Top 20 Signs That Your Boyfriend Is Actually Selfish

Are you and your boyfriend arguing more? Is it always about him and what he needs? Here are the top 20 signs your boyfriend is selfish.

By Lindsey Ladd
Top 20 Signs That Your Boyfriend Is Actually Selfish

Have you started to notice you're only around for one thing?

​I think we've all been there. We meet a guy, we start dating, and then one day we notice that things have changed. We notice that our boyfriend isn't who we thought he was. It's clear that the relationship isn't going the way we expected, and it's not because you changed your expectations of the relationship. You notice that your boyfriend is acting like you are only around for one thing. Or, maybe, your boyfriend is showing you signs that he's more selfish than you originally thought. Here are the top signs to look for that your boyfriend may be selfish, traits that you need to keep an eye out for and my best advice about how to handle it.

1. Their interest in your career seems tainted

Are you career focused and it seems like every time you talk to your boyfriend he doesn't seem very interested? Maybe it seems like he is interested in what you do, but when it comes down to it, he's only interested enough to get something out of it. Does he ask a lot about how much money you make? Maybe not directly, but he hints around at it? If your boyfriend is only listening to you talk about work or asks you things to make it seem like he cares, then I would be careful. Is it possible that he is only doing this to get you in bed? Or, maybe he thinks that you having a good career could benefit him somehow. It's hard to admit for some of us, but take a close look at the conversations you've had and how they've gone. This could be telling. Selfish men don't pay attention or take an interest in what we do for a career unless they have something to gain from it. To be perfectly honest, and what should make you more concerned, is if your boyfriend wants to downplay your career. This could indicate that​ he wants you around more so it's more convenient for him. Some men are so selfish that they don't want their woman to have a career because then she can't be there and support him and his needs.

2. There are so many rules, your relationship is like a puzzle

I love puzzles! It's the way my brain works. I find them fun, crazy I know. You know what I don't like? When my relationship is a puzzle. If your boyfriend makes so many rules for your relationship that it feels like a puzzle, it could be a sign that he's selfish. He's trying to get things to fit his needs. What he needs, when he wants it. The truth is, he may not even care so much about the relationship itself, but more about what the relationship looks like to others. We all make "rules" for our relationships for different reasons. We build boundaries, and those are necessary, but when they at constantly changing,​ then something else is going on. One day it's just fine for you to talk to your guy friends, then the next it's not. Maybe he has an issue with you being on your phone when you're together, but he's always on his. If there are double standards and you live every day like you have to figure out what is and isn't acceptable, then you need to take a closer look at your boyfriend, your relationship and what other signs he may be showing that he's selfish.

3. They don't show interest in how you are doing

Let's be honest, anyone who is selfish has a hard time pretending that they are interested in you, what you're doing, or how you're doing. I think this is one of the most obvious traits a selfish person has. They aren't interested in anything that doesn't benefit them, or that isn't about them, and they have a really hard time faking it. Does your boyfriend ask you how your day is? Does he ask you about specific things you have going on? Did you have a rough day at work or school, and did he make an effort to show you support? If your boyfriend is really in it and actually cares, then his behavior will show you. The answers to every one of those questions should be, "Yes."​ However, a big sign that your boyfriend may indeed be selfish is if you answered, "No" to each of those questions. A selfish person isn't interested in you, your day, or anything else that isn't revolved around them.

4. They only want your success to go so far

A selfish person always wants to be the best. They don't want anyone around them to be more successful than they are or better than they see themselves. I see this a lot, especially in relationships. Whether it's a friend or a boyfriend, jealousy over how successful one may or may not be can cause friction. Someone can be jealous for a number of reasons, but I think there are times when that jealousy stems from something deeper. It's a trait that can't be faked or hidden. When someone doesn't like to see those around them be successful, it's usually because they are selfish or they're insecure. Neither is a great sign or trait of anyone I would be interested in being with. My advice, in this case, would be to get to the bottom of it. Is your boyfriend not supportive or only wanting you to get so far in a career or other goals because he's​ they're insecure? Do they think if you're more successful than they are that you won't have time to meet their needs? It's important to figure these things out! Good luck and be aware if you see a sign or two that he may indeed be selfish.

5. They are overly concerned with you maintaining a certain look or appearance

Is your boyfriend making comments about how you look- constantly? Does he encourage you never to miss a workout, but it doesn't seem like it's because he knows it's important to you. Does he want you always to wear something specific, wear your hair in a certain way, or make comments about your weight? Does he make comments about things in bed, making you more concerned about how you look than who you are? If your boyfriend is selfish, this could be a big sign. He wants to portray an image. He wants to make sure that you fit that image. He is more worried about how people think of him ​than you. He doesn't want anything to make him look bad, so he is concerned about how you look because of how it may make him look. I know, I know. You are probably thinking I'm crazy. You may even be a little frustrated by the suggestion of it all. If you're honest though, could this be your boyfriend? Is he making these comments? If so, my advice would be to take a look at how you feel and how these comments make you feel.

6. They are clearly the priority


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Another one of the most obvious traits that a selfish person will have is that they are always the priority. Whether it's always listening to what he wants on the radio, or what you have to watch on T.V. your boyfriend is the priority. Do you always go where he wants to go for dinner? Sometimes these little things add up. Whether it is big or small, there are times that we all need to be the priority. There are times when we all need to feel important, and like we matter. This tends to be a sign we excuse or don't pay much attention to. It adds up though, doesn't it? My advice is to be honest with yourself and whether or not you ever feel like your his priority. The​ answer to that question may answer many others you have about other signs you may be seeing and whether or not your boyfriend is selfish.

7. Your boyfriend talks over you - especially in public

I think this is pretty self-explanatory. You can't get a word in edge-wise, right? When you have a disagreement, he starts to interrupt you and talks over you so you can't make a point. Does this sound familiar at all? This is one of those traits that frustrates me whether I'm dating the person or not. However, when it's my boyfriend, I can't stand it! I've dated selfish men in the past, and they've all done this because they could never be wrong. Does your boyfriend do this? Does he always have to be right? This may be a sign that is hard to pinpoint​, but if he's not interested in hearing you and always has to be louder than you to make a point you may need to be a bit concerned. My advice, listen to the noise. In this case, it may help you see if he's selfish or if something else may be going on.

8. He avoids doing anything that isn't of interest to him

An easy way to spot someone who is selfish is that they are only interested in doing things that are of any interest to them. Do you enjoy watching cheesy movies, going to dive bars, or going to concerts? Well, if he's not interested then it won't happen. Don't hold your breath for a date night including anything you love unless he loves it too. A boyfriend who is selfish won't put in the effort to show you he cares by doing anything you're interested in. He won't try. If your boyfriend will do what you enjoy, watch shows you like, and go to your favorite restaurant than your boyfriend may not be selfish after all. Either way, open your eyes. Pay attention. Try to be sure that you can​ see what his motives are.

9. Your boyfriend is selfish if he always reminds you of how much he does for you

He plans this amazing date, and it almost seems perfect. It makes you think that he really could be the one because it seemed so thoughtful, but then a few months later you begin to realize that maybe it was a one time deal. He hasn't done it since, but he sure has reminded you of how much effort it took to plan it and how much money he spent. Maybe it was your birthday and he got you a great gift or took you to an amazing restaurant. Then you hear about it and he tells everyone how much he spent on your birthday for the next year. A selfish person always has an ulterior motive to why they do something, whether it is nice or seems thoughtful. If your boyfriend has to brag about what he does, or if he is constantly reminding you of the nice things he does for you; then it could be a sign that he's selfish. He's doing it because he feels like he has something to gain. It's one of the traits that is consistent with​ a selfish person.

10. If your boyfriend ignores your emotions, he is selfish

​We all need to share our emotions. Some individuals do more than others, but we all have that need. There are different ways we do this, but it's necessary, and we need to be with someone who notices and cares. If he is ignoring your emotions, it's a sure way to tell that he may be selfish. Or, maybe he just doesn't care. Either way, it's not a great sigh. Do you really want to be with a man who ignores your emotions and doesn't pay attention to your needs? One of the most important traits in a partner is the ability to understand your spouse's emotions. We all need someone who understands and cares. Someone who can read us. Someone who takes the time to get to know us so well and cares so much that they know how we feel even before we do. Does he care? Does he pay attention? Does he ignore your emotions, act like they don't matter or aren't important? This could be a vital sign of whether or not he's selfish.

11. Do you always have to be the one who apologizes?

​As much as there are some signs that are obvious in telling if someone is selfish, there are also some signs, behaviors or traits that are harder to figure out. This is a sign that can be a bit difficult to figure out. A man who is selfish will have a way of always making you feel like you're in the wrong. Everything is your fault, or at least he makes you feel that way. He may not come out and say it, but he certainly isn't going to take responsibility if the fault is his. It's important to him that he isn't wrong, so he puts everything on you. You are always the one apologizing. You are always the one who feels the need to make it better. When this is the case, it may be hard to see, but it's definitely a sign that he may be selfish.

12. A selfish boyfriend only wants the relationship to progress if it's in his best interest

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How has your relationship evolved or progressed since you started dating? Have you always had to wait for him to decide when he was ready to take the next step? Why do you think that is? A trait of a selfish person is needing to have control. They have to control situations so they can ensure they get what they want when they want it. Remember, a selfish person wants everything to be about them. One way they do this is by controlling the progression of their relationships. If your boyfriend is controlling the pace and progression of your relationship, then you very well may be dating a selfish person. He isn't concerned with what you want or how you feel. It's about him. My advice would be to consider what you want ​and make that priority. Someone needs to.

13. If you are pregnant, or think you may be, you are afraid he'll be mad if you tell him

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​Pregnancy, or the thought that pregnancy may be on the horizon, can provide stress and crazy behaviors all on its own. As a woman, we wonder what he may think or say when we tell him. Pregnancy can change everything in any relationship, and it brings stresses whether it may be a good or bad thing. Most dating couples who sleep together have had this conversation. Whether it be the first time you were in bed together or awhile after, the conversation of pregnancy typically comes up. We all have some idea about how our spouse will react. In my experience, when you are concerned about an unplanned pregnancy, your first thought is what he will think. If you are scared he will be mad at you if you are pregnant, or even tell him about the possibility of pregnancy, then you may need to take a second look. Are the reasons he could be mad or upset selfish? Would he be mad or upset because of how a pregnancy will or could affect his life? Is he concerned with how this changes things for him, but not for you? This is a sign that can be one of the most glaring that you are dating a selfish man. Even if you aren't pregnant and there is no possibility at this time of there being a pregnancy, think about it. How would your boyfriend react? Do you think he would be upset and have these selfish tendencies or would he be understanding?

14. You expect your boyfriend to get upset if you have anything negative to say about him or your relationship

A selfish boyfriend will get upset any time you have anything negative, or anything that could be taken as negative, to say about him or the relationship. If you bring up that you need more from him emotionally, physically in bed, or for him to be more supportive in other ways he becomes upset and defensive. A selfish person is always concerned about what they want. This is a reoccurring theme, I know. If we're honest, this is because selfish people have only one concern: themselves. So, when you begin to say anything negative, especially if it is about anything that concerns his ability or lack thereof in bed, he will get upset and defensive. The selfish man won't want to be corrected, ​and he doesn't want to be told he isn't perfect.

15. A selfish boyfriend is only concerned about getting what he needs sexually

If you are still struggling to figure out if your boyfriend may be selfish, then pay attention to his behavior in the bedroom. The way he treats you in bed will say a lot. Who is the priority when you're in bed together? What does his behavior tell you? Does he want you? Does he want to please you? Or, is it all about him? In my opinion, you can tell a man is selfish by paying attention to him when you are in bed together. Now, this can't be something where you think of one specific time you were in bed together, and his behavior showed that he was selfish because you didn't finish. To truly figure out if your boyfriend is selfish, you need to look at your collective experiences when you're in bed together. Does he initiate the sex, or do you? Do you tell him what you like, and does he do it; or are you always expected to do what he likes? What is his behavior like after sex? What is he like on the nights you are in bed together, but there may be no sex? Does his behavior change when he gets what he wants and when he doesn't? I believe that the collective answers to these questions will be very telling to whether or not your boyfriend may be selfish. It's not always easy to take a look at these things. However, ​it's necessary. Be honest with yourself, and you may get an honest answer as to whether or not your boyfriend is selfish or not.

16. He'd rather be alone than with you

Another sign that your boyfriend may be selfish can be seen by how he spends his time. Is your boyfriend making an effort to see you when he has the time or is he only seeing you when it's convenient for him? Is he making time for you or are you begging him to come over or to see him? When someone is selfish, they tend to like to spend time alone, or away from anyone who isn't going to let them do whatever they want when they want to. They want to be able to do the things they want to without having to "check-in," so they will claim they're busy when they aren't. If your boyfriend is selfish, you will see it come through in the time he is or isn't spending with you. Take a close look, ​and you'll see just how selfish he may or may not be.

17. A selfish boyfriend only "gives in to you" when he has something to gain from it

Does it seem like you always have to fight for what you want in the relationship? Whether it be in bed, what to watch on T.V. or where to go on a date; if you want something to go your way it takes moving mountains to make it happen. Well, this is a big sign that your boyfriend is selfish. When he only "gives in to you," and he may actually say that, he is doing so because he has something to gain from it. A selfish person won't just compromise for the sake of building a relationship. They have motives that run deeper. You may notice that you only got to go to the movie you wanted because afterward your boyfriend wanted you to try something new in bed. Or, maybe he let you choose where to go to eat dinner because it was during dessert that he told you he was going to Las Vegas with his buddies for the weekend. There is always an​ ulterior motive, and this is how you'll know your boyfriend is selfish.

18. Your boyfriend is selfish if he only spends the night with you on his terms

I've noticed when I've dated selfish guys in the past, that everything was on their terms. This included when we would and wouldn't spend the night together. We could be lying in bed, and I would ask him to stay, but if it wasn't something he wanted to do or made the morning commute more difficult for him, he would go. Selfish people always have their needs and what's most convenient for them as the priority. You will notice this in your relationship as well if you are dating a selfish person, and it will glare at you in this instance when you take a closer look. A selfish man doesn't stay with you just to hold you and be with you because you're upset, or scared. He won't be there for you unless it is convenient for him. On the other side of this, you may notice that he will always stay with you if you live close to where he works, or his gym, or any other place that may make his life easier. You may find that he's always suggesting he stays the night, and it isn't to be romantic in bed either. The selfish person's purpose, in this case, ​is to make his life easier by staying with you to avoid traffic or to benefit himself in some other way.

19. You're always running his errands

​Do you notice that you are always running around for him? Whether it's getting him lunch, taking his dry cleaning or picking up something he needs for work a selfish boyfriend is going to expect that you should put his needs first and take care of whatever he needs. He doesn't care if you have things you need to do. A selfish boyfriend will always call or text you and expect that you will drop everything for him, whenever he needs it. Maybe you notice that you only hear from him when he needs something. This is a big sign you are in a relationship with a selfish man.

20. A selfish boyfriend makes you wait for him

This is one of those traits that seems like it could be his way of showing you he likes you, when in fact he's just selfish. If a man expects you to wake up early, go get his coffee and has you wait for him so "you can see him before work or school" then I would start to be less flattered and more concerned. He may make it seem like he's going out of his way so he can see you, but in fact, he is making you go out of your way for him. A selfish person may have traits that seem at first like they are a flirting and they have a way of making it sound like everything will benefit you. However, in the long run, it's only beneficial for one person - them. Be aware of this and remember that when it happens one time, it's cute, but a pattern is a warning sign that he's just selfish.​

My advice for what to do with a selfish boyfriend

​Sometimes it's hard to admit to ourselves that our man is selfish. It's especially difficult if we've fallen in love with him. If you're finding that you are, or may be dating a selfish man, then it may be time to think about what you really want. Everyone is different, and I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. Maybe your man doesn't realize that his actions are selfish, some men are clueless. Others are selfish because they are used to being alone or dating women who just give them what they want. While on the other hand, other men are selfish because it's a character trait they have and it's not going anywhere anytime soon. My advice would be first to take a close look. Take a look at the signs he may be showing and his motivations. I would then talk to your man. You know him better than I do, so you know if it's worth a conversation. You know if he's selfish, or if these selfish tendencies may be a result of something else. When all else fails, if he's selfish and it's time for a change - get a dog. Dogs are loyal. Dogs will always put you first. Dogs aren't selfish.



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