15 Must-Know Rules For Being Friends With Benefits

When you find yourself at the beginning of a friends with benefits relationship, it is optimal to set some ground rules to get the best results!

By Coco Apollo

Jul 24, 2018

15 Must-Know Rules For Being Friends With Benefits

Rules for Being Friends with Benefits

We are all familiar with the term "friends with benefits". Sounds great, right? Like with anything though, it can get complicated real quick if there aren't some kind of rules to guide your way through this arrangement. The following 15 must-know rules will certainly come in handy for your next friends with benefits situation.

Rule 1) It's All About the Sex!

"My softball team didn’t win the league title back in the summer of 2010, but I walked away with a much bigger trophy. Becky was sitting in the stands with my teammate’s girlfriend, and when we chatted after our season-ending loss, the chemistry was undeniable. The next night we went on our first date, and the rest, as they say, is history. . Becky woke up one October morning in 2011 in excruciating abdominal pain, and a colonoscopy led to a diagnosis of ulcerative colitis – a disease I knew nothing about. The doctor said that Becky would require drugs for the rest of her life in order to be “normal,” to which Becky replied, “Doc, there are no meds in the world that’ll make me normal!” . We spent Valentine’s Day 2012 in the hospital, as Becky had a bad flare. She’d lost 15 pounds and couldn’t hold down food. There was no better time to let her know that I’d be by her side forever, so I asked her to marry me right there in that hospital room. Her weak body melted into my arms as we embraced and committed to spending the rest of our lives together. . Once Becky got out of the hospital, we gave our kitchen pantry a complete makeover. We committed to the Specific Carbohydrate Diet. Before we knew it, we were making yogurt like a makeshift fro-yo shop! We ate veggies, clean protein and fermented foods, and we discovered the joy of cooking together. The following spring I decided not to rejoin my softball team. Instead, Becky and I took up yoga. In June 2013, Becky was able to ditch all her meds. Her last follow-up colonoscopy (August 2015) revealed no inflammation or sign of disease. Our new lifestyle had paid off. . During the darkest of times, I recognized when the meds were doing the talking for Becky, or when she was trying to push me away out of guilt for having “dragged” me into “her problem.” It took me a while to make her realize that it’s OUR disease, and that I wasn’t going away - just like it’s OUR satin blazer (it’s gorgeous, she just won’t admit it). . On the day we got married in 2013, Becky never looked more radiant. She jokes that I was born without tear ducts, but on that day it was waterworks.” . This story was originally shared on @healevate

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Since the relationship is all about the sex, it should be amazing sex! Talk about what you like and what you don't like with your sex partner. Talk about your sexual fantasies and encourage them to talk about theirs. A friends with benefits relationship isn't romantic, so you don't have to get hung up on the standard, "what will they think about me?" issues. If it's something you've wanted to try but just didn't know how to bring it up in a previous relationship, bring it up now. You may be surprised at how open your friend with benefits may be at trying new things.

Rule 2) Practice Safe Sex Rules

"I was on my way from Los Angeles to Iceland to go backpacking with my family. We decided to make a 3 day pit stop in New York City at the beginning of our trip. One afternoon, while the rest of my family was resting, I decided to go for a walk around Central Park. There was an outdoor festival/ flea market type thing going on which made for great people watching. I pulled out my camera and began taking photos when Nick came up to me. He's a professional skier and was working at The North Face booth. He asked me why I was in New York and I told him I was on my way to Iceland. His eyes lit up and he responded, "No way! The posters I'm signing are of me skiing in Iceland!" I laughed, assuming it was just a line, but I humored him and took a poster anyways. Later that day, I looked him up on Instagram and commented on a photo he took at the festival saying "Hi, I'm the Iceland girl. If you're ever in LA and need a tour guide let me know." This was super out of character for me. A couple months later, I get a phone call from Nick saying he's in LA and wants to hang out. We had a great first date and ended up keeping in touch for a year as friends until he moved from Colorado to California. Now we've been together for almost two years. * Ask yourself: What would happen if I stepped forward? * Go for a walk today, adventure out into the world, introduce yourself to a stranger. You never know what beautiful humans you could meet."

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Safe sex means wearing condoms, 100% of the time. You're just having casual sex with your friend with benefits and this means they don’t have to reveal who else they are sleeping with. Multiple partners bring more risk for sexually transmitted diseases, so you will want to protect yourself. Even if you use condoms regularly, it's good to get tested. Also, you'll want to make sure there is adequate protection against pregnancy. Don't just stop at condoms; a combination of contraceptives, such as condoms and birth control pills, will leave you at ease, which in turn will allow you to enjoy sex more.

Rule 3) Be Honest and Upfront With Your Friend With Benefits - Honesty Rules!

"Going into my senior year of nursing school at the University of Pennsylvania, I decided to switch it up and write a music blog. I made weekly playlists, reviewed shows around Philly, and interviewed members of music groups on campus. I told a friend that I wanted to interview local musicians and she instantly suggested contacting JD. Instead of doing the interview through email or over the phone, we decided to meet up at a coffee shop downtown. On a perfect September day, we sat outside on the corner of 21st and Chestnut. What started out as an interview turned into the most natural and organic conversation. That was the day I met my best friend and future husband. I currently write this from our kitchen table in Nashville as JD works on a new song. Music is powerful! Pursue what you love and the right person to love will also come along."

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During the course of the friends with benefits relationship, it is crucial to always be honest with your partner and let them know what is going on. If either of you develops feelings for the other person, let them know. If you feel like you need to end the friends with benefits situation as well, do not hesitate to let your partner know. If you explain what is going on, there will be no hurt feelings and no misconceptions. Being open and honest really helps any relationship, so this one shouldn't be any different.

Rule 4) Do Not Introduce Your Friend With Benefits To Loved Ones

The Glow. Such a neat exhibit. #Family #122days #theglow2017

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Do not introduce your friend with benefits to your friends, parents, co-workers, acquaintances, or other family members. Think of your friend with benefits as your “dirty little secret.” You will generally meet up with them in the wee hours of the night or in out-of-the-way places, not to be seen/caught by other people. You don't want to introduce your friend with benefits to a family member because they may get the wrong idea as to where the relationship is going and start inviting them to family functions. Seeing them at family functions will definitely give YOU the wrong impression and make you start wondering where you can fit them into other areas of your life...which will ultimately ruin your friends with benefits relationship. It can also give your partner the wrong idea and they may start developing different feelings for you. If you don't want this to happen, it is best not to introduce your friend with benefits to anyone you know.

Rule 5) Be Careful of Close Proximity to Your Friend With Benefits

When getting into a friends with benefits relationship, be careful of choosing someone too close, such as a neighbor. Close proximity can be a plus at the beginning of a relationship, but when the relationship is done, there may be some embarrassment if you have to continue seeing them on a regular basis. Also, one of the “sparks” of having a friends with benefits relationship may be some of the mystery they provide. If you can just glance next door and see what they are up to, the mystery goes out of the relationship very fast. Rules like this may be hard to follow when a really good looking neighbor moves in next door, but you will really want to think hard and fast on this one. If you have ever tried to date someone at work and had to see them at work after a break-up, you can understand why this is a good rule to follow.

Rule 6) Do Not Cuddle

"After being in a relationship for a few years with someone who didn't appreciate me, I decided that the next girl I dated was going to be everything I ever wanted. I wasn't going to settle. I met Kristina when she came up on my explore page on Instagram and was mesmerized by her crystal blue/green eyes. I built up the courage to send her a message and gave her my number, hoping to get to know her better. We talked for a week or so until she agreed to let me take her out to dinner. After I dropped her off, I remember thinking in my head, "This is my dream girl. This is the person I want to do all of that corny couple stuff with." The day she agreed to be my girlfriend was probably the second happiest day of my life. I say second happiest because I'm saving the best day of my life for when she says yes to being my wife. I'm addicted to making her happy. That means fully participating in movie marathon nights with all the sappy love stories like the Notebook and A Walk to Remember. We have two pet bunnies together, keep a scrapbook of our memories, and even wore matching outfits to go pumpkin picking once. The real power of a man is the size of the smile of the woman sitting next to him and I plan to spend the rest of my life making her cheeks hurt. Being able to call her mine everyday is my motivation to work hard."

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In a friends with benefits relationship, do not cuddle after sex. Cuddling is something that you would do in a romantic relationship, but it has no business in a friends with benefits relationship. It promotes intimacy, and friends with benefits do not need this complication. Rules like this one are vital to keeping the friends with benefit relationship on an even keel, with just the right amount of time and energy invested.

Rule 7) Friends With Benefits Don't Have Sleepovers

Do not sleep over after sex. Sleeping over can lead to cuddling, breakfast, shared rides, etc. After sex, make for the nearest exit, or if you are already home, ask your sex partner to head for the door. When rules like this are established from the very first encounter, they are easy to follow as the relationship continues.

Rule 8) Do Not Get Jealous

Jealousy has no place in a friends with benefits relationship. However, since everyone is human, you do want to be aware that this type of behavior can pop up in any situation. Being aware of your triggers when it comes to jealousy can help you combat it if it rears its ugly head. You have no business being jealous if you see your friend with benefits out on a date with someone else or if they fail to acknowledge you in public; you will want the same courtesy if you are out on a date and they see you. If you do feel some type of jealousy, this may just be a normal reaction and you may be able to stave it off. If you cannot, then perhaps the situation doesn't work for you and it is best to bow out.

Rule 9) Don't Get Clingy

Being clingy in any romantic relationship isn't the way to go, and the same rules apply here. You don't want to suck the fun out of the friends with benefits situation, so play it cool. If they have to cancel on you, no big deal, these things happen. If they cancel a second time, maybe have a backup plan next time. The point is, don't let any of it get to you. If you become clingy, the relationship won't last, so don't even set yourself up for that situation. Just remember, low stress for this situation is key.

Rule 10) Be Emotionally Unattached If You're In A Friends With Benefits Arrangement

When deciding if you can handle a friends with benefits relationship, consider the following things: How will you feel the next day? How will you feel seeing that person around other people? How will you feel if that person is dating someone you know? These questions can test your vulnerability to the situation and also gauge if you are emotionally ready for this type of arrangement. If you can walk away from the arrangement at any time with no hard feelings, then you are emotionally ready for to be friends with benefits.

Rule 11) Sexting Not Texting

Sexting is great to arouse sexual appetite and you can use it as foreplay to the main event. Send a couple of subtle hints about what you want to do when you meet up, and a picture or two perhaps? Stick to the sexting though and don't get chatty with texting. Texting can lead to more chatting, and chatting can lead to intimacy, which isn't what a friends with benefits relationship is about.

Rule 12) Stick to Sex

In the friends with benefits arena, you will want to stick to sex. Don't complicate it with rituals that are normal in the dating world. Don't offer to go out for coffee, meet for dinner, leave a change of clothes over at their house, occupy a drawer, or fix things around the house. You are here for hot sex and nothing but hot sex.

Rule 13) Don't Close Yourself Off to New Relationships

(2/2) "In LA, I acquired an amazing new therapist who specialized in domestic abuse and with her help, I began to heal. Things started to get better. I made new friends and started working at a friend's restaurant for the next year and a half. That's where I met Max. I first noticed him when he came into the restaurant one night with another woman, who I assumed he was dating. However, the following Friday, he came in again with his buddies. Right before my shift ended, his friend approached me to tell me Max thought I was cute. After I clocked out, I went to look for him and noticed he was standing on the patio alone. I went out to join him and as we started talking, it felt like everyone around us just slowly melted away. He was incredibly interesting, had a fascinating job, and cool hobbies. I was still apprehensive about getting involved with anyone, but I gave him my number so we could keep in touch. A week later, we went on a date to get ramen and have been in an amazing relationship ever since. He is very respectful and capable of having a discussion that doesn't turn into a blow out fight. We can disagree on things without it being personal. He makes me feel good about myself and supports my dreams and ambitions. He actually appreciates the way I dress and the thoughts I have. He doesn't try to beat me down or take away my individuality, but instead tries to build me up. Max isn't what healed me but he is showing me that relationships don't have to be scary. It's been a year since that first date and now we're applying for a house together. My message for anyone who relates to the abuse I experienced in my former relationship is just because a person doesn't put his hands on you, doesn't mean they aren't abusive. Abuse is control, blatant disrespect, and also hurtful words. Don't settle for emotional abuse thinking it's ok because it's not physical. You are worthy of a healthy, loving relationship that meets your needs on every level." (The woman who submitted this story asked to remain anonymous for safety reasons.)

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While you are enjoying a friends with benefits relationship, be open to new relationships that can turn into romantic ones. If someone comes into your life who you want to get to know further, your friends with benefits relationship should not stand in the way. Before hitting the brakes on your friends with benefits relationship, make sure you have clarified the meaning of the new relationship. If both of you want to be exclusive in the new relationship, sex outside of the relationship will have to be discarded.

Rule 14) Good Personal Hygiene Is a Must!

LEELAWADEE #plummeria 🌸

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Good hygiene is key to any good relationship and shouldn't be overlooked here just because it is a friends with benefits situation. It is sex after all, and pheromones will be a-flying. Be respectful of your partner's likes and dislikes. For instance, sometimes perfume/cologne can be very overpowering to some people and if they ask you to tone it down in the bedroom, just make your shower gel your new cologne. Sometimes you may want to slip in a "quickie," but don't skimp on the personal hygiene here either. There is nothing more off-putting than strong body odor. When in doubt, take a shower, and your partner will reward you.

Rule 15) Friends With Benefits Isn't For Friends

So, even though it is right there in the label, friends shouldn't enter a friends with benefits scenario. Why is this, you ask? Well, if you are friends to begin with, there is more at stake than just the sex. Friends with benefits work best with someone you've just met and there are no strings attached. Do yourself a favor, and save your friends for either just friendships, or relationships that can turn into romance, but not that person you turn to for just sex. It isn't worth losing a friendship over.

Following these 15 must-know rules to friends with benefits relationships will keep everything smooth and on track. No confusion for you or your sex partner will ensue and you can just enjoy the pure pleasure of sexual activity. Practice safe sex methods, no emotional attachment, and don't waste time. Follow these rules and you will be able to get your groove on!

Want to Learn More Rules for Relationships? Check out:

20 Effective Online Dating Tips: The Unspoken Rules | Panda Gossips
The world of online dating can get a little tricky, so here are few tips to help out your journey to finding love! Whether you're just looking for something
Source: 20 Effective Online Dating Tips: The Unspoken Rules | Panda Gossips

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