10 Stages Of A Relationship Breakdown

Only a few relationship breakdowns occur without first giving partners involved some signs to serve as a warning. Nature has made it so that we are rarely brought into a situation for which we have not been previously warned. Yes, there are some natural disasters that often appear to sometimes catch us unawares but if we would be honest with ourselves, how many of such disasters really come without first giving us some signs? The chances are that there are but a few. Even so is it with a relationship breakdown. It often begins with partners not listening to their guts. Something keeps telling Vanessa not to have a relationship with Patrick but each time the promptings come, Vanessa brushes it aside because even though she agrees with herself that Patrick does not seem to respect her, Patrick's physique, fame, and net worth are not something Vanessa wants to let go of. To her, it seems like Patrick would learn to respect women with time. The other time that Patrick too visited Vanessa at her residence, he noticed how unkempt the surrounding was and how the dishes Vanessa said she ate with yesternight were still on the center table in their living room. "This girl must be dirty" he mumbled to himself but he quickly dispelled the thought by rationalizing that perhaps, Vanessa slept very late the other day and that was why she didn't remember to pack and clean the dishes. It continues on and on like that. Vanessa sees something she doesn't like in Patrick and Patrick also sees what he detests in Vanessa's way of life. Each person knows they cannot cope with such habit(s) and the inner voice of each keeps telling them to leave the relationship but guess what? They keep rationalizing and hoping to change each other in the nearest future. Go check out most relationships that eventually result in breakups, the story is not usually different from the one portrayed here. The refusal to allow our intuition to guide us is a prime reason relationship breakdown exists. If everyone would listen to their guts, even though there would still be some breakdowns, it wouldn't be as rampant as it is today. Truth be told, it is always a bitter experience when a relationship collapses. It compares to a pregnant woman losing her pregnancy through a miscarriage; it can never be a joyous experience. At least at some points, you start wishing you never had that relationship in the first place and in some worse scenarios, you may even be contemplating suicide as a result of heartbreak. All these are needless though. Be that as it may, it is better to have a broken relationship than have a broken marriage. The pain of the latter by far surpasses that of the former. When children have been involved, it can even be a bit messier.

The essence of considering these 10 stages of a relationship breakdown is to help sensitize you to where your relationship is currently at and then to see if something can still be done to salvage the situation. Usually, at some of the stages to be soon discussed, some things can still be done to save the relationship, even if it's a marriage. Let's consider them briefly and by the end, hopefully, you can tell where you are and if your situation can still be salvaged.

Denial is usually the first response of most people to unpalatable events in life. You've just been told that your wife has lost her pregnancy through a miscarriage and you shout "God forbid!" Of course, that may sound good but it's nothing short of a denial. That you reject a miscarriage does not undo it if that's what has happened. Well, that's we human beings. We don't always like to admit that evil is part of us. No one says anyone should anticipate or pray for evil but it is one of the sad realities of life. So, as a starting point for a relationship breakdown, couples can see that something isn't right with them. It may be one person that would first notice it or the both of them may be smart to notice it simultaneously. Whatever be the case, there is a knowledge of a fault or crack somewhere but none of the parties would want to admit the obvious. When the feelings come, they assure themselves that it's one of those things that happen in relationships. An abuse is going on and the abuse and abusee find a means to rationalize it without wanting to admit that there's fire on the mountain. This is called a false assurance. How can your spouse not be greeting you normally as before and you're saying maybe he/she has a stressful day at work? That may be true but are you supposed to suffer the brunt? And that aside; is it every day that they have plenty of work in the office? It is good, always good to show one's partner understanding but there is a level where it becomes recklessness. At that point, you may have begun a journey to the end of your relationship. Way Out Here? Don't subdue your intuition. The day you begin to feel uneasy about your relationship is the day you should do something about it. Actually, at this stage, only you can know what the problem is because it is still at the incubation stage. Call your spouse or partner and pour out your mind to them. Express your fears rather than rationalize them. What you fail to take care of now may eventually take care of you later on. Be smart.

If we equate denial which was discussed above to a woman's pregnancy, the baby that it eventually gives birth to is conflict. And as it is, not very many people can identify pregnancy when seen especially when the stomach is not protruding. But everyone can recognize a baby when he's born. So also is the conflict mentioned here. At this stage, anyone close to the couples can feel that something is not right with them. They either fight almost all the time or have one issue or the other to settle. In fact, this is this stage that the partners begin to admit that indeed there is an issue between them. Among the signs to watch out for here is an incessant and easy provocation by your partner. You just cannot seem to make sense of their behaviors of late. And then for you, you easily get annoyed by the things you would have easily laughed over prior to this stage. Way Out? Take a break from the relationship. If it is a marriage, travel away from home for a while. While at this sort of retreat, take stock of things and see what you think the problem may be. If you think you need counseling, go for it. You see, the best time to seek help is when help can be found. As you move down the stages, help may no longer be feasible.

In a situation where the conflict between couples seems to be defying all solutions, the next thing that follows is partners beginning to withdraw from each other. Among the signs that couples would start noticing is a reduction in communication; the kisses and hugs start waning, and you don't probably want to see your significant other frequently as before. Here, the situation is beginning to assume a dramatic dimension. All of these while, you have always thought you could manage the crisis but as it is, you're afraid the problem has grown more wings than you thought. Way Out? Cry Out. A problem shared is half-solved. However, in doing so, you must be discriminatory. Not everyone deserves to know what's going on in your relationship. If you let in just anybody, the farewell may end up being said too soon. Go to individuals that have a stake in your relationship. These ones can be your parents (on either or both sides); your religious leaders or some trusted individuals. Let them know your partner has been acting coldly these days and hopefully, they can mediate appropriately.

For the first time, it occurs to you that you don't have to stay in that relationship any longer. It's just like some light flashed through the darkness of your thought and you could see the relationship in a new dimension. Here is the beginning of imaginations. Couples who have reached this stage begin to imagine life without their partners. To some, it may appear like a good thing to happen to them for a while, but to another, the thought can be scary. As a rule, your hurt and fear are proportional to your commitment. If you have been very committed to the relationship, you'll find it extremely difficult to accommodate the thought of a separation. Where the relationship is marital, the thought of your baby and the world of uncertainty out there can really scare you. Remedy? The remedy lies with you. Now, you have to make a choice whether to work on your thought or kill it right away. It's time to ask yourself some tough questions some of which borders on whether you still love your partner or not and whether you'll be gaining or losing should a separation eventually happen. Where you have a baby or two to cater for, you want to know what'll become of them if the relationship hits a dead end. Once you have processed the whole thing in your mind and have made your conclusions, you may also want to check the wisdom in your resolution with a seasoned marriage counselor.

Partners who have sensed that their relationship may soon end start to grieve even before they finally separate. You can see it all over them that love and peace have become alien to them. The once cheerful face now becomes pale and their colleagues at work become victims of a transferred aggression. Just like in a marriage relationship, if this stage comes to a woman during pregnancy, it may actually lead to a miscarriage. In fact, many miscarriages have been attributed to a dysfunctional home setup. For the man, this unconscious grieving may lead to a dismal drop in performance at work. He may even start behaving in such a manner short of himself. Way Out? Well, at this stage, you have not yet crossed the Rubicon. Some things can still be done to address the situation. However, it must be that you are willing to make things work out once more. It would amount to a miscarriage of effort to focus on your other partner while you are not even willing to make any commitment. One thing you can do at this stage is to change your ways to accommodate some of your partner's demands (if that's possible). If you know there are certain things you are doing that have brought you to this point, you can let go of such. Don't be too big to apologize. That may just be the saving grace of your relationship.

This is the advanced stage of withdrawal. Signs to watch out for here include the absence of sex; partners not coming home regularly again or coming very late; extreme reduction in communication, and indifference to each other's well-being. This is where the line is being drawn. It is now becoming clear to both sides that the only thing still holding their relationship together is time. They seem to have made up their minds to let each other be. Solution? It's hard to come up with one here. Unless you are thinking of some spells or magic, uniting you with your partner again may just be next to impossible. Maybe you have to accept that your relationship was not meant to be.

Most relationship breakdowns witness this stage. This is usually the point where the "whole world" now gets to know things have actually not been going well between partners. They fight openly and in some cases, call each other all sorts of names. There is no limit to the number of times couples can fight in a day when they have reached this stage. Remedy Probably none. Maybe you should start making your preparation to begin a new way of life. Since mediations and pleadings have failed to work, perhaps it would only be wise to leave especially for the sake of your health and perhaps, that of your baby (if any).

As the relationship breakdown gets to an advanced stage, partners start preparing for divorce if it's a marriage and a separation if it's just a relationship. Efforts would be made on both sides to consult the services of legal practitioners to terminate their union. In certain scenarios where a partner (usually the man) knows that divorce is a sure thing to before his marriage, you may see him making some abysmal withdrawals from his accounts and so on so he doesn't lose all in alimony to his wife. Way Out? Unfortunately, none. Just hold on to what belongs to you in the relationship. If you've got a baby, you may have to seek help to nurse him/her well as you may no longer have the strength to do so effectively.

This stage in some couples' relationship breakdown can last for a few years. And that's because of some legal hurdles that they may have to cross. Marriage is a legal thing in most places in the world and it takes only a court of competent jurisdiction to dissolve a marital union. The court in its wisdom may want to give partners time to reconsider their stance and seek alternative resolution of conflict but where its appeal seems to be falling on the deaf ears of both parties, it may have no other option than to put an end to the union. This is usually done after hearing both sides. Way Out? Obey court judgment. It's as simple as that.

This is the stage where partners assume new titles. You now hear of ex-boyfriend, ex-husband, ex-wife and the likes. The gameplay is finally over and each has to move on. In a marriage relationship, the husband pays a sum as determined by the court to the wife and may even lose a substantial part of his property in alimony to the wife. It's usually a painful experience for both parties regardless of who pushed for it. They cannot but weep as they reminisce on past experiences shared with each other. But now, it's over.

Nothing is as painful in a relationship as partners having to go each other's ways after having some memorable time together. Not even the uneasiness of a woman's pregnancy or the disappointment of a miscarriage can compare to the emotional trauma partners are subjected to when things go awry between them. The situation is better imagined than experienced. However, it's a fact that a relationship breakdown can be prevented if detected early and partners make effort to let go of pride and make things work. Howbeit, one must not look at a relationship breakdown as an evil thing in its entirety. It may just be a saving grace for some relationships; after all, not all relationships that exist today are meant to be.