The Pros and Cons of Dating a Man Younger Than You

You might be seen as a cougar, or a cradle robber if you are dating a younger man. The dating scene is very open and accepting of all shapes and sizes, as well as age gaps (after all, most celebrity couples have a 5-10 year age gap). You might be loving dating a younger man. Or you might be looking at older women dating younger men and wondering what is so glorious about dating someone much younger than you.
 

However, don’t be fooled. Just like relationships between any two people with differences, dating a younger man is not as glorious as it may seem. In fact, there are plenty of pros and cons. 
 

Put down your pen and paper though. No need for you to make a pros and cons list, because I’ve done it for you! I’ve compiled a pros and cons list for advice on what aspects of your relationship you can overlook and which ones you may not be able to. But first, here’s why it’s okay to date someone younger than you!

There are quite a few myths and preconceived notions about older women dating younger men. Some of them may pan out to be true, some myths may be busted. It is on an individual basis, so it is important to know the myths in order to determine if they are myths yourself. 

1. Younger men only date older women for money. 
They most certainly do not! Although some do (and it is listed as a con of dating younger men), there are some younger men that are genuinely attracted to older women, whether they have money or not.  

2. Younger men only date older women to act as a surrogate for their mom (Oedipus Complex). 
Oedipus Complex is the mentality of men that are attracted to their moms (like the literary character, Oedipus, who killed his father and married his mother without knowing). They have an innate attraction to older women, but younger men are not just using their relationship with older women to act as a relationship with their moms. Well, not everyone at least. 

3. Older women prefer younger men because they are going through a mid-life crisis. 
Most older women going into a relationship with a younger man aren't even at the age for a mid-life crisis! Most women will go on a shopping spree or drink a bottle of wine if they are going through a mid-life crisis, not enter a relationship with a younger man. 

4. Older women are desperate to cling to their 20s, so they date younger men. 
Some older women date younger men, not to cling onto their 20s, but because the younger men are acting older than they are. The older women may also like to be the more mature one in the relationship. 

5. All younger men are immature and cannot maintain a relationship with older women. 
Obviously, this is not true. Not all younger men are immature and most millennial men claim to want a serious relationship. They are more willing to settle down than years past. And everyone is capable of maintaining a relationship as long as they want it!

6. Older women are attracted to younger men in a pedophile way. 
Just because older women are attracted to someone 5, 10, or even 15 years younger than them does not make them pedophiles. 

7. All older women want younger men. 
Not all older women want younger men, just like not all dogs are poodles or not all Americans want to move to Canada. Certain older women prefer younger men for various reasons (see all the pros I list below!). Certain women like men their own age or older. A person's preference is on an individual basis. 

8. All younger men want older women. 
See comments above! Although some people wonder why younger men want older women, their reasons can differ. Some men prefer a loyal lady who is more mature than women their own age. Some men just fall in love with a woman who happens to be older. 

9. Age gaps affect relationships. 
Age gaps do not affect relationships. People's perceptions of age affect relationships. The people in the relationships affect the relationships. Love does not count years. 

10. Older women are into younger men (or younger men are into older women) as a fetish. 
If you've ever watched porn, you'll know older women is one of the categories of videos. Many people enjoy watching older women make love to younger men. However, just because an older woman is with a younger man, it does not mean the younger man has a fetish for older women or the other way around. 

You may have heard “age is just a number” and that’s not just for old women to make themselves feel better. Many celebrities are dating or married to someone much younger or older than them. It is okay. When you find a younger man who shares the same values as you, then what does age matter? They are more attractive, more active which keeps things lively, and their sex drives are higher which makes for a better life in the bedroom. 

You are not just a cougar or a cradle robber or any other dehumanizing or demoralizing name. You are a happy woman in a relationship with a younger man. The best advice I can give you is to not take anyone’s advice and weigh your own options and determine what’s best for you!

Age is just a number, and when you are dating a younger man, you feel more revitalized and youthful. You feel like you can go back to your early 20s, even if you are 10 years older and are pushing 35. Bar nights become a thing again, staying out late reminds you of your college years, and you have never felt more alive (well...besides when you were actually that age!). 

Your younger boyfriend may ignore your age and see you as one of him and his friends. You may have dates at amusement parks and make out in movie theaters. There is nothing you don’t love about your youth (besides maybe the hangovers after those crazy nights and your body and age catch up to you).

Dating a younger man may make you feel great and young again, but the feeling only goes so far before your body reminds you how old you really are. 

You may feel great enough to stay out all night and drink 10 shots at the bar with your man and his friends, but the next morning your body will feel like it hit a wall...and then a car ran you further into the wall...and then a truck hit the car further into you which pushed your further into the wall. And you’d wish you had listened to my advice. These would be the times you regret dating a younger man.

Millennial men have cared more about fashion than past generations. Younger men see value in fashion and style. whereas men your age and older are preoccupied about other issues in life (hence why dad jeans and sneakers are a thing). 

Your younger man will keep you up to date in the latest fashion trends. He will also never be embarrassing to be seen with in public, as he will be dressed to impress. 

One thing you will find yourself doing is dressing in the same style as him and his friends. When you dress 10 years younger than you are, you might be trying too hard. Or the body and the fashion will not look like a pleasant mix. Have you ever seen old ladies who are wearing clothes that look like they would have been on Hannah Montana? You don't want to look like that old lady. 

Do not dress like you are 20 if you are 30. You can use the same younger style, but remember you are a career woman and you want to dress like you are. Your boyfriend's ex-girlfriend may still be in college. She can wear a low-cut shirt and mini skirts and not have odd looks. 

Younger men have the best sense of humor and know all the best jokes. Your man will surely keep you laughing for days and you will always find something fun or funny to laugh about. If serious talks and midnight walks don’t do the trick for you, then a younger man will be sure to spice things up in your relationship.

Younger men also don't usually like to talk about their feelings and serious issues. This may keep the relationship light and on surface-level. Your younger boyfriend may avoid serious conversations, which some women like to avoid too! 

Science has shown time and time again that men develop slower than women. So your younger man is even younger than what you signed up for. He may be 22, but his brain might be at an 18-year-old level. He might still find fart noises and immature pranks funny. He may not be able to have serious moments with you. And you might be only 5 years older than him, but cognitively, you may be 10 years older, as you’re fully developed and he’s still working on it. 

He may also not want the same things as you. By the time we hit 25, women begin thinking about living together, marriage, and kids. However, men don’t typically begin thinking about that until they’re 30. If your dating a younger man, you may need to make sure you both want the same things in life before he realizes he misses the young bachelor life and doesn’t want to be dating anyone.

Younger men have more energy and are typically more active. They are adventurous and are still young enough to know they have the whole world at their fingertips. You will have the best adventures with him, which includes traveling the world and trying new things. You may not have taken a risk in a while, but he will be the great passage into feeling 20 again. 

There are no limitations to what you may do with your younger man. Suggestions include traveling, ropes courses, and beer tasting. Whatever you can do, you will do!

For years, you have developed who you are as a person. You figured out what you like, what you don't like, what you want to do for the rest of your life, what you don't want to do. You determined your favorite hobbies and things that excite you. You have grown into who you wanted to be. 

However, now this younger man who still has his whole life in front of him comes into the picture. While you may want to stay home and knit (okay, a little stereotypical of what older women like to do), he wants to go party and go do something exciting. Friday nights are not a night to spend at home. In fact, most nights are not nights to spend at home. You may lose who you are because you are doing everything he wants to do. 

Remember to be your own person. 

As a teacher, I can tell you that younger people keep you hip, no matter what age you are. They know the latest lingo and you start using it in your own vocabulary. I feel being around younger people puts me “in” with younger folks and allows me to sound younger when I talk to old people (people my own age). 

The same will happen to you in your relationship with your younger man. When you are around him and his friends, you pick up on their lingo. You start using their terminology and mannerisms and all of a sudden, you sound 10 years younger.

Once you get to know what all of the acronyms and the language really means, you start realizing that the language is forming our youth into disrespectful, bad-mannered people. And that’s what will be in your relationship. 

Words like “thot” are demoralizing and add to the sexualizing of women. However, try explaining that to a man that’s 5 or 10 years younger than you. He won’t get it and will continue using words like that. You’ll need to also keep Urban Dictionary open on your phone, as something can be explained differently to you. Next thing you know, you're using vulgar language in public with strangers, where you thought you were complimenting someone.

Men typically have sex drives throughout their younger years, most where they can climax an average of 3-4 times a week. As men get older, their sex drives don’t diminish much. A younger man in his 20s will have a similar sex drive than a teenage boy, which if you remember from your teen years, it’s pretty high!

This is a pro because it means great sex any time you want it. It is more adventurous and risky, which means the sex is a lot better than with men your own age or 10 years older than you. Sex with a younger man brings life to your relationship and doesn't make you feel like an old married couple!

Unfortunately, your man may want some every night but your sexual drive peaked about 5 years ago. As they age, women drastically lose their sexual drives and have less and less desire. Whereas men may want it multiple times a week, older women are satisfied with one or fewer times a week (some being okay with only having sex a few times a year). The more of an age gap, the more likely there will be issues in who wants what when. He may not be satisfied as easily as you, which may lead him to cheat on you (remember, younger men are also more likely to be afraid of commitment than men your own age or older!). 

However, this is not the end all or be all. You and your younger man can find compromise in the bedroom (after all, there are ways to meet his needs without you needing to be in the mood!).

You may think this is immediately something negative. Isn’t inexperience bad in a relationship? Nope. Listen to this advice about how being inexperienced is a pro for your younger man. 

If you go into a relationship where your partner hasn’t been with many women, he doesn’t associate you with any negative experiences. For example, I once took a nap at a boyfriend’s place (he was 5 years older than me). I found out later that me sleeping when he came home from work triggered him and he flipped out because he once had a girlfriend do nothing but sleep and make a mess while he went to work and paid for everything. Obviously, that’s not me, but he still associated me with that. 

If your man is also inexperienced, you have the thrill of teaching him new things. He’s naive and innocent and you can be the one to make him into a real man.

Just as it could be seen as a positive, dating a younger man who is inexperienced can be a negative thing. This is advice that really needs to be weighed carefully. 

The inexperience may cause relationship issues. Communication may not be what you expected and your man may not know how to act in a relationship. This may lead to him being oblivious to hints you drop or may lead to him flirting with other women and thinking it’s okay. This ties into the immaturity of a younger man and the problems that may arise from that.

As the older one in the relationship, you can help your man with advice. You are more experienced and he has less life experience. He may rely on you for help, which is nice when you feel important in the relationship. You feel needed and wanted by your man, and there's nothing wrong with that. 

You may also feel like you have power, which is good for a woman in any relationship. You are independent and you show that by not needing to go to your man for advice or looking to him for help. 

Your older, and wiser, and more educated, and richer. Your younger boyfriend may rely on you for more than just your advice. He may ask for $5 here and $20 there, but soon he may come to you for rent money or a loan to pay his bills (but he will get you the money back ASAP!). Sometimes being the older one in the relationship isn't the easiest. 

If there is enough of an age gap, there may be an issue with him relying on you, as a surrogate parent. Since he would prefer to rely on his girlfriend rather than his parents, he may detach from the nest and instead become dependent on you. 

Studies have shown that millennial men are more career-focused and goal-oriented than past generations. This is a good sign for relationships between younger men and older women! Younger men will likely be less immature and more focused on establishing a good career, which means they will take care of their finances more responsibly, and they will think about what they want more, which makes them less impulsive. 

Your relationship with a younger man will be less of a thrill for him as it would be a cognizant choice. He will be with you because he wants to be with you. 

Younger men may know what they want and be with you because they want to be with you, but they know what they want is not commitment. Most younger men are afraid of long-term commitments. If your boyfriend is hesitant to call you his girlfriend or introduce you to his family, he may be avoiding the commitment that comes with a relationship. 

Once he even gets over those first speed bumps, he will still be afraid to commit to marriage or having kids with you. These are not stages he is ready for. 

Just like all relationships, you may find a younger man that wants exactly what you want and is ready and mature enough for everything. The relationship will require little maintenance and you won't have much to worry about. You and him may be happy exactly where you are in life and be happy with each other. 

Dating a younger man may mean you are just as impulsive as he is. You may not think it through, or may have been fooled into thinking you already did. You may think you want to be with a younger man and if he doesn't want to get married, then neither do you! If he doesn't want kids, neither do you! You may think you want everything he wants because in this moment, you are happy (and young people certainly know how to live in the moment!). 

However, your internal clock keeps moving. It doesn't stop or move backwards when you start dating a new person. Before you know it, you've been dating a younger man for a few years and you realize you're almost 40. In moments before the storm, you realize you need to find shelter. Right before you turn 40 and lose your ability to have kids, you realize you may actually want kids. Unfortunately, you are with someone who may still not be ready for that. 

Just like every decision, there are pros and cons to dating a younger man, whether he is 5 or 10 years younger than you. And just like any pros and cons list, it takes two major steps: make the list (which I’ve done for you...you’re welcome!) and weigh your options. Here’s my advice: Figure out what you, as the older woman, value more and choose if you can look past the cons for the sake of the pros!