Falling in Love with an Emotionally Intelligent Man

Have you gotten in an argument with your man because it seems that he didn't understand you? You're not alone, there are complains around the world of women stating that men just don't get it, and if they do, they don't want to talk about it. What is it they don't get? Emotions. It's true that there are women out there that lack the ability to sympathize or empathize or to show compassion, but usually all this lacking is more related to men.

Emotional intelligence has a lot of influence in your various relationships, coworkers, family, friends, and of course with your significant other. It plays a major role in how you interact with them. Being an emotionally intelligent person means that you understand your emotions and that you use this understanding to guide your thinking and your behavior, so you're capable of showing compassion, or you can sympathize or empathize with the people within you.

Most men fall off the emotional scale, it's hard to find a man who's comfortable showing his emotions and understanding yours. but it's not impossible and it's something they can work on. We'd like to help you in your quest to find a man who can get it (if you think that's what you want), so first, let's take a look at what are the signs of low emotionally intelligent men. 

He's argumentative with family, friends, coworkers, random strangers and you. A man with low EQ (Emotional Intelligence) continually struggles to understand the emotions of others, he argues without considering how the others might be feeling.

A man with low EQ feels that he is right and he's willing to defende his position vigoruously and he refuses to listen to what others have to say. This is particularly true if the discussion is about feelings, he does not understand them, so he takes offense when someone criticizes how he doesn't get it. He's usually pessimistic and critical of other's feelings.

Because of his low EQ, he has very little insight into how his own emotions might lead to problems. The first instinct when something goes wrong is to blame others, to blame the characteristics of the situation or the other's behavior, this is how he justifies his actions. He might say that he had "no other choice". He has a tendency to not take responsibility for his actions and as a consequence, it leaves him bitter and victimized.

He doesn't have the ability to regulate his emotions, he struggles to understand and control them. Because of his low EQ, he may have unexpected emotional outbursts and they may seem totally uncontrollable and overblown.

He does not understand others emotions, he doesn't get what you're feeling, so he can't put himself in your shoes. He experiences very little to no empathy for anyone. This makes having any kind of relationship very hard, especially one of friendship or a romantic one where a mutual give and take is required as well as the sharing of emotions and emotional support. They simply cannot give it.

As you can see a man with low emotional intelligence can wreak havoc in any relationship. Are you willing to risk it? We're not saying they are hopeless, they can work on this issue but he has to be willing to do it. 

Now we're going to talk about the other half of the coin, a man with high emotional intelligence. What should you look for?

Finding a man with high emotional intelligence is considered a rare thing. It's not so much that he doesn't have emotions is more about not knowing how to handle those emotions. An emotionally intelligent man should have the ability to sense when something may be wrong and should be able to skillfully navigate those rough emotional waters.

These are signs of an emotionally intelligent man.

A man with high EQ is able to identify emotions and is able to understand the role they play in everything you do (actions, thoughts, words). How does he do this? By observing quietly not just himself but others too, and then reflecting on what he observed. He then can see behind the facade (so to speak) and that is how he's able to understand the reason behind your behavior.

A man with high EQ realizes that emotions are fleeting so before he gives in to impulsive decisions, he tries to pause and think before speaking or acting. He never makes a permanent decision based on a temporary emotion.

He also avoids becoming a slave to his emotions. We experience emotions instinctively and in any given moment we can't control how we feel, but a man with high EQ recognizes how to react to those feeling, how? By focusing on his thoughts.

No one is able to control emotions perfectly, we all make mistakes there. A man with high EQ learns from his mistakes by studying his behavior and identifying what triggers it. He endeavors to cultivate habits so he can maintain an emotional balance.

He sees humility, not as a weakness, but as a means to grow. For him, being humble means recognizing that he doesn't know everything and that he is willing to learn from others.

He expresses what he truly believes, avoids half-truths and is very clear in what says. he believes that this is the only way to gain your trust. He says what he means and means what he says, he has values and principles and he sticks to them no matter what.

He listens, not to judge but to understand, he mentally puts himself in your shoes, This allows both of you to deepen your relationship, you can be more connected.

Now, you'll be thinking, how do I get one of those?  Maybe you already have... or there is a guy you have your eye on but would like to be sure. We'll try to help you decipher it. Just keep reading.

There are some questions that can help determine if he has high EQ, you can ponder by yourself or you can find a way to ask him during a conversation. Pay attention to how he answers, sometimes the little things can give you clues and you'll have a better picture.

This is a good sign, a man with high EQ knows how to listen. He pays attention when you express yourself and give your opinions and points of view, he even welcomes it.

Observe his behavior when faced with a stressful situation, does he react with sudden outbursts or does he stay calm and tries to solve the situation peacefully? Remember that a man with high EQ makes a pause and does some thinking before talking or acting during a stressful situation. He's not a slave of his emotions.

Empathy is a quality of a man with high EQ. He's able to recognize when someone is going through an emotional turmoil and he can put himself "in their shoes" so he knows what to say or how to help.

This next two questions you can ask him directly. It'll help you to decipher if he learns from his mistakes and has grow from them.

As you know a man with high EQ owns up to his mistakes or flaws, he even welcomes critique because that's how he can grow. So if he says something like "I could have pay attention to her a little more" or "I could have appreciated her more", he's got what you're looking for.

Follow up with this question, is always better to know for certain if he says what he means and means what he says. Honesty and authenticity are qualities of an emotionally intelligent man. If he's open to answering this question and tells you what has he done to correct what he did wrong before, then you're a lucky lady. Things are looking good.

Are women more emotionally intelligent than men? According to some studies...yes and yes and no. There's not a definitive answer because it's not that simple. Many tests on emotional intelligence seem to show that women tend to have an edge over men when it comes to the basic skills these tests measure. 

But, again is not that simple. For example, some measures suggest that women are better at emotional empathy than men and that men are better than women when dealing and managing distressful emotions. In studies, when you talk about these differences in gender behavior, you're talking about two Bell Curves, one for men or for women, and these bells overlap largely.

What does this mean? It means that any man might be as good or even better than any woman when it comes to empathy and that any woman can be as good or better than any man at managing distressful situations. 

If you want to explore more on the subject, check out this study.

Finding yourself an emotionally intelligent man and falling in love with him might not be easy but it's not impossible. Remember to look for the signs; personal awareness of his feelings, the ability to read others emotions, having empathy and humility. If you find a man with those qualities, grab on to him because he's a keeper.