Bringing Intimacy To A Sexless Marriage: How To Rekindle The Fire
We all start as strangers, But we just don't sense the danger. Fall so hard, we break our bones, Ruin our heart, turn it into a stone. Compromises made, we've sacrificed. Prices made, mistakes never rectified. Learnt our less now, A perfect charm, broken now, don't know how. Promises broken, secrets kept, Shockingly awaken, we sat and wept. All stares gone, compliments forgotten, those lies then begun, Wishes then thrown, yet hoped for survival in the long run. Became friends again, we made a compromise, For one a gain, but against the other's choice. Friend to bestfriends, or will we be acquaintances, Now marking an end, washed off all the memorable instances. Now clueless about what the future may hold, We were told to be fearless and bold. We were unstoppable, now we came to a halt, Who was responsible? Who was at fault? (Unanswered questions) . ~forgottenmagic. . . . . . #writers #poetsofinstagram #writersofinstagram #poets #writerscommunity #reading #reader #bookstagram #book #instagrampoetry #poetry #love #loveislove #heartbreak #friendship #truefriends #wordporn #bookworm #reading #girl #women #cute #couplegoals #sadcouple
Many marriages can go through a period of time where they find themselves going without sex. Especially for individuals who have hectic schedules or different levels of passion and need, sex can easily start to seem like a chore to check off their list. What do you do when you find yourself in a marriage without sex? Is it the beginning of the end? This article is going to dive into the importance of physical intimacy and passion as well as what you can do to rekindle the fire.
The problems a marriage without intimacy can cause
Signs that things are going downhill
Aside from long periods without sex, there are several problems that can coincide with a passionless marriage. If one side is trying to initiate physical intimacy and is getting turned down repeatedly, they can be left feeling undesirable. Whether it's the husband or the wife, it can cause an overall drop in self-esteem and they may stop asking altogether leaving both sides going without. This can also potentially lead to an affair without the knowledge of their significant other. For the person doing the rejecting, being pestered about sex can get annoying and they can begin to develop feelings of resentment towards their partner. They may not see their rejection as being personal and don't realize how their partner might be feeling after being rejected multiple times. They may even be relieved when they are no longer being asked for intimacy, but this is a dangerous way to think and quickly develops into a sexless marriage. These kinds of issues can easily snowball into large problems for the marriage, especially if one or both sides don't communicate how they feel about the lack of overall passion. If one side of the relationship begins to shut the other out, then there's no possibility for the passion in the marriage to return. Ultimately, this can result in a lot of negative feelings on both sides and potentially divorce. That's why it's important to work together towards finding a solution before things reach a point where you're both going along without your needs being met.
What can cause a marriage without intimacy?
How does the passion begin to fade?
A sexless marriage can get started in a number of ways, and it can often snowball pretty quickly. Something as small as a thoughtless comment about the appearance of one partner can result in them feeling gross and without the passion needed for physical intimacy. It can also be the result of both people in the marriage having busy schedules. When either the husband or wife always on the go, it can be easy to leave passion to the wayside and end up going without sex for long periods of time. If there is a large difference in your sex drive and your partner's sex drive, it can cause a problem as well. Not everyone wants to be intimate at the same frequency, so if this is a problem in your marriage then it may be necessary to find ways to compromise. Things like arguments, broken trust, misunderstandings, and inability to get alone time due to children can also lead to this problem. If you happen to notice anything in your life that is starting to cause problems with being able to enjoy a romantic time with your significant other, it's best to try to nip it in the bud.
Why intimacy is important
Why it's worthwhile to save a marriage without intimacy
Physical intimacy is often times given less importance than it deserves in situations where the passion is running low, but it's actually an integral part of maintaining a happy marriage. It helps to solidify the bond between the married partners and is simply good for relieving stress. It's important to remember that you and your partner are a team and the physical intimacy between you is meant to be fun and relaxing for both sides. When the need for physical intimacy isn't met, it may start off as just a couple of weeks of going without, but can easily morph into months or years missing out on something very important. Sometimes sex can begin to feel more like a job, and that can happen for a number of reasons. One side may feel that they aren't getting what they need from the other, which makes sex less fun for them overall. It might start to seem like it's just better to go without entirely. When this happens, it's important to communicate in order to make sure both people have the opportunity to get their needs met. In this situation, some changes may need to be made in order to keep the passion and excitement in your time together. What many people can forget is that a healthy sex life can actually be an answer to a hectic schedule or stress in their lives. It's a solution that often can be turned into a problem under certain circumstances. This is especially true if one side doesn't feel they are getting what they need out of the physical intimacy between them. For example, foreplay can be especially important for women and if their partner decides to go without and move straight into intercourse then it can leave her feeling unfulfilled. She may then lose interest in sex, which leaves her partner feeling unfulfilled as well.
What can you do?
A relationship without physical intimacy doesn't have to spell disaster for your marriage. There are things you can do to fix the situation. The following are options you have that can help bring the passion back into your marriage.
Talk about what's bothering you
Communication is the key in all aspects of your marriage and especially when intimacy is concerned and without it, problem-solving can be very difficult. Take some time to sit down with your wife or husband and discuss the situation. If you're the one seeking intimacy and being rejected, then explain how it makes you feel and make sure to ask what might be wrong and what you can do to help bring the passion back. Be careful not to place blame on your partner or get nasty about their rejections. If you are on the other side of the fence, discuss with your partner what might be wrong or what they could do to make sex more appealing. Try to really be honest with yourself and with your partner and get to the root of why you haven't been interested. Keep in mind that you aren't “in trouble” or otherwise doing something bad. It could be something as small as a medication that is dampening your passion. This is something you may be able to adjust to going without or find a replacement that won't have negative effects on your marriage. The goal of this conversation is to find a solution that will make you both happy, not to pressure, blame or argue about the reasons that a lack of passion might have become a problem. If you would prefer, try sitting in with a counselor who can help to guide the conversation so that it can reach a healthy resolution for both marriage partners.
Set aside time to be together
While it may not seem like the most exciting option, planning time to be together can be a useful tool in saving your marriage, especially if you have hectic schedules without a lot of open space for personal time. A marriage requires work, especially after years of being together, having children and careers. Early on in your dating life, it can be easy to be passionate and spontaneous with your sex life, but when you have jobs, soccer games and other engagements getting in the way, it becomes something you have to purposefully set aside time for one another. It's a great idea to give yourself a date night. This can include going out to dinner or otherwise having a night out that typically leads to physical intimacy. The latter isn't required, every couple is different and needs to take different steps to improve their relationship. Do what makes both sides comfortable in your relationship, and move forward as a team. Making time for each other is an integral step in allowing emotional intimacy as well as physical intimacy in the marriage to grow.
Take Small Steps
It's not a race
Depending on your unique situation, you may not have an easy time getting back into the habit of regular sex. When that's the case, it's worth remembering that there's more to physical intimacy than just intercourse. You can have plenty of fun without the pressure of intercourse. Try looking into other activities you can enjoy together that are easier or potentially more enjoyable while you work on building passion in the relationship. These can include things like oral play, using toys or play involving your hands either on yourselves or one another. You may find that these introductory activities are more fun than you remember, and help to get the desire growing between the two of you. Foreplay activities can liven things up and make the entire process more enjoyable, so don't be afraid to explore a little rather than jumping right back into intercourse. After all, it's better to engage in some lighter sexual activities together than to go without entirely.
Find the fun
The more you enjoy it, the easier it is
It can be easy to forget just how fun physical intimacy in your marriage can be. When you get caught in a rut of repeating the same kinds of activities over and over, it leaves your sex life without a lot of excitement. When it's not passionate and exciting, it can start to feel like more of a chore. This is where the sex drive can drop because one or both sides may not be getting what they want or need from the experience. Luckily, there are a plethora of things you and your partner can explore that can help bring the passion back into the relationship. Try discussing kinks and fantasies with your partner and see if there are anything you decide and want to explore together. You may be able to find something that gets you both excited about physical intimacy again. You can also decide to try out toys or role-playing that can help bring back the passion. For some couples, changing up the dynamics in your relationship can be useful. There are a variety of different sexual dynamics that you can add into your relationship. For example, you may want to try including a dominant/submissive dynamic into the relationship. Try looking around to see if any of these aspects appeal to you and your partner. If this kind of thing doesn't appeal to you, then maybe try out something more sensual, such as giving each other massages or finding other activities that help to get the flame going.
If you're experiencing these kinds of problems with your husband or wife, you're not alone. Many people deal with these kinds of issues in their marriage to some extent. It doesn't mean that either partner is doing something wrong, as it can often occur as the result of a hectic schedule or a new medication. What's important to focus on is solving the problem before it causes any serious disruption of your marriage. There are plenty of ways to bring back the passion, and it absolutely can be done.