18 Painfully Obvious Reasons why Relationships Fail

In the words of Patty Smyth’s famous song:

“There's a reason why people don't stay where they are.
Baby, sometimes love just ain't enough.”

Sad but true that sometimes love just isn’t enough to keep the love alive.

You gave it your all. You gave it your best. And yet here you here nursing a broken heart once again. What on earth went wrong with your relationship you keep asking yourself repeatedly?

The following are the top 16 reasons why people in spite of being deeply in love with one another just are unable to make it:

If you step out of you pain for a moment and look around you, chances are that you will find people who are crazy in love with each other but can’t live together just because they are so different.

The generation we live in today is the Quantum Leap generation. A generation that the thought of waiting for something leads to feelings of frustration and helplessness. This is so painfully obvious around us.

We swipe the screen on our tablets and our smartphones and things happen instantaneously. So why not instantaneous love? Unfortunately, real relationships take time to build and true love needs to be worked to keep it that way.

Today’s world is a world of DISKS (Double Income Single Kid Syndrome), and DINKS (Double Income No Kids Syndrome). The earlier traditional family structure of the men going to work and women taking care of the house hearth has disintegrated, as a result of women getting educated and becoming financially independent. Not a bad thing in itself, it can have dire consequences when taken to the extremes.

There should be a healthy balance in relationship roles. Relationships take time and nurturing. If both the partners put their career at the forefront of everything else then relationships will flounder and ultimately perish.

Busy lifestyles can be said to be an offshoot of the career choices issue mentioned earlier. If we look around us today, we are busier now, than we have been ever before. Ironic, considering that technology is evolving and we always find things that supposedly save us more and more time. Time, that we should be able to give to our relationships each day.

What are we doing with the extra time these modern gadgets and devices profess to save us?

Why not put it all where it’s meant to go; right back into our lives and build healthier relationships.

Infidelity lies at the core of many broken relationships. With women joining the workforce, leading to a more diverse social circle, the chances of infidelity grow that much higher. Add social media to it and the ease of meeting new people and engaging in clandestine affairs is compounded many times over.

Some very disturbing figures have been quoted in the divorce statistic of the US, where up to half of all American men and women have engaged in infidelity. Quite disturbing yet not surprising that 41 to 50 percent of all first marriages end in the divorce courts. The numbers are much higher for subsequent marriages.

It is sad but true that many people who get into relationships find that it is not a bed of roses and not everyone will find their happy-ever-after. Sometimes it may all go fine in the beginning but after giving it a few years, many feel that they can’t just continue in it any longer. 

Sometimes, couples that start out strong find themselves over time to grow more and more distant. A good reason for this is when their lives take them on different paths and they each find themselves headed in a different direction from where they had originally planned. A good example of this are high school romances where in spite of having the best of intentions a couple may find themselves growing apart.

‘Marry in haste, repent at leisure’ is a saying that is unfortunately is very true. Not knowing your partner well or rushing headlong into a commitment without serious thinking can cause a marriage to break down in the initial years itself.

Sometimes people enter into a relationship for a mutual benefit that has nothing to do with love or compatibility.  These reasons could be an unplanned pregnancy, marrying to gain citizenship of a country, or when marriages are arranged between two families such as two business powerhouses. Chances of such a marriage having a happy ending are not that good.

Sometimes new relationships cannot stand the test of an unforeseen event that can test its very core. This could be the unexpected or unseen circumstances of a loved one.  Other examples of trying circumstances are the loss of a job during the early days etc.

If you are reeling behind the pain of a failed marriage and trying to grasp what it is you did wrong then it is time to stop blaming yourself. It couldhappen to anyone who fails to read these signs:

Your relationship with your ex may not have been lacking in love after all; what it may have lacked is compatibility.

It is true when they say, ‘the wedding lasts for a day but the marriage lasts for a lifetime’. Many a time, for whatever reason, people find that marriage is an entirely different ball game from dating the dating scene.
 

During the dating period, one does not live with a person 24X7, 365 days a week. Things such as household bills, children and basically the daily grind of day to day living can test even the best of the couples and sadly many marriages last shorter than actually planned.

A job that takes away a spouse for long periods of time, can spell the death knell for some of the most loving relationships. Trust and commitment is very important in this case. Examples of such jobs could be a job in the military services, a job that requires constant travelling etc. In such a scenario, the onus of running the household falls primarily on the spouse staying at home and this can sometimes cause a strain in the relationship.

Cheating is one of the problems that can result on account of this. According to the Divorce Statistics, around 36% of men and women have admitted to cheating on a business trip.   So this reason could be said to be an off-shoot of the problem of geographical distance in a marriage. Interestingly during the study, it was revealed that men cheat for physical reasons such as sex whereas for women it was more for emotional reasons.
 

Other reasons that can cause a spouse to cheat is that the daily mundane routine of married life or the lack of attention of a spouse for whatever reason, may cause a partner to go looking for it outside their marital relationship. 

Although, this can be something that is easily ignored during dating, interference from parents and in-laws can take serious connotations if not managed in the early days of a marriage. It is wise to draw lines right in the beginning as to how much say the parent or in-laws can have in the relationship. Respectful boundaries should be drawn and defined right at the onset in order to prevent future complications.

Although babies are truly bundles of joy, having one can bring with it a whole new set of challenges to the marriage. This is particularly true it the pregnancy was an unplanned one. Some of the challenges parenthood brings to a marriage are:

Many a times, a couple will be caught on the back foot on how much responsibility a new baby brings with them. The initial crazy days following the baby’s birth leads to a lot of frustration to the relationship, especially if the onus on caring for the baby falls on one partner.

Babies, although undoubtedly bring a lot of joy into one’s life, also bring with them added physical, emotional and financial responsibilities. If not handled well by the couple, this leads a lot of unhappiness to the marital relationship.

According to the US Census more and more women are preferring to be childless and the numbers are increasing at an alarming rate. The percentage of women in the childbearing ages of 15 to 44 preferring to not have a baby went up from 35% in 1976 to more than 47% in the year 2010. Not surprising considering the onus of parenthood in most relationships tends to fall on the mother, this is also the reason why many marriages fail after a baby arrives.

Couples that parent their kids differently cause a lot of conflicts not only amongst themselves but also to the kids. This causes confusion which is most certainly not the right environment for the child.

To avoid this, couples should sit down and decided on mutually accepted rules and regulations that will discourage future conflicts. Many times, sadly, different parenting styles can cause an inevitable breakdown of the marriage, including Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt.

A relationship is complicated in itself. Add the complexity of parenthood into that equation and not surprisingly, many of them can hit choppy waters. Without the maturity and experience of a long term relationship, a new baby can tax the couple and may make them want to just throw the towel in.

Marriage counselors have noted that postponing having the baby till up to 8months of a marriage betters the marriage chances.

This one can creep up on even the closest of couples without either one of them noticing it.

It is natural that when a baby arrives the whole paradigm shifts towards the new arrival. There is a baby to feed, nourish and take care of. Loving text messages turn into messages about caring for the baby. Date nights turn into evenings spend at the pediatricians for well-check visits and scheduled vaccinations. Love quotes on phones are replaced by messages that are most often than not lists of things required for the baby.

Many times, one partner will be more inclined towards caring for the baby and the other will feel neglected as a result of it. If you notice your partner looking forlorn and withdrawn after your new baby arrived then you may need to take a call and devote more time to them before your relationship runs into trouble.

A relationship is the closest bond that two people not related by blood, can get into. It is entered into with a lot of love, hope and expectations and needs to be cherished at all times. Failing to take action at the proper time can lead to its ultimate demise.