Dealing with a Toxic Person
There are already a lot of things stressing us out in our everyday lives like household chores, responsibilities, bills, work, and other personal affairs. But somehow we can surely handle them just fine because they are the same every day. All we have to do is make ourselves get used to the situation. However, there is one thing that will stress us out even more than these things, and that is dealing with a toxic person. Have you ever experienced involving yourself in an argument that never ends because your partner keeps bringing up irrelevant things? Do you always find yourself apologizing for things you didn’t do just to end the feud? Do you keep on defending yourself from pointless accusations? Are you always stressed out because of a specific person? If you have gone through all these, you probably dealt or are currently dealing with a toxic person; that’s just how their personality works, they make other people around them feel uncomfortable. One of the things they love doing is to see everything in disorder. However, everybody has a negative side, and we make mistakes that annoy people, too, but that won’t necessarily mean we’re already toxic. We can only say that a person is toxic if these negative traits are already a part of his/her personality, or if that person uses these traits to live their everyday life. Is your partner showing signs of being a toxic person? Are there any friends of yours that make your life hell? Here are some signs of toxic people and how you can deal with them.
1. A Toxic Person Is Judgemental
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We are all human beings and we are not perfect. We are surely allowed to make mistakes every now and then, and we have pestered people quite a couple of times, too. Well, that is just normal as long as we always try hard to make things right again in the end. However, a toxic person’s logic is slightly different. When you make mistakes, it already makes you an unworthy person, and they will try harder to make you feel bad about it no matter how you try to make up for your mistakes. That’s one of a toxic person’s traits — guilt tripping. They will even bring up some things you did years ago. Remind yourself that you can’t please everybody, let alone a toxic person. If a toxic person is trying to put your heart down, the best thing you can do is to ignore it. Keep in mind that they don’t have a say in your life and their being toxic is just one of the signs of their insecurity, so they bring you down with them. Don’t let that happen and keep on moving on.
2. A Toxic Person Loves to Exaggerate
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Having arguments with people is draining, more so when the person you are arguing with exaggerates just so they won’t lose to you. It’s an exaggeration where you’ll be surprised to hear stories that didn’t even happen. Be careful when this happens because it is one of the signs of manipulation, showing the person you’re dealing with is toxic. If you defend yourself from accusations that never even happened, then you are letting yourself get manipulated while the toxic person gets what he/she wants. When a toxic person tries to argue with you, tell yourself right from the start that you will not win, so why waste time defending yourself? When you’re dealing with an angry toxic person, the most effective thing you can do is to keep quiet. Let them talk all day if they want, but you have to show toxic people that you’re not one to manipulate.
3. Your Tone of Voice Is More Important
In a relationship, you probably experienced trying to resolve an issue with your partner, as sometimes it can’t be helped but to have an argument. And it’s also unavoidable when you have to raise your voice out of frustration to let your partner understand your point. However, if your partner suddenly stops focusing on the real issue and starts talking about your tone of voice instead, again, it’s one of the signs of manipulation and a trait of a toxic person. If you find yourself defending your tone of voice and gestures, the real issue will less likely to be resolved. If your partner, or anyone for that matter, starts doing this, it is probably because they’re losing the argument, so they’re finding another way to make it sound like it’s still your fault. What you should do is to just keep quiet and let them be frustrated. Let them come to you for some real serious talking instead of always having to defend yourself.
4. They Love Bringing Up Irrelevant Details
Have you ever dealt with an argument where you have to defend yourself from mistakes you committed days, months, or years ago? If so, the person you were probably arguing with was a toxic person because they just love to live in disorder, and it is one of their traits to bring up irrelevant subjects to talk about when they feel they’re starting to lose. If you are in a relationship where you are experiencing this almost always, you probably have a manipulative toxic partner. He/she will always make sure that he/she’s the victim and you’re the bad person. If they do this, try to stick to the current issue by ignoring his/her remarks on what happened.
5. A Toxic Person Uses Common Words with a Toxic Tone
Sometimes, you can already tell if a person means havoc by their tone of voice. Guess what? This is one of the personality and traits of toxic people and most of them are good at it, too. For example, a toxic person may ask you “how was your day?” and as simple as it may sound, this person is actually testing you. It could mean “you did something and you didn’t even tell me,” “I am glad your day went fine, that’s why you didn’t even bother to ask me how’s mine,” or “you did nothing, just like the usual.” However, if you ask them about their tone of voice, they will act all innocent and answer you with “what’s wrong with my tone? I was just asking you.” If you have a friend who does this all the time, it is going to drain all your energy. So, don’t try to play their game because you’ll end up being manipulated. If they ask you questions, answer them honestly and just leave it at that. Even if you noticed something wrong with their tone, just keep mum about it.
6. They Will Leave You Hanging
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This one is very common in most relationships. It’s those arguments where your partner will leave you wondering about the status of your relationship after you quarrel. It’s where they will end the conversation with “it’s nothing” and you will question whether it means “it’s nothing, we’re okay now” or “it’s nothing because we’re already done.” When you try to call them, they won’t answer their phone. When you try to send them a message, it will only be seen. You have to admit this is pretty draining and frustrating, and that’s what toxic people want you to feel. They will leave you hanging in disorder. Don’t play their game, so if they decide to leave you wondering, don’t tire yourself out by making it a big deal. Show them that you can still live normally: if they told you “it’s nothing”, then act as if it’s really nothing. Surely, they will get even more frustrated. However, if they leave you hanging for a lengthy period of time, it just means that they really don’t care and you might want to end your relationship with these toxic people already.
7. They're Insecure with Your Happiness
Toxic people are great pretenders and professional when it comes to faking. They will act as if they are your best friends in your down moments, telling you “that’s okay, you can do better” while they’re actually rejoicing on the inside. That’s their personality, they’re great actors. But how can we say so? That’s because when you have good news or they see you succeed, they won’t be there for you just like how they are whenever you’re failing. Rather, they will try to spoil your happiness by questioning whether it’s really good news or not. For example, if you’ve been promoted at work, they’ll try to convince you that it’s not enough, that you have to aim higher, or if you’re going to the beach, they’ll tell you that it would rain anyways. Always remember that their opinions don’t matter. You do you because it’s your life, your achievements, your happiness. Don’t let them spoil the things meant to be celebrated for. It’s only their insecurity working when they try to bring you down.
8. "Sorry" Is Not on Their Vocabulary List
You have probably experienced apologizing to someone just so you would not upset them even if the mistake is theirs. It may be effective to prevent an argument. The problem is you’re letting yourself get manipulated and people will take advantage of you. If you find yourself always doing this, you are dealing with a toxic person. It’s in their personality to turn things around to make it sound as if they are the victims so you end up saying sorry instead. “Sorry” is not in their vocabulary list and if that’s the case, they will less likely to feel guilty whenever they do something wrong to you or to other people. Being around somebody who has this personality is draining. Don’t give them the satisfaction of hearing you apologizing for their own mistakes. If they don’t want to apologize, be the bigger person and move on. It would be even better if you can end your relationship with them.
9. You're Not Worthy until You Prove Yourself
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Did you ever experience having to choose between things that are important to you? Maybe your partner once questioned your love because you wouldn’t leave your work for him/her. If so, your partner is probably a toxic person. This is another trait of this kind of people, they always think as if they’re irresistible and special. They want you to prove yourself to them and they’re the ones who’ll get to decide if you’re worth it. The thing you’re usually going to get from this type of toxic person is having to choose between him/her and another activity you enjoy — “it’s me or your paintings, your choice” or “if I am really important to you, you would do this instead of that.” Don’t let them abuse you to the point you’ll get yourself in a state of disorder. Clarify things with this toxic person on what’s yours and what’s his/hers. Remember that someone who cares for you will never let you choose between things you love, they will let you have both. Unless it’s fatal where it is a matter of life and death, it’s okay to choose, but if it’s just them being toxic, you can totally ignore them.
10. Their Feelings Become Yours
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Do you have a friend who just loves making up drama while you are having a normal day by asking you suddenly if you are feeling okay or by pointing out that you have been in a bad mood lately? What’s surprising is that it is them who are in a little bit of disorder, but they seem to be passing it on to you. Ii this happens to you, you are probably dealing with a toxic person who can’t manage their feelings. For example, they are angry at you but instead of telling you so, they will try to turn things over and ask if you are angry at them to make it sound like it’s you who have a problem. Answer these kinds of questions with a simple “yes” or “no”, and leave it at that. Because if you make it a big deal, you’ll find yourself sounding defensive from made up accusations.
11. Toxic People Are Manipulators
Do you feel as if you’re the only one who satisfies the other in a relationship? And when you ask for just so little in return, it turns into asking for a huge favor? If so, your partner is a toxic person and a perfect manipulator. Even when they are already doing things that are hurting you, they can turn it into a way that they are still the heroes and they do it for your sake. They can even cheat on you and find reasons to put the blame on you for their actions, so in the end, you are still the one who will beg for their forgiveness. If you let yourself get manipulated, you will get yourself crazy and disordered. Do not let them act as if you owe them big time. If they make mistakes, bluntly tell them so and do not listen to their excuses. There should be a balance to the relationship. You do things for your partner and your partner will do his/her part, as no one is more special than the other. However, if they really turn abusive and it stresses you out, it’s time to leave them and end your relationship with said toxic people.
12. They Love the Guessing Game
One common trait of toxic people is that they are very moody, they portray different attitudes every day, and they give other people around them a difficult time. They do this to know what kind of person they have around. You might have already experienced when a friend turns up feeling all happy and lovely today, but the next day he/she feels mad and upset. As a normal human being, you would certainly feel concerned and ask them what’s wrong, but the only answer you’ll ever get is “nothing, I am fine” while making sure that you notice there’s really something wrong. Surely, this will leave you wondering if you did something and get frustrated but no, don’t worry because you didn’t do anything at all. It’s just that you’re dealing with a toxic person. Don’t try to please them if you see them getting moody because it’s not your obligation to do so. Be a friend to them when they really need support but don’t let them suck out the positivity that is inside of you. If they don’t want to talk about their troubles, leave them be. They’re just trying to get you play their guessing game, and if you let yourself in it, you’ll end up defending yourself for things you didn’t even do.
Pleasing Toxic People Is Not Worth It
We already have enough responsibilities in life that stress us out, we don’t have to add ourselves some burden. There will really be times when we will get frustrated because of our friends’ downfall moments, which would only be normal. But if it already comes to the point that we get dysfunctional because of other people, that means we are letting toxicity ruin us. Remember that you cannot please everyone, so it’s not your obligation to prove yourself to toxic people. Let them be insecure about their lives if they really want to, but don’t let them bring you down as well. If they’re becoming a handful, know that it’s okay to leave them behind and find new people who’ll bring positivity rather than toxicity.