10 Subconscious Reasons Why I Push People Away

Are you unconsciously making yourself miserable as punishment?

By Sid
10 Subconscious Reasons Why I Push People Away

Unconscious Self Abuse

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Whenever we think of self-abuse, our minds tend to wander around the concept of physical abuse. However, self-abuse doesn’t necessarily have to be physical abuse, not does it have to be implemented consciously by an individual. Self-abuse can take on many forms, such as emotional and mental self-abuse. Moreover, many people subconsciously abuse themselves which is, in fact, far more eerie and devastating since you’re being your enemy without even knowing about it.

Someone wise once said that the worst critic you’d ever have to face is yourself. We subconsciously analyze each and everything we do, say, or think. I’m not sure if it’s part of human nature, but from what I’ve observed, we humans tend to absorb and lock in all the negative energy that we both emit and receive.

Thus, it isn’t surprising to hear voices in your head that constantly degrade you in whatever way possible – “I’m useless”, “I don’t deserve anything” and “nobody loves me” are all examples of the kind of chats one who imposes self-abuse upon themselves might have with themselves. Ever since our evolution, human beings have been obsessed with the concept of perfection – which is silly since nothing in this world is perfect. The drive to be perfect forces us to push ourselves to extremes.

The constant battle we have with our selves forces us to push those that love us away from us. Why? Because we’ve raised imaginary walls around us and our insecurities don’t allow us to have anyone enter our sacred fort, even though that fort is nothing but a boiling well of toxicity. We want to be left alone since we’ve made up our minds that we’re hopeless and there’s nothing we or anyone else can do about it.

10 Subconscious Reasons Why You Push People Away

1. You feel envious of everyone

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One of the most self-degrading sins we commit is envy. Envy forces us to count other people’s blessings, all-the-while overlooking our own. What you need to learn is to be grateful for what you have and if you like something that somebody has, it’ll be wiser to work hard to have it, rather than push that person away, with them not even knowing what crime they committed.

2. You take everything a bit too personally

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We sometimes deceive ourselves into thinking that whatever somebody says is an indirect attack on us. In all honesty, people like talking more about themselves than about other people, so don’t worry – I’m sure your friend wasn’t trying to insult you when they said they don’t like shopping at Walmart and instead prefer Target. The truth is, they’re just indirectly recalling a bad experience they had at Walmart, they’re not judging your financial capacity. Chill, man.

3. You tend to attract negative energies

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As we mentioned before, human beings tend to absorb negative energies. If you tend to push people away, your subconscious is likely to take over your feelings. You may inaccurately analyze a situation, all the while taking in all the negative energies present around you. Try listening to somebody else’s perspective before jumping to conclusions – you may find out that it wasn’t that bad after all.

4. You lack emotional self-control

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If you feel like you cannot manage your emotions, you might just be subconsciously pushing away people who care about you. Throwing a tantrum by bursting into tears or yelling at the top of your voice does no one any good – it’s better to work things out in a more civil manner. Furthermore, a lack of emotional self-control is often a symptom of underlying mental issues such as anxiety or depression. If you feel like you are depressed, we’d recommend you visit a therapist.

5. You make quick judgments about other people

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Everybody is familiar with the saying, “don’t judge a book by its cover”. The same concept applies here. It isn’t wise to judge somebody by what they choose to show you. Humans are complex creatures – we have layers within layers behind our personalities. How would you feel if somebody completely misunderstood you? Henceforth, if you feel like somebody is giving off a bad vibe and you choose to judge them that way, just remember that they are fighting their demons – just like you. 

6. You demand constant validation from other people

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Everybody aspires to shine within their social circle. However, seeking constant validation from friends and/or family members turns out to be of no use. A quest for validation isn’t only toxic, it’s exhausting too. Having to put on a mask to impress other people is just a waste of your precious time – plus, once they figure out that you’re not being who you are, your attempts to impress them repel them away from you. Just be yourself and have fun – the right people will come around.

7. You’re a perfectionist

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As we mentioned earlier, ever since the dawn of evolution, human beings have been obsessed with the concept of perfection. However, you should know that nothing in this world is designed perfectly. We need to find perfection within the imperfections life manifests. You may be living in a small cottage, but what matters is how you perceive things – your cottage may even turn out to be the mansion of your dreams! Perfectionists subconsciously push people away since they simply don’t find anything to be perfect.

8. You fear intimacy

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Our past experiences play a huge role in our future relationships. If you were ever in a relationship with someone who you blindly adored and they left you with dirty bedsheets and a broken heart, that doesn’t mean that whosoever you fall in love with next would do the same. If you fear intimacy, you’re feeding your demons – let go of the past and let people in – perhaps you’ll find someone who’s going to make you forget that you ever even had your heartbroken. If you continue living in a shell of your insecurities, you’ll be doing nothing but preventing your potential soulmate from ever reaching you.

9. You assume that everyone is always judging you

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One of the biggest insecurities human beings possess is that of being judged. We make sure we wear the best clothes, own the best car, have the best job – but even if you have all that, there still would be somebody who’d judge you. Let go of your fear of being judged and just live your life the way you want to! When we live in a constant delirium of being judged, we put on an armor of insecurities upon us –as a result, we get bitter, rude and irritable, all of which makes pushes people away.

10. You have unresolved mental issues to deal with

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If you think you have an undiagnosed mental condition such as anxiety or depression, there is no reason to feel shameful. We advise you to visit a renowned therapist for them to begin your treatment as soon as possible. The aforementioned mental conditions often make us insecure and irritable, all of which lead to people drawing away. Moreover, they also take on a physical toll on our body, such as the development of eating disorders and body aches. This one isn’t just about the people, it’s about you as well.

How to Remove Your Mental and Emotional Barrier

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Once you’re ready to let your guards down, you’ll have to work on removing the mental and emotional barrier that prevents people from drawing closer to you. You’d have to accept both your strengths and your flaws and that nothing and nobody in this world are perfect and we’re all on a journey to self-improvement and self-healing. Make a diary of the things and the people you’re grateful to have in your life and you’ll be amazed by your blessings.

Getting Help

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Other than a qualified therapist, the only person who can help you combat your demons is you. Practice self-care therapies such as meditation, go for a run in the morning, have lunch with a family member, sit down for tea with a friend in the evening – all you have to do is distract yourself and find better things to invest your time in rather than being harsh on yourself.

Related Article: 10 Tips On How To Overcome Heartbreak And Sadness
10 Tips On How To Overcome Heartbreak And Sadness
When sadness from heartbreak overwhelm you, how to overcome it


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In today’s chaotic world, all we want is a little peace, but sometimes our quest for peace turns into a battle within ourselves. The only way we can find peace, love other people and ourselves is by acceptance and gratitude. Count the number of blessings you have and you’ll soon realize they’re uncountable – life is too short to analyze each and everything – just be yourself and don’t worry about people, the right ones never leave.