What is Being Insecure Like?
Are you currently in a relationship? How's it going? Are you secure in your relationship or are you constantly feeling that you're not good enough for him? Is this the first time you're feeling insecure in a relationship or is this a recurrent thing? If you've been having doubts about everything concerning your relationship maybe you should stop and ask yourself, what could possibly be the cause... is it something he's done or is it something concerning you and your own insecurities.
To help you discern this issue, we'd like to give you a few pointers on what is being insecure and how it can affect your relationship. First of all, feeling insecure in your relationship can be really upsetting and, of course, painful. How does it show? It shows in all kinds of ways. You feel like your partner is going to break up with you and leave at any moment. You have trouble trusting him not to cheat on you. You also feel like the connection between you two is weakening and the foundation of your relationship is going to fall apart.
All these negative feelings can make it difficult to have faith in you as a couple or about your future together and as a result, you start to wonder if it would be better to call things off. Being or feeling insecure in your relationship can begin to affect negatively in other areas of your life. Your self-confidence and self-esteem are going to take a hit and this is going to make it more difficult to address your relationship issues.
What Are The Possible Reasons for Being Insecure in a Relationship?
Not feeling confident about every aspect of our lives can trigger insecurities and some people face this issue more than others. This becomes more apparent during relationships because of all the emotions involved and it could be draining and mess up the relationship. If in spite of your insecurities you still can see a future with him then it's important to identify the possible reasons behind your insecurities. This way you can address them and know how to overcome them so you can save your relationship.
Reasons involving only the self
Here are some possible reasons for being insecure in a relationship that involves only yourself.
Low confidence or self-esteem
This is one of the top reasons or the most important cause for relationship insecurity and it usually is linked to your upbringing. Experiences like being bullied constantly when you were a kid or having parents who weren't very affectionate and made you feel like you weren't good enough can have long-term implications that follow you to adulthood. You have unresolved issues that constantly make doubt your emotions, your thoughts, and behaviors and you end up projecting all these doubts on your partner and your relationship.
According to psychological research, there are different attachment styles (basically secure and insecure) that a child developed depending on how the parents interact with them during childhood. These attachment styles could follow you into adulthood and play an important role in how you form a relationship.
Emotional baggage regarding past relationships
If your past relationships have ended because something bad happened like cheating or dishonesty or because it was abusive and you hold up to all those negative emotions after walking away you could end up bringing them to your next relationship. All these unresolved emotional baggage can create insecurity and anxiety in your new relationship.
Reasons involving me and my partner
There are reasons for feeling insecure in a relationship that involves both of you. Take a look
You're comparing your relationship with other relationships
One reason for feeling insecure in your relationship is that you have gone down the rabbit hole of comparing what you have to what others have. You start measuring up your relationship to others you see in social media because you think theirs is perfect and yours is not.
Your partner is doing somethings you don't like
Maybe your partner is doing things you'd like him to change because they only reinforce your own insecurities. For example, he's constantly checking other women in front of you or making flattering comments about them.
How Can I Stop Being so Insecure?
Are you tired of sabotaging all your relationships because of your insecurities? Do you want to make this relationship work? It's not an easy road but if you really want to make it work then here are some things you could try so you can stop being so insecure.
Stop with the negative thoughts
They say thoughts could be your best friends or your worst enemies. You could sabotage yourself with your thoughts and of course, you can sabotage your relationship if you succumb to all the negatives thoughts going around in your head. Thoughts like "How could he love me, I'm not worthy?" have nothing to do with reality. They just exist in your head so you need to put a stop to them by reminding yourself that.
Stop with the self-center worldview
Thinking that everything's about you will only make you see and hear things that are not true. You need to stop psycho-analyzing everything he says and pay more attention to how's he saying things (his tone, his posture). It could be that he doesn't want to go out because he had a bad day at the office or he's not feeling good. Take a deep breath and just listen, be present.
Stop lugging emotional baggage from past relationships
We all have had crappy relationships, so it's OK to have some emotional baggage from them. What you need to do is lighten up the baggage, let go of all the hurt and bad feelings. You have the chance to start over, see this relationship like a new opportunity, and give yourself the chance to re-start.
Stop avoiding uncomfortable conversations
In a rose-tinted world, avoiding conflict will be just fine but in real life it's inevitable. Think of it like this, you'll feel uncomfortable facing conflict right now, but having this uncomfortable moment could really help your relationship in the long run. So stop avoiding having difficult conversations with your partner, face them without fear because this will help bring the two of you together. It will build trust.
Stop being so dependent on others
Having someone to share your life with is wonderful, but only if you love yourself first. You need to stop depending on others to be happy, you need to take care of yourself. Don't depend on others to fulfill your dreams and feel loved. You have to do that for yourself so that you know your own worth and not sell yourself short.
How Do I Build my Confidence Step by Step?
The road to building your confidence is not a smooth one because it won't happen in a flash and it won't be an easy one but if the ultimate goal is to squash your insecurities so you can have a healthy life and a healthy relationship then you've got to walk it. You can do it step by step, it may take a while but you'll get there.
Take care of yourself
This is the most important step, confidence comes from within so start taking better care of yourself. Make smart choices, get up from the couch, and start moving. Start making better nutritional choices. You don't need to become a supermodel, just take better care of yourself.
Learn to smile
Crazy right? But the thing is that not many people really know how to smile or just have forgotten. Embrace the smile, it's a powerful confidence booster.
Change your habits
What are you doing right now that's not helping your confidence? Start making little changes even if at first it feels scary, stick to that until it becomes a habit. Step by step this will help you build up your confidence.
Think positive thoughts
Change your thoughts' tune and start thinking that the outcome is going to be a positive one. Positive thinking is a powerful thing because step by step you'll lose the fear. Even if things don't come out the way you thought, don't feel discouraged, there are better things to come.
Keep on learning
Don't stop learning things, this will build your confidence because it'll open your mind to so much more. If you're curious about a specific topic, go and learn about it, The more you learn the more your confidence grows.
Do something that scares you
Make a list of all things that scare you and try to do one of them (at least). Are you scared of speaking in public? Do something about it because once you squash that fear it'll help build your confidence.
Instead of just saying you'll do something, go ahead and do it, stop putting it off. Procrastination is not great for your confidence, you'll see that once go write that thing off your to-do list you'll feel accomplished and that's a great motivation.
Learn and grow from your failures
Not everything you'll do will be a success and you'll have failures (maybe epic ones) but don't hold yourself back because of them. What you need to do is learn from them, and change whatever you did wrong. This will help you grow and build your self-esteem and confidence.
Building confidence to stop being insecure as a person and in a relationship doesn't happen in a New York minute, it takes time and patience. Get to the root of the problem and then work on it. Step by step you'll get there.