The dating scene has dramatically changed over the last couple of years, especially since the introduction of Tinder. Nowadays it's all about efficiency, and people do not want to waste their time meeting others the old-fashioned way, by going out. With the swipe of a finger, you can now have conversations with amazing people, and Tinder is the most-used app for this. In many cases, two people may match on Tinder, but many people find it difficult to start a conversation. You can find a few tips here to get your Tinder game back on the right track.
Start With Hello
Yeah, yeah, I know what you are going to say. "This is Tinder". This is the least original thing to initiate a conversation with, but you would be surprised by how far a simple "hello" can take you on Tinder or any other dating app. People don't always need to read a breath-taking introduction, sometimes it's best to be friendly and see where that conversation takes you. I know its Tinder, but let's not forget that we're all still people, and being friendly is always an appropriate way to have a conversation. Even on Tinder!
No, I don't mean "how are you?" and "what's up?" as Tinder questions. I mean some of the deeper questions that you think he or she would enjoy answering and having a conversation about. Nothing too naughty, remember, this is a conversation, albeit a Tinder conversation. Make it something deep that can also be used to make the conversation playful. Remember, this is just an example. Use it as inspiration for your own kind of question. "If you had to sum up the human species in 3 words, which words would you use?" This is one of those questions that sounds deep, but could essentially be anything you want it to be. There are so many words one can use to describe anything, so if your match is playful, their responses will most likely be more playful and lead to interesting conversation. If the answers are serious, then your match is most likely the serious type. Regardless, you've just learned a few more things about your Tinder match, and you've most likely connected a bit more than you had prior to your Tinder swipe.
Make It Personal
This is Tinder, remember? We're all swiping left or right. That's how Tinder works. So if you matched with someone, clearly there is something about you that he or she likes, and something that you clearly like about them. Usually, a girl doesn't attempt to start a conversation with a guy, even on Tinder, so most the pressure falls on the guy to start it up. A personal Tinder conversation starter that I have chosen to use on a girl on more than one occasion is "so how has the tinder world been treating you?" This can be used as a funny conversation segway or could even initiate storytelling and examples of previous experiences. This essentially gets you two closer. It's still Tinder-close, but it is better that not close at all.
Cliches And Pick-Up Lines
I am not the biggest fan of cliches and pick-up lines as conversation starters, but it always depends on the guy or the girl you are trying to message. Pick-up lines may work at times, but I believe that on Tinder, it's not the safest of ways to initiate a conversation with someone. Some of us like funny openers and others like sweet conversation. A nice pick-up line can only take you so far, because you have to immediately back it up and show that you can stand on your own two feet in a conversation. This is Tinder, so body language can't help you. After the use of the pick-up line, you have to quickly become original and show that you have ideas of your own after initiating conversation with another person's pick-up line. A decent example of a Tinder pick-up line I have used and had it work on a few occasions was "how much does a polar bear weigh?" Should you get a response, which is a decent 75 % of the time, you could respond with an "enough to break the ice?" :) I don't suggest copy-pasting the same pick-up line for every conversation and using on the next 100 girls or guys you match with on Tinder. I'm just suggesting that something sweet and simple like this could potentially work with someone that appreciates the same sense of humor as you. All you can do is hope that the person you are using it on hasn't already read it on another conversation on Tinder before.
Start A Conversation
Say what's on your mind. You are both on Tinder for a reason. Ask the guy or the girl you are talking to how their day went. Have a conversation. Remember that it doesn't always have to be funny conversation; sometimes it's just about having the conversation. There are plenty of examples of things you could say, but the key is to be genuine. Guys and girls on Tinder, and who have spent a decent amount of time on Tinder, have really seen it all. Any typical conversation starters or openers you use could occasionally come off as desperate, and that will not shed the best light on you.
This Is Tinder - Keep It Light
Do not forget that this is Tinder. This isn't a job application or the start of your thesis paper for college. This is two people trying to start a conversation and see if they are compatible, in any way, shape or form. Start by talking about things that are important to you that could potentially be important to her. Not having children or getting married, but conversations about liking warm weather instead of cold weather. Conversations about preferring pizza instead of burgers, or going to the beach instead of skiing! And the list goes on. This is supposed to be casual, so don't start the conversation by getting too deep.
Don't Be One Of Those Tinder Guys
This is for guys mainly, but there are conversations where women can be as nasty on Tinder, if not worse than some guys. But for the most part, Tinder has been known for its creepy and sexually conversational guys. I know this is Tinder, but let's not start getting carried away with how we have conversations with one another. There is absolutely no reason for you to start by making indecent propositions in any conversation when writing your starters or openers, regardless of whether or not this is Tinder or not. Although they may work at times, it is unfair to those of us that do not think that should be the normal conversation starter. It couldn't hurt to use one of the examples above and just go from there and maybe five minutes after that, you can take the conversation in any direction you like. First and foremost though, start being respectful. Some people may be exploiting the use of Tinder for their own agendas, which is understandable, but having some decency never hurt anyone. You wouldn't act this way at a bar, so what makes you think it is okay on Tinder?
This is not a Tinder sprint, it's a Tinder marathon. There's no winning in Tinder, the first one there doesn't win. You don't have to tell the guy or the girl you are talking to on Tinder the story of your life in the first 5 minutes of your conversation. Bear in mind that you also want to keep some mystery at the start so that they ask you follow-up questions, and consider that there is a possibility you both may want to leave Tinder conversations and explore something in person. If you just state everything over Tinder messages, then there won't be much to have a conversation about when you meet. You want to get a conversation flowing, not start a monologue that will bore your Tinder match to death.
For starters, this is not for everybody. But if you are one of those people that like to think and have conversations about the meaning of life, and why we are here, and what's the purpose of everything, then you can do this, even though this is "just Tinder". I would, however, ease into it. Don't start off with really intense conversation, because that could start turning your Tinder-match off. Start off with light conversation that could be interpreted as a conversation that's non-philosophical as well. Also, please, try to understand whether the person you are talking to on Tinder could be interested in this conversation. This is one of the few times where I will say "you have to judge a book by its cover" at the start. If there is no mentioning of books or artwork in his or her "about me" line or pictures in their Tinder profile, then maybe don't bring up philosophical principles in the beginning of your conversation. Just a suggestion for all you Tinder starters!
Use Tinder To Spark A Conversation
There aren't many things on Tinder for us to look at and get distracted. So if you don't know how to start a simple conversation, go with the few things you know. Every Tinder profile has to have at least two things: a photo, and an "about me". Use the pictures to guide you into conversation topics. Start with places they've traveled to, activities they are doing, people around them, etc. Also, the "about me" column can be very important for conversation starters. Not everyone puts something on their Tinder profile, but usually whoever does write something, finds what they have written to be rather important. So make sure you either mention those things in a conversation or understand that they are important to your Tinder-match.
Start With A Joke
This isn't the best for everybody, especially on Tinder, but there are some people that appreciate conversation starters like this. If jokes aren't your thing, then please do not start now, it's not for you. Not only are jokes hard to tell for some people, but imagine having to do this without changing your tone of voice, or emphasizing different aspects of the joke. If you aren't good at telling jokes, I would not suggest you trying on Tinder. If you do like jokes, and find yourself being the one at a party starting all the jokes, then this is probably your "go to" conversation starter on Tinder now. It's already in your system, and even if you may not be good at it, at least you have experience, so you know which jokes get the most laughs, usually. Your Tinder-match may not be that kind of person, so try to guess whether she is the appropriate person for this Tinder starter.
This is the starting conversation, so don't get too intense, unless you are by nature, and your match is too. This is Tinder, so sometimes messaging is hard to decode, but for the most part, it's always safe to keep your conversations short and simple. If you notice that your responses are short sentences, but your Tinder-match writes long ones, start changing it up a bit and see how your Tinder-match responds to that conversation change. In general, don't be afraid to fluctuate between your tone to see what works better in the conversation. It is easier on Tinder, than it is in real life, because it's hard to change so drastically.
Don't Be Afraid To Compliment
For both, guys and girls, sometimes we think that compliments are "too much" at the start. But are they really? It's always nice to hear a compliment, so why is it not cool if we make a compliment in a Tinder conversation. I do, however, have one rule about starting conversations with compliments. Make sure you do not try too hard. One is enough, especially in the beginning of a Tinder conversation. If you make more than 1 compliment in the first Tinder interaction, or if I may, "Tinderaction", you may come off as creepy or desperate. Regardless of which of the two it is, it is not in your favor. Don't forget that this is Tinder, and nobody really knows who they are talking to, so keep the conversation as light as you can, especially at the start.
Be A Gentleman
No matter how much time passes by, being a gentleman is always a plus, even on Tinder. You don't have to be extreme about it, but being nice and showing that you care in a Tinder conversation is not going to make any girl say "he's just not for me". It's always endearing when a guy shows that he can be nice, provided that he is not too nice at the start. This is for Tinder openers. You never want to be extreme unless this girl requires something extreme. If it's not who you are, then start working on it. It's never too late to have a delicate flair about you, because if it's not for this conversation, maybe it'll do wonders with the next one. Please note that this isn't just for you guys on Tinder, please start being nicer to people that you are trying to date. Or anyone in general, but Tinder could be a good start for some of you who find it hard to change your ways in person.
Don't Be Afraid To Be Funny
No guy or girl ever said "he's too funny" or "she's too funny" in a bad way on a Tinder conversation. We all want to laugh and smile, especially at the start, so why are we so serious? Most posts that talk about conversation openers and starters offer examples of what to do to charm someone during the first impression. But they neglect to include laughter as a tool. Everybody wants to forget their responsibilities and their problems, so why not on Tinder too? So if you, through a simple Tinder message can make him or her smile, then that's the true opening to their heart. You don't have to crack jokes or make them "lol" or "lmao" every two messages, but make sure that they feel your vibe. A laugh or a smile every now and then will only work in your favor.
Don't Rush It
Sometimes we get ahead of ourselves and want to rush into the serious conversation to see if it's a good fit. But what's the rush? It shouldn't be about you wanting to start exchanging numbers or scheduling a date. It should be about starting a conversation on Tinder and sharing vibes. That's the exciting part, right? You could use all the well-known conversation openers in this world on every woman on Tinder, but what's it all really about? Isn't it about starting a conversation with someone? That's why you should not rush it, because it's all about the experience. Through your messages, your Tinder-match will find out more about you, and through their messages, you will out more about them. If you both continue to be intrigued by each other, then what's the rush? Enjoy the conversation while it lasts. If it goes well, then you can get off Tinder, and talk on the phone or start going out. But enjoy the beginning, because you never really get that part back.
Start With Examples
Now when I say examples, I don't mean I'm going to spoon feed you with conversation starters that will definitely work on Tinder. That is not why you are here, remember? This is just to remind you what you are doing wrong or what you should start doing right. The best Tinder conversation starters are the ones that are personalized, and don't sound too used. The best conversation starters make it easy for the person you are talking to, to actually understand what you are going on about and what you mean. By using examples, all the conversation starters you use will gather momentum and create a profile that is more appealing to your Tinder-match. Instead of just stating that you are "tired" in a conversation, tell your Tinder-match "I'm tired from taking my little sister shopping for her prom dress all day", or "I was running errands all day for the company I work at, and they really tired me out". Tell a story when you share an emotion, so you can get some flow into the conversation. It's all about connecting, so the more you start to share, the more they share, and subsequently, the more you connect. Just like in your daily life, when you share stories with your friends, don't you usually tell them why you feel the way you feel? Tinder should be no different.
Be The Different Tinder Guy
Just because all your friends started using Tinder to casually hook up, doesn't mean that you have to as well. Sometimes we're pressured into acting in ways that aren't really meant for us. Truth is, there are plenty of rumors surrounding Tinder and other dating apps. People constantly say "Tinder this, and Tinder that, Tinder is only for hook-ups, or Tinder isn't really for people who want serious relationships". The truth is that Tinder is anything you want it to be. Some people use Tinder just for conversation. It doesn't mean that you have to use Tinder for a specific purpose. Everybody has their own standards for doing things. Just because all your friends started using Tinder to find someone to have sex with, doesn't mean you can't use Tinder to find the love of your life. You hear about those rare stories about couples meeting on Tinder and even getting married. Who's to say that you can't be a part of the next great Tinder love story?
Tinder, Tinder, Tinder, Tinder & Tinder
Tinder is like a conversation window to another portal. Tinder barely qualifies itself as real life, since it's just a way for people to do whatever they want. But that isn't how it should be, now is it? People have to remind themselves, that Tinder, much like the real world involves people's feelings. Bullying, harassment, and mockery of any sort should not be the way Tinder works. Tinder was created for people to start conversations with one another in an easier manner. Some people are agoraphobic, and don't enjoy going out, so they find themselves starting using Tinder. It's never a bad idea to be a little more sensitive when talking to other people. You never know what somebody else is doing until you walk a mile in their shoes. This may be Tinder, but we're all here for a reason. Just like you want someone to respect your thoughts and feelings, you should do the same to others. Tinder is just a medium of communication now, and much like the internet, people start using it to say and do things that they would never in a million years do publicly. This is why, for those of you that are reading, please repeat a few of the following statements over and over again if you have found yourself acting this way. 1. I will never use Tinder to hurt people. 2. I will never use Tinder to consciously make someone feel uncomfortable. 3. I will never use Tinder to exploit another person in any way. 4. I will never use Tinder to bully someone verbally or physically. 5. I will use Tinder in a respectful manner for myself and those around me. 6. Tinder is a place where I can represent myself and bring joy to the people around me.
I apologize for the tone of voice kind of fading towards the end and starting to get more serious. But there are things that have to be said about people exploiting others just for laughs. We are all here for similar reasons - company and conversation. And when I say "here", I don't just mean Tinder. I also mean the world we live in. We are human, and deep down we want things like love, friendship, laughter, connections, conversations. These are all things that you could find through Tinder if you are really willing to give it an honest shot. Even if those aren't the things you are looking for, all that I ask of you is to start respecting other people and whatever it is they are looking for. There is no need to mock someone else just because they don't have the same beliefs as you. We are all human, and because I've heard a few horror conversations, I thought it was the right thing to do, to bring this up. For those of you that are on Tinder for serious purposes, good for you and enjoy! Be safe everyone!