American writer Richard Bach once defined a “soulmate” as someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out, and we can be completely and honestly who we are."
Our journey of love and romance is all about finding “the one” or our soulmate. There are some of us that went through numerous relationships before finding the one that truly “open our locks” while others discover their soulmates with their first partner.
Soulmates are also not limited to romantic relationships. Your friend that you just cannot run away from, regardless of their location in the world, your friend that knows your deepest darkest secrets, and your friend that is your anchor amidst a storm, is also your soulmate. For clarity purposes, and because it’s usually incorporated with more drama, we will focus on the soulmate in a romantic relationship.
What is the deal with having a soulmate anyway? Many people don’t believe in them, and there are those who term it differently, like a twin flame. Let’s define what a soulmate is first; then you can decide if it’s still a Romeo and Juliet kind of concept.
The definition of soulmates
1. Soulmates are your best friend
Your best friend – having a soulmate for a partner is an awesome thing. They’re your bestie, lover, and more. It’s like cramming all the perks of the different types of relationships (platonic, romantic, and the like) into one. What you get is a best friend that you absolutely adore.
2. Soulmates are your mirror
Your soulmate is also the frankest and honest person you are connected with. They see all your flaws, insecurities, dreams, strengths, anxieties, goals; you name it. And they are perhaps the only person with the right to speak out on your issues and the person on the top of the list with whom you share your ambitions and accomplishments with. A relationship with your soulmate is founded on honesty, transparency, and trust. There’s no such thing as walking on eggshells on this relationship.
3. Soulmates are your wingman
You plan on surprising your mom for her birthday? You’ve got yourself a sidekick with your soulmate. They are your wingman – it’s part of the job requirement. If you need someone to do your dirty work, you can count on your soulmate. Your soulmate understands you. As long as your requests aren’t so ridiculous, they will usually act on your requests, no questions asked. Secrets are well kept with your soulmate.
4. Soulmates are your teacher
When you’re feeling unmotivated and uninspired to do anything, you have your soulmate to cheer you up and pull you up on your feet. A soulmate is someone who naturally helps you grow into the person that you aspire to be. Note the word “naturally.” There is no forceful changing or influencing in a relationship with your soulmate. It just happens like clockwork. Both you and your partner bloom into the best versions of yourselves in the relationship.
5. Soulmates are your “familiar”
Walking around in your sweatpants, unkempt hair and unbrushed teeth is a raw picture of what a relationship with your soulmate means. You wouldn’t dare do the same with someone that you aren’t familiar with. Being familiar with someone isn’t limited on a physical level or something that comes with time. You might have met someone recently, but the feeling is there. When you feel like you can just be yourself and pass gas (this is really the most direct way to describe it!) with that person, then you’ve got yourself a soulmate.
6. Soulmates are your spiritual catalyst
It’s essential to have a person keep us on the right track. When we’ve lost our way, our soulmate is there to push away the clouds blocking our vision so we can see things clearly once again. Imagine being on a journey to self-betterment hand-in-hand with your soulmate.
7. Soulmates are your kin
“Have we met before?” “I feel like I’ve known you my whole life!” This is what we usually say when meeting our soulmate. Your soulmate functions at the same frequency as you, meaning “great minds think alike.” You have many similarities and at the same time can easily meet halfway when you don’t agree on something.
8. Soulmates are there for you unconditionally
There is really nothing you can do that will make your soulmate stop loving and understanding you. You can be at your worst and they still see you as perfectly imperfect. A soulmate is truly someone for keeps.
9. Soulmates are not perfect
To add on the previous note, a soulmate does not mean someone who is perfect. They have their flaws, quirks, issues, annoying qualities, but you love them all the more for it. You know that they are a diamond in the rough.
10. Soulmates are not always forever
This definition of a soulmate is usually the most bittersweet one. There are times when you won’t last with your soulmate. You might even have an ex soulmate. When things don’t work out, there is no changing that. You’ve grown and gotten stronger in your relationship with your soulmate but life has other plans for both of you that aren’t on the same path. This is when your soulmate becomes a treasured memory that you are grateful for.
11. Soulmates are not limited to one
The good news is that when you lose your soulmate, you will still meet others that you click with. Yes, there might only be one person that you are almost perfectly compatible with, but as social creatures who thrive on connections, we human beings will meet others that we mesh with on deep levels.
Signs of a soulmate
Now that we know what a soulmate is, let’s create a checklist on how to identify them!
You know when you’ve met a soulmate. There’s that flash of recognition accompanied by the click of an unlocking door to your soul when you’ve met your other half. This may also be the cliché “love at first sight” in action.
When you have so many similarities with someone you love, whether it’s pineapples never going on pizza or you want to settle down and start a family of four, you can’t deny the warm fuzzy feeling you get when things fall into place. It is true that opposites attract, but a relationship is based on similarities. Same values and beliefs, the same vision of the future, and the like, are examples of which a long-lasting relationship is founded on.
Aside from similarities, your soulmate will challenge and encourage you out of your comfort zones. If you find yourself in a healthy competition with your partner, then he’s a keeper.
Your soulmate is someone you cannot imagine falling out of love with. This becomes especially true when you feel this way with someone whom you’ve known for quite some time.
We often wear masks and cover our true feelings and thoughts – but never with our soulmates. Not only can you expose your true self to them but you’re comfortable doing so because you know they will never judge and always accept you.
Furthermore, a relationship with your soulmate means there is mutual respect. There are no attempts to try to change one another.
Soulmates explained scientifically using psychological facts
A research conducted by assistant marketing professor at the University of Toronto’s Rotman School of Management, Spike W.S. Lee, revealed that rashly entering a relationship with someone because of the sweaty palms and increased heart rate is not always a wise decision.
The study looked at two groups of people: those who saw love as a mission to finding your soulmate or a constant journey. The results showed that those in search for a soulmate tend to have a negative perspective on love.
In other words, one does not go looking for a soulmate because they appear at the right time or you realize you already have one at the perfect moment. What is more important is happiness and satisfaction in a relationship, and this should come naturally with your soulmate.
A study from psychologist, Sue Johnson, who incorporated fMRI scans on her research, revealed that women who were happily married did not panic or experienced an increasing amount of stress when dealt with an approaching danger as long as they were holding the hand of their partner.
Those holding the hand of their husband in an unhappy marriage had their stress levels rise.
It would seem that science is showing us that having a soulmate is not an earth-shattering, heart-racing phenomenon but one that yields happiness and satisfaction.
What is the so-called soulmate connection
The so-called soulmate connection occurs twice in a relationship with said person – once when you feel the strong undeniable attraction towards that person and another when you realize that he’s your soulmate.
On another level, you will know when you’ve encountered a soulmate connection by listening to the hints your gut is telling you.
It might not be now but we all have the capacity to find and build a relationship with our soulmate. Call it fate or coincidence, but our soulmate or soulmates are somewhere out there. They might even be right under our noses as we speak!
To end the post, let me leave you with a Buddhist quote, “If you meet somebody and your heart pounds, your hands shake, your knees go weak, that’s not the one. When you meet your soulmate, you’ll feel calm. No anxiety, no agitation.”