6 Reasons Why Getting Relationship Closure Is So Important

Three years ago I was in a relationship with a man for approximately two years that I thought to be my world. We were young, we were sane, we were somewhat happy. But then something happened. My boyfriend at the time was in the process of moving. For the first day I had helped him out cleaning up the old house, packing up trinkets and getting ready for the new place that I had accompanied him in finding. One of the days he was moving he had happened to injure his knee refraining him from using that leg and giving him crutches. That was the day that I stopped talking to him. Everyone, all I can remember is being in my dorm room at the time getting a text from him stating that he was going to the hospital to get surgery and he wanted me to be there for him when he got out. His sister was going to pick me up and drop me off at his place to be his caregiver because at the time neither of us had a car. After surgery, he sends me a text stating that he is out of the hospital and would be heading home and that his sister was going to be picking me up. When I read that text message I had no expression on my face, my mind was going for its own whirl and I wasn’t ready to be deeply committed. To be honest with you I was scared. I didn’t want to use my last semester of college taking care of someone when I was barely keeping up with my classes. I had no money, no car, no idea for my future at that point. I was content but I still felt somewhat hopeless. So when he texted me several times that day I never responded. After two years of being together I never once responded to any of his calls or texts. I shunned him hoping that it would be the end of that and wishing everything would be forgotten. He never got an understanding of why that happened or what he did to deserve that. I never gave him that closure; I never gave him that conversation, not even the true meaning of why I just left without even saying goodbye. Now I’m sure you all are thinking well what a selfish brat she is for that horrible breakup, if you can even call it that? I can admit that I did feel horrible about it and today I still do. For a whole year, my ex-boyfriend thought that our relationship had no meaning. He was wrong because with my self-reasoning I felt as if I was not mature enough to handle such matters. In order to move on from a relationship, the thing that people find themselves asking is why did this happen or how come it happened? Some people get a better understanding of what they need and others may still be in the dark. For this reason, I am going to give you all 6 reasons why closure in a relationship after a breakup is important, so pay attention.

When we speak about relationships we focus on the romance, the passion, sexual attraction and of course loving one another dearly. But, people forget meaningful relationships are not based solely on romance. It would be amazing if that were the case but, it is not. We have to take a look at the reality of the relationship. Taking a step back and look at what exists now, the actuality of both of you being together. Real life relationships and not what you see in movies such as the Notebook and Dear John. Those movies portray great relationships but, those kinds of movies tend to focus more on the romanticism rather than reality. With romanticism, the fire is always ignited and the passion is always burning but with reality that fire will burn out and that happens when stuff gets real. The reality of the relationship being: If you are not happy about something, speak on it. Do not keep quiet hoping that the problem fixes itself or that he or she will figure out exactly what you want. If you didn’t know by now, most people aren’t mind readers, especially guys. When the relationship comes to a close, both of you are wide eyed and open mouthed because you can't even come to understand how everything went wrong when both of you were in bliss. You guys try so hard to get the romance back by spicing it up in the bedroom, buying each other sentimental gifts but the reality of it is that romance does fade. It doesn't mean that you both fell out of love with each other. It means that the relationship has been going on for a very long time and those fireworks are not sparking like they used to. That's okay, it happens to the best of relationships. Maybe the attraction isn't there anymore. Maybe we are too busy with work, school, kids etc. Couples have to understand that you can't take the one without the other. Realism and romanticism both should be the foundation of the relationship. If you have to choose just one then the relationship will not have any true meaning.

When closure is not an option for the guy or girl then we take in the same habits such as communication skills, relationship traumas, and habits and we think we are protecting ourselves from getting hurt. However, you are only hindering your future relationships by carrying the past on your shoulders. It is best to learn from your past relationship and make adjustments to your new relationship or how you see fit with your next partner. Remember, your new partner will not be like your old one so try not to think too much into it but, take the closure that you received from your past relationship and think on it and how it can be useful for your future. Leave the baggage behind since it isn't needed. How do you expect to grow as an individual, as someone's partner, as a positive soul if you're taking your relationship baggage with you on first class to your new boo. One mistake people make especially women is that we like to go into a new relationship expecting certain things from our new partner that our old partner may have done well; that's the definition of bringing that baggage with you. Your new guy will be his own person he doesn't need you speaking on how Trevor used to do laundry this way...Trevor used to put gas in your car...why can't you be more like Trevor? You know why? Because he is not Trevor. Your new guy will have his own mind, his own beliefs and his own ambitions. When you accept each other for who you are, if you communicate with each other well and understand one's feelings a break up will not happen and closure will not be needed for your new relationship. Leave the past in the past and get ready for your future.

To avoid wondering went wrong, the saying “communication is key” rings true to these very situations. A relationship is almost like a job; whenever you are not doing something correctly a coworker or supervisor will sit with you and talk about what’s working and what isn’t. A relationship involves constant growth. In order to grow, we have to speak up. Closed mouths do not get fed. You have to feed your relationship with communication to keep it going. But since the relationship has come to an end you can still give the other person closure and the peace of mind to move on comfortably. The conversation of closure is not to lash out but to be truthful towards one another. Lashing out only increases bitterness and nothing will be mended if the conversation takes that direction. Give your guy or girl respect when conversing. You may ask the person what you did to end up not being together. Your partner may tell you the truth your partner may fiddle around with you to avoid hurting your feelings but at the end of everything, take the closure with a grain of rice and don't be too hard on yourself. Breakups happen to everyone.

The one thing that I notice often when relationships end is people tend to be stuck in the past. That is a big no. Think of it this way: it’s like going into a new relationship and telling your new partner how much your last partner hurt you. At this point, you are in a new relationship so none of it matters anymore. But, since closure was not an important aspect in the last relationship she was in, it is still bothersome to her because she is still carrying that chip on her shoulder. Learn to let go and get your groove back. For starters, take a girl’s trip, vent to your closest girlfriends. Now I am not saying have a guy bashing party even though that may help at the time but, it will not better your being. On this trip you will relive the past once while on this trip talking to your girls but, it shouldn’t be more than one. Use your girl’s trip as a successful therapy session and when you come back from that trip then it’s time to move on. You will think about it greatly, that is true, but you no longer have to speak it into existence. That part is over, turn the page to your book.

Be honest with yourself and stop taking the blame. This goes with the person giving closure and getting it. Not only taking the blame but, do not bring up excuses as well. The biggest excuse we all have heard at one point in time is, “It’s not you, it’s me.” Now, we can just stop right there because even though it may be true that it’s you, it is not only you. It takes two to tango. The person getting closure should understand that yes, I need this conversation but after I hear my ex out what am I going to do with this information to better myself? Do not obsess over the relationship. Obsessing over it and overthinking all things gone badly in a relationship is not going to help out. Sometimes it usually makes things worst, becoming self-destructing. No lingering onto something that is broken. Keep yourself busy: Clean and organize your house, get a makeover, exercise and still keep a positive mind through all of this. While you are trying your best to keep positive vibes surrounding you it is time to self-reflect and make better choices choosing a partner and exiling past relationship patterns that may have affected the relationship.

When people break up and there isn’t any closure whatsoever, insecurities continue to stay and new ones are created. When one of the persons in the relationship abruptly leaves then what happens is that different scenarios start to play in the other persons head, scenarios that may not even have happened in the relationship but, at this point that is what is happening. The person that hasn’t received any closure already has it embedded in their mind that everything was their fault and that is why that person left without saying a single word. Stay away from confusing both people in the relationship. In order to fix confusion and insecurities sometimes the both of you will have to self-reflect and partake in a healthy conversation together. Furthermore, when relationships end, new ones come along and this time you can adjust expectations in relationships so you don’t get into a new relationship with the same results.

Forgive yourself and the other person even if they have not apologized for the disappearance of the relationship. You don’t have to get closure to move on. But, if you need someone to lean on that’s why we have friends and family. Talk about your experience with those who care for you. If family and friends aren't enough then therapy helps greatly as well. Always remember to embrace your future because this is not the end of your happiness. This relationship experience will illuminate you in ways that you never thought before. It’s okay to grieve, it’s okay to suffer, but just know that the pain is only temporary. You will find your happiness again. You will fall in love with a guy again and you will be at peace in due time. In closing, speaking back on my two-and-a-half-year relationship. I finally gave my ex closure a year later and we were able to talk about the break up like mature adults, exchange feelings and now we are back together and living happily ever after in our two- bedroom apartment.

All of us understand that every break up is different. With some breakups, people will get exactly what they need from each other and move on. In other breakups, people get exactly the opposite. If a person doesn't happen to get closure it can send them into a deep depression allowing themselves to spiral downhill very fast. Here are ways you can find the meaning behind the downfall without losing yourself in the conversation. Meet up at a place where both of you are comfortable, you will both not be interrupted and a place of free speech. Consider places such as a park, taking a walk on a dam, a quiet coffee shop or someplace close to that effect. When meeting up do not set high expectations for the meeting. If you set high expectations when finding closure then you will set yourself up for emotional failure. Listen, listen, listen. When you listen you will get the hopeful answers you need but if you are quick to speak then the closure will head in a different direction forgetting the sole purpose of your get together. If you can't get closure face to face with your guy then do not fret, it was probably for the best. As for the person giving closure, if you don't want to meet up in person you can send a letter, but, avoid using social media. It will definitely make things worse and it can be a bit cowardly. If all else fails just know that everything will get better as soon as you are ready for it to get better. The cards are in your hands, the ball is in your court. Make your happiness happen again.