Signs Of A Controlling Boyfriend
One of the greatest Eastern philosophers Lao Tzu once said that being deeply loved by someone gives us strength while loving someone deeply gives us courage. This is very true as we all look for people who can love us as deeply as we love them so that we can have the strength and courage to face this life. However, finding that person who will genuinely love and respect you is usually a very difficult thing.
When in a relationship, you should be open to one another so as to build trust as relationships cannot work without it. While spending time together is healthy for your relationship, it is also recommended that you give one another some space as well. Some spouses, however, always find it necessary to dictate what their partners will do or how they spend their time; which causes them to be controlling. Some men have been known to have this behavior when in relationships; but what are the reasons for such behavior?
Some of the reasons why some men tend to be controlling are because:
- They have been hurt in the past which causes them to develop a protective mindset so as to avoid getting hurt again.
- They had a difficult childhood. The way an individual is brought up can affect his/her behavior later in life. Men who grew up in a controlling environment might do the same to other people later as they feel as if that is the right thing to do.
- Pride and ego. Some men control their girlfriends for the sake of their pride and ego.
- They have low self-esteem and are insecure.
When in a relationship it is not easy for you to realize if your boyfriend is controlling you until it’s too late. The following are some of the signs that can help you find out if you have a controlling boyfriend:
1. He stalks you
He is always in contact with you and wants to be informed of every step you take even if you are at work. You are under his surveillance 24/7; this is a major red flag.
2. He always criticizes you
Never ending criticism is another sign of a controlling boyfriend. He criticizes everything you do which makes it hard for you to feel loved, validated, and accepted since everything that you is not good enough for him.
3. He is uncontrollably jealous
A little jealousy is good for relationships as it shows that someone actually cares about you and do not want to lose you. But if your boyfriend is unable to control himself, then, this can be a very scary and negative thing as it can make him be possessive. Boyfriends with too much jealousy are full of paranoia and constantly accuse you things that you might not be doing.
4. He has a temper
Relationships that are full of anger are never healthy. A boyfriend who always gets angry quickly is the controlling type and he uses his anger to show who the boss really is. Such people are driven by the need to feel like they are always in-charge and powerful.
5. He hates when you having a good time
A controlling boyfriend does not like seeing you having a good time and will do anything to make sure that this does not happen. This is because he is intimidated by your love of life and your passion and he fears that essential qualities might take you away from his grasp. A normal boyfriend would feel lucky to have a girl with such amazing qualities.
6. He makes you doubt yourself
A controlling boyfriend causes you to doubt yourself in everything you do by making you feel like you are not good enough to be able to achieve your goals. A caring and loving boyfriend, on the other hand, supports and encourages you to work towards your goals and makes you feel like you are smart enough to achieve anything in life.
7. He is unwilling to hear from your point of view
If your boyfriend is the controlling type, you will find that your opinion does not matter and he will keep interrupting you in the middle of conversations. It’s always about what he wants and you have no say in that relationship.
8. He uses guilt as a tool
A controlling boyfriend always finds a way of manipulating you into feeling a steady stream of guilt about everything. Controlling individuals exploit their victim’s emotions so that they can have their way at all times as the victims end up giving up their power.
9. He cuts you off from your family and friends
A controlling boyfriend will do anything in his power to see that you are not on good terms with your family and friends. His reason for doing this is to ensure that you have no support network so that you can only be depending on him.
10. He is always right and you are always wrong
A boyfriend who is controlling never sees himself responsible for any wrongdoing since according to him you are the cause of every bad thing happening.
11. He sees other guys as a threat
A controlling boyfriend sees every male friend in your life is a threat to him and will do anything to terminate the friendship. This is mainly driven by his insecurity and jealousy. As long as you do not have a history with the male friends, then this should not be an issue for a mature boyfriend.
12. His beliefs are always on a higher moral ground to yours
If your boyfriend sees his behavior or beliefs as superior to yours at all times then he is the controlling type.
13. He attaches conditions to love and affection
A controlling boyfriend will use love as a tool for control. He knows that you long for love and affection which is why he will give it to you but only based on what he wants from you.
14. He has little or no respect for your needs
If your boyfriend is controlling he will not care about what you want which means that he does not recognize that you have your own needs. For instance, he will demand your undivided attention even when you want to be alone.
15. He makes you dependent
A controlling boyfriend cannot empower you economically. The thought of you being an independent woman is unbearable to him as he feels like he will lose his control when you are independent.
How To Deal With a Controlling Boyfriend
So what do you do after finding out that your boyfriend is the controlling type? There is no quick fix when it comes to such issues and this means that you have to be patient as you work towards regaining control of your life. The following are some of the ways of dealing with a controlling boyfriend:
- Start putting yourself first. Make yourself a priority and ensure that you do things that benefit you.
- Bring your family and friends back into your life. Having your family and friends close to you is essential as they will provide you with much-needed support.
- Tell him about things that are bothering you. Let your controlling boyfriend know that what he is doing is wrong as this might make him realize his mistakes and change for better.
- If he does not change give him an ultimatum. If your boyfriend really loves you he will make an effort to change is behavior after you have raised your concerns, but if he does not change let him know that he will lose you.
Last Resort - Break Up
This step should be the last resort after you have tried everything without any success. We all make mistakes and this is why you should first try communicating with your boyfriend on the things that he is doing wrong. If he continues with his controlling behavior you are left with no option but to put your well-being first and walk away from the unhealthy relationship.
Quotes On A Controlling Boyfriend Relationship
The following are some of the controlling boyfriend relationship quotes:
- "How you make others feel about themselves says a lot about you."
- "Someone who really loves you doesn’t want to hurt you."
- "When it comes to relationships, less control, more freedom. It’s all about trust. If there’s no trust there’s no connection."
- "If he makes you lose your family, lose your friends, lose your confidence, lose your self-esteem, or lose your happiness, then you need to lose him."
For a relationship to work it must be healthy. This means that you both have to be ready to respect each other, compromise, be supportive, to respect each other’s privacy, and to communicate. These are some of the things that an unhealthy relationship such as the one with a controlling boyfriend lacks. All relationships have their ups and downs but you should never compromise your happiness.