10 Super Common and Real Reasons for Divorce

Avoid making these common mistakes as reasons for divorce

By Angelieh del Rio
10 Super Common and Real Reasons for Divorce

Statistics of Divorce in USA

Even though the promises made during marriages are wonderful, some people would still remain skeptical that a couple could really go the distance. Maybe you are asking yourself whether these people are just being pessimists or if they are really correct. What we can say for sure is that their skepticism has foundation.

The numbers do not lie. Although 90 percent of couples in the United States marry before they reach 50 years of age, almost 50% of these marriages would end in divorce according to the American Psychological Association. This percentage gives the U.S. the sixth highest divorce rate in the whole world.

Half of the marriages in the United States are predicted to end in a divorce.

You might think that it is only the first marriage that ends up being divorced but the success rates of second and third marriages are even worse. According to researchers up to 60% of second marriages end in divorce while third marriages rake up to 70% in the divorce rate.

There are said to be nine divorces that happens in the 2 minutes that it takes for couples to say their marriage vows.

According to studies, the average length of a first marriage, before a divorce, lasts about eight years. In America, there are nine divorces that happen in the 2-minute span of a couple reciting their marriage vows. This equates to 277 divorces per hour and 2, 419, 196 divorces per year.

Legal and Valid reasons for Divorce

There are many legal reasons for divorce.

You might be wondering what kinds of experiences and situations might have led to the staggering number of divorces that you have read about above. In the United States, there are several legal and valid reasons for a divorce. Knowing these reasons will be helpful especially if are already considering divorce based from your own circumstances.

Physical, Emotional and Carnal Abandonment

Abandonment as a ground for a fault divorce can entail various kinds. Physical abandonment is when your partner has left your home for a long period of time. Another is constructive abandonment in which your partner permanently deserts your relationship and includes your spouse’s lack of presence in you and your children’s lives.

Constructive abandonment is when your spouse has left your home for a long period of time.

There is also emotional abandonment where your partner no longer makes you feel loved or welcomed. Your spouse may treat you cruelly by ignoring you and making you feel like you have no choice but to leave your house and end your marriage. There is carnal abandonment as well, which happens when your spouse refuses to be intimate with you, which most laws file under a kind of domestic abuse.

Physical, Emotional and Sexual Abuse

Abusive behavior is legal grounds for divorce.

Any kind of domestic violence between husband and wife, sometimes also with regards to children, is considered a fault and a legal reason for divorce. Domestic abuse can be physical, verbal, sexual or emotional. Behavior and language that threatens your safety and that of your children can also be a valid reason for divorce.

Sexual and Emotional Infidelity

Abusive behavior is legal grounds for divorce.

When your spouse has cheated on you emotionally or sexually, it will also be a legal reason for divorce. In most cases, especially when you and your spouse are trying to settle the ownership of your material assets, the court also considers whether or not your partner has spent your finances on his or her’s lover. This will be taken as a proof of fault.

Withholding Knowledge of Personal History

Hiding a history of substance addiction is a valid reason for divorce.

If you have discovered that your spouse has been keeping important secrets with you even after marriage, then it could be considered as a legal reason for divorce. Most especially if it is as compelling as hiding a history of substance addiction or a mental illness that could be passed down to your children or a serious criminal record. In some states, the offense of hiding criminal history is only considered grave if it is for more than 12 months.

Sexual Orientation and Religious Differences

Religious differences can also affect your marriage.

Another legal cause for divorce is when you find out that your spouse has a different sexual orientation than you. Aside from this incompatibility, another difference that is grounds for divorce is serious disagreements when it comes to religious beliefs. Most specifically if it affects your marital relationship and your decisions in raising children.

 The grounds for divorce may vary depending on the state where you are residing, so you should also look them up if you are considering filing for a divorce.

Related Article: Life after divorce for men: Is it really Happily Ever After
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The Top and Most Common Reasons for Divorce

Knowing the legal reasons for divorce is important if you really want to gain permanent separation from your spouse. However, if your goal is to rekindle romance and true love in your marriage then you might want to know about the top reasons on why people have filed for divorce. Being aware of these reasons might help you avoid them or work through them in your marriage.

1. Infidelity

Infidelity can lead to serious trust problems between you and your spouse.

According to a study conducted by the National Institute of Health, the most common reason for divorce in the USA is infidelity – when one or both spouses cheat on the other. Statistics say that 60% of men and 40% of women are likely to cheat in their marriages.

I know you can imagine if you have not experienced yet, the kind of pain that accompanies your spouse’s betrayal of your love and trust. As much as possible, try to keep the love and passion alive – reawaken those memories from the days of your early love. Anything to refrain your and your partner from committing adultery since in most cases where this happens both of the spouses just give up on trying to make the marriage better because of the emotional difficulties that it brings.  

2. Lack of communication

Communicating honestly with your spouse is important in keeping your marriage alive.

A lot of couples’ marriage also ends in divorce because of miscommunication or a lack of it. If there is no honesty and openness between you and your spouse, like in the act of sharing your thoughts and feelings to each other, the love in your marriage may come to an end. Lack of or miscommunication can cause conflict and a feeling of not being heard and accepted.

You have to remember that we can’t read each other’s thoughts, it is especially hard for husbands who cannot decipher your subtle cues. So, why not try to be thoughtful, clear and accurate in communicating to your partner? Either if it’s through words, touch or gesture make sure that your message is received and understood clearly by your partner.

3. Lack of intimacy

Intimacy is a key element of a loving marriage.

You and your spouse have not been intimate for a while due to a variety of reasons such as work or taking care of the children. You are just tired at the end of the day that you do not have time and energy for sex anymore.

Even if this is the case, you should find time for each other – maybe hire a sitter for the night and go on a date or even a weekend getaway.  Being intimate with your partner does not only mean fulfilling your needs but it is also a way to strengthen your emotional ties with each other.

4. Expectations were not met

Find a way to reconnect your goals and expectations in your marriage.

Maybe at the beginning of your marriage, you have set up roles and expectations with your spouse – you can cook dinner, while he can clean the dishes afterwards. Perhaps along the way these expectations were not met and you find yourself feeling irritated or frustrated that he or she could not fulfill what you promised.

Do not let these problems boil over. Talk it out with your spouse and find a way to compromise and get back on track with the goals and roles that you have set out together at the start.

5. Irreconcilable differences

Differences can create a gap between you and your loved one.

A no-fault reason for legal divorce is when both spouses agree that there is nothing to be done about their marriage and they just have to break up. They claim that their differences are just too insurmountable to be reconciled.

Even if you and your partner have different personalities, political and religious beliefs, if you truly love each other then you can put time, patience and effort to understand one another more and accept your differences. As they say, marriage is a two-way street it cannot work with one person alone: understanding and acceptance is far better than compromise.

6. Constant conflict and arguments

Constant fighting and disagreements can lead to divorce.

You and your spouse have been fighting a lot recently and you find yourself constantly angered by everything that your partner says or does. Your angry words may make you feel better for a short time - but what about the damage that you could have done to your marriage? What about the pride and feelings of your beloved?

Even though it may be hard, you should ask yourself what is more important: winning the argument and being right or keeping the love and respect in your marriage alive. Anger is often caused by unresolved conflict and issues. You can take time to find a safe place and talk sincerely with your spouse on your problems and concerns.

7. Losing independence and identity

In your marriage, you might feel like you lost yourself.

After several months or years of marriage, you might find yourself lost, that maybe your marriage has eaten up your previous identity. This might be a painful and sad realization on your part, and you might find yourself drowning in a relationship with a spouse who does not let you be yourself anymore.

However, you should also remember that you are in a partnership.  Know that you can open up and bring your issues to your spouse and he or she might be open to changing the dynamics of your relationship. You and your loved one can decide to make your marriage a place where both of you can grow together.

8. Getting married for the wrong reasons

Some couples marry as a result of unexpected pregnancies.

Did you marry your spouse for love or is it for money, gain or convenience? In some cases, people might marry for the so-called “wrong” reasons. For example, a woman might have gotten pregnant and she and the baby’s father decided to marry for the sake of the baby. Another is when a man and woman marry to keep their families’ wealth in check.

There are many reasons why people get married but who’s to say that true love cannot bloom from these circumstances. If you genuinely love your spouse and your children, you can still find a way to make your marriage work for the better.

9. Abuse or Addiction

Alcohol can bring the worst out of your spouse.

When your spouse is experiencing stress at work, does he or she drink a lot? After being drunk, does he or she lay a hand on you? Does your marriage partner use you as a stress-relieving punching bag when he is angry or frustrated?

If you want to save your marriage, you can always seek professional help from centers and support groups for your spouse so that he or she could start to recover from his or her’s tendency for substance abuse or domestic violence. Your understanding, constant presence and emotional support can help save your marriage from this kind of trial.

10. Finances

Managing your finances should also be a part of your marriage partnership.

Before you were married, you might have noticed that your partner likes spending money on lavish clothes and accessories. He or she might have alarmed you with his nonchalant attitude towards saving money. Or simply, your partner might have burdened you with a gambling addiction or maxed-out credit cards.

Managing financial matters is an important component of being a married couple. Since it is a partnership, you and your spouse must take care of your finances together. You could also seek help from a marriage counselor to advise you more on this dilemma.

Summary

Keeping your marriage afloat needs continuous devotion from you and your partner.

Marriage is a serious, lifetime commitment that you must consider a hundred times before promising to commit to your spouse. Even more difficult still is keeping the marriage afloat. After the reality sets in, when you find your spouse’s difficult side and unmanageable flaws, you might find yourself giving up.

When true love is still there but have just lost itself along the way amidst the arguments and the problems, then there might still be a chance for your marriage. Before giving in to the finality of divorce, give your marriage a fighting chance by invoking change and growth, solving issues and problems, opening up to each other and rekindling the fires of your lost love.

References:

Divorce Statistics: Over 115 Studies, Facts
and Rates for 2018. (n.d.) Wilkinson&Finkbeiner Family and Law Attorneys. Taken from Wilkinson & Finkbeiner

Marriage and Divorce - American Psychological Association

Related Article: All you need to understand about Marriage Separation
All you need to understand about Marriage Separation
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