Why Doesn't He Text You First? 10 Things You Should Know About Men

Worried that the guy you care so much about doesn't always text you first? Here are the possible reasons. Get to know why he acts the way he does.

By Emmanuel Onitayo
Why Doesn't He Text You First? 10 Things You Should Know About Men

Why Are You Worried He Doesn't Text You First?

To put the matter as it is in your mind, the fact that that guy doesn't text you first means he probably doesn't love you anymore, isn't it? Well, you may or may not be right. In fact, you have a higher chance of being wrong in your assumption of him not loving you anymore if the guy in question texts you back each time you send him a text message first. The reason is that if a guy doesn't love you at all, he's not likely going to reply your text. Though most women can see that men aren't like them in shapes and looks, their thoughts seem to align otherwise. In other words, most women think that men reason the way they do which is not actually true. Men are wired (to put it so) a little bit differently from women. So, although both sexes want love in their relationships, the manner in which they communicate and receive it differs. There you are thinking why he doesn't text you first and probably linking it to he not loving you anymore; the truth is that he probably loves you more than you can ever imagine. Chances are that his priority is not in text messages as you view it, but to show that he still likes you; that is why each time you send him those texts, he'll find time to text back. Sure, you would want to know what goes on in the mind of most men, wouldn't you? We think you should. That would help you better understand them and lead a great relationship with them. They aren't as tough or difficult as you may think and regardless of their background or nationality, many of them want similar things when it comes to a relationship. So, here are some 10 things to know about men, which would hopefully, help you understand why he doesn't text you first.

1. Why No Text First? Action Speaks Louder Than Text

Perhaps as a female, you need to recognize this fact; the things you hear and read from a guy you like communicate love to you more than it does for the man. Stated differently, it means that you are moved more by what you hear (or read) from a guy than what he does in most situations. What's the point here? No matter how hard a guy tries to please you by what he does, if he fails to regularly say those three very important words, you may occasionally find yourself doubting whether he actually loves you or not. You want your man in addition to all of his good gestures to compliment you and tell you unreservedly that you are the best thing to have ever happened to him in life. Granted, you deserve it and he should learn to be a gentleman. But then, you may need to know that men are not naturally inclined to speak too many words let alone texting every now and then. To most of them, their action says it all. They may not tell you they like you every day but if you study their actions toward you well, you can read where their affection is. Take, for instance, let's say the guy doesn't always text you back when you manage to send him a text but he puts his life at risk to get you almost all the things to live comfortably; to him, he expects that you should be able to read clearly even without uttering a word or sending a text that he cares and likes you. The reverse is also true. Whereas a woman would say she hates a man to his face or sends him a text saying this, a man would rather communicate the same through his action. One of them may include him not texting you first or if you send him a text, he may not respond by texting back. By his action, he supposes that you would have read the writing on the wall. So, rather than focus interminably on who texts first or worrying about why he doesn't text like before, pay close attention to his overall attitude or manner to the relationship; that's where you get to know his feelings and not who texts first.

2 Why No Text First? Men Don't Care About Messages

This is another way to say men generally don't believe in the text message thing. Sending text messages every now and then is largely considered a feminine act by them. Never mind that when he was trying to woo you he did that a lot; he's often the one to wake you up in the morning with a text or call. He was looking for something then and as such, would do anything to get it. Besides, at that stage, he was not his real self; the "in love" phenomenon was still largely at work and that was why he could roll in as many messages as you received then. Now that he has gotten what he wants and he's assured you'll marry him, he returns or reverses to his normal self. That doesn't mean he doesn't love you anymore; no, he probably does. He's been assured of your commitment and the next thing for him is to work hard to make things work. However, if he won't text first or reply when texted, you may want to find out what's happening; it may indeed be because he doesn't love you anymore.

3.Urge To Provide; May Be Why He Doesn't Text You First

It is an innate desire of most men to want to provide for their wives; and where they are yet to marry, their girlfriends. As a matter of fact, when they are unable to do this, many of them do not feel being man enough. This is because providing for a need and loving someone are closely connected in their minds. So, most times, they may lose sight of every other thing namely, sending messages, in a bid to be a good husband to their wife or a good boyfriend to their girlfriend. On the other hand, the oversight is mostly understood by their significant other as they not loving them anymore. Where this is why your man doesn't text first, you'll discover he would text back most time, apologizing for the oversight. He probably cannot help himself because he cannot combine two things at a time without one being affected. So, as suggested earlier, the in thing is to examine his overall attitude to your relationship and not whether he texts first or not! The urge to provide may actually not make him prioritize this.

4. Why No Text First? Your Poor Self-Worth!

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Sometimes, women themselves determine how men treat them by the estimate they place on themselves. Why should I, for instance, pay so much attention to someone that doesn't feel she's worth it? Perhaps you don't know that men are able to know what value you place on yourself by your actions and even inactions. Of course, most men can decode that. When a man discovers that he's the only one you depend upon for amusement, recreation, companionship and the likes and you both are not yet married, he's bound to start taking things for granted. Get the point here; he may not be taking you for granted or have it in mind to do so but because he knows that "you've got no other option," he may start taking his statutory roles in the relationship for granted. Trust men to always take their chances on women who allow their relationship to shut them up from other important people in their lives. Not taking the initiative to text first is the least of the experiences such women can get from their men. They know that however serious or not they take you, because of how you view yourself, you would still make effort to reach them. When a man sees his relationship with you as a privilege, he's going to be twice committed to it than he would have ordinarily been. He may not always have the time to text but you would see both by his words and action that he's committed. Get a life outside of your relationship and don't make him feel like he's your all (even though in your mind, that may be who he is to you). Connect with other people by casting a broad net. If you do so, chances are that your obsession with who texts first or whether he even texts at all would reduce. He too would see a need to always be on top of his game with you by doing the needful as and when due.

5. Why No Text First? Freedom Issues

Now, let's be frank here; during those periods when you guys were texting on the go, what was the content of the messages like? Aren't they questions upon questions about what he's doing; his plans for the day and the days to come; how he's relating to his friends and the like? You may think he likes such things but he may not. In fact, most men don't want excessive intrusion into their private lives, not even by a woman. The reason he texts you first then may be that he wants to get what he wants first after which he'll now display his true self. As it goes, when a man starts feeling that his freedom is no longer guaranteed especially in a relationship, he starts withdrawing. And one way to deny him this freedom is to expect or demand that he texts you often. You may not understand how texting you can rob a man of his freedom but it is part of the dynamism in the perspective of both genders. You interpret receiving texts from him as probably a display of love and care but he the sender may view it as a task or obligation. Considering the fact that text messages can easily be misconstrued especially as it cannot effectively convey the tone and even the mood, he'll have to put a lot of efforts into it to ensure that his message is well understood. That aside, he knows that if he keeps texting you first, you may start taking it as an obligation that he must do. Even though you may not have said this formally, the day he fails to send you a text, you may pick an offense with him. To forestall this, he'd rather not take the initiative in the first place. He wants to be free to act the way he feels best and not to be psychologically coerced into some routine practices which would hinder him from being a man that he is.

6. Why He Doesn't Text You First? Men Fear Commitments

The fact that a man says he'll marry you does not mean he's ready to completely let go of all the other women in his life prior to that time. He still wants to play with other girls and enjoy all the attention while he keeps you 'safe' somewhere from where he hopes to 'pick' you up when he's done. This is one area you are different from him. When you agree to marry a man, you start limiting your contact with every other man you were once close to. You can't think of sharing your affection with two men simultaneously. However, this is not the same story with the male folks. Even though he loves you and has proposed to marry you, he doesn't just want to let go of the other females in his life; he wouldn't want to say bye to the attention and affection he probably has been receiving from his female friends. So, asking or expecting that he should text first is a commitment that would require he forgets every other person and concentrates on you. It's not as if he cannot do that but you would have reached a certain level in your relationship before he can probably give you this level of commitment. The occasional attention he gets from the sideline can make him forget he hasn't texted you for a while. That's why you may have to be patient with him. While it is not recommended that you smother him with too many texts, you may not have to bother much about who texts first. If you are persistent enough, you can effectively "wean" him from the sideline attractions.

7. Why He Doesn't Text You First? Men Have Ego

It is not impossible that the reason he doesn't text you first is his ego. All men struggle with ego especially when it comes to issues bothering on relationships. They tend to always protect their pride by intentionally not doing certain things which you would naturally want them to do. They can text back if you take the initiative but most would be afraid they'll be taken for granted if they keep sending you text messages every now and then. Some men have erroneously believed that the first person to call or send a text message in a relationship is a weakling and this is why some would refuse to take the right step to salvage their relationship. However, you can always get whatever you want from a man by continuously making him feel in charge. If he feels respected well enough, he is not likely going to see sending you a message first as a threat to his "authority". But where he considers his ego to be at stake, he may be reluctant to do the needful. For you, the woman, all you may be concerned about is receiving love and attention from that man you care so much about; men too want to show that they love you but in doing so, they also take caution against anything that may make them become subservient or less esteemed by you. What if he texts first and you don't text back or you respond in a way that he considers offensive? This fear of possible rejection and loss of self-worth is why your man may not have been texting you first.

8. Perhaps Your Man Is A Complete Gentleman

You may find this incredible but he not texting you first can be because he's just being a gentleman. Some men are just very conscious of how they relate to women. In their minds, they don't want to disturb you. Therefore, unless they see a kind of green light from your end, they may not text or call you at all. His decision not to call you first does not mean he's no longer into you; you're probably the woman he still wants to marry and live with. He probably doesn't understand how he texting you first speaks so loudly to you otherwise he would have been glad to do that over and over again. You'll discover such a man would only call or text first when he has a genuine reason to do so. Therefore, it's good to know who the man you are dealing with is so you can fully know why he doesn't text you first. While you may consider receiving a text from him first as a cool thing, a gentleman may see such as not only pointless but distracting. He doesn't want to act out of presumption. So, unless you tell him what your expectations are, the trend may continue without any visible change from him.

9. Don't Mind The Bold Faces; Men Too Feel Shy

It is possible you're thinking that because men are usually the ones that make the first move, they don't also feel their hearts out when they want to propose to women; nothing can be farther from the truth than such a thought. Men too blush just that many of them have found ways of overcoming it. Typically, before a man walks up to you for a marriage proposal, he would have done a lot of rehearsals. If you had a way of seeing what is going on within him, you would know that the question "Will you marry me" wasn't as easy for him to say as it is for you to hear. He has his fears as well as things that make him shy. So, if your relationship with a man is still at the incubation stage, he may still be fidgety at daring certain things. He probably may be too ashamed of himself to first send you texts but if he sees anyone from you'll he'll text back almost immediately. So, when you are thinking, "Why doesn't he text me first," don't rule out shyness.

10. Most Men Can Be Forgetful

Generally speaking, men on the average seem to not have a mind that stores information for a long time especially those ones that are not dramatic. As you ponder on why he doesn't text you first, it's good that you don't come to the conclusion that he doesn't love you anymore without given him a benefit of doubt; he may have forgotten. This is the point; as a woman, you are able to switch roles and perhaps emotion without one disturbing the other. It's possible to remember all that you wish to do for your partner in your mind while you are also busy with a chore or even a challenge. Most men don't have this ability. In most cases, they get engrossed in what they are doing at the moment especially if they find it exciting or productive. As such, while you are waiting for him to call or text you first, his attention may have been heavily distracted by the task at hand. Let's say he's a business person who is always meeting with different people and having lots of transactions every day; except you take the initiative to call him first, he may not remember to call you. Or let's say he's still in College having exams and lectures on his path every now and then, he may become so engrossed in these things so much that he doesn't take note that he hasn't been taking charge of your relationship enough. This doesn't mean that he has stopped loving you; most times, when real men propose to a lady to marry them, they mean what they say and expect that the woman takes them at their words too. Usually, you can always get to correct such men by bringing to their notice what you expect from them. However, in doing so, you have to present issues with tact and not attack him for what you feel are his shortcomings.

Final Thoughts

As a woman, it can be painful to be in a relationship with a man that appears not to be giving you his best attention. It makes you feel less desired or appreciated and this isn't an experience you want to have. You want your man to always be in charge while you respond accordingly. This is great and not over-ambitious on your side. However, for some reasons which are peculiar to men, you may not always find some of your expectations coming through most times. It is possible that sometimes, you would have to make the first move when it comes to certain issues in your relationship. Your man not texting you first may not mean he doesn't love you anymore. A lot of factors can be responsible for this habit and we have done justice to that in this piece. It is advised that you get to know why he doesn't text you first before concluding that he doesn't love you anymore. That's because we are often mistaken in our judgment of feelings. And if you can establish he doesn't love you anymore, it wouldn't be a bad idea to let him be. It may appear to be a difficult decision but with time, you would come to appreciate the fact that you took it. If a man isn't putting you at the forefront of his plans, you have to reconsider your relationship with him.



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