How To Hook Up With A Guy In A Club Without Being Sleezy

You’re at the club dancing your blues away at that party your bestie is throwing because she’s got that raise you never got. So you decided the best you could do is get drunk at her expense because she can afford it better than you now. You take a break from dancing and move to the bar, planning to keep the thoughts of your sad work life aside for a while and just immerse yourself in booze. But just as you were settling down at the bar, ready to get sloshed and invisible to the world, you spot the guy. Sitting at the edge of the bar, perhaps still dressed from work his three piece suit, albeit a bit disheveled with his loosened tie; a treat for the eyes, the suit and the man. Unwittingly, you smoothen out your hair and your agenda has now changed from being drunk and invisible to being enchanting and very, very visible. Question is, does the subtitle of the agenda reads, “Hit up and hook up”, or “Make me breakfast tomorrow morning and forever?” Being owners of a myriad of confused, complicated thoughts, women are often not sure exactly what we want from a guy. Sometimes, we see a longer potential, sometimes it’s just a night of wild hook up fun you’re after. So what’s important is that you make up your mind about what you want before you even attempt to approach the guy. Because if expectations don’t match at the end of the day (or night really), things could get unwantedly messy. Maybe you just wanted a hook up, but if you sent wrong signals to the guy, there is going to be an onslaught of calls you never signed up for. Or, if you have even the slightest feeling that the guy dressed-in-that-suit-that-fits-him-like-a-dream might be boyfriend material, maybe you should reconsider your approach and timing of the hook up. Decisions, decisions!

Now, the guy might be dapper in his suit nursing his drink at the edge of the bar, but there are more important things to consider if you have made the decision of a fun hook up by the end of the evening. Things like, is he even up for a hook up? Obviously, you’d want to steer clear of the guy if he’s married or engaged to be, or is just hopelessly in love with his girlfriend. You don’t want that kind of bad karma. You’re just a girl at the club trying to have some fun; you don’t want to risk opening a Pandora’s Box of some sort getting at the receiving end of a jealous wife/fiancé/girlfriend’s wrath. Even if the guy is willing. That said, if he’s really, really and coming on to you and you know you can get away with a little fun, even if dangerous, take your call! Second, if it’s just a hook up you’re keen on, you might want to stay away from the guy if he shows signs of being too emotional or clingy at the onset. Because that’s probably what he will be, even after it is goodbye for you. And then there are safety issues to consider. Don’t fall for the rude and misbehaved type of guys even if they smell heavenly (that’s a thing okay!). Always make sure the guy treats with respect because a casual hook up is no excuse for disrespectful behavior. Be careful about unconsented filming or any other thing you are not comfortable with. Men who treat you with respect will make sure that the night is how it is supposed to be –fun in a harmless way.

Also, unless you’re an admitted daredevil and are prepared for the consequences, stay away from the following types too: 1) A good friend you want to remain friends with: Hooking up with a good friend is the fastest way to lose a friend (who are hard to come by as is), and things are bound to get extremely (and I can’t emphasize enough on the extremely) awkward the morning after. No matter how horny you are or how hot that guy friend looks like after a few shots, resist it. 2) A colleague you don’t intend to date: Colleagues are the friends we don’t choose. Yet they are the ones we see more frequently than our friends. If you like to keep it that way, any guy who is a colleague is out of bounds. 3) Ex-boyfriend or boyfriend of the bestie (who’s probably throwing the party): First, because you can’t do this to her at her party. Second, you’ll never get invited to another party. There are other guys in the club and in the world.

If you’re planning on getting physical, you’d have to get physically viable of course. If you’re partying at the club, you’re probably already dressed in your best, but if you really, really pick up a guy on a whim, you’d have to do better than that. Dress like you are to walk the Victoria’s Secret runway with Bruno Mars playing live behind you where he can get a full view of your derrière. Dress like no matter what universe they come from, no guy will be able to resist walking out from the club with you, if you so pleased. Prepare for the anticipated action beforehand with a good slathering of hydrating moisturizer all over your body to get your skin nice and supple. Pick a dress that shows off your best assets –a sexy mini if you got legs Cubans would kill for, a shimmery dress with a plunging neckline to reveal a perfect décolletage, a slinky wrap dress that closes in on a narrow waist or a barely-there backless number that shows off miles upon miles of porcelain smooth skin. Use bronzer and highlight generously on your legs, shoulders and chest to really work that sun-kissed goddess look. If all else fails, just wear the most flattering shade of red for your skin tone. It will single-handedly brighten up your face and draw attention to your mouth, which his very necessary for the hook up game. Another way to grab attention is to add lots of big curls to your hair to make it look voluminous.

If you want to hook up with a guy, you’d have to let him know somehow! You don’t need a book of how-to-hook up tips to tell you this. However, what that book of tips will tell you is that in case you are shy to tell him upfront, there are certain tricks you can use to send the message to the guy. And anything that involves sending a message without speaking is definitely a discussion on body language. Or, even if you’re brave enough to be able to go and tell, you’d still have to prepare him first my showing him that you’re interested. So, ‘show and tell’ before ‘go and tell’, yes? Good! Now to the part where we learn how to use the correct body language for this purpose. For one, make eye contact. And lots of it. Let him see you watching you. But don’t go to the creepy zone either. Purposefully wait until the guy “catches” you looking at him , and the moment his eyes meet yours, play the coy princess and look away, pretending to be caught red handed and (fake) blushing (or for real, if you feel it). Next, do the lip things. No, not those lip things; we aren’t there yet. There are two kinds, mainly: 1) Biting the corner of your lips casually as you fiddle with your drink at the bar; 2) Chewing your bottom lip and pursing/pouting, as if lost in thoughts. One, it draws attention to your mouth, as discussed earlier, and two, this kind of “nervous” fidgeting makes the guy think you’re into him. Also, not just the eyes and lips, you could and should use your whole body to send signals to this guy. For example, dance lusciously, cross your legs in a way that will put Sharon Stone to shame, and all the while look at him, possibly also sticking a smirk at the corner of your mouth. If you’re already talking to him, touch him often, and unnecessarily. Laugh at his stupid jokes and fall on him while you do that.

You’re at the club, at a party, trying to woo a guy into moving his body with yours. If you don’t dance to initiate the hook up, what else are you going to do? This is probably one of the best tips you’ll ever need. How a guy moves in a vertical position at a party, says a lot about his moves when he’s horizontal. So judge away, ladies! But more importantly, dancing comes handy when trying to get attention of the guy. Your style of dancing also shows him you’re interested in a hook up, without you having to tell. If you’re dancing solo or with your friends, get within the frame of his sight and as close to him as possible, and prepare to let your inner Shakira loose. Gyrate to the music seductively and look meaningfully at him. But because these tips are about not coming across as sleazy, make sure you don’t touch him yet. No touching, just harmless dancing suggestively. If he can’t touch you right away, he might want to do so even more! If you’re dancing with him, you can follow the same tips. Swing and sway and look right into his eyes with a lot of passion, yet don’t smother him. Some effective dance moves at a hook up party are lots of belly dance moves, body waves and twists and soft head swings that toss the hair to and from your face.

Now sometimes it is important to straight up touch the guy or else it might never lead to a hook up. And it is possible to do so without looking like a sleaze. These tips are obviously about that. First, touch the guy only when you’ve had some talk with him and are both feeling comfortable to open up to each other. Maybe share some laughs first. Second, don’t touch the insides of his leg right away. Work your way down from his arms or chest. Casually ask if he works out and touch his torso. And then, gradually, touch his leg, pretending to get support when you’re laughing uncontrollably. For the next step, keep your hand rested on his thigh, as if you’ve forgotten it is there. And continue talking to the guy as you were. This sort of touch is a strong signal of you being interested in a hook up later, and prepares the guy to approach you about it, so you don’t have to. When dancing too, you can make some harmless physical contact that would make the guy see that you want a hook up, yet not make you look like a sleaze. Like place your arms on his shoulders or move close to him so your face is nestled at the nape of his neck. Don’t initiate grinding, but if he does, don’t flinch away either.

This step is for when you don’t know the guy you’re trying to hook up with. If you have your sight set on a guy you already know, just hook up already! But if it is indeed that guy in the three-piece suit drinking all by himself at the edge of the bar, you need the conversation going before you can hope for a potential hook up. If you’ve been following the above steps to perfection, chances are the guy might have already approached you by now and you’re on your way to hook up heaven. If not, you need to man up and do the deed yourself. That kind of confidence is also extremely hot which will ease your way to the hook up end result. It doesn’t have to be much of a big deal either. Just casually walk up to the guy and make small talk. Or use a clever pick up line. Or just ask him to a dance. While you’re at it, don’t be afraid to use lots of double entendre to prepare him for what’s coming next (hook up, if you didn’t already get that). But you could also talk about anything from sports to politics to current affairs if you’re knowledgeable on the topics. Because an intelligent woman is always hot enough for a guy to want to hook up with. So you never know; he might pick you up before you could even pronounce hook up!

If I could promote just one of these tips on how to hook up with a guy, it would be this one. Just straight up – tell; simply. No games, no sweat. Just talking like adults about your adult needs. It is often underestimated how much guys love women who can just walk up to them and clearly express what they want, without any shame, fear, hesitation or regret. In fact, most guys will tell you this confidence is what will get them to say yes to a hook up most times. Not how flimsily you’re dressed or how sexily you dance. Guys love assertive women who know what they want and how to get what they want, and most guys don’t feel threatened or any less of a guy if they oblige to a woman’s demands. For the most part guys are happy to indulge women in their fantasies, even if that fantasy includes a one night hook up, or multiple nights but hook up still. And it is a win-win situation too! You can stop worrying about which tricks might work and which might fail on that cute guy you spotted, and whether or not your dance skills are good enough to entice the guy. If you have any doubt, you can just put it to rest by simply telling the guy what’s on your mind. If he’s in, you don’t need to spend an entire evening doing all this stuff to get his attention, when you can spend it doing better things. If the guy’s not interested, the torture of the guesswork ends sooner. Because no matter what you do, he might still have his own reasons for not being interested, and it is better for you to know that before you’ve wasted too much time on this guy, when you could move on to the next cute guy real quick. But this tip is my favorite because it underlines one of the most important things, even for hook ups. Clear consent! Instead of beating about the bush, if you’re vocal about your wants, you put a rest to the game of speculations for guys too, in turn lowering the risk of being misinterpreted for “wanting it” even when you’re not. The best way to avoid everything from confusions to inconveniences to rape culture, consent is best given vocally and clearly. Really, just tell him. He wants you to.