20 Reasons Why You're Not Happy In Your Relationship

There will really come a time where you're going to feel as if you're not happy with your relationship anymore. Here are 20 probable reasons why.

By Neko Yama
20 Reasons Why You're Not Happy In Your Relationship

Unhappy Relationships Really Exist

Almost all women are dying to be loved by a prince-like boyfriend and have the strong desire to be in a perfect and happy relationship. Some succeed as they remain in love even after so many years. But there are also many romantic relationships that are deemed to be already like a happy fairy tale but unexpectedly fail in the end. Why is that? Love is the best feeling there is in the world, but sometimes it is risky to be involved in it; particularly in a romantic relationship where we can’t help giving out promises of commitment for the rest of our lives to our boyfriends and husbands. Of course, you probably meant it when you said it, but how sure are you that you can keep your promise? How sure are you that you will be forever happy with your partner? Can you really tell that your current relationship will be your last? Nowadays, divorce becomes very common. There are even stories of couples immediately breaking up just after a few days of marriage. And the probable reason for that is because one of them is never actually happy in the relationship. Either a couple hurried too fast or one of them just really fell out of love. But is it really wrong to not feel happy anymore with your relationship? Before we enumerate the signs and reasons of you being unhappy with your boyfriend or husband, know that it’s very normal to come to that situations and it really happens in most relationships. It will turn out badly, however, if you keep it hidden for so long to the point that you’re already stabbing your partner on the back. So, if ever you feel as if there’s something wrong with the relationship, talk about it immediately with your boyfriend or husband. Here are the 20 most common signs and reasons why you feel unhappy with your relationship.

1. You're Getting Bored with the Relationship

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You can see whether a woman is really happy and whether she’s in love with her boyfriend by how she reacts towards their relationship. A happy relationship is a type of energy booster. It can make you smile and laugh despite the exhausting feeling of the day. The simplest things can be an adventure as long as you’re doing it together. However, if you find yourself tired most of the time, or if you don’t feel that excited anymore to see your partner, the relationship might already be in danger of failing because it’s probably starting to bore you. Boredom and ordinariness in a relationship may feel common and ordinary but it can turn into a red flag when ignored. If you and your partner can find the time, go out on an adventure to re-awaken the excitement. We’re not just talking about strolling out in the mall; go overseas and have a vacation, or go on a hiking trip together. Awaken your adrenaline together to shake off any bored feelings.

2. You Have Way Too Many Distractions

You are a human being so it is only normal that you have your own responsibilities and personal affairs—work, family outings, nights out with friends, etc. But when these start to take over a lot of your time, they become distractions and you should know that you are putting your relationship at risk. When you are too much busy to spend time with each other, you’re unconsciously making yourself realize that you don’t actually need your boyfriend because you think other things are already making you happy. Sometimes, you have to say “no” to other invitations even though you don’t have a hectic schedule. Spending time together, even just by sitting on the couch watching movies, is pretty important too, don’t you think?

3. Flirting Results in an Unhappy Relationship

Your relationship with your friends or colleagues should be entirely different from your relationship with your boyfriend. Whenever you are with your male friends, know that it is okay to be close to them—hugging, pat on the shoulder, limited physical contact, but keep it at that. When you’re starting to feel different, it’s time for you to shy away; same as when you’re at work, keep the relationship with your colleagues professional. Why? Because by flirting with other men, you are only looking for a reason to be unhappy with your current relationship as you may see habits in them are not present with your boyfriend.

4. Less Talking in the Relationship

Do you remember the days where you and your boyfriend were just starting to build a strong relationship? You can’t get enough of each other, right? You were probably always updating him on what you’re doing, who you are with, the places you go to and other silly stuff. You probably were open to each other about what was going on with your life back then too. When you enter a relationship, your life is not just your own anymore. Your life and your partner’s life become one, so it’s important to share with each other about both your ups and downs. However, if you’re starting to feel that you're not happy anymore, maybe it’s because the time you both spend talking gets smaller and smaller. Never underestimate the power of conversation. The more you close yourself to your partner, the more the relationship is at risk.

5. Alcohol and Substance Use

Most people would not notice it but alcoholism or substance abuse has a big effect on your love life and romantic relationships. You may say that you are only drinking socially but watch out if it becomes a habit. Observe yourself whether alcohol or substance use is already your way of coping with stress because if so, you’re putting your health and your relationship at risk as alcohol is actually a depressant, and so are drugs. Try to tone down the usage of these, especially substance abuse. You don't have to stop drinking altogether, but if you really want to relax, drink an average amount with your partner at home. That's actually much better because you can relieve stress and spend time with the love of your life at the same time.

6. Different Personalities Can Make You Unhappy

When you enter a romantic relationship, you should consider whether you and your partner’s personalities would be compatible or not as it will have a big effect on your relationship as the years go by. Are you a quiet person while he’s a very talkative guy? Do you easily get offended, and he’s a joking type of person? Is he a perfectionist while you are mediocre? Is he a frank person? Of course, you are both different from each other but in a relationship, both parties should accept each other completely for the two of you to be happy. So, if you are unhappy, maybe your differences are just really contrasting that’s making the relationship fail. Try to talk it out with your partner what personalities or attitudes offend you both so that you can adjust.

7. An Abusive Relationship Is Not Happy

One of the most common reasons why a woman becomes unhappy in a relationship is because of an abusive partner. But how can you tell if you’re being abused? Does being abusive only mean he physically hits you? One of the many famous quotes says, “The tongue is a small thing, but what enormous damage it can do.” It only means that even words can hurt you, sometimes even more than the bruises caused by physical abuse. If your partner does nothing but put you down, humiliate, and make you unhappy, there’s nothing you should do but leave. It’s not worth it to try to make the relationship work out anymore. A man who loves his woman will never even attempt to hurt her, so don’t wait to the point where you’ll go from being not happy to totally feeling depressed. After you leave the relationship, remember one of Frank Ocean’s quotes, “Whatever you do, never run back to what broke you.”

8. Physical Interactions Get Less Frequent

We all know that a happy relationship doesn’t only depend on physical interaction—hugging, petting, kissing, holding hands, bed activities, etc. But you can be sure that these are essential if you want to keep your relationship healthy and happy. There will really come a time in our relationship where the burning passion for each other starts to lessen. But if you try to shy away from more from physical contact, you unconsciously let yourself get used to him being away. Of course, you don’t have to force yourself if you don’t feel like having sexual intercourse every time. But at least don’t take the simpler physical interactions for granted. Kiss him before you leave for work and when you come back home. Hug him while you watch movies at night, hold hands while walking in the park, admire him by tousling his hair, etc.

9. Your Jealousy Can Result to an Unhappy Relationship

The reasons why you are not happy anymore with your relationship are not always tangible. Sometimes, your insecure mind just creates them. One of the most common is irrational jealousy. Jealousy is never a happy feeling. When you start to get jealous of everyone in his life, it’s probably because you feel that he has more connection with them than with you or because you think they’re happy while you are left out. When this happens, try hard to convince yourself that what you think are just hunches. Remind yourself that you are his girlfriend or wife, but that doesn’t mean he’s not allowed to socialize with other people. Focusing his full attention on you at all times is not love, it’s controlling and that won’t make him happy either. Allow your partner to be happy with his friends and family. As for you, spend time with other people as well to shake off jealous feelings in your relationship.

10. You Focus Too Much On Making Others Happy

“Vorrei portarti al mare Anzi portarti il mare”. 🌊

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One of the many quotes about unhappiness goes, “I try to keep everyone happy, but sometimes that means not being happy myself.” That is definitely true most of the time. In a relationship, it’s very common to be in a situation where only one of the couple sacrifices too much for the other. You might think that’s love, but it actually isn’t. There are instances where it works for some relationships, but if a feeling of not being happy is mixed in with it, it’s not the type of relationship for you. Talk this out with your partner so he can at least make adjustments if he’s not aware of you being unhappy instead of staying bothered for too long.

11. You Expect Your Partner to Change

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There are a lot of quotes about love and relationships that we depend on. However, not all of them are helpful and the most common wrong idea is that you have to change your flaws if you want the relationship to work out. The probable reason for your being unhappy with your relationship is because you are expecting your boyfriend to change his habits that you don’t like. That isn't love; even though you are both inside one relationship, you are still two different people who have to accept each other completely- yes, even the flaws. Of course, there will be a lot of adjusting to do to suit each other’s personality but to make someone totally change for your own benefit will just make both of you unhappy with your relationship.

12. You Can't Be The Real You

You’re a unique person and so is your partner. What makes you happy doesn’t necessarily have to make him happy. He has different ways of coping up with issues and so do you. But with a happy relationship, these differences don’t matter because you can be comfortable showing the real you to your significant other. However, if you feel like you are hiding from him, then that’s a real trigger to make you unhappy with your relationship. If it’s really bothering you, open up to him about your troubles and your discomforts so he can at least try to understand and adjust. If it’s getting to the point that you get depressed and have to change your major routines in life, leave the relationship.

13. You're Way Too Clingy

At the start of the relationship, being clingy may seem cute because you both are at the stage where you can’t get enough of each other. However, if it becomes a habit and it gets to the point of invading his privacy, both of you might become unhappy with the relationship. Love is broad; it can be felt and shown in so many different ways. Just because his way of loving you isn’t the same as yours doesn’t mean he’s not happy. Being clingy is tiring and can give you an unhappy emotion eventually; it can even make you depressed because you have no other channel to put your focus on but him. Try to do things that don’t involve him sometimes. Keep yourself busy by spending time with your other friends, exploring your skills, keeping in touch with your family, etc.

14. You Are Afraid of Commitment

Some people enter relationships because they dream to have a family of their own while some are just for the experience of having a significant other. Whenever you are asked about your plans for the future with your partner, do you usually shy away from it? If so, you are probably afraid of commitment. If you are not ready to give yourself fully to someone, never enter a relationship because it’s unfair to them—they dream of having a good future with you while you don’t. Aside from that, a relationship is not a game where you can just get in and out every time you want. If it’s just the experience you’re looking for, then find someone who has the same intentions.

15. You Mix Up The Past With Your Present

One of the most common reasons why someone feels unhappy with the relationship even though nothing’s really wrong is that they bring their past experiences to their present. Your past happened to teach you a lesson, not to control your present and future. The man you were with before is different from the man you’re currently in a relationship with. Don’t fear to try new things in the present just because of your bad experiences. The past can never be changed, but you still have control in your present and future relationships. Avoid reading quotes that might trigger you to remember your past experiences. Focus on what’s happening now.

16. You Think Too Much About "What If" Situations

There are really a lot of decisions that we are not sure of but that’s just how life works. Don’t waste your time regretting your mistakes and don’t keep asking yourself “what if” questions because there really are a lot of possibilities you can think of. Some of these might trigger feelings of regret about your current relationship that will eventually result in unhappiness. Whatever or wherever you ended up to right now, focus on that. Whether work, personal affair, love life or your relationship.

17. You're Just Using the Relationship for Your Advantage

Of course, the most obvious reason why you are unhappy with your relationship is simply that you probably never had feelings of love for your partner since the start. But if that’s the case, why are you still in the relationship? Some people just really don’t want to be alone so they resort to entering a relationship even though they’re not happy with it. Remember that just because you have someone doesn’t automatically remove your unhappiness. It can even actually make you depressed because you’re going to have to deal with someone’s issues even though you don’t really love them, and that’s tiring. As one of Marilyn Monroe’s famous quotes goes, “It’s better to be unhappy alone than unhappy with someone.” So, find people who you’re going to find real happiness with, not a relationship to take advantage of.

18. The "We've Been Together For Years" Reason

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All women want to have a relationship that would surely last long. It’s such a good feeling when you and your partner stay together for several years. However, not all people who are in long-term relationships are actually happy. There are instances where the relationship keeps going even though the love went away a long time ago. And that’s because they are afraid to leave something behind that has been there for years. Know that years mean nothing if the relationship is an unhappy one already. In the long run, if you keep on going with something you don’t enjoy anymore, you’ll find yourself feeling depressed.

19. You're Only Staying for the Sake of the Children

#sadwoman #artlove #drawlove

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For unhappily married couples, this is the most common reason they stay together even though the relationship is not working anymore—and that reason is the children. A lot of people say that they want to give the children a complete family as parents’ separation can cause depression and anxiety to them. That might be true but it could only lead to that if you hide the issue from your children. When something’s wrong with the relationship, your children have the right to know too, as they’re actually involved in it. It’s good that you’re sacrificing for them but how about you and your partner? You’re human beings too and you both deserve to be happy. As soon as an issue arises, immediately but tactfully explain to them the situation so they have time to deal with it.

20. Your Depression is Keeping You From Happiness

Sometimes, the issue why you’re not happy with your relationship isn’t always on the other party’s side but on you. The most common issue is depression. When you suffer from anxiety and depression, your mind tortures you with hurtful thoughts that don’t actually happen in reality. You will think that you’re not worthy of your partner’s love, and you will keep telling yourself that he will leave you even though you don’t have a basis for it. It’s actually the hardest one to deal with because it’s not in your control to have these kinds of thoughts. The least you can do is to always reach out to your partner and ask for his support on what you’re dealing with. When you feel like you’re going to burst from all these negative emotions, don’t try to face it alone. You have your family and friends with you to help you get through feeling depressed. Cry for a moment and stand up after you relieved your stress. If it gets too overwhelming, try to seek counseling.