You have started drifting apart
The first few months of a relationship are usually very exciting. You want to see your boyfriend, keep sending them messages and you feel amazing that someone feels great about you. The excitement and happiness that comes from a relationship can be very overpowering. However, as you get to know one another more, things start changing. However, unless you are one of the few people who has stuck in a single relationship since their teenage years, it is likely that you may already have gone through a breakup or you are going to face one in this life. At times, you can start drifting away from your boyfriend and this may end up with a break-up. There are several reasons why couples may break up. One of these is the difference in opinion. You may get to a point where you find that your, ideas, interests, feelings and values are very much different from that of your guy. Probably, you feel that you do not enjoy the company of that person. You argue a lot or you are already in love with someone else. Probably you have discovered that you are not ready to commit a serious relationship with him. No matter how hard we try to make a relationship work, a time comes when we are left with no other option but to end a relationship. When that happens, we are left with no option but to break the news of the breakup to our boyfriend.
Why break up is hard
Breaking up is never easy. If you have ever been through one, you understand how painful it can be. You may already have some mixed feelings on whether to go ahead with it or not. You were already used to live with this person and now you may be left wondering whether things will ever get back to normal without him. This is particularly the case if you have dated for a long period of time. Should I give the relationship another chance? Will I end up regretting my decision? With all these questions, you can see why it is important to take time and think about it. Even when you have already decided to end the relationship gracefully, you will still be required to hold that awkward conversation with him. There are chances that your boyfriend will get hurt, disappointed and heartbroken. He will also get sad or may even go through a depression. If you are the one who is ending the relationship, you will need to do it in a sensitive and respectable way that will not hurt or depress your ex. While it is up to you to decide your breakup style of choice and whether in person or through messages, there are a few breakup rules that you should follow to avoid those bad relationship karma in the future. Here are 15 ways to breakup with your boyfriend without hurting him.
1. Consider whether you are ready to go ahead with the break up
First, you will need to consider whether the decision you are making is the right one. Be honest with yourself. Even though you are aware that the other person will be hurt by the decision, you will still need to do what you believe is right for you. The most important thing is for you to break the news in a sensitive way. You also need to prepare yourself for the breakup. What will your boyfriend say about it? Will he be mad, hurt or even relieved? Will he lose his temper? It can also help if you are sensitive to think about the other person’s views and feeling. Are you ready to deal with that kind of reaction?
2. Don’t just disappear
There are people who just disappear from their boyfriend without giving any reason or even sending them messages stating the reason for the breakup. This is cruel and can make your boyfriend feel confused and disrespected. In fact, this is one method that will guarantee pain for him. Therefore, even if it may be hard, it is important to face your boyfriend and tell him about the breakup nicely. Don't even send him messages telling him of your intentions to break up with him.
3. Have good intentions during the break up with your boyfriend
Ensure that your intentions are good if you are to end the relationship gracefully. Let your boyfriend know that you care about them. You should ensure that you remain honest. But do not be brutal with him. Show respect and kindness to your boyfriend. You may need to explain to your boyfriend why you fell in love with him and the qualities that you love about him. You will need to inform him that you are ready to move on. You shouldn’t pick the qualities of the other person as an explanation of why the relationship is not working.
4. Arrange a meeting with him
You have decided that you need to break up with the person. You will need to find time to talk with him in person instead of sending messages. When breaking up with someone, you will not only need to plan what you will say but also how you will say it. You have already shared a lot with the other person. You will need to respect that by holding a one on one conversation with him. In case, distance is a challenge; you can make a call to them, or talk to them through video chat. While it may seem easy to break up on Facebook or text, it will not leave a good picture to the person.
5. Talk to your boyfriend in private about the breakup
Choose the right venue. The less public the place is, the better. If you want to break up nicely, avoid doing it in an event such as social gathering or party as this can only serve to increase the hurt. Remember that the breakup will stab his pride. He may also need time to digest the news before they get into the public domain. Some of the common places that you should avoid if you are to break up nicely include offices, weddings or school. The period of time that you break up with him is also important if you are to break up gracefully. Avoid doing it during special occasions such as anniversaries and birthdays. You will also need to discuss with him how to handle the breakup nicely. For instance, you will need to determine whether you should continue being friends. Who should break the news to your mutual friends? Should you also change your Facebook status to single? This is something that you will need to agree on if you are to break up gracefully.
Date coaching is a new form of therapy. It aims specifically for individuals who need to speak to a therapist right before an actual date, because they have extreme nervous tension, anxiety, or fear related to the situation. Many individuals find dating and understanding the opposite sex very difficult. The sessions revolve around understanding how to approach the date, how to stay safe and still get to know the person, and what will most likely occur. We might also discuss the newest and most pertinent techniques for dating and how to engage someone on a date. Contact me today by clicking the link in my bio to schedule an appointment.
6. Breaking up with your boyfriend gently
The way you will speak and bring up the breakup topic will greatly impact his reaction to the event. If you would like to break up with him gracefully, choose words and phrases that will bring some positive spin. Here are a few ideas on things to say and do: i. Ask him a question. Rather than declare the relationship over, you can ask him a question that will cause him to admit that the relationship is not working. ii. We should both move on. This is a recommended phrase as it shows that bringing the relationship to an end will benefit both of you. iii. Show your feelings. You should help him understand your emotions and the reason why you feel this way. If he hurts you by cheating, you can tell him that and let him know that it is time to address that. iv. Explain what you think. Consider the reason why you made that decision to break up and why you believe that this is the right time. You will need to convince him that a break up is the only healthy choice for you. v. When he disagrees. You should let him know that you understand it is difficult for him but you have already made up your mind. vi. In case he becomes angry, you should let him know that it is difficult but you know that it is the best decision. vii. In case your boyfriend doesn’t understand, you can give him examples of incidents that led you to make that decision viii. Explain why you have decided that. You will need to explain to your boyfriend the reason why you made that decision. Let me know that this is a decision that you have considered thoroughly and it is what you want. ix. There are high chances that your boyfriend will ask you to work out the relationship. You should be firm that this is what you want x. If your boyfriend doesn’t listen, you should let them know that it is a difficult decision and ask them if they are ready to discuss the breakup now with you.
7. Don’t react
Most people will not handle rejection well no matter how gracefully you try to end the relationship. There are those who will cry, others yell and others scream. It is always possible to be touched by the meltdown of your lover. You should bear in mind that rejection is never easy. You have already become the dumper. When he yells at you, remain calm and composed. However, when you see that his emotions are getting out of hand, the best favor you can do to yourself is to get out of that place. Avoid waiting for that messy aftermath.
8. Avoid blaming your boyfriend for the breakup
You may be tempted to blame your partner for all the hurt he has caused you in the past. Don’t allow them to drag you into the conflict and negativity as a result of their responses. A good idea is to stay focused on maintaining that positive and direct conversation. This will ensure that you don’t end the relationship on that sour note but end up regretting the unkind things that you said during the argument.
9. Tell your boyfriend about the mutual benefits of the breakup
If you don’t want to hurt your boyfriend, you can look for the mutual benefits of breaking up with your boyfriend. Probably, he will find more time to concentrate on his studies. By telling him how he will benefit from the breakup, you will be making the transition easier for him as you will be supportive and helpful. Ensure that both of you will be able to continue with your daily lives in a healthy and positive way. While it is never easy to break up nicely, you can see if the breakup will be able to meet the wish of all parties involved and lessen their suffering.
10. Don’t lead your boyfriend after a breakup
When you break up nicely and gracefully, it will be easier for the two of you to move on even as you continue remaining amicable. You should also remember that it helps to give him space as this is the kind way to do it. Therefore, you should avoid texting and call even where you find that to be painful. With time, the two of you will be friends again. There are chances that your boyfriend will continue getting in touch with you. If you continue talking to him nicely, you will only end up giving him false hopes. After dumping him, avoid getting in touch with him at all. Do not allow him to draw you into an endless discussion. Avoid telling him that you still love him, giving him a lot of compliments and touching him in certain romantic ways. You can show that you care and everything will be well. However, avoid any overt emotions or giving him hugs as this will cause him to believe that there is still a chance. Ensure that you explain to him clearly that there is no chance of a future relationship with him.
11. Accept some of the blames
Many people do not accept that they did anything wrong that caused the breakup. They end up blaming one another and this only serves to make things worse. At other times, it is that the two people aren’t compatible and in such a case, no one is to blame. If you are dumping him because he cheated on you or is mistreating you, you don’t need to shoulder any blame. You should, therefore, walk away and search for a relationship where you will be respected. However, if the breakup was a result of minor offenses, you should try to end it nicely. In this case, you can try to shoulder some of the blame to lessen the pain and enable him to maintain some pride. When you try to blame him for everything, this may end up turning into an argument rather than a conversation.
12. Avoid lying
When finding a reason for the breakup, you may be tempted to lie to him. This is not only bad but you can be assured that he will still find out that you lied. This doesn’t mean that you need to provide him with the details of your new crush (if you have one). All that is important is to avoid providing him with untrue information.
13. Keep it to yourself
It is never a good idea to start gossiping about your boyfriend now that you have ended your relationship with him. Already he will feel down and his ego will be at its lowest point. You don’t have to hurt him more by spreading gossip about his small “tool of trade”. In fact, you should not even tell your closest friends about the breakup. Instead, you should let your boyfriend inform them about the breakup. When your friends ask you what was the reason for the breakup, you should tell them that you respect him and will therefore not share on that.
14. Avoid starting to date someone immediately
Probably you have already met a guy that you love and this is the reason for the breakup. However, you should avoid dating him immediately as this will only worsen the blow to your ex. Ensure that you stick to your words to show respect to him. Therefore, if you said to him that you need a break from the relationship, you should ensure that you keep your words. Give him time to heal before he can start seeing you with someone else.
15. Move on after the breakup with your boyfriend
Like we stated earlier, no matter how hard we try, it is will be difficult for the two of you to end the relationship well. Relationships are about attachments and these bonds do not break easily. So, unless he didn’t love and was just wasting your time, it is almost impossible for him to accept the breakup. Your boyfriend may begin to send to you some harsh messages. They may even threaten to take an extreme measure like committing suicide. If you feel that a breakup is a right thing to do, you should remain firm and stand your ground.Be ready to move on without him.