10 Stages Of Grief After A Breakup And How To Get Through Them

There can be a lot of grief coming after a breakup. Whether it's because you guys just had different wants and needs out of the relationship or because of cheating, getting over a breakup can be hard. Sometimes you want to hold on to the relationship or try to salvage something that is no longer there. Here are 10 stages of grief and how to get over each one.

The first stage on the grief timeline after a breakup is shock. Sometimes the dumper comes out of nowhere with a breakup proposal and you do not know how to take it. Maybe you guys had one of your normal arguments and so when your ex decides to breakup with you are completely thrown off guard and confused. You were not expecting things to blow up and thought that you guys would get a chance to talk it out. It's normal to be a little shocked about the situation. The breakup may even feel unreal. You may even call your ex the next day and act like everything is fine because you really do not believe that you guys broke up the night before. You can overcome this first stage by just sitting back and give yourself some time to thinking about what happened. Don't do anything irrational, like break out your ex's car windows or something. Just think things out a bit, try to relax, and assess the situation. Figure out where the wrong turn occurred that would have your partner want to breakup.

In the second stage of grief, you are probably dealing with denial. You can't believe that the dumper would actually end things or if cheating had a hand in the demise of your relationship, you can't believe they cheated on you. You may feel like you can't live without your ex and life starts to look a little gloomy. You are rejecting the reality that things are over so that there is hope to repair things. In order to get over the denial stage of grief, you're going to have to accept that the relationship is over with your ex. You have to take time for yourself and make sure you working on your self-respect. Don't go begging for ex to come back. Try writing in a journal about what happened and how you felt about it. Maybe seek support from friends and family to help you understand the breakup.

One of the other stages of grief is guilt. After the dumper has done his or her work by ending the relationship or there was cheating involved, you may feel like something is wrong with you. You may even feel like the breakup was solely your fault and it may hurt. You don't have to feel guilty about the breakup. In order to get over grief, you need to understand that yes, you played a part in the breakup, but the whole thing wasn't your fault. Sometimes people just don't work out so try not to beat yourself up about the breakup.

Desperation is one of the earlier stages of grief that people normally experience after a breakup. Some people resort to going back to the dumper and begging for them to enter back into the relationship. Because guys are normally the one doing the cheating, the girl is left to beg for him to get back with her. She may call him constantly after the breakup, check his social media or text him long heartfelt messages about missing him and how sorry she is about whatever it is she thinks she did. Or she may be calling just to figure out what it is she did wrong to make the breakup happen. Desperation is a sign of insecurities one has within themselves. In order to get over the desperation stage, it is best that you use your time to work on yourself and practice self-care. Maybe go to the spa, or dye your hair, or possibly get new clothes. It's best to start feeling more confident about yourself and understand you don't need guys to make you happy.

The fifth stage on the grief timeline is bargaining. This is when you are refusing to believe that the breakup is real so you will do anything to keep the relationship. If you were a jealous person in the relationship, you will claim that you won't get jealous ever again. Chances are, you will say a lot of things you don't actually mean in order to appeal to this person. Even though all you want to do is erase the breakup, sadly, at this moment, it is over. In order to overcome this stage, you again have to work on your self-confidence. Practice self-love and spend some time by yourself and enjoy your own company. Also, try picking up some new hobbies to keep yourself busy.

The sixth stage on the grief timeline is creating isolation. You may become depressed and stop hanging out with everyone, even miss a couple of days of work. You may start to believe that you will never live without your ex. You will be in a dark place, feeling sad about the breakup and keep trying to understand why it had to end and where things went wrong. While doing all this, you continue to shut others out, and even if you leave home, your completely distant and you mind is somewhere else. In order to overcome this stage you have to realize that you were alive before this person and you will live on fine without them. Try to stay surrounded by friends and family who make you happy. If need be, maybe spend a couple of nights at a close friend or family member's house so that it makes it hard for you to fall into a depressive state.

One of the last stages of grief is anger. Basically a breakup is an emotional rollercoaster. After feeling sad and desperate, you are angry and annoyed that this person thought they could break up with you or that they cheated. Or you could even be angry at yourself for feeling sad about the breakup or even that you got into a relationship with your ex in the first place. You will have so much hatred for your ex for breaking your heart and making you cry. You may also feel the urge to go flatten your ex's tires or bust the windows out their car. It will be hard for you to not get annoyed or angry if someone even says your ex's name. In order to overcome the anger stage, you first need to understand that acting on those urges to bust out windows and flatten tires can get you in deep trouble. It is best not to act on any of your urges you have while being angry. Just take time to cool off. Exercising can help release the tension and anger from your body. Even just keeping a journal can help release some of the anger by just writing down your thoughts.

After trying to hide your feelings of sad with the comfort of anger, the sadness just might come back. Maybe you were using anger as a defense mechanism because being sad makes you feel weak and powerless. Now all of your defenses are falling away and you are starting to see the pain again. Maybe you are back to crying about your ex every night, missing them and reminiscing on all the happy moments in your relationship. You may even go back to wondering why things had to end and start going back to the denial stage of not believing you two broke up. You could also be back to feeling guilty and thinking that if you hadn't been so jealous all the time, things would have worked out better. Then you may even get back to being angry at your ex again. In order to overcome the relapse stage, you're going to have to keep doing the things you were doing before. Write in your journal about how you are feeling at the moment. Hang out with friends and family and pick up a new hobby to keep you busy. Try exercising when you get angry about your ex. Just continue to do things that worked in the past.

One of the most important stages of grief is acceptance. This stage is the most liberating. You have finally accepted that you and your ex are over. You will start to have a more positive outlook on life and may even feel silly that you were so sad about the break up. Do understand that there will be time when you feel sad again, but that's normal and nothing for you to worry about.

The last and final stage of the timeline of grief is moving on. After all the weird emotions and having finally accepted the breakup, you will be in a happier place. You have a stronger sense of self-confidence and self-love. You may be entering a happier, healthier relationship with someone who is much better for you. Those moments of sadness that you used to have for you ex may not be completely diminished, but you're enjoying life again.

As I touched on earlier, you may just get back into a relationship with your ex, but at this time during the breakup, you should focus on yourself. No one, male or female, is going to want to get back with an emotional wreck. Now chances are, you may not experience all of these stages of grief or you may experience them all. You may also go back and forth between two or three stages before you finally get to moving on. And even then, you may revert back to the relapse stage. That's fine too. Breakups take time to heal from, so just go at your own pace. Don't blame yourself for still missing your ex a few months after a breakup or even years down the line if you two don't end up back together.