing to be joking, manipulators, often in an underhanded way, mention things you're struggling with in your life so they can cause you to be insecure and, by doing so, overpower you. They usually apply this tactic when they see you're getting any attention or recognition they consider superior to theirs. Can you imagine somebody cracking jokes about your exam or marriage failure in public? Of course, these things are far from being funny, but they would make it look like they're only clowning around. What they are actually aiming at is to make your immediate audience realize you're not perfect or that you are not worth as much as they see you. Perhaps,you're beginning to see that some of your friends are like this; in the name of being funny, they talk about things that you're struggling with in life so they can silence you. The way to overcome this is to admit your weaknesses and state them (where possible) before they're used against you. After all, nobody's perfect.

If you've got an emotional or psychological manipulator as your partner, you're likely going to be very familiar with this technique. It's one of the leading characteristics of emotional narcissists. The idea is to validate their wrong and selfish actions towards you by making recourse to a third party's act. They abuse you, and you react by letting them know you don't accept such behavior. However, instead of admitting their wrongs and apologizing, they direct your attention to your other friend, Vanessa, whose husband slapped her the other day and she didn't protest. The idea is to make you feel like you are the one overreacting. You'll notice too that they're technically validating abuse as well that way. Triangulation is one of the defining characteristics of emotional manipulators. The principle of this emotional manipulation technique is to divert your attention by comparing an unpalatable event of a stranger or their ex to justify their current wrong move with you.

Individuals who are manipulators don't just trespass your personal boundary at once. They do what is called "boundary testing" to see how far they can go in crossing the line. As it goes, one boundary crossed without reprisal would lead to the crossing of another and another until they get deeper into your head. That's usually how abusers begin their mindless acts. They talk to you condescendingly, and you display "excessive understanding." Next time, they would attempt to slap you. If you appear to be able to accommodate that, the next thing you'll see is that you have turned into their punching bag. The reason for this is that at each stage when they were trespassing, you showed them empathy instead of standing up to them. Experts have asserted that narcissists, who are the most chronic emotional manipulators, hardly respond to empathy. What they look out for are the consequences of their actions. So, if they succeed in decapitating you and nothing comes up after that, they're not moved much about the incidence since to them it was accepted by the victim.

This is one of the techniques of emotional manipulation that is not hidden. They do it so everyone can know and see. They deliberately pick on you, and you would know yourself that it is intentional. There is nothing you can do that would be right before them. This habit of judging others is among the characteristics of egoistic, self-centered emotional manipulators. They keep bringing out your faults and brushing aside all of your good efforts so that people would see you as nothing but trouble. Also, this fuels their ego because while consistently judging you, they are portraying themselves as better. One way to get past this tactic is to detach yourself from individuals with this habit. Forbid yourself from showing them any consideration of some sorts; they won't change, and if you still stick with them, they would start affecting the way you live and act. You would start conforming to myopic and selfish ideas and ideals.

How does it feel when your partner stays silent when you're trying to converse with them? Chances are you'll start wondering if you've done something wrong and maybe begin blaming yourself for the way you approached them. Unnecessary silence is a means of arousing confusion in you. It's also a tactic of assuming superiority and control over you by keeping you waiting so you'll be at their mercy. During their silence, if you have not learned to be yourself, you may become frustrated and start pleading for their attention. With this, they can manipulate you further.

Sometimes, in an attempt to evade a task or responsibility, manipulators would make you feel they have no knowledge or skills to carry out the task that you have assigned to them. This mostly takes place in an organization where employees' tasks are not fixed. When called upon to do something by their boss, they pretend to have no idea about the task. The point of this is so that you, the boss, would eventually carry out the task yourself or assign it to another person. What you might not have realized from this is that they have succeeded in controlling you. They tactically determine what they want to do and what they don't. Children who are manipulative also employ this tactic to evade duties and chores assigned to them by their parents or teachers. Well, to get past this manipulative tactic, try to instruct them on how to do the task and even ask them to find out more on their own regarding it, instead of relieving them completely of the burden. You should not give in to their petty demands.

If you pay careful attention to emotional manipulators very well, one of the characteristics or features that resonate with all of them is the inordinate desire to exercise control over their victims. If they are in out and about in society, you would see them trying to one-up everyone by doing everything possible to silence or bring down their perceived threats. By gaining control or dominating others, psychological manipulators hope to promote their selfish ulterior motives and hold others in perpetual bondage. When seeking dominance, they don't act in a covert manner, but you'll see them making their intentions known. Once their aim of achieving control in a group is defeated, just watch their reactions as everybody becomes their enemies, and they withdraw.

Emotional manipulation is not gender-selective. This piece has not in any way suggested that. Both males and females can be manipulative, and it's good you are now aware of some of the tricks and tactics used by these people. As already stated, manipulating people is a selfish adventure and is not a good experience for the victims. You can, however, prevent further manipulation by educating yourself on the techniques commonly employed by these narcissistic people. Hope you found the 20 points useful.