Dating An Insecure Woman: The Signs and Causes

Find out the list of things that causes women to be insecure

By Sylvia Epie
Dating An Insecure Woman: The Signs and Causes

What are the signs you are dating an insecure woman

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Every one of us has their own insecurities and it’s okay as long as it’s on a mild level and we can control it. But for some people, it runs very deep and affects their lives in a very negative way. Dating an insecure woman is like walking on eggshells, at some point something is going to break it’s inevitable. Some women are naturally confident while others aren’t, probably due to some traumatic experience in their past or childhood. An insecure woman comes into your relationship with a whole lot of emotional baggage that is bound to wreck things at some point. 

Most often these insecurities will manifest in the form of trust issues ranging from jealousy, blame sharing, belittling, criticism to a controlling attitude and excess drama. To overcome these issues you have to be able to identify them first, before deciding if you want to stick around to help build her self-esteem or run in the opposite direction. These are some of the most common signs and red flags of insecurity in a woman.

1. She’s a Control Freak

An insecure woman feels threatened by anything you do that does not include her, she has to know where you are and what you’re doing at all times. She does everything to be in the loop even when you’re spending time with your friends, she wants to be part of every aspect of your life. The moment you do something without her she freaks out. Her insecurities will push her to go through your phone, read your texts, check your internet search history, double check your whereabouts, boss you around and keep tabs on you at all times. Basically, there won’t be any room for independence or personal growth in your relationship.

2. She’s Always Jealous

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Jealousy in small doses is actually good for your relationship, but when you’re with an insecure woman, she’ll give the word a whole new meaning. You won’t be allowed to talk to an attractive woman who isn’t older than your mother or still in diapers. Such a partner will see every other female as a threat to your relationship, her low self-esteem makes her feel unworthy so she’ll try her best to manipulate, control, guilt trip, and emotionally blackmail you into focusing only on her.

3. She’s always on the Defensive

An insecure woman takes everything you say as criticism and lashes out defensively. She’s overly sensitive, aggressive, and always ready for a fight. The tiniest things will be turned into huge arguments, your words will be blown out of proportion, she’ll over read and react to everything. This is because she’s her own worst critic and expects everyone to criticize her too. Such behavior is an undeniable sign of deep-seated insecurity you mustn't ignore.

4. She Runs You Down

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Since insecurity makes her feel bad about herself, she’s going to run you down at every opportunity in order to feel good about herself, to feel that she’s not the only bad person in the room. This is pretty messed up but insecure people enjoy bringing down and bullying others. In her mind, she’s not good enough so the only way she sees you staying with her is if you believe you’re worthless, this way you both will be at the same level.

5. She’s Clingy

A clingy and needy girlfriend is a red flag pointing straight to her insecurities and low self-esteem. You just started dating but she’s already planning your wedding and has already picked your kid’s names. Everything she says and does is for ‘’us’’, the ‘’we’’ has replaced the ‘’I’’ and ‘’ me’’ in your relationship. She plans her day around your schedule, she adopts all your hobbies, your friends become her friends and there’s no life outside of you. This can be really intense and overwhelming especially if you’re still at the beginning of your relationship.

6. She Plays The Blame Game

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Sharing blame is her strong suit, an insecure woman will blame everybody else but herself. She lacks the confidence to accept her flaws so she ignores them and takes great pleasure in pointing out every other person’s flaws. Someone is always to blame for her failures, she never takes the time to learn from her mistakes or takes responsibility for her actions, it’s never he fault but always somebody else’s.

7. She’s Needy

Being too needy is the sign of a huge insecurity, women who lack the confidence to stand on their own two feet will rely on their partner for everything, even to boost their self-esteem and self-worth. She needs your approval and validation and will try to get it at all cost. This type of woman is attention seeking and lives on a supply of compliments and flattery. When she’s in short supply she makes it her life’s mission to make everyone around her feel terrible. She’d drain you mentally and emotionally until you have nothing else to give then she moves to someone new she can drain as well. 

8. She Over-Apologizes

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Feelings of unworthiness make her feel she’s always doing something wrong, she may be always trying to please everyone around her, never saying no to anything in order to be accepted. Insecure people sometimes feel they have to apologize for their shortcomings and flaws. They have a hard time accepting who they are, so they believe nobody else can accept and love them.

9. She Guilt Trips You

She uses every opportunity to make you feel guilty for your mistakes, for spending time with your family and friends, for having a life outside of your relationship. This can be pretty toxic, she’ll want you to cut ties with everyone in your life. Her ultimate goal is to guilt you into hating yourself as much as she hates herself. Talk of being messed up! Unfortunately, this is a very common scenario in lots of relationships today. 

 10. She Overreacts

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A woman who always overreacts to the slightest thing is often insecure in her own skin. She’ll blow everything out of proportion and hold a grudge for as long as she can.  She’ll never forgive and will always remind you of the things you did wrong so as to keep you on your toes. With this kind of woman, you never know what to expect, it’s like walking on eggshells all the time. Pettiness is her middle name, such a woman lives for fights, disagreements, and blowouts.

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A list of what causes insecurity in women

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  • Her Body
  • Weight
  • Communication with your ex-girlfriend
  • Her Age
  • Infidelity in past relationships
  • Her style
  • Her Intellectual Ability
  • Parenting skills
  • Physical Intimacy
  • His Friends Approval Of You

How to compliment an insecure women

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Being with an insecure woman is like walking on broken glass, you have to constantly tiptoe around her. Even when complimenting her, you have to make sure you do not say something that will get you the opposite of the desired effect. Here are a few pointers.

1. Give Compliments With  Meaning

Women love compliments, especially coming from someone they’re in a relationship with. But an insecure woman is like a time bomb anything can tick her off even a compliment. So if your woman is insecure be sure to give her compliments with meaning. For example, don’t just compliment her saying ‘’ you look beautiful’’ be specific say that ‘’ dress makes the color of your eyes pop, you look amazing.’’ or ‘’ I love your new hairstyle’’. This will make her melt like ice-cream on a hot day.

2. Build Her Confidence

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The thing with insecurities is every time they show up they steal your confidence away and at the end of the day, you’re left with nothing. Most of the issues around insecurity and low self-esteem are around the way the person sees themselves. Building an insecure woman’s confidence is the only way to help her overcome her insecurities. It may take time but it’s definitely worth it, especially if you and your partner are in it for the long haul. Use compliments to help her believe in herself, trust herself and know that she can count on you.

3.  Don’t Bring Up Her Insecurities

For a woman who does not believe in herself, the last thing you want to do is to call her up on her insecurities. It will crush her, make sure you instead try to compliment her on those areas she’s insecure about and leave the criticism for when you’ve built her confidence. Give her sincere compliments around the things she hates about herself, make positive comments and reassure her until she can believe in herself again.

4. Make It About Her

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The worst thing you can do here is to make it about you, put aside your ego and make it about her. Don’t give her room to psychoanalyze or second guess herself, tell her what’s on your mind so that she won’t assume. Remember that her insecurities are not her fault but the result of past experiences and trauma that may go as far back as her childhood. Build a safe haven and a sanctuary for her to be in until she triumphs over her insecurities.

Dangers of dating an insecure woman

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5. Loneliness

Being in a relationship with an insecure woman is not an easy feat, you’re always on the giving end while she’s on the receiving. She’ll drain you mentally and emotionally to the point where you have nothing left to offer. And this is a very lonely place to be in. An insecure woman puts you at risk of not having someone to lean on when things get tough, she’ll walk away and leave you hanging or she’ll stay and criticize, either way, you’ll be all by yourself and lonely when you need it.

6. The Risk of Losing family and Friends

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She’ll alienate and drive a wedge between you and your family and friends. Her goal is to have you all to herself without anyone interrupting. To achieve this she’ll boss you around and control your life. An insecure woman will leave her friends and family for you and expects you to do the same.

7. She Reminds You Of Your Mistakes

Insecurity causes people to define themselves by their failures, and she’s going to try to drag you down that road, too. You’ll be reminded of all what you did wrong and will try to make you feel guilty for each one of them.

8. No Honesty

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You may never have an honest conversation, her insecurities will make her avoid any serious and heart to heart communication. She’ll manipulate you, blame you, guilt trip you, belittle you but she’ll never truly open up to you because she's afraid of rejection.

9. The Risk of Becoming Insecure Too

Insecure people enjoy watching other people fail because they consider themselves undeserving. She won’t support your dreams and at the end of it all, you too can become insecure as well. Her insecurities and low self-esteem will rub off on you, until you become negative, and lose faith in yourself.


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It can be overwhelming dealing with an insecure woman, you never know what to expect. But this doesn’t mean they don’t deserve to be loved like anyone else, if you’re in love with a woman who’s insecure, it’s possible to put in the work and help her overcome her insecurities. It may take a while and lots of patience but it can be done. If she’s worth it don’t give up on her, at least without a fight, remember it’s not her fault, her insecurities are the result of past trauma. Sometimes all she needs is someone who will believe in her and hold her hand through her healing process.

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