20 Signs That You’re Not Happy In Your Relationship Anymore

Sometimes it can be hard to tell when a relationship isn’t working for you anymore. You get comfortable, settle in and as unhappiness creeps in it can happen slowly enough that you don’t notice right away. You may find yourself depressed for seemingly no reason that you can identify or angry without understanding why. It might be time to take another look at your relationship to see if it’s really what you want for yourself. Are you still happy? Or is it time to move on? If you notice a lot of these signs that you aren’t happy in your relationship anymore, you should consider making a change in your love life.

You might notice that you get angry with your boyfriend more than you used to. Maybe it’s about something important or maybe you get angry with him for no reason at all. Things that didn’t make you angry frustrate you now and what used to just make you irritated sends you into a rage. You might even get angry at other people outside of your relationship. That unhappiness can spill out into other parts of your life at people who you don’t mean to upset. This is a big sign that your relationship is causing you unneeded stress.

You find any reason to be away from him. You look forward to going out to run errands or even work. You “accidentally” forget that you had plans with him and go out with your friends instead. You are relieved when he calls to cancel plans with you. Any reason to not hang out with him is a welcome relief. Do you ever find yourself pretending to be sick or too tired to do anything with him? If you constantly find yourself dreading going over to his house or coming home, there is a good chance that your relationship is getting ready to come to a close.

When you were first dating, all of your boyfriend’s little imperfections and quirks were cute. But now you find these small behaviors annoying. These could be anything: mispronounced words, overused phrases; faces they make when their bored or how long they take in the shower. They drive you crazy! They seem too insignificant to matter, but somehow they bother you more and more. You might not know it, but its discomfort in your relationship. It starts to come out directed at behaviors that don’t really matter because you need an outlet for your unhappiness.

Somehow they always come up in conversation and when they do, you have a lot of criticisms. You might be annoyed with how they spoke to you earlier in the day or angry about a big argument you had. It could be anything, but you feel like you have to talk about it. Expressing complaints about a relationship to your friends doesn’t inherently mean you’re not happy. But if it seems like all you can talk about when your boyfriend comes up in conversation (or if you bring it up all the time because you need to vent,) you might want to evaluate if he is really worth all of the frustration he causes you. Maybe you won’t notice that you complain about him a lot, but if your friends bring it up to you, make sure you listen to them.

Everything becomes an argument. Who is going to do the dishes or what movie to see goes from discussion to fight without warning. It always seems like the next argument could happen at any moment. Things that you would have never dreamed that you would fight about now become the center of anger and yelling. When these arguments are over, you can’t remember why you were fighting in the first place because the reasons are so insignificant. Even still, they continue to happen and the anger is real.

All of the small disagreements that don’t matter much in the grand scheme of things, turn into blowouts about big issues in your relationship. Every little fight becomes an enormous deal that comes down to really touchy subjects and loud arguments. That fight about not spending enough time with him becomes a battle over whose time is more important. A comment about where things should go in the fridge becomes a war about who gets to make the decisions in your collective household. Fights keep going back to fundamental or structural issues in your relationship because there are dysfunctions that haven’t been addressed. These could be what are making you unhappy in your circumstances.

You don’t want to cuddle up on the couch when you watch a movie together anymore. Netflix and chill is more like staring at laptops in two different rooms. Holding hands in public is annoying and you find yourself ducking away from hugs and kisses. You don’t really want to be touched if you can avoid it. Just the idea of physical affection makes you want to get distance. You may be craving affection, but not from him. You may find that you really want him to hold you or cuddle with you. But when he does, you find that it doesn’t make you feel the way you thought it would. You find yourself pulling away from basically any contact, or at least wanting to when he tries to hold you.

Attraction is more than just appearances. Usually when you find someone physically attractive it’s in combination with their personality. That’s also why in a loving, happy relationship, when your partner’s looks change you still find them attractive. You love them no matter how they look. If you find yourself less attracted to your partner, it could be because you are not happy being with them anymore. You might think your boyfriend is less good looking than he used to be, but it’s probably that he’s not as good a fit for you in a relationship anymore.

You never used to be embarrassed of your boyfriend before, but now it seems like it happens constantly. You feel like you have had to settle and that everyone around you can tell. No matter where you go they seem to embarrass you. You don’t want to bring them around your friends or family. When you’re in public you wish you weren’t with them. It feels like you are always apologizing on their behalf or having to defend them even though you don’t want to. You are uncomfortable being with them in public. You are constantly worried that other people will judge you based on their behaviors and opinions.

You become depressed thinking about staying with your current boyfriend, and find yourself fantasizing about having a different life with someone else. You think about how you have settled into this relationship and wonder if there is someone out there who better meets your standards. This thought might make you feel depressed at times. Sometimes you find yourself assessing other people’s relationships and how they have turned out better than yours has. Or you think about other people in your life who would make for a better partner than the one you have now. You spend a lot of time exploring the idea of dating someone else. You might think about other relationships in you have had in your life and compare them to your partner now. Maybe you wish you could go back to a previous partner or find yourself missing being single altogether.

Talking to your partner has become a chore and so you don’t do it nearly as much. When you do talk, it is often surface level and for short periods of time. Sharing on a personal level feels useless or unimportant now. You are much less interested in hearing what your boyfriend has to say or listening to him talk about his life. Conversation in general has taken a downward turn. It can be difficult to find things to talk about and when you do, to remain engaged in the discussion. More often than not, you wish you did not have to interact with him as much as you feel like you need to.

If you live with your partner, you are usually in need of a break from them and will be ready to get out of the house for any reason. You even look forward to it and elect to be the one who has to do the shopping or go to the post office just to get some air. Going to get groceries or run errands will be a moment of reprieve from your spouse. It also might be a chance for you to reflect on the state of your situation. This can be depressing to think about and you find yourself dwelling on it when you have some space to yourself.

Even when you have plans you are excited about, the idea of going with your partner makes them sound like a daunting task. You should be happy to go to that concert or movie you’ve been wanting to see, but you cannot help but feel like it is a chore to be there with your boyfriend. You wish you had made these plans with a friend instead of your partner so you could be excited about going out to do things you enjoy. You may even cancel plans you would have otherwise looked forward to so that you don’t have to spend any extra time with your boyfriend. You might find yourself encouraging him to find someone else to go with so you can have the night to yourself.

Anytime your boyfriend tries to make plans you avoid the conversation as much as possible. You don’t want to commit to anything in the future, maybe because you are quietly hoping that you will not be together that much longer. Or you don’t have any interest in doing things with him anymore, and do not want to commit yourself to having to spend time at an outing or on a vacation with him. Planning of any kind has become a stressful and depressing task because you do not want to think about whether or not to stay with him. It forces you to think about a timeline you do not feel ready to confront yet.

You are feeling less attracted to your boyfriend and do not want to be intimate with him as often or at all. When you do have sex, it is less intimate. You find that you do not enjoy it as much as you did before. Perhaps you have stopped being intimate with your partner altogether. Thinking about your life with him does not make you want to engage with him much or at all if you can avoid it.

Your friends tell you that they’ve noticed you have been depressed. They ask you if you are alright and let you know what they think about your relationship. They tell you that they are worried that you have settled and that you could do better. You might be inclined not to listen to them, even though you know deep down that they are probably right. An outsider’s perspective is often the most accurate and objective. They can likely see what you may not be able to because you are the one in your situation.

When your boyfriend has plans, it feels like a night off from having to spend unwanted time with him. You look forward to days when he is too busy to be with you. It’s a welcome relief that doesn’t feel like it comes often enough. You might feel guilty that you are excited to have a few hours where you know you will not have to deal with him. You might hope that he will be out later than he said he will be and savor the last few minutes before he comes home. You are disappointed that you are more happy when he is out. You are sad you have to settle for waiting until he goes out with his friends for you to enjoy your time.

You don’t want to pick up the phone when you are away from him. You enjoy your alone time and do not want to be interrupted by his needing attention. You find yourself ignoring his texts and calls when you can get away with it. You worry that if you respond that he will want to see you or need you for something. Something compels you to pretend as if you haven’t noticed he’s trying to get a hold of you or you tell him you are too busy to be on the phone. This might be a lie or you just feel that your alone time is more worthwhile to you than texting back and forth.

You look for reasons to fight. You are not happy and you want a reason to take it out on your boyfriend. It might feel like the only time you can express yourself is when you are in the middle of an argument. That feels like the only space where you can express your discomfort in your relationship. You might be hoping every time that you fight that this could be the argument that ends the relationship. You think you might be relieved if you could find a way out through a random fight. You know he won’t just decide to leave you, but you will settle for a night on the couch.

You start to wish they would just walk out on you. You think that would be better for you but you don’t know if you want to be the one to start that conversation. Secretly you hope that they will leave you so you don’t have to break up with them. The unknown of change keeps you stuck in this relationship. The pain of change seems like it will be worse than remaining in an unhappy involvement. You are afraid that you don’t know for sure what you want to do. What if you make the wrong choice and push away someone you need in your life? You know you deserve better. You know that you are not happy in this relationship. You might think that you are not sure, but the more you think about it, the more you know you should trust your instincts. You are having a gut feeling that you would be wise to honor. If you have been noticing these signs, it’s time to reassess your relationship status. Your life will be better and happier once you have decided not to settle any longer. Leaving will be hard. Even when you are unhappy break ups are challenging. When you look to the future, though, it is brighter than where you stand now. This too shall pass. Make the right call for yourself.