10 Tricky Tips On How To Talk To A Girl For The First Time

Now, this has been debated some in the last decade or so. The new wave of feminism we’re experiencing can sometimes make guys think that by opening doors or pulling chairs they might appear old-fashioned and offend that girl they’re trying to impress. Here’s the truth: every girl knows she can do it for herself, and unless she’s determined to find fault with you (in which case sorry, you’re done for) she’s going to be impressed by your behavior. We all like to feel special, and often small gestures speak louder than cliche ones. This is also a great way to build up your way to a full-blown conversation if you aren’t ready to talk to her for the first time yet. Best of all, it is appropriate regardless of how you know her! Work? School? Coffeeshop? They all offer opportunities to act like a gentleman. If that special girl sees you offer your chair or open the door for someone, especially herself, she will be intrigued and likely wish for you to approach her.

There’s a lot you can tell about a girl before even talking to her, and if you find her attractive or have a crush on her, it is likely that you’ve been admiring her already. Maybe she likes to read a certain genre or author. Maybe you notice she enjoys a particular song at your local coffee shop. Maybe you’ve heard her talking about a current issue it’s clear she cares about. The great thing about this tip is that it doesn’t require much effort. You probably noticed at least two of those things already; now it’s just a matter of putting them into action! It can be as simple as, “Hey, I hope you don’t mind me talking to you, but I saw you reading this book I love the other day and thought maybe you’d like this writer as well.” Or, “Hey, I saw you really got into that song yesterday, what did you think of their last album?.” These subjects are general enough (not to mention easily molded to your situation!) that they let you establish a pleasant conversation without coming on too strong or aggressive. It also helps you talk to her that first time without having to rely on a subject that doesn’t invite much additional conversation: like the weather.

There’s a good chance you have a friend or acquaintance in common, and this is like gold! Seriously, it’s like ice-breaking-talk-to-a-girl-for-the-first-time gold. There are so many ways you can go with this. If you’re close to the person in question then be honest, tell them you’re interested and ask them for an introduction. Perhaps they can set up a group dinner at a local restaurant or a Saturday night at the movies. If you’re not that close to the person, or maybe you just know tact isn’t their strength, you can approach the girl directly! Now, I know this takes a bit of bravery, but it can have potentially great results! A simple “Hi, I’m sorry for bothering you but aren’t you friends with Jane Jameson?” From there you have carte blanche. You can talk about your friend, how you met them, ask how she met them, and then go for the kill — “Do you mind if I take a seat at your table/next to you? I’m really enjoying our conversation." Hook, line, and sinker. You could be on the road for something great.

Now, this seems obvious, but it does have a few constraints. For example, if you tell her “Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I think you made a great point in this morning’s debate.” then you show you’ve been paying attention and that you’re interested in her opinion: double win! But if you say “Oh, isn’t Professor B the worst?” or “Fergus was an asshole in class today” there are some issues. For one, complaining about a teacher is the student equivalent of commenting on the weather. That’s unoriginal and doesn’t build up too much; it’s a dead end. It also makes you seem like a negative person, which might not even be true! It’s not an endearing characteristic. But there’s an even bigger danger here, what if she likes the teacher/classmate? Maybe she’s close to them! Then you have both offended her, and possibly let a peer or teacher know you don’t have a high opinion of them: double failure. Another easy way to break the ice which is sure to set you up on a positive road together is to ask her to work with you! Whether there's an upcoming exam or a big project, ask her if she would like to help you or collaborate with you. It's a great opportunity to flatter her if you tell her you've noticed she understands the material easily, and if you've heard her complain of the opposite, you can tell her you'd like to help her or attempt to figure it out together.

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that girls like to feel pretty. Okay, maybe that’s not quite what Jane Austen wrote — but, if her heroines are any indication, she sure as hell thought it! This hasn’t changed in the last odd two hundred years; we go to great lengths to feel good about ourselves. As nice as it is for you to appreciate it that, it can be the wrong way to talk to her for the first time. As much as she might love to hear that she has pretty eyes in your second or third conversation, it’s not the way to go when breaking the ice. If you just go up to her and say, “I like your eyes,” regardless of how smooth you are when framing it. She’ll either feel awkward (best case scenario) or think you’re a creeper with no sense of boundaries (um, if you couldn’t tell, this is the worst case scenario). A good way to make her feel appreciated and not objectified is to compliment her on something she did. This is probably easier than you think, too. As much as you may appreciate the way she looks, chances are you’re also paying attention to what she does. Did she help a senior do something the latter struggled with? Did she help diffuse an awkward situation in which someone was feeling vulnerable? Hell, did she defend an organization or political view? If there’s one thing we Millenials are, is civically involved. If you say “Hey, I hope I’m not bothering you, I just wanted to tell you I really admire how you defended puppies the other day.” or “Hi, I just wanted to say it was very kind of you to diffuse the tension in class today.” This approach is sure to have success. Even if you don’t build up the nerve to continue the conversation right there, I can assure you she’ll love your initiative, and you’ll be on her mind.

It’s okay, we all do it. We spend so much time on social media that it’s hard to resist checking her account. This can also be great for you, as it gives you a clearer idea of who she is and what she likes which will inevitably make it easier for you to break the ice. You don’t want to make it too obvious that you’ve been (cough, obsessively) looking at her account, even if you’re FB friends or an IG follower. There’s a difference between “Hey, I heard you just returned from a trip. Did you have a good time?” and “So I saw online that on Thursday night at 11:23 PM you were at the Leaky Cauldron in Hogwartsland. How did it go?”. As I said, there’s a difference, and I hope you notice it! Even if she knows you’re connected on social platforms, which nowadays often predates the first time you talk, there are ways for her to know you’re interested without feeling like her every move is being inspected. It allows you to start that conversation online if you’re not sure when you’ll see her again or if you’re looking to create a foundation for that next in-person meeting. Also, if she’s a fan of "Criminal Minds" (and aren’t we all), she might be seriously creeped out.

Chances are you don’t want to just talk to her. I mean talking is great, but you’ve had a crush on her for how long now? You’re hoping it becomes more, and if she likes you back so does she! Now, honesty seems like obvious advice. How many times have you heard "don’t steal, don’t cheat, don’t lie" (thanks, McGraw)? But this is particularly a big deal on the first conversation. It may seem innocent enough to pretend you like the book she’s reading when maybe cereal boxes (or Panda Gossip!) is your word limit. Perhaps you tell her you to adore the music you caught her bobbing her head to a few minutes ago when it makes your ears bleed. Not only are you setting up a faulty foundation for what would have otherwise been a great relationship, but you’re also doing a disservice to yourself! Both guys and girls fall victim to this during the first conversation or even the first date; we're so concerned with getting them to like us that we forget who we are! While it may not be a deal breaker, at some point you’ll get sick of pretending to enjoy things you don’t, and it will create friction between you two. Even if you work up the nerve to talk to her for the first time only to discover you have absolutely nothing in common, it’s better to leave it at that than to try to force something that’ll make you both unhappy. This might be the most valuable advice we can give you, whether online or IRL, to set you up on the road to romantic success.

If you haven’t seen the viral posts in which a stranger (typically female) steps in to save another girl from a guy aggressively hitting on her, then you’re living under a rock. Here’s an extra free tip for you: don’t even try to hit on her at the gym. Just don’t. This is so important though because the last thing you want is for the girl to feel intimidated or frightened. You can also bet that if she does, her friends will know about it and you’ll get a bad rep (even if it’s the opposite of your intention). Sometimes people are just intense, and they don’t realize how they come across to others. If you think that might be the case with you, ask someone you trust (especially to be honest about awkward subjects). Also, ask them to give you examples of when you come across as aggressive since maybe specific instances will help you understand why and when your behavior is off-putting. This will be a big help to set you up on the right road not only in your romantic life but also in your professional one.

I hesitate to write this tip, because even though I believe in what I’m about to suggest I don’t want you to think I’m suggesting you should play hard to get. Not only is this counterproductive for your first conversation, RL or online, I think they’re just a general waste of time. What is important is to not suddenly crowd the girl because you spoke once. All relationships develop differently, and some people find they hit it off so well they immediately start spending tons of time together. That’s great! But it’s also perfectly normal if there’s a slower build up. The key here will be seeing how she responds. If you find she says hi or starts a conversation with you, that’s a great signal! Or if you exchange contact info and you’re both texting back and forth, that’s encouraging too. If you start every conversation, online or RL, and see she’s a bit hesitant, vague, or noncommittal on her responses, then you should take a step back and assess the situation. Chances are, you're a bit too strong, and she’s not sure she’s ready for something so intense. The best approach in this situation is to make a conscious effort to relax and let her lead for a while. Be near/available in case she realizes she misses your company, but don’t smother the poor girl.

This is a simple one. Everyone knows girls love funny guys; in fact, it’s usually more attractive than physical attributes! It can make some guys feel pressured though, and try to force humor into inappropriate situations. My advice for this one is simple. First, be yourself — as cliche as this is, it’s pointless to try to start a relationship in which you’ll have to censor yourself all the time. Also, keep in mind that everyone’s idea of what constitutes funny is different; for example, she might be offended by a dirty joke, or she might think it’s the best thing ever. Your best bet is to avoid anything that can be deemed offensive until you know her better and can predict her reaction. Lastly, keep in mind humor takes many forms and you shouldn’t feel pressured to conform to one — whether you’re sarcastic, wry, or have a huge arsenal of jokes, stick to your strengths.